Came to Believe That a Power greater Than ourselves Could Restore us to Sanity
ODAT Page 33
Thank God I am to dependent on my own resources alone. Having tried to bring order and meaning into my life without God's help, I will now step aside and let Him take over
MY SHARE
A READING IN THE COURAGE TO CHAGE THAT I LOVE ON step 2 STATES
I CAME TO MEETINGS
I CAME TO I CAME OUT OF DENIAL AND PRETEND AND BECAME CONSCIOUS
I CAME TO BELIEVE WHEN I Was FULLY CONSCIOU's AND PRESENT I COULD FIND MY FAITH AND HP
THIS WAS VERY TRUE FOR ME. I DID HAVE A BELIEF IN A GOD OF MY CHILDHOOD HOWEVER HE AND I HAD NOT TALKED FOR AGES BECAUSE HE WOULD NOT DO my WILL. THIS STEP ASKS THAT I believe THAT A POWER Greater THAN MYSELF COULD Restore ME TO SANITY. I FELT THAT ALANON MEETINGS, THE TOOLS AND PHILOSPHY WERE RESTORING ME TO SANITY SO IN THE BEGINNING I USED ALANON AS MY HIGHER POWER. IT WORKED VERY WELL .
At one point in my journey the pain of this disease was so great that I cried out on my knees"If you exist!!! take this pain away" I fell asleep and when I awoke the pain was gone. I searched my being for all the HOT Spots and although the memories of the incidents remained the pain was gone. I do believe it was then that I had surrendered and my HP (that I now call GOD) was able to remove the anger, resentment, self pity and irrational fear. That was when I truly came to believe and held on to this program with such gratitude and peace.
. I ATTENDED MEETINGS EACH DAY, I READ MY ODAT EACH MORNING, GAVE UP GOSSIPING, AND CRITICIZING OTHERS. CALLED MY SPONSOR DAILY AND WHEN I FELT STRESSED OR FRIGHTENED I RECITED THE SERENITY PRAYER OR A SLOGAN OVER AND OVER IN MY HEAD UNTIL THE FEELING PASSED. these WERE ALL POWERS GREATER THAN Myself AND THEY HELPED Restore ME TO SANITY.
TODAY I HAVE REDISCOVERED The GOD OF MY CHILDHOOD AND WE ARE ON SPEAKING TERMS AGAIN..
I have grown up since entering alanon and now believe that the world does not revolve around me. That my Higher Power will grant me Serenity, Courage and Wisdom to live my life for Spiritual growth. I am truly grateful to this program
I thank God for alanon and alanon for God.
Thanks for letting me share.
STEP 2 QUESTIONS
What does Let Go and Let God mean to me?
What does faith mean to me?
With whom and in what circumstances am I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences?
What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself?
What does came to believe mean to me?
What does sanity mean to me?
How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity? My life?
Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How?
How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior?
How have I turned to a Power greater than myself in times of great need? Did I call another Al-Anon member? My sponsor? Did I read Al Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL)? Did I go to a meeting? If not, why not?
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 4th of October 2013 01:41:10 PM
Mari1978 said
Oct 4, 2013
Let go and let God. For me I need to trust his will. I need to be able to accept that there are many things I can not control all around me.
For example I left work yesterday knowing of a situation that was to come. I am not comfortable in knowing a wrong about to be done to another. When someone is dismissed and I don't agree with it because I know it has become a control and favouritism issue. I am disheartened. I prayed and asked for the ability to let it go. I did not cause it. I have no control of it. I can not fix it. I must hope that for the person this is a blessing that only opens a door to something better. I don't understand it but I need to Let go and let god. I need to find my own serenity so that I may not hold onto anger and resentment. I can not do this alone and need a greater power to submit to saying I am not willing to let this stunt my growth.
I grew up learning about a God that I was told existed. It was not until much later I realized that I held anger towards a God that I learned about. The idea that we were supposed to be God fearing. The idea God punished sinners and that what others believed was wrong. In my heart I knew that those ideas could not lead me to have faith truly. I have come to believe that MY God is a LOVING God and I should not fear him just as I do not wish my children to fear me. There is an understanding that we all need to find our own HP, and that we are no better than the person standing next to us. This great love is not just a gift to few, its for everyone. When we choose to see it is up to us. God does not need to mean the exact same thing to me as it does to another. I believe that it has to be something we as individuals can believe in so that we may find our faith.
We lead by example. We love unconditionally. Loving unconditionally does not require that we be mistreated. Loving ourselves unconditionally is the first step to finding our own HP.
Not everyone will understand a higher power. It is here in the home of alanon, that we will not be judged or criticized for what we believe. We are accepted here and are safe. We are on a journey and I have found so much comfort here and am so grateful to those who have shared their experiences.
I attended my first face to face meeting and was humbled by the individuals who opened up humbly before me. I actually spoke with my heart and wanted to share a bit of my experience because I wanted them to know they were not alone either. I had not walked through those doors hopeless thanks to many of the experiences shared here on MIP. This to me is my HP working through me and everything around me.
