IN ALANON WE BELIEVE LIFE IS FOR GROWTH-PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL AND SPIRITUAL
STEP 4
MADE A SEARCHING AND FEARLESS MORAL INVENTORY OF OURSELVES
ONE DAY AT A TIME IN ALANON
let me learn to understand myself first; that will occupy myself so fully that I will have no time or thought
to analyze or criticize thecompulsive drinker
MY SHARE
I HAVE WRITTEN MANY 4TH STEPS IN MY YEARS IN ALANON AND MUST ADMIT THAT MY first INVENTORY WAS DONE WITH MUCH FEAR AND TREMBLING.I WAS SO AFRAID WHT I WOULD LOOK WITHIN AND FIND NOTHING OR WORST YET A COMPLEE NEGATIVE USELESS PERSON.MY SPONSOR ASSURED ME THAT I WAS HUMAN AND HAD MANY EXCELLENT GOOD TRAITS AND SOME NEGATIVE TOOLS THAT I HAD DEVELPED DURING MY DAYS OF LIVING WITH THIS DISEASE.TRUSTING HER, WITNESS AND WISDOM OF THE PROGRAM, I PROCEEDED TO WRITE OUT AS MUCH OF MY INNER LIFE AS I COULD. ONE VERY IMPORTANT ITEM WAS THAT SHE SUGGESTED THAT I EXAMINE MY MOTIVES IN ALL THE ACTIONS THAT I TOOK --BOTH THE POSITIVE ONES AND THE NEGATIVE ONES.MUCH TO MY SADNESS, I FOUND THAT Many of MY POSITIVE ACTIONS WERE MOTIVATED BY negative motives.I was usually TRYING TO MANUPILATE OTHERS AND TO FORCE MY WILL.not SO VERY ENCOURGING-- BUT I PROCEEDED. TO LOOK AND JOURNAL.SHE ALSO SUGGESTED I LIST THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS AND MEASURE MY ACTIONS TO THEM THEY ARE:
ENVY, SLOTH, WRATH, PRIDE, LUST GLUTTONEY, GREED.THAT WAS VERY HELPFUL IN IDENTIFYING MY ATTITUDES AND ACTIONS.
I GOSSIPED AND CRITIZED OTHERS -------ENVY
I WANTED OTHERS TO TAKE CARE OF MESLOTH
WHEN I DID NOT GET MY WAY I WAS FURIOUS AND VENGEFULWRATH
I JUDGED OTHERS MEASURING ME AND MY THINGS TO THEM LOOKING TO BE BETTER THANPRIDE
LUST GLUTTONEY AND GREED HAve NOT SURFACED YET SO I COULD sAY that THEY WERE NOT PART OF this INVENTORY
I always refused to accept the world and the pain I found there as it was. I was very angry with HP for not fixing it and making life easier for us all. I saw the pain and suffering of all living creatures and could not accept the concept of "Life ON Life's terms.
I guess that is where I stopped my first 4 th Step and decided to turn it over.
SINCE THE FIRST INVENTORY I HAVE MADE A POINT OF DOING A 4TH STEP WITH MY SPONSER EVERY YEAR IN DECEMBER.MANY OF THE ISSUES I UNCOVERED EARLY ON HAVE BEEN LIFTED AND NEW VERY SUBTLE ONES HAVE SURFACED.I NO LONGER TRY TO SABATOGE OTHERS because OF ENVY BUT I STILL GET THAT FEELING THAT I WANT WHAT THEY HAVE AND IT IS NOT FAIR.PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION.
I AM HUMAN AND WILL NEVER BE PERFECT.IN FACT ONE OF MY HUGE ASSETS IS THAT I PERMIT MYSELF TO BE HUMAN,HAVE NEAGATIVE AND POSITIVE FEELING WITHOUT JUDGING MYSELF.NOW THAT I HAVE THIS PROGRAM AND THE TOOLS TO LIVE BYI KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH LIFE ON LIFES TERMS.MANY OF MY defects have, by the Grace of God been lifted and the pain associated with them are a thing of the past .
