1. We admitted we were powerless over the effects of alcoholism or other family dysfunction, that our lives had become unmanageable.
It is important to remember that powerlessness does not equal helplessness. What powerlessness means above is that we do not have the ability in and of ourselves to beat our problems. It means we need help. For Adult Children of Alcoholics, this is hard, because we have a complex about doing things ourselves. We have to come to a place where we're willing to ask for help. Now is the time.
-- Edited by JamesCT on Wednesday 10th of April 2013 10:08:28 PM
poppy18 said
Apr 9, 2013
Thanks for the reminder. It's hard to ask for help in the little things...and taking this step is a big thing!
I'm having a hard time tonight. I'm struggling because I need to ask someone for help tomorrow.
I need to tell my surgeon that my voice is weak and I am not able to do my job properly. I can't talk much louder than a whisper by the end of the day. It's painful and a bit scary because I don't know if I'm making things worse. Then - this is the hard part - I have to ask for a doctor's note. I keep thinking What if...she doesn't think I need one, she says no, she thinks I'm only asking to get out of work, she thinks ___________ (fill in the blank with something negative about me!). Aaaaah!!
My husband said a pilot can't fly if he can't see. And you can't teach if you can't talk. Be honest and don't get emotional. But just asking for help makes me want to cry. I feel "why bother even hoping for help, it doesn't do any good".
I think we've all been extremely disappointed by people who were supposed to take care of us. That's what makes this a difficult step for me.
Poppy
poppy18 said
Apr 12, 2013
So, a wise man has given me a good analogy about powerlessness vs. helplessness. Thank you ;)
I can see how I'm powerless over the effects of alcohol. I behave a certain way (the laundry list) because I'm an ACOA. We all have that in common and those are the results of growing up with an alcoholic parent. No power over that!
I'm not helpless because I'm reaching out. I'm taking the rope that has been thrown to me, the 12 steps, and getting the help and support I need to change the way I think and behave (the solution).
Thanks James :)
Now....is my life unmanageable? Yes but that's a big enough step for me for today. To be continued.....
poppy18 said
Apr 18, 2013
I am powerless over the effects of alcohol and my life has become unmanageable. Because of my reactions to people and events my life is in fact, unmanageable.
My life looks great on the outside, but feels like it could crumble at any minute. I wait in constant fear of the other shoe dropping. In my attempt to control things I tend to have made a bit of a mess. Worst part - I feel like I'm the only one who knows what a mess I've made. My inner world is in turmoil but I keep it together on the outside. But the effects are obviously going to be felt by my kids and my husband. I want to be better for not only myself, but for them.
So, that's why I'm here.
Thanks for reading :)
Poppy
DavidG said
Apr 19, 2013
Oh, yes... great examples of self-talk Poppy... inspiring...
I wish I had this programme when I was going through my parenting years...
David.
poppy18 said
Apr 20, 2013
David! Thanks friend :)
KayCee said
May 6, 2013
Ive been clean and sober for a couple of years now...Luv it! My problem is I want to MAKE everyone I love to get into recovery as well....Not working out for me!!! Lol! How can I help my family to get well, too? And how do I show my love and support but NOT enable them? All advice appreciated! Thanks! God bless!
DavidG said
May 7, 2013
Hi KC... nice to see you!
The header for me is from Concept 4- ~participation is the key to harmony~
so people coming in from other 12 step groups... getting involved is a great thing!
My ESH to your posting? Leading by example is the answer I think... making progress will inspire people around me.
DavidG.
KayCee said
May 7, 2013
Thanks, David.....Ill just focus on "Leading by example", not something Ive did alot of! Thanks, everyone for having me.....
KayCee said
May 10, 2013
I am " Letting go & Leading by example"......Seems to be workin out better for me...I believe my son was" high" tonight, and I didnt even "Blow a gasket" lol! It still bothers me, but I cant make him get well. I CAN pray, and encourage. Thanks ft hY yOu
DavidG said
May 21, 2013
Hi KC,
Bin out of town for a week... Spent time with my son and his new family... life seems a lot better now...
Emma222 said
Jun 14, 2013
When the student is ready the teacher appears, And the truth be realized your recovery is a gift .I have past on traits because its all I knew to three of my children. Always hoping they will keep sobriety .It was there addictions and my codependence that brought me into program. This family disease has been a rough rode. Each of our journeys now separate and moving forward. Taking care of yourself and stay open to change...always
KayCee said
Jun 14, 2013
My life has definitley became unmanagable! Lol! Ive been loosing things, forgeting dates & times, moody, lonley, crying over small things......Think Im ready for the luney bin! Lol! I think Im becoming codependant.( My biggest fear!) I want soo much for my family to be o.k.....I have a hard time accepting that I cant force them all into recovery! Ill keep trying to lead by example....Thanks.
ajmbt said
Jul 28, 2013
I know on paper that I am powerless, but I keep getting myself into situations that I'm forced (by my own self) to "fix". I have a problem with having to "reward" myself when I feel cornered, or, if in fact, I do 'fix' something. Of course the reward often is poorly thought out, or not thought out at all, and BINGO! I have another thing to fix.