Please take what you want and leave the rest. This is how I perceive and am able to love and support the best I know how for now.
M
hotrod said
Oct 4, 2013
THANK YOU MARI
YOUR HONESTY, HUMILITY AND CLARITY ARE POWEFUL TOOLS IN WORKING THE STEPS
THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS AND THE JOURNEY
grateful2be said
Oct 5, 2013
Since I was about 3 years old I have experienced the Presence of a HP that at 3 I knew was greater than anyone or anything in my life. In my innocence at 3, I was aware of this Presence being aware of me and taking delight in me. I had no words to define it. I didn't talk about it. I just was aware of it and I knew I was loved by It. As I aged, I was introduced to religion and religion's ideas about a god who sat in judgment of me. I was a child who loved the adults in my life and truly wanted to please them. I developed an introspection that at this age I'd call overly-scrupulous. It got me into a lot of trouble and kept me in a lot of unhealthy habits and relationships.
One of the gifts of divorce from my x for me was being re-introduced to that Presence of unconditional love that I sensed watched over me as a young child in a way I couldn't see but intuited as warm and cherishing. To me, that was the return to sanity that Step 2 refers to in Al-Anon - being reintroduced to a loving Presence that truly wanted me to let go of being overly-scrupulous and overburdened with responsibilities that weren't all supposed to be carried alone by me. My understanding of this Presence has changed as I have changed and grown throughout the years, but the core experience of my HP has been one of total acceptance and warm regard. Once I reconnected with that power greater than the one I had adopted during my parochial school days, I was able to take risks and make changes that were in my best interest. Letting go of one understanding of a god and accepting an experience of the Presence which I call God or my HP was a major turning point for me.
hotrod said
Oct 5, 2013
Thank you grateful2be for sharing your heart. I appreciate your insight and honesty.
i too had that connection to a loving God as a small child and then abandoned myself and my belief in a mistaken effort to protect my small self
It took alanon tools and a great deal of work to let that wall down and "Release that spirit that i had walled in.
It is a pleasure sharing the journey
grateful2be said
Oct 5, 2013
Peggy7 said
Oct 5, 2013
Alanon STEP 2
What does Let Go and Let God mean to me?
For me it means giving up the effort to continue carrying life's burdens on my own shoulders, in my heart and in my mind. Let go means came to realize that there is a power greater then myself who is far more qualified then I to know who, what, where and why things are happening as they are. By letting go of the thinking that I'm responsible I've freed my self up to become more willing and useful to myself in my own life, and become more healthy by not dwelling on issues I (by no means) have the skill or talents of answering regarding dealing with another who has this horrendous disease. I'm making a conscious choice to get out of the process and stop hindering the progress of my own or another persons well being. I no longer find myself forcing issues and pressuring myself to find conclusions, directions, excuses etc. I've come to realize I am not the fixer I had once appointed myself to be.
What does faith mean to me?
Faith to me means trusting, surrendering, believing, knowing without having evidence or miracles performed to convince me. It's a trust that there is a heavenly father (my hp) in charge.
With whom and in what circumstances am I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences?
My an Al-anon meeting, some family members, during examples of God's presence being made known and oh so obvious. On our message board. My church.
What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself?
For me I was raised to believe in a certain religion but my God has always remained the same. I have since coming to the program felt my faith and belief system become more in depth and now I would actually call myself a Spiritual person rather then religious. What I have gained is a closer relationship with my heavenly father and my trust and willingness to go to him in all things continues to expand.
What does came to believe mean to me? For some it's an example of them stepping out of their own way and realizing there is more to life then their own needs or pleasures or desires. As I said, for me it has always been part of my make up.
What does sanity mean to me?
Clear and healthy thinking with motivation towards pure and loving acts. Sanity is not something to be afraid of, it leads us on a direction where we are in our best form and able to accomplish the mission and purpose of our existence.
How had the alcoholic situation affected my sanity? My life?
By putting themselves in the drivers seat where everyone including myself were expected to meet their needs on their time basis without regard of the cost, pain, worry it was causing others. Without so much as an apology more times then not. It's been dubbed crazy making and that's exactly what it's intended to do, take the focus off of themselves and begin to keep everyone else running in circles questioning their own mental health between the lies and abuse and pain and distrust even a sane person dries up and wants to die living in that environment. Regarding my life portion of this question I began to do what they wanted to keep peace, avoid setting off their triggers, to keep the other shoe from dropping, I began missing work because I was up all night searching for where they had passed out, or picking them up from jail or running to ER to see what damage their recent crash caused them. Everyone within a 500 mile path was having their lives affected by the games the A is so good at playing to keep the focus off of their bad behaviors.
Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How?
