Whether we are doing the 12 Steps in the AA program, alanon, ACoA , or NA or whatever,, they are the same basic Steps. I find that reading all of the versions helps me. I read AA.  I read ACoA and find that particularly helpful.

I like AA because the people focus on self improvement and how self improvement results in improvement in relationships with others. Sometimes I find that alanon people are too obsessed on blaming someone else for all the problems and trying to change someone else,, or give up on someone else,,,   but..  the idea of 'self- improvement' gets lost. I like ACoA because I can relate to the personal issues that we have in common, and tho some of our problems stem from our dysfunctional families, we still have to take responsibility to change ourselves and learn better coping skills than we were taught.

I am seeing on this board at present only shares on the alanon section,,, and I hope this broadens out to include general shares, and AA shares, and all.

love in recovery,

amanda

I just read what you posted about the acoa step 2.  While reading it, I started to cry because of the need to trust in a hp for recovery.  I am dealing with trusting anybody right now.  People never stick around, always leave.  How am I supposed to trust in something I can't see that it/he won't go away too?

I was thinking today how nice it would be to have someone else besides me to take care of me.  I am so tired of taking care of myself all alone.  I hate being left alone over and over again.  I hate it!

Angelina

hi, angel,,,   I'm glad you read the excerpt from 'The 12 Steps for Adult Children",, there is more to that chapter and it sounds like you would benefit from buying a copy of the book, or the workbook that goes with it. When looking it up at the bookstore we have to remember to use the number 12 instead of the word 'twelve'. 

You are not as alone as you feel or think...  we can't go it alone...  good start on your 2nd Step.

love in recovery,

amanda

I think that if one is really working their own program, even if an Al-anoner the focus has to be on ones self.  I think that may be difficult for many Al-Anoners as a thought just hit me. 

We seem to get so much of our validation and joy from pleasing others.  Maybe we don't know how to even be angry with ourselves so we shift the focus.   I don't think that alanoners don't look for someone else to blame, we just have it more inbred to shift focus off of themselves more and that is one of the MAJOR things we should learn in our program.

Bob

I understand that there is some confusion about what 'focus on yourself' means. It doesn't mean to be a selfish and uncaring person that doesn't help anyone ,,  but it means to do self-improvement instead of trying to 'fix' other people the way we think that they should be. It doesn't help the a to try to make them into what we think they should be, and to do what we think they should do,, that is what is between God and the a, but we spend our time, instead trying to improve ourselves while being guided by our Higher Power. When we improve ourselves, and let God guide our a, we come up with a much better result.

thanks for your shares, I'm glad to see that this board is becoming more active in learning and working and sharing our e, s, and h on the 12 Step work.

Through the years I find that the Program grows in possibilities as I am open and williing to accept my part...The Second Step directs me into the realm of a reality that my actions could only be described as insane. Without looking to my actions, I could only be in denial...It always seemed normal. I really believed that this was the way life was. I felt no ability to change anything. I lived and acted for my selfish, self destructive ways. I could not see how to get out of my self.

Then the program called me to accept that I could find a better life. In fact the Promises throughout the BB gave me hope that it was possible to change. I learned that thoughts became actions. Thoughts always preceeded actions. So now the truth came to me...It was a thinking problem that I had been dealing with. Out of my thinking came the insanity of doing the same things over and over. Yet, I expected different results. Enter Second Step...A reality check.

This step views actions and results. It speaks to my reasons for numbing life. I helped me to begin to see where I had been. It showed me that the future was already determined. If I did not change my actions, I would continue to participate in my own demise. What would my choice be? It would be a hunger for what the Promises guarantee. And yes, a life Happy, Joyous, and Free...JohnV.

 

 

I am sorry that you have found some of your alanon groups are into blaming and changing. I have only been in the Alanon program for 9 months. I am very lucky to have found three groups in my community that follow the Alanon guidelines. We are encouraged to live by the twelve steps and to admit our part in the chaos caused by alcohol. People who come into these groups quickly learn that these are not gripe sessions. That of course happens at the first one or two meetings but newcomers quickly learn as I did that the rest of the group is working on themselves learning to 'live and let live' and to detach with love and allow the alcoholic to find their own way. The people who 'keep coming back' usually end up thanking the alcoholic who got them to our meetings. We are greatful that due to living with an alcoholic that we have found a better way to function in all our affairs! If you are ever in Maple Ridge, BC come to any of our Alanon groups and you will find a peaceful, happy meeting!