I know I must remain vigilant, work my program and continue to review my inner motives and drivers or this reprieve will be lifted and My spiritual awakening will slowly drift away. I will , once again "Fall asleep" to my behavior and how destructive it has been and be right back in the darkness from which I have been set free
Sex relations Self-esteem (fear) Sex-relations Self-esteem (fear) Security Self-Esteem (fear)
Mrs Jones
LIST RESENTMENT
LIST WHAT WAS EFFECTED)
My employer
.
Misunderstands and nags.
STEP FOUR ~ QUESTIONS
1. Do you have the feeling "if you REALLY knew me, you wouldn't you like me?"
2. Now that you have turned your will and your lifeover to the care of your HP, are you willing to trust that HP to get you through this process?
4. Are you anxious to get this work done, so that you can move toward a more fuller living experience? Can you benefit from emotional healing?
5. What are your fears regarding a 4th Step?
Pride - personal sex relations - Security (fear)
Good Luck on this Step it opens the door to freedom.
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 8th of December 2012 03:42:32 PM
flopadopilus said
Dec 25, 2012
1. Do you have the feeling "if you REALLY knew me, you wouldn't you like me?"
I am very kind, funny and loving.
2. Now that you have turned your will and your lifeover to the care of your HP, are you willing to trust that HP to get you through this process?
Yes, God can I can't I will let Him.
4. Are you anxious to get this work done, so that you can move toward a more fuller living experience? Can you benefit from emotional healing?
Yes and yes, I am excited to breakfree of these things that hold me back.
5. What are your fears regarding a 4th Step?
None, I just want to learn more and grow towards healthier thinking.
My 4th step is showing me 1. I am still trying to be perfect (not accepting my humanness) 2. I am still trying to play God (not turning things over) 3. I am not saying things that need to be said (say what you mean, mean what you say w/out saying it mean) 4. I am not taking the best care of myself (healthy food, exercise, meetings, relax time) 5. I am trying to control the uncontrollable
hotrod said
Dec 25, 2012
Good Job Flop
Thanks for sharing the journey
NicoleDiver said
Mar 6, 2013
I am: - Very goal-oriented - Very competitive - Very judgmental of myself and others, although I want to think I dont judge others and that I am very accepting. However, this is not always the case. I do judge others, more in the lines of Oh I dont want to be like THAT. I dont care if SHE is that way but I dont want to be that way. - Very envious of people that have not had to work hard for what they have, or to become who they are today. I am very jealous of people that appear to have had it easy. - Very hard working, not the least bit lazy. I actually judge those that I think are lazy. - Quick to lose my temper. - Very hard on myself.
I dont actually talk about people behind their backs usually. Because I feel that if I do that I am in fact seeing in THEM what I feel about MYSELF. However, I will think ugly, negative things about people in my mind, and I often catch myself and think, OK, how does this pertain to who I am?
I firmly believe in taking care of myself, without help from others. However, from time to time I do appreciate assistance and usually accept it when needed, although it can be difficult to accept.
Im resentful toward my AH because he spends my money, he bosses me around, he is a bully, I cant eat what I want, I cant listen to the type of music that I want, I cant watch movies that I want. Also because he lies to me about using drugs. He wont help out around the house. He wont help pay bills. He lies and he is manipulative. He tries to get people to fight. He is mean and hateful. I cant leave him because I am afraid of him. This affects my self-esteem, security, pride. Im resentful toward his family because they dont believe me when I say he is using drugs. They tell him to leave me, as if I am the problem. They give him money when he asks for it, and he only asks for it because he has spent all of his money on drugs, or else because he wants to go and buy drugs. They wont try to help him although I know it is not their responsibility to help him. But they live their lives almost as if he doesnt exist. They are all caught up in their own drama, always fighting with each other and lying to each other and being mean to each other. This affects my self-esteem.
Im resentful toward my sister and her husband because they say negative things about me and my AH to my parents, causing trouble in our relationship. Also, they have almost everything they could ever want, but they are both unhappy and are constantly in a state of drama. This affects my security.