Yes, of course there was no other choice, there was nothing physically, emotionally, mentally, financially left. How is through pray and getting out of the way of the HP's work in the A's life...allowing them to hit their own bottom, to move them from our home since they refused to meet our boundaries and they are amazingly enough just as resilient at finding other places to go until they hit their own bottom. I simply stopped interfering.
How had my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior?
It felt like going to a gun fight with a butter knife. Outwitted, outplayed, out used, out scored and the funny thing was...the A just kept changing the rules so there weren't any right answers. Like living in a constant "Con".
How have I turned to a Power greater than myself in times of great need?
Prayer.
Did I call another Al-Anon member?
Have
My sponsor?
Yes, Generally
Did I read Al Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL)?
Yes and loved that I could look up the issue I was dealing with in the back and reading all topics covering that issue.
Did I go to a meeting?
Yes, sometimes I couldn't wait until the hour struck so it would open cause I knew what it held inside was what I needed to hear.
hotrod said
Oct 5, 2013
Dear Peggy
Thanks for your wisdom and clarity in answering each question in such depth.
It is obvious you have truly worked this Step and undertand the importance of the concept of a Higher Power
i appreciate the fact that you for sharing your heart and this journey on this Board
hotrod said
Oct 13, 2013
Thank You islandtime You are on your way Attending meetings, reading up on the Steps and participating is a key to growth and recovery I appreciate your honesty and courage.
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 13th of October 2013 06:13:17 PM
islandtime said
Oct 13, 2013
STEP TWO
What does let go and let God mean to me?
I had to surrender all my aspirations, hopes, wishes, great ideas, that I had, that I was somehow going to make the situation better, by doing this or that, or being this or that. After I got it in my head that I couldn't do it, I started to pray, and said ...fine I'm done, let whatever's going to happen..happen. I have faith that it will all work out.
Who do I discuss spiritual experiences with?
I talk about it in f2f meetings and on this board
What might I gain by believing I can be supported by a higher power?
It is huge relief to not have to be THE one that has to fix everything, I don't have to keep all those balls in the air anymore. I just let them all drop to the floor. I know I don't have to do this alone.
What does sanity mean to me?
Sanity means having the ability to think clearly. To see the past and look into the future. to experience the present, all with clarity. With no distortion, no inner distractions. And you have to be able to sleep well and really rest your mind, and body. To be able to see what's good and see what's bad. I am sane, living in a partially insane sitaution.
How has the alcholic situation affected my sanity?
Wow, it would be a much shorter list to say how has it not... I could not live in the present moment and enjoy things, when there were/are underlying feeling, thoughts about the AH or AS. I would have worry, sadness, grief, loneliness,anger,bitterness, shame,resentment all swirling around to cloud my thoughts. To paint an ugly picture of my past, present and future. And I had guilt for causing this and not being able to fix it. This stuff wanted to creep into all aspects of my life. It wanted to make me insane but I wouldn't let it.
It affected my life, by stealing a good deal of my happiness, affecting my personality, taking away my sense of humor. affecting my sleep. Made me feel I was a failure and had wasted my life.
Have I allowed the alcholic situation to become my higher power?
Yes, in the past, my life swirled in a downward spiral of all the above, and I didn't think any farther than that.
How has my thinking become distorted by trying to handle the A behavior?
I lost perspective, and lost my SELF. That's the important thing, I lost myself. It became all about somebody else. Womwn, even in the best life, can loose themselves giving to others. so women like us really get sucked iton a vortex.
How have I turned to a higher power than myself in times of need?
I have cried and prayed to take this away, I can't, I'm done.
Did I call, read, go to meetings?
I have no sponser, But I got on here and read and started going to f2f meetings, tonight will by #6 for me. And started to let some of my secrets out to a couple of friends. Read the C to C book.
AHHHHH!!!!! now off to spend a fun fall day with my kids and grand kids, and leave the A at home in the dust. :)
Melly1248 said
Oct 21, 2013
What does Let Go and Let God mean to me?
This for me was relinquishing the almost psychotic belief that if I worried about things, analysed them, agonised over them and played out every possible outcome in my mind without a break, I would somehow alter the outcome. Also, previously, there was always a huge paradox that I couldn't solve, therefore every situation was impossible. (I CAN'T do this because then this then this, so it's hopeless and I'd better obsess about it until I find a loophole). After reading and praying the idea came suddenly to me one night- THIS is where I have to "let go and let HP" so I prayed- "This seems impossible. I have no options. But I'm going to let go of it and just trust that you will take care of it or show me the way". I felt a sudden warmth in my chest, as of someone had lit as camp-fire in there. It was very real. I slept peacefully and I woke up feeling stronger. That was a Really Big Moment for me, I'll never forget it. As others have said- the first moment I remember feeling HP since early childhood.
What does faith mean to me?
Just what I have written- that if I let go and trust, it's OK because someone/something has my back. And he/she/it sends good things my way when i relax and stop trying to do their job for them...lol.
