1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable.
I believe that I was an alcoholic/addict from the first time I was able to drink in the way I wanted.I was thirteen and there was a party at my house, I was mixing drinks and helping myself to all I could get.It was fabulous I was hanging out with my older brothers and their friends, that didnt happen unless they were tormenting and/or teasing me.I awoke up very sick the next morning but all I could think was I cant wait to do that again.And for the next 8 years that is what I did.
When I was an active alcoholic I could never admit to being powerless over anything.I believed that I was able to do anything that I chose to do; I just choose to do less and less until I didnt do anything. I also didnt believe that anything in MY life was unmanageable.It was always someone or something else.The check bounced because the bank made a mistake not because I drank up everything in the account.
There came the time when I would admit that I was an alcoholic, say the words but without any meaning no acceptance.I still believed that I would be able to drink and use as the non-partying people did when situations in my life changed.Settle down, get married, keep a job, etc.It didnt occur to me that those things werent going to happen as I couldnt keep a girlfriend or a job or an apartment or anything else because of my drinking and the behaviors that came with the drinking.
By the time I finally made it to the doors of AA I had nothing left no job, no money, no car, was being kicked out of my apartment, no girlfriend, nothing. All was gone physically, emotionally, and spiritually.But I would tell myself that I was alright my friends used like I did.And if people didnt use like I did I didnt want any part of them and they didnt want any part of me, oh how we seek those that will help us to justify our use, our addiction.But did these friends have it to the degree I did?One night at a keg party, pay a dollar get a glass and all the beer you want.Well the party givers had decided that party was over and sending everyone out.Everyone else was leaving but I went over and gave the keg a little shake there was still beer in there.So I started looking for the tap, which had been hidden.Eventually I was refunded half my money because I didnt get all I wanted to drink which in my mind was the agreement when I paid my dollar.
I tried many of the methods from pg.31 of the Big Book and many of my own.None worked but I still didnt believe that I was powerless over alcohol or anything else for that matter.The main reason for this is that I was a alcoholic and I have an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind.My body cant tolerate what the mind cant leave alone.Whenever I would try one of the many methods to control or stop the obsession of the mind was always active.This time itll be different, you can have just a couple, but once ingested the allergy of the body would kick in, I couldnt stop, things werent different.
This cycle continued on for me until the horrible day when my best friend alcohol didnt do its magic anymore, I couldnt escape from the remorse and regret that I felt.I was terrified I didnt know what to do I drank and used but still felt feelings that I hadnt felt in years.I was scared into AA.No one comes here because drinking is fun and life is good.We all have our bottom whatever that may be.
In actuality I admitted I was an alcoholic to explain/justify why I drank like I did but I didnt accept that I was that would mean I had a problem.For me there is a difference between admitting and accepting.I could admit to being an alcoholic say the words, but that wasnt accepting.When I finally admitted, as I interpret it from step one, is when I said it for me not to pacify someone else when the words really meant I was powerless accepting that I was completely defeated by and was powerless over alcohol.
So what does the first step mean to me?It means that if I dont admit and accept that I am powerless over alcohol I will die from this disease.I know I can pick up a drink again at any time what I dont know is if I have another recovery in me.I have an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind.At this writing I have 36 years of continuous sobriety but still the obsession will kick in and tell me things like you were young when you quit it was a phase you can do it now, itll be different this time, you could have a better story to tell if you tried the new drugs out there spent time in jail or prison lost it all again and recovered and anything else that crosses my mind as an excuse to use.But I know that I have the allergy of the body alcohol effects me in such a way that one is too many and a thousand isnt enough.To me it is a stimulant I get energized and keep going, not have a couple and go home, with a sober driver, and go to bed.Today my life is manageable because I work all the steps, which means I am no longer in charge of my life.
And to wrap this up from Page 449 (first 3 editions, pg. 417 in the 4th edition of the Big Book)
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
Please share your 1st step
Tasha said
Oct 22, 2012
I said the words "I'm an alcoholic" out loud to my husband in the late hours of the night. We sat on the bedside and had a long heart to heart. I knew inside for many years I was an alcoholic, but I was keeping my own eyes from seeing what that truly meant. I cried as I said the words... and I thought just saying the words out loud meant that maybe this time, when I promised I would not drink again, that I wouldn't. Because I honestly didn't want to. And I honestly believed I wouldn't that night. I didn't want to sneak downstairs every night to drink to oblivion.