This is embarrassing, but I am resentful of anyone who truly seems happy because I am just simply jealous of them. Because I want to be happy and Im not. This affects my self-esteem.
Im resentful towards my mother because for the last 20 years I feel like she has put her friends before her family. And when I was younger she was so unhappy and I felt like it was my job to make her happy. This resulted in my doing things I did not want to do. This affects my self-esteem.
Im resentful towards some of the parents at my daughters school, because they look at me funny it makes me think they are judging me. And I feel like they ignore me because they think they are better than I am. I cant be a stay-at-home mom, I have to work. And I feel like the other moms look down on me because of that. This affects my self-esteem and my pride.
I am resentful of my parents because I feel like they spoiled me and showed me a version of life that was not reality. Now that I am on my own I have barely been able to make ends meet for the past 15 years because I had a false sense of what it took to survive in this world. I feel like they did not guide me at all in achieving the life skills I needed in order to take care of myself and be happy in life. This affects my pride, self-esteem and security.
Im very resentful of myself for making so many huge mistakes in the past. I should have known better. I am in the horrible situation that I am in now because of the stupid mistakes that I have made. This affects my pride and self-esteem.
Im sure there are some other things that are being affected but I am not sure what to include with that part.
Wow, thats a long list.at least I can say there is one person I am not resentful of - my beautiful, sweet 6 year old daughter.
1. Do you have the feeling "if you REALLY knew me, you wouldn't you like me?" No.
2. Now that you have turned your will and your lifeover to the care of your HP, are you willing to trust that HP to get you through this process? Not completely. I dont feel like I have much of a relationship with my HP, or that he listens to me.
4. Are you anxious to get this work done, so that you can move toward a more fuller living experience? Yes. Can you benefit from emotional healing? Yes, I think so.
5. What are your fears regarding a 4th Step? That I have left something out, or that I am not being completely truthful with myself.
hotrod said
Mar 7, 2013
Thank you Nicole
This was an in depth 4th step You were brave and bold and your courage will be rewarded
Alanon 12 Steps and 12 Traditions page 1
IN ALANON WE BELIEVE LIFE IS FOR GROWTH-PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL AND SPIRITUAL
STEP 4
MADE A SEARCHING AND FEARLESS MORAL INVENTORY OF OURSELVES
ONE DAY AT A TIME IN ALANON
let me learn to understand myself first; that will occupy myself so fully that I will have no time or thought
to analyze or criticize thecompulsive drinker
MY SHARE
I HAVE WRITTEN MANY 4TH STEPS IN MY YEARS IN ALANON AND MUST ADMIT THAT MY first INVENTORY WAS DONE WITH MUCH FEAR AND TREMBLING.I WAS SO AFRAID WHT I WOULD LOOK WITHIN AND FIND NOTHING OR WORST YET A COMPLEE NEGATIVE USELESS PERSON.MY SPONSOR ASSURED ME THAT I WAS HUMAN AND HAD MANY EXCELLENT GOOD TRAITS AND SOME NEGATIVE TOOLS THAT I HAD DEVELPED DURING MY DAYS OF LIVING WITH THIS DISEASE.TRUSTING HER, WITNESS AND WISDOM OF THE PROGRAM, I PROCEEDED TO WRITE OUT AS MUCH OF MY INNER LIFE AS I COULD. ONE VERY IMPORTANT ITEM WAS THAT SHE SUGGESTED THAT I EXAMINE MY MOTIVES IN ALL THE ACTIONS THAT I TOOK --BOTH THE POSITIVE ONES AND THE NEGATIVE ONES.MUCH TO MY SADNESS, I FOUND THAT Many of MY POSITIVE ACTIONS WERE MOTIVATED BY negative motives.I was usually TRYING TO MANUPILATE OTHERS AND TO FORCE MY WILL.not SO VERY ENCOURGING-- BUT I PROCEEDED. TO LOOK AND JOURNAL.SHE ALSO SUGGESTED I LIST THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS AND MEASURE MY ACTIONS TO THEM THEY ARE:
ENVY, SLOTH, WRATH, PRIDE, LUST GLUTTONEY, GREED.THAT WAS VERY HELPFUL IN IDENTIFYING MY ATTITUDES AND ACTIONS.