With whom and in what circumstances am I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences? Like-minded friends, on the occasion that I find them. Here, sometimes.
What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself?
Freedom from the unbearable burden of needing to be mentally "in control" of everything all the time. It's a weird, weird belief really. It applies to other areas of my life too; for example if I am in a vehicle someone else is driving (be it a car, bus or plane) I have this compulsion to have my eyes firmly on the road ahead (really tricky in a plane lol) because if I am watching, we will be safe. If I don't watch, something bad will happen. Hyper-vigillance in every area of my life. The more I let go of this exhausting burden, the happier I am. The more time and energy I have to think on happy or productive things.
What does came to believe mean to me?
That through the encouragement and wisdom of fellow recoverers I investigated the option of finding and trusting A HP that I had long ago dismissed.
What does sanity mean to me?
The ability to enjoy life or endure the hard times without obsessive or destructive thoughts.
How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity? My life?
It was put so well by Peggy. The crazy-making, the constantly changing rules met with my desire to be ever in control and "fixing" things and created a kind of hell for me. I really did start to believe I was completely mental. I questioned my very right to existence.
Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How?
Yep. My entire focus for a very, very long time was on pleasing him, keeping him happy. His opinion of me was the only thing that mattered. It was very sad. But necessary, I think, to bring me to this point. I was already unwell when I met the AB. My dreadful experiences with him brought me to the point of screaming "EEEENNOOOOUUGH!!!!!!"
How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior? If I could not please him (which I never, ever could) then I was a failure. So I was a failure, all the time. For years. Any wonder I've been so depressed and anxious, wow.
How have I turned to a Power greater than myself in times of great need? Did I call another Al-Anon member? My sponsor? Did I read Al Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL)? Did I go to a meeting? If not, why not? Prayer, mostly. Meditation. This group. The programme. Literature. Meetings? Not enough due to laziness and the fact that I am still essentially a hemit (but working on it )
-- Edited by Melly1248 on Monday 21st of October 2013 01:30:48 PM
hotrod said
Oct 21, 2013
Dear Melly
Thank you so much for your honest introspection. Using Alanon tools and working the Steps gave me a key to happiness and freedom that I never new possible. I see that you are dedicated to your recovery and am pleased you are sharing the journey.
Drsuzy said
Jan 24, 2014
I found this board this morning...I have just come into Alanon and am working on Step 2 with my sponcer.
How helpful your writings have been to me!
i have a higher power...it was the question of returning to sanity...I have a question as to if I would know
sanity if it bit me!
Growning up in a family of 11 with an Alcoholic Father and classic Alanon monther,
Became a professional clown, and joined the Alley, now there are some seriously insain people! Love them
but truly insaine!
So, again, I need to listen in meetings and just ask God to reveal to me true sanity.
I haven't clowed now in a year, but still break up serious situations (when I feel uncomfortable) with a joke.
Im not sure if this is ok or not, sane or not...
thanks
Suzy
hotrod said
Feb 19, 2014
Dear Suzy
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on Step 2 I do believe many of us had to guess at "Sanity" and what that looked like.
I found it, as you are doing in the rooms, with others who were using the tools, and learning principles that are healthyand positive.
I hope you keep coming back
Kitsch said
Mar 11, 2014
Step 2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Step Two Questions:
What does Let Go and Let God mean to me? To stop trying to control things in my life that I do not have any control over, to let a higher power take over and believe that they will control my life for me.
What does faith mean to me? Belief, especially belief that everything will work out the way it is supposed to.
With whom and in what circumstances am I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences? With anyone who is non-judgmental, who does not try to force their beliefs or spiritual experiences on me.
What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself? Freedom. Peace. The ability to be gentler with myself and to not feel the need to take responsibility for things happening or explain why they happen.
What does 'came to believe' mean to me? I see 'came to believe' as the process of getting to the point of believing that I can give up control to a higher power, the journey to giving up control, to be powerless, and then the act of allowing myself to believe that I can be helped by a higher power.
What does sanity mean to me? Sanity, to me, is an untroubled mind - at least mostly untroubled. A feeling of peace and not feeling that my life or thoughts are unmanageable.
How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity? My life? I have often times felt I was literally going crazy. I have questioned my own thoughts, behaviour, logic, because it was turned against me by the alcoholic and I no longer knew if I was right in my thoughts, feelings, or behaviour. I kept thinking, maybe I was wrong. Maybe it is as he sees it. Maybe I am going crazy.
Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How? I very much have. I have allowed the alcoholic situation to take over my life and be the thing that all other things depend on. My happiness, my future, my needs being met - all of this became dependent on him getting sober. I allowed the alcoholic situation to seep into every other part of my life, every crack and crevice and taint everything. I felt that if he would get sober, everything would be okay; I would be okay.