Hde said he believed me too, and that was a crucial turn of events for me because I did not last more than a few days before I started to then hide my drinking. That made it worse than ever before... now I drank during the day while he was at work, and would try and sober up when he was to come home. Think of excuses for him to not be here until after it was reasonable that I would be asleep (so I could drink as much as I liked and pass out). I always needed this or that from the store - or I heard a great movie was playing. I only taught one day per week at this point, and I could no longer stay sober for it after the drinking morphed into an all day marathon - sometimes waking in the middle of the night to drink again because now my sleep schedule revolved around it too.
I was managing my drinking... making sure I only had so much per hour so I could keep on with taking care of my kids... never getting to the point of drunk, but just always buzzed. Always. It would only take me an hour or so to sober up, but that was torture in itself. I hated how quickly I would sober up drinking like this. Drinking "controlled" was the most awful drinking I've personally ever done. Way worse than the younger years of pedal to the medal in the bars. Those were the days of DWI's, terrible hang overs, stupid phone calls etc. But that was in my early 20's. For a few years in the middle I white knuckled it. Dry drunk was awful too. Now I was in my early 30's and drinking a little all the time, and I always got up at 6am feeling fine but tired, soon swapped my morning tea for alcohol, and had to "maintain" all day. My kids were used to seeing me super happy in the beginning of the hour, and cranky as can be as I waiting for the next hour to turn, meaning my next drink was "allowed". This lasted for about 9 months... during the last couple... I couldn't keep to my hourly regimen anymore, and I began passing out in the middle of the day... only to awake to my kids playing next to me... used to it. Way too small to be used to it.
It was with the threat of my husband taking my children away, that I was shocked and amazed to really see how everything was completely out of control... and I finally surrendered. I needed to try something else. Some people in AA shared stories that sounded like mine, and I thought... if they can do it, so can I. I believed the answer was there, but I wasn't putting in the work. A few weeks later, I drank again - only then did I know how powerless I truly was. That I had a real disease, that needed a certain solution. I had to start working the steps, and that started with step one. Today, I do this step every day, and my life is no longer unmanageable. My children are no longer scared when I go to sleep for fear they can't wake me up. My husband is no longer my enemy. My life is no longer small, but a vastly wide and deep ocean of love, support, family, friends, laughter, connections, up & downs too. It all keeps me looking toward the spiritual solution found with taking this first step into the waters of freedom.
rob84 said
Oct 22, 2012
It wasn't difficult for me to admitt to myself that I was alcoholic and had a drinking problem, I could be honest with myself but I always wanted to hide the embarrasing truth from you and the world.
From my early teens, I knew I loved the effect of alcohol. By age 17 I was alcoholic, once I started it was difficult to stop, I obseessed about the next drunk, but life was still manageble. I drank and partied hard though 4 years of college, still managing, graduated at age 22 but the effects where showing. One DWI at age 19, was a early consequence.
I knew I needed change and could not continue my drinking habits, of course I thought that getting the right job, the right car, the right girl, the right friends and getting away from the college scene would be the cure. I would become responsible and become an adult. The world didn't change me, things got worse. I didn't cope well, didn't perform my work well, didn't like where I lived, friends and relationships suffered.
I was convinced at age 24 to visit a shrink, we determined what I already knew at a cost of $50.00....I was an alcoholic. he gave me the phone # to AA. I enjoyed the meetings and went occasionally for the next few months, my drinking slowed then exploded around July 4th 1984. Back to AA I would get a sponsor and do a little work and consistantly make one meeting per week, I stayed sober for a few months until I met with a drinking friend, I told him no, then yes. Drank through the weekend ending in another DWI on 10/1/84, it was to be my last drunk. I had never totally surrendered or accepted the solution until then.
I believe that when the difference between who/what we actually are and who/what we invsion ourselves to be becomes so great that we can no longer lower our standards, great change can take place. I was living with my parents, was unsuccessful at work and relationships/friends, finances where bad, I didn't like myself, I was a bum and the only solution I knew was to drink.
The first step in AA is not admitting we are alcoholic, it is admitting we are powerless over alcohol. It means we will never regain any permanent control, we won't control it, it will control us. We must quit drinking 100%, one day at a time, yet we lacked the power to do so. If I had the power I would have never come to AA, plain and simple. I belived that the people in the rooms where once like me, though many did not show the pain I was experiencing. They told me, if we are not the problem, there is no solution...they had found the solution.