I GOSSIPED AND CRITIZED OTHERS -------ENVY
I WANTED OTHERS TO TAKE CARE OF MESLOTH
WHEN I DID NOT GET MY WAY I WAS FURIOUS AND VENGEFULWRATH
I JUDGED OTHERS MEASURING ME AND MY THINGS TO THEM LOOKING TO BE BETTER THANPRIDE
LUST GLUTTONEY AND GREED HAve NOT SURFACED YET SO I COULD sAY that THEY WERE NOT PART OF this INVENTORY
I always refused to accept the world and the pain I found there as it was. I was very angry with HP for not fixing it and making life easier for us all. I saw the pain and suffering of all living creatures and could not accept the concept of "Life ON Life's terms.
I guess that is where I stopped my first 4 th Step and decided to turn it over.
SINCE THE FIRST INVENTORY I HAVE MADE A POINT OF DOING A 4TH STEP WITH MY SPONSER EVERY YEAR IN DECEMBER.MANY OF THE ISSUES I UNCOVERED EARLY ON HAVE BEEN LIFTED AND NEW VERY SUBTLE ONES HAVE SURFACED.I NO LONGER TRY TO SABATOGE OTHERS because OF ENVY BUT I STILL GET THAT FEELING THAT I WANT WHAT THEY HAVE AND IT IS NOT FAIR.PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION.
I AM HUMAN AND WILL NEVER BE PERFECT.IN FACT ONE OF MY HUGE ASSETS IS THAT I PERMIT MYSELF TO BE HUMAN,HAVE NEAGATIVE AND POSITIVE FEELING WITHOUT JUDGING MYSELF.NOW THAT I HAVE THIS PROGRAM AND THE TOOLS TO LIVE BYI KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH LIFE ON LIFES TERMS.MANY OF MY defects have, by the Grace of God been lifted and the pain associated with them are a thing of the past .
I know I must remain vigilant, work my program and continue to review my inner motives and drivers or this reprieve will be lifted and My spiritual awakening will slowly drift away. I will , once again "Fall asleep" to my behavior and how destructive it has been and be right back in the darkness from which I have been set free
THANKS for LETTING ME SHARE
HELPFUL QUESTIONS from the AA big book on step 4
I'm resentful at:
The Cause
Affects my:
Mr. Brown
His attention to my wife.
Told my wife of my mistress.
Brown may get my job at the office.
Sex relations
Self-esteem (fear)
Sex-relations
Self-esteem (fear)
Security
Self-Esteem (fear)
Mrs Jones
LIST RESENTMENT
LIST WHAT WAS EFFECTED)
My employer
.
Misunderstands and nags.
STEP FOUR ~ QUESTIONS
1. Do you have the feeling "if you REALLY knew me, you wouldn't you like me?"
2. Now that you have turned your will and your lifeover to the care of your HP, are you willing to trust that HP to get you through this process?
4. Are you anxious to get this work done, so that you can move toward a more fuller living experience? Can you benefit from emotional healing?
5. What are your fears regarding a 4th Step?
Pride - personal sex relations - Security (fear)
Good Luck on this Step it opens the door to freedom.
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 8th of December 2012 03:42:32 PM
I am very kind, funny and loving.
2. Now that you have turned your will and your lifeover to the care of your HP, are you willing to trust that HP to get you through this process?
Yes, God can I can't I will let Him.
4. Are you anxious to get this work done, so that you can move toward a more fuller living experience? Can you benefit from emotional healing?
Yes and yes, I am excited to breakfree of these things that hold me back.
5. What are your fears regarding a 4th Step?
None, I just want to learn more and grow towards healthier thinking.