How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior? I started accepting behaviour I would not have found acceptable before being in the alcoholic situation. I started turning a blind eye to things I feel on a moral level are wrong. I allowed myself to believe that I was somehow responsible for the drinking even though it had gone on years before I came into the picture. I allowed myself to believe that I was not good enough, that I was somehow lacking, that I was not a good person. I allowed myself to be weak.
How have I turned to a Power greater than myself in times of great need? Did I call another Al-Anon member? My sponsor? Did I read Al Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL)? Did I go to a meeting? If not, why not? I am new to Al-Anon. So therefore I have not done these things yet. In times of great need I would generally turn to people online who knew of the situation, but I wouldn't tell them how bad it really was. Now that I am doing the steps and involving myself in Al-Anon, I will be handling things differently in times of need. I will not be able to attend physical meetings as I have no transport and meetings here are only twice monthly. However I have joined forums online and intend to take part in an online meeting soon. I also intend to read the literature and to write about my feelings on my recovery blog when times are tough.
Step2
Came to Believe That a Power greater Than ourselves Could Restore us to Sanity
ODAT Page 33
Thank God I am to dependent on my own resources alone. Having tried to bring order and meaning into my life without God's help, I will now step aside and let Him take over
MY SHARE
A READING IN THE COURAGE TO CHAGE THAT I LOVE ON step 2 STATES
I CAME TO MEETINGS
I CAME TO I CAME OUT OF DENIAL AND PRETEND AND BECAME CONSCIOUS
I CAME TO BELIEVE WHEN I Was FULLY CONSCIOU's AND PRESENT I COULD FIND MY FAITH AND HP
THIS WAS VERY TRUE FOR ME. I DID HAVE A BELIEF IN A GOD OF MY CHILDHOOD HOWEVER HE AND I HAD NOT TALKED FOR AGES BECAUSE HE WOULD NOT DO my WILL. THIS STEP ASKS THAT I believe THAT A POWER Greater THAN MYSELF COULD Restore ME TO SANITY. I FELT THAT ALANON MEETINGS, THE TOOLS AND PHILOSPHY WERE RESTORING ME TO SANITY SO IN THE BEGINNING I USED ALANON AS MY HIGHER POWER. IT WORKED VERY WELL .
At one point in my journey the pain of this disease was so great that I cried out on my knees"If you exist!!! take this pain away" I fell asleep and when I awoke the pain was gone. I searched my being for all the HOT Spots and although the memories of the incidents remained the pain was gone. I do believe it was then that I had surrendered and my HP (that I now call GOD) was able to remove the anger, resentment, self pity and irrational fear. That was when I truly came to believe and held on to this program with such gratitude and peace.
. I ATTENDED MEETINGS EACH DAY, I READ MY ODAT EACH MORNING, GAVE UP GOSSIPING, AND CRITICIZING OTHERS. CALLED MY SPONSOR DAILY AND WHEN I FELT STRESSED OR FRIGHTENED I RECITED THE SERENITY PRAYER OR A SLOGAN OVER AND OVER IN MY HEAD UNTIL THE FEELING PASSED. these WERE ALL POWERS GREATER THAN Myself AND THEY HELPED Restore ME TO SANITY.
TODAY I HAVE REDISCOVERED The GOD OF MY CHILDHOOD AND WE ARE ON SPEAKING TERMS AGAIN..
I have grown up since entering alanon and now believe that the world does not revolve around me. That my Higher Power will grant me Serenity, Courage and Wisdom to live my life for Spiritual growth. I am truly grateful to this program
I thank God for alanon and alanon for God.
Thanks for letting me share.
STEP 2 QUESTIONS
What does Let Go and Let God mean to me?
What does faith mean to me?
With whom and in what circumstances am I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences?
What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself?
What does came to believe mean to me?
What does sanity mean to me?
How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity? My life?
Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How?
How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior?
How have I turned to a Power greater than myself in times of great need? Did I call another Al-Anon member? My sponsor? Did I read Al Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL)? Did I go to a meeting? If not, why not?
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 4th of October 2013 01:41:10 PM
For example I left work yesterday knowing of a situation that was to come. I am not comfortable in knowing a wrong about to be done to another. When someone is dismissed and I don't agree with it because I know it has become a control and favouritism issue. I am disheartened. I prayed and asked for the ability to let it go. I did not cause it. I have no control of it. I can not fix it. I must hope that for the person this is a blessing that only opens a door to something better. I don't understand it but I need to Let go and let god. I need to find my own serenity so that I may not hold onto anger and resentment. I can not do this alone and need a greater power to submit to saying I am not willing to let this stunt my growth.
I grew up learning about a God that I was told existed. It was not until much later I realized that I held anger towards a God that I learned about. The idea that we were supposed to be God fearing. The idea God punished sinners and that what others believed was wrong. In my heart I knew that those ideas could not lead me to have faith truly. I have come to believe that MY God is a LOVING God and I should not fear him just as I do not wish my children to fear me. There is an understanding that we all need to find our own HP, and that we are no better than the person standing next to us. This great love is not just a gift to few, its for everyone. When we choose to see it is up to us. God does not need to mean the exact same thing to me as it does to another. I believe that it has to be something we as individuals can believe in so that we may find our faith.