So where are we to find this power? Well, that is exactly what these steps and the AA program is all about.
Dan B 76 said
Oct 23, 2012
That is an excellent point it is aditting we are powerless over alcohol not admitting we are an alcoholic. I see this as the differance in admitting I am an alcoholic and accepting I am an alcoholic. Once I accepted then I was admitting complete defeat, that I was powerless over alcohol and ready to do whatever it took to achieve sobriety.
-- Edited by Dan B 76 on Tuesday 23rd of October 2012 04:25:43 AM
Dan B 76 said
Oct 23, 2012
Tasha wrote:
I said the words "I'm an alcoholic" out loud to my husband in the late hours of the night. We sat on the bedside and had a long heart to heart. I knew inside for many years I was an alcoholic, but I was keeping my own eyes from seeing what that truly meant. I cried as I said the words... and I thought just saying the words out loud meant that maybe this time, when I promised I would not drink again, that I wouldn't. Because I honestly didn't want to. And I honestly believed I wouldn't that night. I didn't want to sneak downstairs every night to drink to oblivion.
Hde said he believed me too, and that was a crucial turn of events for me because I did not last more than a few days before I started to then hide my drinking. That made it worse than ever before... now I drank during the day while he was at work, and would try and sober up when he was to come home. Think of excuses for him to not be here until after it was reasonable that I would be asleep (so I could drink as much as I liked and pass out). I always needed this or that from the store - or I heard a great movie was playing. I only taught one day per week at this point, and I could no longer stay sober for it after the drinking morphed into an all day marathon - sometimes waking in the middle of the night to drink again because now my sleep schedule revolved around it too.
I was managing my drinking... making sure I only had so much per hour so I could keep on with taking care of my kids... never getting to the point of drunk, but just always buzzed. Always. It would only take me an hour or so to sober up, but that was torture in itself. I hated how quickly I would sober up drinking like this. Drinking "controlled" was the most awful drinking I've personally ever done. Way worse than the younger years of pedal to the medal in the bars. Those were the days of DWI's, terrible hang overs, stupid phone calls etc. But that was in my early 20's. For a few years in the middle I white knuckled it. Dry drunk was awful too. Now I was in my early 30's and drinking a little all the time, and I always got up at 6am feeling fine but tired, soon swapped my morning tea for alcohol, and had to "maintain" all day. My kids were used to seeing me super happy in the beginning of the hour, and cranky as can be as I waiting for the next hour to turn, meaning my next drink was "allowed". This lasted for about 9 months... during the last couple... I couldn't keep to my hourly regimen anymore, and I began passing out in the middle of the day... only to awake to my kids playing next to me... used to it. Way too small to be used to it.
It was with the threat of my husband taking my children away, that I was shocked and amazed to really see how everything was completely out of control... and I finally surrendered. I needed to try something else. Some people in AA shared stories that sounded like mine, and I thought... if they can do it, so can I. I believed the answer was there, but I wasn't putting in the work. A few weeks later, I drank again - only then did I know how powerless I truly was. That I had a real disease, that needed a certain solution. I had to start working the steps, and that started with step one. Today, I do this step every day, and my life is no longer unmanageable. My children are no longer scared when I go to sleep for fear they can't wake me up. My husband is no longer my enemy. My life is no longer small, but a vastly wide and deep ocean of love, support, family, friends, laughter, connections, up & downs too. It all keeps me looking toward the spiritual solution found with taking this first step into the waters of freedom.
Nice story of coming to grips with step one and how important it is to keep working the steps. It is interesting how we all come to the powerlessness in our own ways. But nothing works until we reach that level.
suzulu said
Oct 27, 2012
DO I ACCEPT THAT I AM POWERLESS OVVER ALCOHOL/ I accept that I am powerless over alcohol. It is a Powerful agent, it is consuming of many who fall in its wake. by giving over the power, i can begin my healing process.
