9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
If you can make it up to someone, you should. If you examine your life, there are a ton of things you'd like someone to say they were sorry for. Just as much as you'd like to receive it, it is important that you give it.
But remember that sometimes trying to make amends just opens old wounds. So consider a potential act and how you'd execute said act carefully.
lostinoz said
Jul 29, 2013
I am working on step nine now. I have reconciled myself with what I have done, and I have sat with it for a while now. I understand why I did what I did, and I forgive myself for it. There are two people on my list that I need to make amends with; my husband and one of my brothers. Both of these are important to me, and I feel its important to do them when I am really well and truly ready. I think my brother needs to hear that I am sorry for invalidating his story by being in denial about my own. For many years I resented him, I resented what he said about our family, I refused to hear it, acknowledge it in any real way, or confirm it. Instead, I continued to live in denial and l became more and more resentful. There were years and years of festering resentment, anger and feelings of abandonment. And now, coming into recovery, and understanding things, I want to tell my brother that I am sorry, that what he said is true, and what he experienced is real. I want to explain that my denial was a coping strategy that helped me get through those years, and then it became all that i knew. I want him to know that I didn't hurt him intentionally and that I love him.
My husband, well that's gonna be complicated. But i'm getting there. More to come.
JamesCT said
Aug 2, 2013
This is a powerful share and I wish you luck with this.
lostinoz said
Aug 4, 2013
Thank you, James. I am taking my time with step nine, I want to make sure I do it right.
Sabin said
Oct 29, 2013
Step 9 was one of the steps i wanted to avoid but eventually i did it with my sponsor. I said sorry to my teenage children and stopped drinking a day at a time and tried to be a sober responsible parent. The shame and guilt had lessened by now because I had forgiven myself for repeating the behaviour that I had learned in childhood. The ACA step 9 says that I need to make amends to myself through developing a loving parent who shows compassion, tolerance and understanding instead of the critical parent who wants to punish and make me believe I am a terrible person who can never be forgiven and needs to suffer , I am so much more aware of that voice inside my head and the power it has over me lessens as i develop my loving parent.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
If you can make it up to someone, you should. If you examine your life, there are a ton of things you'd like someone to say they were sorry for. Just as much as you'd like to receive it, it is important that you give it.
But remember that sometimes trying to make amends just opens old wounds. So consider a potential act and how you'd execute said act carefully.
My husband, well that's gonna be complicated. But i'm getting there. More to come.
This is a powerful share and I wish you luck with this.
Step 9 was one of the steps i wanted to avoid but eventually i did it with my sponsor. I said sorry to my teenage children and stopped drinking a day at a time and tried to be a sober responsible parent. The shame and guilt had lessened by now because I had forgiven myself for repeating the behaviour that I had learned in childhood. The ACA step 9 says that I need to make amends to myself through developing a loving parent who shows compassion, tolerance and understanding instead of the critical parent who wants to punish and make me believe I am a terrible person who can never be forgiven and needs to suffer , I am so much more aware of that voice inside my head and the power it has over me lessens as i develop my loving parent.