8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
There is often a resistance to this step. There are people who, honestly, aren't deserving of amends even if they are owed. But as Malachy McCourt said
Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
So even if they don't deserve amends, be willing to make them anyway. It will help you.
SerenitySoon said
Jul 21, 2013
Ok, let's see if I have this right. I am aligned with the ACoA forum and so, I can comment or share or inquire about step 8 here. Right? I won't proceed until I get a response...thanks.
SerenitySoon said
Jul 21, 2013
But I'm not working Step 8, I'll be asking about it though.
JamesCT said
Jul 23, 2013
You can ask both places. Here is where we concentrate on Step work and help each other through, though. I don't get here as much so I apologize for the tardiness of the reply.
KayCee said
Jul 24, 2013
I get it, about being WILLING to make ammends...I am trying to complete Step#8. But I still feel like the victim with my Mother, and brother...They have hurt me soo deeply, I just dont know WHY Im to make ammends to them? I just cant quite let go, yet...Im trying to give it all to God, but its hard....I forgive, But keep taking it back....How can I rid myself once, and for all?
lostinoz said
Jul 25, 2013
KayCee, I hear you. I have people in my life that have hurt me also. I think what I'm learning, though, is that we are all flawed. Maybe the people that hurt me didn't intend to. Maybe they did their best, maybe they had their own crap. And maybe 'the victim' is what I made myself, rather than what they make me. For me, on step eight, i'm looking at what I have done, regardless of what they have done, if that makes sense. For example, my brother has hurt me tremendously by basically abandoning me and the rest of the family, i have felt this pain for many many years. So rather than focus on what he did, i focus on the fact that I invalidated his story with my denial about our FOO, and that all that denial is probably why he had to pull away. And that is what I want to make amends for - for invalidating his story, his feelings, his experience. Hope that helps a little.
KayCee said
Jul 27, 2013
I know ur both right.....Im working on my list......Maybe it will help me to rid myself of some resentment,Thanx very much JamesCt, and Lostinoz God bless you both!
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
There is often a resistance to this step. There are people who, honestly, aren't deserving of amends even if they are owed. But as Malachy McCourt said
So even if they don't deserve amends, be willing to make them anyway. It will help you.
You can ask both places. Here is where we concentrate on Step work and help each other through, though. I don't get here as much so I apologize for the tardiness of the reply.