CAN I LIST 10 THINGS I AM POWRLESS OVER/
1. MY ABf's behavior
2. How other's view me
3. My Mother's actions, words, attitudes
4. The Past-I cannot change it, rewrite it, relive it, obsess on it
5. other's decisions to change or not to change
6. the existance of everyday challenges and obstacles
7. whether my Abf understands my point of view, motivations, decisions, struggles
8. other people's success/failure to reach recovery
9. Time, it passes, i cannot control other's use of it, or lack of understanding of the passage of time
10. another's ability to apologize or take responsibility for their own actions
WHAT DOES BEING POWERLESS MEAN OT ME/ To me it means learning to let go. If I am powerless to change something or control it, my actions are futile. It's like being on a hamster wheel. by accepting the powerlessness of these situations, I can get off the wheel and look to those things that I can control. Me and my actions, attitudes, Responses. it also means i am giving back, by letting go, i allow another to feel the consequences and power that they have in their own lives. I fear that by this definition, I am still trying to be all powerful... If I let go, he will...fill in the blank. I need to let go even more.
HOW CAN I LET GO OF TRYING TO CONTROL TODAY? This is where I get stuck. I can do things for myself each day, but i still feel like i am trying to control everything. I can get exercise, but when i go out and do that my thoughts are still obsessive. This is why i am going to al anon, i need help.
HOW IS MY LIFE UNMANAGEABLE/ I find my normally strong self, slipping. I am strong and confident in the workplace, in my encounters with most people. With my bf i find myself losing esteem, the cost is getting enormous. I have isolated/insulated myself from much of my support. I am eating poorly. my sleep is erratic at best. as i try to control less, i feel like i am reaching to control more. I know that my issues are mine and I must deal with them. I am scared. i so want to get off this merry go round, our dance has changed a bit since bf has stopped drinking, however i am impatient. he goes in/out of aa, never getting thru step 4. then his resentment, anger return, he is blaming and i keep owning his resentment.
WHAT SMALL PROGRAM TOOLS WILL HELP WITH THIS?I This is why I am here, please help me to find the tools.
Step 1 Alcoholics Anonymous
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable.
I believe that I was an alcoholic/addict from the first time I was able to drink in the way I wanted. I was thirteen and there was a party at my house, I was mixing drinks and helping myself to all I could get. It was fabulous I was hanging out with my older brothers and their friends, that didnt happen unless they were tormenting and/or teasing me. I awoke up very sick the next morning but all I could think was I cant wait to do that again. And for the next 8 years that is what I did.
When I was an active alcoholic I could never admit to being powerless over anything. I believed that I was able to do anything that I chose to do; I just choose to do less and less until I didnt do anything. I also didnt believe that anything in MY life was unmanageable. It was always someone or something else. The check bounced because the bank made a mistake not because I drank up everything in the account.
There came the time when I would admit that I was an alcoholic, say the words but without any meaning no acceptance. I still believed that I would be able to drink and use as the non-partying people did when situations in my life changed. Settle down, get married, keep a job, etc. It didnt occur to me that those things werent going to happen as I couldnt keep a girlfriend or a job or an apartment or anything else because of my drinking and the behaviors that came with the drinking.
By the time I finally made it to the doors of AA I had nothing left no job, no money, no car, was being kicked out of my apartment, no girlfriend, nothing. All was gone physically, emotionally, and spiritually. But I would tell myself that I was alright my friends used like I did. And if people didnt use like I did I didnt want any part of them and they didnt want any part of me, oh how we seek those that will help us to justify our use, our addiction. But did these friends have it to the degree I did? One night at a keg party, pay a dollar get a glass and all the beer you want. Well the party givers had decided that party was over and sending everyone out. Everyone else was leaving but I went over and gave the keg a little shake there was still beer in there. So I started looking for the tap, which had been hidden. Eventually I was refunded half my money because I didnt get all I wanted to drink which in my mind was the agreement when I paid my dollar.
I tried many of the methods from pg.31 of the Big Book and many of my own. None worked but I still didnt believe that I was powerless over alcohol or anything else for that matter. The main reason for this is that I was a alcoholic and I have an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind. My body cant tolerate what the mind cant leave alone. Whenever I would try one of the many methods to control or stop the obsession of the mind was always active. This time itll be different, you can have just a couple, but once ingested the allergy of the body would kick in, I couldnt stop, things werent different.
This cycle continued on for me until the horrible day when my best friend alcohol didnt do its magic anymore, I couldnt escape from the remorse and regret that I felt. I was terrified I didnt know what to do I drank and used but still felt feelings that I hadnt felt in years. I was scared into AA. No one comes here because drinking is fun and life is good. We all have our bottom whatever that may be.
