2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Sometimes people who have problems with conventional religion or the concept of God have trouble with this step.
What the Yellow Workbook has to say on the subject.
A note to the atheist or agnositc:
The ACA progam is for you. If you do not believe in God or a Higher Power, select something to be a power greater than yourself so that you can work the ACA program and receive healing results. Example: your ACA group or therapy group is a power greater than you since it meets regularly, discusses ACA issues and produces progress for its participants. Meanwhile, we ask that you keep an open mind about the spiritual nature of ACA and enjoy the fellowship's acceptance.
What I said to an atheist who was struggling with this (who oddly asked me about it right when I was trying to figure out how to express this to an atheist):
While I am a man of faith, I can certainly understand why a person would have a problem with the concept of a directive consciousness over the universe. So much of the world is irrational and inexplicable. And bad things happen to good people with great regularity. So rejecting a beneficent deity, a "Santa Claus God" as you put it, makes a certain amount of sense.
However there is something that brought you to me today, that moved you to choose me to tell about your difficulty, that moved me over the course of the last few days to be thinking about this even though it is not my problem. And that was Not You.
You may want to give it the name Random Chance or Dumb Luck. You might want to be more positive and say it's the Natural Order of Things. But the key thing to remember is that it's Not You.
The ultimate purpose of Step 2 in my mind is a pairing with Step 1. Step 1 talks about how we as individuals cannot do it entirely ourselves. This is an evident fact. If we could have done it entirely ourselves, we would have already freed ourselves from our ACoA chaos.
Step 2 is telling us that we need help from Not Us, that we cannot do it alone and that it is okay to allow Not Us to help us. Step 2 does not absolve us from responsibility in us doing the work. It simply acknowledges we will need more help than we ourselves as individuals can provide.
Something makes the Earth spin on its axis and makes the Earth orbit the sun. Call it God or call it Newtonian Physics. But it is Not Us. And what the program is asking you to do is to believe that something that is Not You may and will help you.
If you're struggling here, I hope that either what the Yellow Workbook said or what I said may be of assistance to you.
Some people also have trouble with the the word "restore," because their world never had sanity to begin with. Read that as "bring to sanity" or "lead to sanity" rather than restore if that helps.
The main thing to remember is that this step is about hope. It's about believing there is a chance to get better. Because until you do believe you can get better, it will be awfully hard, if not impossible, for you to do so, because you will sabotage your own incremental successes if you don't believe it's possible.
abby36 said
Oct 8, 2013
Hi! - This is the same as what I shared on another thread, but I will add to it here... I am SO glad to be here. I need recovery! - This place is a favourite on the web...
Questions from the Yellow Workbook for Step 2:
Do I realize I may be the most sane member of my family because I am seeking recovery?
I'm not so sure. I have coda, acoa, and addiction/ocd issues myself. In a way, yes, because my family doesn't know the destruction of the isms. In other ways, some of them are more healthy... I am getting pressure to play roles in the family and to care take and rescue, which is crazy! Maybe in a while I will be saner than most! - I failed at rescuing my whole life, so I cannot see that as sane at all, and I know that sacrificing myself for others will lead to resentments, so that's not the answer either! - I really don't like the plans others have for my life! It's up to me to take care of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do I realize that I am not unique and that other adult children think and act like me?
I hear so many stories I can relate to - the selfless codependence, the dishes flying, yelling, arguing, perfectionism. Yes, I relate. I also have heard others say they get scapegoated and bullied at work (me too). I hear others talk about boundaries issues. I have let others walk all over me and control me, so no wonder they keep acting like that. I am teaching them that through not asserting my personal power. Yep, lots of relating!
Can I come to believe that I have had an inner strength all along that helped me survive an abusive childhood?
Yes, I believe I did. I have fared better than others in my family. I knew instinctively to stay away from hard drugs, and I did, despite the sick druggie family influences. I developed a toughness that I think helped me. I also knew I had to work through my feelings somewhat, and I talked to our cat. That cat knew a lot!
Can I come to believe that a Higher Power has been with me always and helped me survive until I could find ACA?
Yes, I can see how it came up in my life at times to strengthen me. Also, i can now see times when a HP was trying to teach me through others. These lessons keep appearing! (until I learn!)