Jacks1964 said
Aug 20, 2013
I am an adult child to 2 alcoholic parents. It was tough growing up. I grew up scared all the time, had insomnia, stomach issues.Felt like I was walking on egg shells. All of my parents friends drank, but they never seemed to get miserable. I used to hide in my room after school to stay out of the way I guess. I attract addicted people, may because they are the kind of people I know best. What is a normal Childhood anyway? I am seeing more and more how my parents drinking affected me and it goes on in my adult like. I have very low self esteem, afraid to admit if I don't understand something for fear of being laughed at. I spend alot of sleepless nights worrying about what might happen. My attitudes are because of my upbringing I know that, but how do I change after 48 years? I want to change, I want to have healthy relationships. If make a decision and it doesn't please others, then I give in so I am not to feel bad.
ACA-AA survivor said
Aug 25, 2013
Nice finding this thread. I'm new here but in AA clean and sober since 95.
I have been wondering why I was different, still, after many years sober. This bit about being still a child in ways is quite true. A start at facing this new understanding of why things the way they are is a big deal.
Like a piece of the puzzle just fell out of the sky.
I look forward to spending time reading on here and getting to know folks.
Peace
JamesCT said
Aug 26, 2013
ACA-AA survivor wrote:
Nice finding this thread. I'm new here but in AA clean and sober since 95.
I have been wondering why I was different, still, after many years sober. This bit about being still a child in ways is quite true. A start at facing this new understanding of why things the way they are is a big deal.
Like a piece of the puzzle just fell out of the sky.
I look forward to spending time reading on here and getting to know folks.
Peace
Welcome. This is a great place for getting help on the steps. You should also consider coming to our ACoA board for experience, strength, and hope.
It's like that one realizes one's madness? Total incapability to make anything that is of any use for oneself and for others? Whatever I do is insane..
Is that so? That is how I feel today in Step 1. It's so painful. I want to get out of the asylum where I am alone!!
1. We admitted we were powerless over the effects of alcoholism or other family dysfunction, that our lives had become unmanageable.
It is important to remember that powerlessness does not equal helplessness. What powerlessness means above is that we do not have the ability in and of ourselves to beat our problems. It means we need help. For Adult Children of Alcoholics, this is hard, because we have a complex about doing things ourselves. We have to come to a place where we're willing to ask for help. Now is the time.
-- Edited by JamesCT on Wednesday 10th of April 2013 10:08:28 PM
I'm having a hard time tonight. I'm struggling because I need to ask someone for help tomorrow.
I need to tell my surgeon that my voice is weak and I am not able to do my job properly. I can't talk much louder than a whisper by the end of the day. It's painful and a bit scary because I don't know if I'm making things worse. Then - this is the hard part - I have to ask for a doctor's note. I keep thinking What if...she doesn't think I need one, she says no, she thinks I'm only asking to get out of work, she thinks ___________ (fill in the blank with something negative about me!). Aaaaah!!
My husband said a pilot can't fly if he can't see. And you can't teach if you can't talk. Be honest and don't get emotional.
But just asking for help makes me want to cry. I feel "why bother even hoping for help, it doesn't do any good".
I think we've all been extremely disappointed by people who were supposed to take care of us. That's what makes this a difficult step for me.
Poppy
I can see how I'm powerless over the effects of alcohol. I behave a certain way (the laundry list) because I'm an ACOA. We all have that in common and those are the results of growing up with an alcoholic parent. No power over that!
I'm not helpless because I'm reaching out. I'm taking the rope that has been thrown to me, the 12 steps, and getting the help and support I need to change the way I think and behave (the solution).
Thanks James :)
Now....is my life unmanageable? Yes but that's a big enough step for me for today. To be continued.....
My life looks great on the outside, but feels like it could crumble at any minute. I wait in constant fear of the other shoe dropping. In my attempt to control things I tend to have made a bit of a mess. Worst part - I feel like I'm the only one who knows what a mess I've made. My inner world is in turmoil but I keep it together on the outside. But the effects are obviously going to be felt by my kids and my husband. I want to be better for not only myself, but for them.
So, that's why I'm here.
Thanks for reading :)
Poppy
I wish I had this programme when I was going through my parenting years...
The header for me is from Concept 4- ~participation is the key to harmony~
so people coming in from other 12 step groups... getting involved is a great thing!
My ESH to your posting? Leading by example is the answer I think... making progress will inspire people around me.
Hi KC,
Bin out of town for a week... Spent time with my son and his new family... life seems a lot better now...
When the student is ready the teacher appears, And the truth be realized your recovery is a gift .I have past on traits because its all I knew to three of my children. Always hoping they will keep sobriety .It was there addictions and my codependence that brought me into program. This family disease has been a rough rode. Each of our journeys now separate and moving forward. Taking care of yourself and stay open to change...always
I have been wondering why I was different, still, after many years sober. This bit about being still a child in ways is quite true. A start at facing this new understanding of why things the way they are is a big deal.
Like a piece of the puzzle just fell out of the sky.
I look forward to spending time reading on here and getting to know folks.
Peace
Welcome. This is a great place for getting help on the steps. You should also consider coming to our ACoA board for experience, strength, and hope.
http://acoa.activeboard.com
It's like that one realizes one's madness? Total incapability to make anything that is of any use for oneself and for others? Whatever I do is insane..
Is that so? That is how I feel today in Step 1. It's so painful. I want to get out of the asylum where I am alone!!