In actuality I admitted I was an alcoholic to explain/justify why I drank like I did but I didnt accept that I was that would mean I had a problem. For me there is a difference between admitting and accepting. I could admit to being an alcoholic say the words, but that wasnt accepting. When I finally admitted, as I interpret it from step one, is when I said it for me not to pacify someone else when the words really meant I was powerless accepting that I was completely defeated by and was powerless over alcohol.
So what does the first step mean to me? It means that if I dont admit and accept that I am powerless over alcohol I will die from this disease. I know I can pick up a drink again at any time what I dont know is if I have another recovery in me. I have an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind. At this writing I have 36 years of continuous sobriety but still the obsession will kick in and tell me things like you were young when you quit it was a phase you can do it now, itll be different this time, you could have a better story to tell if you tried the new drugs out there spent time in jail or prison lost it all again and recovered and anything else that crosses my mind as an excuse to use. But I know that I have the allergy of the body alcohol effects me in such a way that one is too many and a thousand isnt enough. To me it is a stimulant I get energized and keep going, not have a couple and go home, with a sober driver, and go to bed. Today my life is manageable because I work all the steps, which means I am no longer in charge of my life.
And to wrap this up from Page 449 (first 3 editions, pg. 417 in the 4th edition of the Big Book)
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
Please share your 1st step
Hde said he believed me too, and that was a crucial turn of events for me because I did not last more than a few days before I started to then hide my drinking. That made it worse than ever before... now I drank during the day while he was at work, and would try and sober up when he was to come home. Think of excuses for him to not be here until after it was reasonable that I would be asleep (so I could drink as much as I liked and pass out). I always needed this or that from the store - or I heard a great movie was playing. I only taught one day per week at this point, and I could no longer stay sober for it after the drinking morphed into an all day marathon - sometimes waking in the middle of the night to drink again because now my sleep schedule revolved around it too.
I was managing my drinking... making sure I only had so much per hour so I could keep on with taking care of my kids... never getting to the point of drunk, but just always buzzed. Always. It would only take me an hour or so to sober up, but that was torture in itself. I hated how quickly I would sober up drinking like this. Drinking "controlled" was the most awful drinking I've personally ever done. Way worse than the younger years of pedal to the medal in the bars. Those were the days of DWI's, terrible hang overs, stupid phone calls etc. But that was in my early 20's. For a few years in the middle I white knuckled it. Dry drunk was awful too. Now I was in my early 30's and drinking a little all the time, and I always got up at 6am feeling fine but tired, soon swapped my morning tea for alcohol, and had to "maintain" all day. My kids were used to seeing me super happy in the beginning of the hour, and cranky as can be as I waiting for the next hour to turn, meaning my next drink was "allowed". This lasted for about 9 months... during the last couple... I couldn't keep to my hourly regimen anymore, and I began passing out in the middle of the day... only to awake to my kids playing next to me... used to it. Way too small to be used to it.
It was with the threat of my husband taking my children away, that I was shocked and amazed to really see how everything was completely out of control... and I finally surrendered. I needed to try something else. Some people in AA shared stories that sounded like mine, and I thought... if they can do it, so can I. I believed the answer was there, but I wasn't putting in the work. A few weeks later, I drank again - only then did I know how powerless I truly was. That I had a real disease, that needed a certain solution. I had to start working the steps, and that started with step one. Today, I do this step every day, and my life is no longer unmanageable. My children are no longer scared when I go to sleep for fear they can't wake me up. My husband is no longer my enemy. My life is no longer small, but a vastly wide and deep ocean of love, support, family, friends, laughter, connections, up & downs too. It all keeps me looking toward the spiritual solution found with taking this first step into the waters of freedom.
It wasn't difficult for me to admitt to myself that I was alcoholic and had a drinking problem, I could be honest with myself but I always wanted to hide the embarrasing truth from you and the world.
From my early teens, I knew I loved the effect of alcohol. By age 17 I was alcoholic, once I started it was difficult to stop, I obseessed about the next drunk, but life was still manageble. I drank and partied hard though 4 years of college, still managing, graduated at age 22 but the effects where showing. One DWI at age 19, was a early consequence.