We lead by example. We love unconditionally. Loving unconditionally does not require that we be mistreated. Loving ourselves unconditionally is the first step to finding our own HP.
Not everyone will understand a higher power. It is here in the home of alanon, that we will not be judged or criticized for what we believe. We are accepted here and are safe. We are on a journey and I have found so much comfort here and am so grateful to those who have shared their experiences.
I attended my first face to face meeting and was humbled by the individuals who opened up humbly before me. I actually spoke with my heart and wanted to share a bit of my experience because I wanted them to know they were not alone either. I had not walked through those doors hopeless thanks to many of the experiences shared here on MIP. This to me is my HP working through me and everything around me.
Please take what you want and leave the rest. This is how I perceive and am able to love and support the best I know how for now.
M
THANK YOU MARI
YOUR HONESTY, HUMILITY AND CLARITY ARE POWEFUL TOOLS IN WORKING THE STEPS
THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS AND THE JOURNEY
One of the gifts of divorce from my x for me was being re-introduced to that Presence of unconditional love that I sensed watched over me as a young child in a way I couldn't see but intuited as warm and cherishing. To me, that was the return to sanity that Step 2 refers to in Al-Anon - being reintroduced to a loving Presence that truly wanted me to let go of being overly-scrupulous and overburdened with responsibilities that weren't all supposed to be carried alone by me. My understanding of this Presence has changed as I have changed and grown throughout the years, but the core experience of my HP has been one of total acceptance and warm regard. Once I reconnected with that power greater than the one I had adopted during my parochial school days, I was able to take risks and make changes that were in my best interest. Letting go of one understanding of a god and accepting an experience of the Presence which I call God or my HP was a major turning point for me.
Thank you grateful2be for sharing your heart. I appreciate your insight and honesty.
i too had that connection to a loving God as a small child and then abandoned myself and my belief in a mistaken effort to protect my small self
It took alanon tools and a great deal of work to let that wall down and "Release that spirit that i had walled in.
It is a pleasure sharing the journey
Alanon STEP 2
What does Let Go and Let God mean to me?
For me it means giving up the effort to continue carrying life's burdens on my own shoulders, in my heart and in my mind. Let go means came to realize that there is a power greater then myself who is far more qualified then I to know who, what, where and why things are happening as they are. By letting go of the thinking that I'm responsible I've freed my self up to become more willing and useful to myself in my own life, and become more healthy by not dwelling on issues I (by no means) have the skill or talents of answering regarding dealing with another who has this horrendous disease. I'm making a conscious choice to get out of the process and stop hindering the progress of my own or another persons well being. I no longer find myself forcing issues and pressuring myself to find conclusions, directions, excuses etc. I've come to realize I am not the fixer I had once appointed myself to be.
What does faith mean to me?
Faith to me means trusting, surrendering, believing, knowing without having evidence or miracles performed to convince me. It's a trust that there is a heavenly father (my hp) in charge.
With whom and in what circumstances am I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences?
My an Al-anon meeting, some family members, during examples of God's presence being made known and oh so obvious. On our message board. My church.
What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself?
For me I was raised to believe in a certain religion but my God has always remained the same. I have since coming to the program felt my faith and belief system become more in depth and now I would actually call myself a Spiritual person rather then religious. What I have gained is a closer relationship with my heavenly father and my trust and willingness to go to him in all things continues to expand.
What does came to believe mean to me? For some it's an example of them stepping out of their own way and realizing there is more to life then their own needs or pleasures or desires. As I said, for me it has always been part of my make up.
What does sanity mean to me?
Clear and healthy thinking with motivation towards pure and loving acts. Sanity is not something to be afraid of, it leads us on a direction where we are in our best form and able to accomplish the mission and purpose of our existence.
How had the alcoholic situation affected my sanity? My life?
By putting themselves in the drivers seat where everyone including myself were expected to meet their needs on their time basis without regard of the cost, pain, worry it was causing others. Without so much as an apology more times then not. It's been dubbed crazy making and that's exactly what it's intended to do, take the focus off of themselves and begin to keep everyone else running in circles questioning their own mental health between the lies and abuse and pain and distrust even a sane person dries up and wants to die living in that environment. Regarding my life portion of this question I began to do what they wanted to keep peace, avoid setting off their triggers, to keep the other shoe from dropping, I began missing work because I was up all night searching for where they had passed out, or picking them up from jail or running to ER to see what damage their recent crash caused them. Everyone within a 500 mile path was having their lives affected by the games the A is so good at playing to keep the focus off of their bad behaviors.
Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How?