My 4th step is showing me
1. I am still trying to be perfect (not accepting my humanness)
2. I am still trying to play God (not turning things over)
3. I am not saying things that need to be said (say what you mean, mean what you say w/out saying it mean)
4. I am not taking the best care of myself (healthy food, exercise, meetings, relax time)
5. I am trying to control the uncontrollable
Good Job Flop
Thanks for sharing the journey
- Very goal-oriented
- Very competitive
- Very judgmental of myself and others, although I want to think I dont judge others and that I am very accepting. However, this is not always the case. I do judge others, more in the lines of Oh I dont want to be like THAT. I dont care if SHE is that way but I dont want to be that way.
- Very envious of people that have not had to work hard for what they have, or to become who they are today. I am very jealous of people that appear to have had it easy.
- Very hard working, not the least bit lazy. I actually judge those that I think are lazy.
- Quick to lose my temper.
- Very hard on myself.
I dont actually talk about people behind their backs usually. Because I feel that if I do that I am in fact seeing in THEM what I feel about MYSELF. However, I will think ugly, negative things about people in my mind, and I often catch myself and think, OK, how does this pertain to who I am?
I firmly believe in taking care of myself, without help from others. However, from time to time I do appreciate assistance and usually accept it when needed, although it can be difficult to accept.
Im resentful toward my AH because he spends my money, he bosses me around, he is a bully, I cant eat what I want, I cant listen to the type of music that I want, I cant watch movies that I want. Also because he lies to me about using drugs. He wont help out around the house. He wont help pay bills. He lies and he is manipulative. He tries to get people to fight. He is mean and hateful. I cant leave him because I am afraid of him. This affects my self-esteem, security, pride.
Im resentful toward his family because they dont believe me when I say he is using drugs. They tell him to leave me, as if I am the problem. They give him money when he asks for it, and he only asks for it because he has spent all of his money on drugs, or else because he wants to go and buy drugs. They wont try to help him although I know it is not their responsibility to help him. But they live their lives almost as if he doesnt exist. They are all caught up in their own drama, always fighting with each other and lying to each other and being mean to each other. This affects my self-esteem.
Im resentful toward my sister and her husband because they say negative things about me and my AH to my parents, causing trouble in our relationship. Also, they have almost everything they could ever want, but they are both unhappy and are constantly in a state of drama. This affects my security.
This is embarrassing, but I am resentful of anyone who truly seems happy because I am just simply jealous of them. Because I want to be happy and Im not. This affects my self-esteem.
Im resentful towards my mother because for the last 20 years I feel like she has put her friends before her family. And when I was younger she was so unhappy and I felt like it was my job to make her happy. This resulted in my doing things I did not want to do. This affects my self-esteem.
Im resentful towards some of the parents at my daughters school, because they look at me funny it makes me think they are judging me. And I feel like they ignore me because they think they are better than I am. I cant be a stay-at-home mom, I have to work. And I feel like the other moms look down on me because of that. This affects my self-esteem and my pride.
I am resentful of my parents because I feel like they spoiled me and showed me a version of life that was not reality. Now that I am on my own I have barely been able to make ends meet for the past 15 years because I had a false sense of what it took to survive in this world. I feel like they did not guide me at all in achieving the life skills I needed in order to take care of myself and be happy in life. This affects my pride, self-esteem and security.
Im very resentful of myself for making so many huge mistakes in the past. I should have known better. I am in the horrible situation that I am in now because of the stupid mistakes that I have made. This affects my pride and self-esteem.
Im sure there are some other things that are being affected but I am not sure what to include with that part.
Wow, thats a long list.at least I can say there is one person I am not resentful of - my beautiful, sweet 6 year old daughter.
1. Do you have the feeling "if you REALLY knew me, you wouldn't you like me?" No.
2. Now that you have turned your will and your lifeover to the care of your HP, are you willing to trust that HP to get you through this process? Not completely. I dont feel like I have much of a relationship with my HP, or that he listens to me.
4. Are you anxious to get this work done, so that you can move toward a more fuller living experience? Yes.
Can you benefit from emotional healing? Yes, I think so.
5. What are your fears regarding a 4th Step? That I have left something out, or that I am not being completely truthful with myself.
Thank you Nicole
This was an in depth 4th step You were brave and bold and your courage will be rewarded
Keep on working you are doing great