Do I believe I can love myself and ask for help? That I don't have to do this alone?
Yes, I have changed this way. I have been attending regular meetings, and I had a spell where I felt really guilty and was blaming myself, and I increased my psych appointments. I have also increased my time in these forums and my step work to combat this! Community and the steps help! I do not have to choose to be isolated...
More questions from the workbook:
Do I tend to get involved in relationships with an addict or other compulsive personality such as a workaholic or sex addict?
Yes, I am compulstive myself, and I found another. We are both acoa and struggle at times with compulsions. I developed a problem with drinking which I NEVER said I would. I was so anti it! So, the unconscious influences are there, and I've learned that they will exert themselves in my life unless I work programs, and with emotional honesty. I really need to release grief, fears, guilt sadness - all kinds of stuck emotions... to let go and let god... I'm working on accepting the past as it is. -coming to acceptance...
Do I mislabel violent and chaotic relationships as "passionate" and "complex?"
Hmm. I don't think so. I grew up with violence and I see it as abuse. I did let go of really decent guys a boyfriends when I was young. I know now that I was looking for someone acoa like me... I had no idea then, though.
Do my relationships show a pattern of intensity, indifference, and fits and restarts? Is blaming others a theme in my relationships?
I really used to blame. I do this much less now. I am even seeing my dad as kind of bumbling along and trying to help... He didn't intend such destruction. He was just really, really sick. My brother was also really and truly sick. He also didn't mean to hurt me this much. In the past, as a young adult, I would hang on to a lot more anger at both of them for the pain they caused. Now, I'm learning to feel the pain and other feelings, to let them move through me, then to release them.
Do I mask my need to control others by appearing cheerful or helpful?
Yes, I think this applies. I grew up around extended family who were especially cheery but very, very controlling. I tried many times to control my brother, but he never let me. I was quite unsuccessful at controlling the destinies and actions of others! I failed at it my whole life, so maybe it's time to learn to let it go... ! - Others have their own path in life, and I am not their Higher Power!
Do I try to get my needs of love and happiness met by people who cannot do enough for me or who cannot meet my expectations?
Yes, I sure do. I have relied on family who aren't there for me emotionally. I need to accept them as they are and as they were. It's my responsibility to get my own needs met. I really get this part of the 12 step programs! - If I have a broken and addiction disease affected family, I can choose my own supports, and friends can be like family! This is such a relief to me! I don't have to rely on those who want to manipulate me for their own needs anymore...
KayCee said
Oct 17, 2013
Hi. My name is Donna, and I am an acoa, an a, a coda, and an enabler, at times! Lol! My life is still unmanageable, and no human power can restore me to sanity. But Thank God, my Hp can, and has restored me, and will continue to do so, as long as I stay in my 12 step programs.....I am caretaker for my Mother, so sometimes I dont get to live meetings as often as I need. I am so blessed to have found this site! Thank you, everyone for being here, and mostly for honestly sharing. God bless!
JamesCT said
Oct 22, 2013
Hi, KayCee. Please come by http://acoa.activeboard.com and get more experience, strength, and hope from other ACoAs. Great to have you!
2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Sometimes people who have problems with conventional religion or the concept of God have trouble with this step.
What the Yellow Workbook has to say on the subject.
A note to the atheist or agnositc:
The ACA progam is for you. If you do not believe in God or a Higher Power, select something to be a power greater than yourself so that you can work the ACA program and receive healing results. Example: your ACA group or therapy group is a power greater than you since it meets regularly, discusses ACA issues and produces progress for its participants. Meanwhile, we ask that you keep an open mind about the spiritual nature of ACA and enjoy the fellowship's acceptance.
What I said to an atheist who was struggling with this (who oddly asked me about it right when I was trying to figure out how to express this to an atheist):
If you're struggling here, I hope that either what the Yellow Workbook said or what I said may be of assistance to you.
Some people also have trouble with the the word "restore," because their world never had sanity to begin with. Read that as "bring to sanity" or "lead to sanity" rather than restore if that helps.
The main thing to remember is that this step is about hope. It's about believing there is a chance to get better. Because until you do believe you can get better, it will be awfully hard, if not impossible, for you to do so, because you will sabotage your own incremental successes if you don't believe it's possible.