I knew I needed change and could not continue my drinking habits, of course I thought that getting the right job, the right car, the right girl, the right friends and getting away from the college scene would be the cure. I would become responsible and become an adult. The world didn't change me, things got worse. I didn't cope well, didn't perform my work well, didn't like where I lived, friends and relationships suffered.
I was convinced at age 24 to visit a shrink, we determined what I already knew at a cost of $50.00....I was an alcoholic. he gave me the phone # to AA. I enjoyed the meetings and went occasionally for the next few months, my drinking slowed then exploded around July 4th 1984. Back to AA I would get a sponsor and do a little work and consistantly make one meeting per week, I stayed sober for a few months until I met with a drinking friend, I told him no, then yes. Drank through the weekend ending in another DWI on 10/1/84, it was to be my last drunk. I had never totally surrendered or accepted the solution until then.
I believe that when the difference between who/what we actually are and who/what we invsion ourselves to be becomes so great that we can no longer lower our standards, great change can take place. I was living with my parents, was unsuccessful at work and relationships/friends, finances where bad, I didn't like myself, I was a bum and the only solution I knew was to drink.
The first step in AA is not admitting we are alcoholic, it is admitting we are powerless over alcohol. It means we will never regain any permanent control, we won't control it, it will control us. We must quit drinking 100%, one day at a time, yet we lacked the power to do so. If I had the power I would have never come to AA, plain and simple. I belived that the people in the rooms where once like me, though many did not show the pain I was experiencing. They told me, if we are not the problem, there is no solution...they had found the solution.
So where are we to find this power? Well, that is exactly what these steps and the AA program is all about.
That is an excellent point it is aditting we are powerless over alcohol not admitting we are an alcoholic. I see this as the differance in admitting I am an alcoholic and accepting I am an alcoholic. Once I accepted then I was admitting complete defeat, that I was powerless over alcohol and ready to do whatever it took to achieve sobriety.
-- Edited by Dan B 76 on Tuesday 23rd of October 2012 04:25:43 AM
Nice story of coming to grips with step one and how important it is to keep working the steps. It is interesting how we all come to the powerlessness in our own ways. But nothing works until we reach that level.
DO I ACCEPT THAT I AM POWERLESS OVVER ALCOHOL/ I accept that I am powerless over alcohol. It is a Powerful agent, it is consuming of many who fall in its wake. by giving over the power, i can begin my healing process.
CAN I LIST 10 THINGS I AM POWRLESS OVER/
1. MY ABf's behavior
2. How other's view me
3. My Mother's actions, words, attitudes
4. The Past-I cannot change it, rewrite it, relive it, obsess on it
5. other's decisions to change or not to change
6. the existance of everyday challenges and obstacles
7. whether my Abf understands my point of view, motivations, decisions, struggles
8. other people's success/failure to reach recovery
9. Time, it passes, i cannot control other's use of it, or lack of understanding of the passage of time
10. another's ability to apologize or take responsibility for their own actions
WHAT DOES BEING POWERLESS MEAN OT ME/ To me it means learning to let go. If I am powerless to change something or control it, my actions are futile. It's like being on a hamster wheel. by accepting the powerlessness of these situations, I can get off the wheel and look to those things that I can control. Me and my actions, attitudes, Responses. it also means i am giving back, by letting go, i allow another to feel the consequences and power that they have in their own lives. I fear that by this definition, I am still trying to be all powerful... If I let go, he will...fill in the blank. I need to let go even more.
HOW CAN I LET GO OF TRYING TO CONTROL TODAY? This is where I get stuck. I can do things for myself each day, but i still feel like i am trying to control everything. I can get exercise, but when i go out and do that my thoughts are still obsessive. This is why i am going to al anon, i need help.
HOW IS MY LIFE UNMANAGEABLE/ I find my normally strong self, slipping. I am strong and confident in the workplace, in my encounters with most people. With my bf i find myself losing esteem, the cost is getting enormous. I have isolated/insulated myself from much of my support. I am eating poorly. my sleep is erratic at best. as i try to control less, i feel like i am reaching to control more. I know that my issues are mine and I must deal with them. I am scared. i so want to get off this merry go round, our dance has changed a bit since bf has stopped drinking, however i am impatient. he goes in/out of aa, never getting thru step 4. then his resentment, anger return, he is blaming and i keep owning his resentment.
WHAT SMALL PROGRAM TOOLS WILL HELP WITH THIS?I This is why I am here, please help me to find the tools.