Yes, of course there was no other choice, there was nothing physically, emotionally, mentally, financially left. How is through pray and getting out of the way of the HP's work in the A's life...allowing them to hit their own bottom, to move them from our home since they refused to meet our boundaries and they are amazingly enough just as resilient at finding other places to go until they hit their own bottom. I simply stopped interfering.
How had my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior?
It felt like going to a gun fight with a butter knife. Outwitted, outplayed, out used, out scored and the funny thing was...the A just kept changing the rules so there weren't any right answers. Like living in a constant "Con".
How have I turned to a Power greater than myself in times of great need?
Prayer.
Did I call another Al-Anon member?
Have
My sponsor?
Yes, Generally
Did I read Al Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL)?
Yes and loved that I could look up the issue I was dealing with in the back and reading all topics covering that issue.
Did I go to a meeting?
Yes, sometimes I couldn't wait until the hour struck so it would open cause I knew what it held inside was what I needed to hear.
Dear Peggy
Thanks for your wisdom and clarity in answering each question in such depth.
It is obvious you have truly worked this Step and undertand the importance of the concept of a Higher Power
i appreciate the fact that you for sharing your heart and this journey on this Board
Thank You islandtime
You are on your way Attending meetings, reading up on the Steps and participating is a key to growth and recovery
I appreciate your honesty and courage.
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 13th of October 2013 06:13:17 PM
STEP TWO
What does let go and let God mean to me?
I had to surrender all my aspirations, hopes, wishes, great ideas, that I had, that I was somehow going to make the situation better, by doing this or that, or being this or that. After I got it in my head that I couldn't do it, I started to pray, and said ...fine I'm done, let whatever's going to happen..happen. I have faith that it will all work out.
Who do I discuss spiritual experiences with?
I talk about it in f2f meetings and on this board
What might I gain by believing I can be supported by a higher power?
It is huge relief to not have to be THE one that has to fix everything, I don't have to keep all those balls in the air anymore. I just let them all drop to the floor. I know I don't have to do this alone.
What does sanity mean to me?
Sanity means having the ability to think clearly. To see the past and look into the future. to experience the present, all with clarity. With no distortion, no inner distractions. And you have to be able to sleep well and really rest your mind, and body. To be able to see what's good and see what's bad. I am sane, living in a partially insane sitaution.
How has the alcholic situation affected my sanity?
Wow, it would be a much shorter list to say how has it not... I could not live in the present moment and enjoy things, when there were/are underlying feeling, thoughts about the AH or AS. I would have worry, sadness, grief, loneliness,anger,bitterness, shame,resentment all swirling around to cloud my thoughts. To paint an ugly picture of my past, present and future. And I had guilt for causing this and not being able to fix it. This stuff wanted to creep into all aspects of my life. It wanted to make me insane but I wouldn't let it.
It affected my life, by stealing a good deal of my happiness, affecting my personality, taking away my sense of humor. affecting my sleep. Made me feel I was a failure and had wasted my life.
Have I allowed the alcholic situation to become my higher power?
Yes, in the past, my life swirled in a downward spiral of all the above, and I didn't think any farther than that.
How has my thinking become distorted by trying to handle the A behavior?
I lost perspective, and lost my SELF. That's the important thing, I lost myself. It became all about somebody else. Womwn, even in the best life, can loose themselves giving to others. so women like us really get sucked iton a vortex.
How have I turned to a higher power than myself in times of need?
I have cried and prayed to take this away, I can't, I'm done.
Did I call, read, go to meetings?
I have no sponser, But I got on here and read and started going to f2f meetings, tonight will by #6 for me. And started to let some of my secrets out to a couple of friends. Read the C to C book.
AHHHHH!!!!! now off to spend a fun fall day with my kids and grand kids, and leave the A at home in the dust. :)
What does Let Go and Let God mean to me?
)
This for me was relinquishing the almost psychotic belief that if I worried about things, analysed them, agonised over them and played out every possible outcome in my mind without a break, I would somehow alter the outcome. Also, previously, there was always a huge paradox that I couldn't solve, therefore every situation was impossible. (I CAN'T do this because then this then this, so it's hopeless and I'd better obsess about it until I find a loophole). After reading and praying the idea came suddenly to me one night- THIS is where I have to "let go and let HP" so I prayed- "This seems impossible. I have no options. But I'm going to let go of it and just trust that you will take care of it or show me the way". I felt a sudden warmth in my chest, as of someone had lit as camp-fire in there. It was very real. I slept peacefully and I woke up feeling stronger. That was a Really Big Moment for me, I'll never forget it. As others have said- the first moment I remember feeling HP since early childhood.
What does faith mean to me?
Just what I have written- that if I let go and trust, it's OK because someone/something has my back. And he/she/it sends good things my way when i relax and stop trying to do their job for them...lol.
With whom and in what circumstances am I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences?
Like-minded friends, on the occasion that I find them. Here, sometimes.
What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself?
