Step 3 was the hardest of all of them for me. Trust is a big issue for me, as described in the ACoA Step 3. Having been abused in one way or another for most of my life, I trusted absolutely no one, including myself, and including God. My 'understanding' of God at that point was that he was like my father, slightly sadistically waiting for me to slip up so he'd have and excuse to punish me and cast me into hell.

When I got to Step 3 it was the month of May, and, after reading it and spending a few days on it, I was laying on a blanket in a yard (the yard of an institution). I was desperate and decided that I could try this out by turning over my will and life to God for just one second to see what would happen. I did, and nothing happened. whew!  The next day I went out to the yard with my 12 Step book and I gave God another second. All of a sudden I felt warmth all over me, like the sunshine soaking in, and I felt my body relax, for the first time in my life. I was a strange feeling to me. wow! But I took my life and will back after that second while I thought about it for the rest of the day. The next day I turned my life and will over to God as I then understood Him for a few more seconds. It seemed good. So then I decided to go second by second. God would be given charge of caring for my life second by second as long as He did alright.

The next few weeks were a struggle. My life did not become magically easier nor did I live happily ever after. But God did get me through it all. My life did go through a transformation gradually over the next months and couple of years, and still is. The world is no longer my personal burden. I am God's child, as He leads me and gives me wisdom and grace to deal with life on HIS terms.

And there have been miracles, small and large as I continuously struggle to renew my commitment to turn my life and will over to God as I currently understand Him; a merciful, Loving, patient God who really does care and 'works all things together for good'.

amanda

I am glad I found this forum. I have gained much from listening. I appreciate the ACOA shares on each step.  I just wanted to say thanks and let you all know I am listening. I don't give my recovery background here, just keep to the current step, right?  I have been practicing step three by  praying the Third Step prayer in the evenings, making a prayer out of the first three steps in the mornings, and using my God box. I am becoming aware at a much deeper level of my internal discontent, and codependency. I have been trying to practice the third step to keep me from running away emotionally by getting too busy, hiding in computer games, or just creating crises. I know there is much to face, and soon. I can feel myself getting ready to move forward and grow. The third step helps me put all the pieces of that in God's hands and not try to manage my recovery myself. tonight I put an issue in my God box, and every time I had a thought about it since, I have told myself  "it's in the box" and mentally surrendered it to my  higher power. Now if I can just keep my focus on that tomorrow at work!

I hope I have shared in the right place. Please let me know if I should be doing this differently.

Puff

puff,, thank you for your great share...  and in the right place.... 

actually, I was getting discouraged cuz no one was putting any shares on,, except for alanon shares. I know I put them up after Dot, and a lot of people share on Dot's alanon, so I guess they don't feel they need the AA one or ACoA one... so your share came also at a good time...  to encourage me to keep putting them up.

I appreciate your sharing on the God box too.. that's a good idea.

thanks,

love in recovery,

amanda

Amanda -

Keep posting please.  I am not ready for further steps right now but will be sharing as I can.

Angelina

thanks for letting me know, angelina, that even though there are not a lot of shares on the AA and ACoA Steps that people are reading them.

love in recovery,

amanda

Wow!  I love the god box idea.  I envision a box like a comment box and writing down what I want HP to take care of, putting it in the box, and letting go!  Think I will do that today and put it on my desk and each morning I will put in it what I need to "let go and let god" take care of.

My work with step 3 has been gradual over the last few years, before I found Alanon.  This is how I started believing in my HP.

I used to not believe in any HP at all.  Then I began to informally pray to god for help, out of desperation about 5 years ago.  I slowly started to realize that he was lstening!  My prayers were not answered directly and immediately but they were answered in a way, and consistently, that I began to realize he was watching and listening.  This is how our relationship began.

I now "talk" with him when needed about my problems or what I am thinking and he will even remind me that he is there watching over me by doing little thngs that help a lot right now.  I love to thank him for those little "susprises"!

I think the god box will help me progress with step 3 in that it will keep me in practice with it on a daily basis.  I feel I need this now more than ever as I have a lot I feel is on me and a lot I have to think thru.  My emotions keep me cloudy headed and I hope letting go will bring clarity to my current situation.