Questions from the Yellow Workbook for Step 2:
Do I realize I may be the most sane member of my family because I am seeking recovery?
I'm not so sure. I have coda, acoa, and addiction/ocd issues myself. In a way, yes, because my family doesn't know the destruction of the isms. In other ways, some of them are more healthy... I am getting pressure to play roles in the family and to care take and rescue, which is crazy! Maybe in a while I will be saner than most! - I failed at rescuing my whole life, so I cannot see that as sane at all, and I know that sacrificing myself for others will lead to resentments, so that's not the answer either! - I really don't like the plans others have for my life! It's up to me to take care of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do I realize that I am not unique and that other adult children think and act like me?
I hear so many stories I can relate to - the selfless codependence, the dishes flying, yelling, arguing, perfectionism. Yes, I relate. I also have heard others say they get scapegoated and bullied at work (me too). I hear others talk about boundaries issues. I have let others walk all over me and control me, so no wonder they keep acting like that. I am teaching them that through not asserting my personal power. Yep, lots of relating!
Can I come to believe that I have had an inner strength all along that helped me survive an abusive childhood?
Yes, I believe I did. I have fared better than others in my family. I knew instinctively to stay away from hard drugs, and I did, despite the sick druggie family influences. I developed a toughness that I think helped me. I also knew I had to work through my feelings somewhat, and I talked to our cat. That cat knew a lot!
Can I come to believe that a Higher Power has been with me always and helped me survive until I could find ACA?
Yes, I can see how it came up in my life at times to strengthen me. Also, i can now see times when a HP was trying to teach me through others. These lessons keep appearing! (until I learn!)
Do I believe I can love myself and ask for help? That I don't have to do this alone?
Yes, I have changed this way. I have been attending regular meetings, and I had a spell where I felt really guilty and was blaming myself, and I increased my psych appointments. I have also increased my time in these forums and my step work to combat this! Community and the steps help! I do not have to choose to be isolated...
More questions from the workbook:
Do I tend to get involved in relationships with an addict or other compulsive personality such as a workaholic or sex addict?
Yes, I am compulstive myself, and I found another. We are both acoa and struggle at times with compulsions. I developed a problem with drinking which I NEVER said I would. I was so anti it! So, the unconscious influences are there, and I've learned that they will exert themselves in my life unless I work programs, and with emotional honesty. I really need to release grief, fears, guilt sadness - all kinds of stuck emotions... to let go and let god... I'm working on accepting the past as it is. -coming to acceptance...
Do I mislabel violent and chaotic relationships as "passionate" and "complex?"
Hmm. I don't think so. I grew up with violence and I see it as abuse. I did let go of really decent guys a boyfriends when I was young. I know now that I was looking for someone acoa like me... I had no idea then, though.
Do my relationships show a pattern of intensity, indifference, and fits and restarts? Is blaming others a theme in my relationships?
I really used to blame. I do this much less now. I am even seeing my dad as kind of bumbling along and trying to help... He didn't intend such destruction. He was just really, really sick. My brother was also really and truly sick. He also didn't mean to hurt me this much. In the past, as a young adult, I would hang on to a lot more anger at both of them for the pain they caused. Now, I'm learning to feel the pain and other feelings, to let them move through me, then to release them.
Do I mask my need to control others by appearing cheerful or helpful?
Yes, I think this applies. I grew up around extended family who were especially cheery but very, very controlling. I tried many times to control my brother, but he never let me. I was quite unsuccessful at controlling the destinies and actions of others! I failed at it my whole life, so maybe it's time to learn to let it go... ! - Others have their own path in life, and I am not their Higher Power!
Do I try to get my needs of love and happiness met by people who cannot do enough for me or who cannot meet my expectations?
Yes, I sure do. I have relied on family who aren't there for me emotionally. I need to accept them as they are and as they were. It's my responsibility to get my own needs met. I really get this part of the 12 step programs! - If I have a broken and addiction disease affected family, I can choose my own supports, and friends can be like family! This is such a relief to me! I don't have to rely on those who want to manipulate me for their own needs anymore...
Hi, KayCee. Please come by http://acoa.activeboard.com and get more experience, strength, and hope from other ACoAs. Great to have you!