Freedom from the unbearable burden of needing to be mentally "in control" of everything all the time. It's a weird, weird belief really. It applies to other areas of my life too; for example if I am in a vehicle someone else is driving (be it a car, bus or plane) I have this compulsion to have my eyes firmly on the road ahead (really tricky in a plane lol) because if I am watching, we will be safe. If I don't watch, something bad will happen. Hyper-vigillance in every area of my life. The more I let go of this exhausting burden, the happier I am. The more time and energy I have to think on happy or productive things.
What does came to believe mean to me?
That through the encouragement and wisdom of fellow recoverers I investigated the option of finding and trusting A HP that I had long ago dismissed.
What does sanity mean to me?
The ability to enjoy life or endure the hard times without obsessive or destructive thoughts.
How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity? My life?
It was put so well by Peggy. The crazy-making, the constantly changing rules met with my desire to be ever in control and "fixing" things and created a kind of hell for me. I really did start to believe I was completely mental. I questioned my very right to existence.
Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How?
Yep. My entire focus for a very, very long time was on pleasing him, keeping him happy. His opinion of me was the only thing that mattered. It was very sad. But necessary, I think, to bring me to this point. I was already unwell when I met the AB. My dreadful experiences with him brought me to the point of screaming "EEEENNOOOOUUGH!!!!!!"
How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior?
If I could not please him (which I never, ever could) then I was a failure. So I was a failure, all the time. For years. Any wonder I've been so depressed and anxious, wow.
How have I turned to a Power greater than myself in times of great need? Did I call another Al-Anon member? My sponsor? Did I read Al Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL)? Did I go to a meeting? If not, why not?
Prayer, mostly. Meditation. This group. The programme. Literature. Meetings? Not enough due to laziness and the fact that I am still essentially a hemit (but working on it
-- Edited by Melly1248 on Monday 21st of October 2013 01:30:48 PM
Dear Melly
Thank you so much for your honest introspection. Using Alanon tools and working the Steps gave me a key to happiness and freedom that I never new possible. I see that you are dedicated to your recovery and am pleased you are sharing the journey.
How helpful your writings have been to me!
i have a higher power...it was the question of returning to sanity...I have a question as to if I would know
sanity if it bit me!
Growning up in a family of 11 with an Alcoholic Father and classic Alanon monther,
Became a professional clown, and joined the Alley, now there are some seriously insain people! Love them
but truly insaine!
So, again, I need to listen in meetings and just ask God to reveal to me true sanity.
I haven't clowed now in a year, but still break up serious situations (when I feel uncomfortable) with a joke.
Im not sure if this is ok or not, sane or not...
thanks
Suzy
Dear Suzy
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on Step 2 I do believe many of us had to guess at "Sanity" and what that looked like.
I found it, as you are doing in the rooms, with others who were using the tools, and learning principles that are healthyand positive.
I hope you keep coming back
Step 2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Step Two Questions:
To stop trying to control things in my life that I do not have any control over, to let a higher power take over and believe that they will control my life for me.
Belief, especially belief that everything will work out the way it is supposed to.
With anyone who is non-judgmental, who does not try to force their beliefs or spiritual experiences on me.
Freedom. Peace. The ability to be gentler with myself and to not feel the need to take responsibility for things happening or explain why they happen.
I see 'came to believe' as the process of getting to the point of believing that I can give up control to a higher power, the journey to giving up control, to be powerless, and then the act of allowing myself to believe that I can be helped by a higher power.
Sanity, to me, is an untroubled mind - at least mostly untroubled. A feeling of peace and not feeling that my life or thoughts are unmanageable.
I have often times felt I was literally going crazy. I have questioned my own thoughts, behaviour, logic, because it was turned against me by the alcoholic and I no longer knew if I was right in my thoughts, feelings, or behaviour. I kept thinking, maybe I was wrong. Maybe it is as he sees it. Maybe I am going crazy.
I very much have. I have allowed the alcoholic situation to take over my life and be the thing that all other things depend on. My happiness, my future, my needs being met - all of this became dependent on him getting sober. I allowed the alcoholic situation to seep into every other part of my life, every crack and crevice and taint everything. I felt that if he would get sober, everything would be okay; I would be okay.
I started accepting behaviour I would not have found acceptable before being in the alcoholic situation. I started turning a blind eye to things I feel on a moral level are wrong. I allowed myself to believe that I was somehow responsible for the drinking even though it had gone on years before I came into the picture. I allowed myself to believe that I was not good enough, that I was somehow lacking, that I was not a good person. I allowed myself to be weak.
I am new to Al-Anon. So therefore I have not done these things yet. In times of great need I would generally turn to people online who knew of the situation, but I wouldn't tell them how bad it really was.
Now that I am doing the steps and involving myself in Al-Anon, I will be handling things differently in times of need. I will not be able to attend physical meetings as I have no transport and meetings here are only twice monthly. However I have joined forums online and intend to take part in an online meeting soon. I also intend to read the literature and to write about my feelings on my recovery blog when times are tough.