ADMITTED TO GOD TO MYSELF AND TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING THE EXACT NATURE OF MY WRONGS
ODAT 171
To overcome my faults I must first know what they are, then I must admit to them and then finally with patient self correction diminish them even if I cannot set myself entirely free.
My Share
Admitted is a big word and it is interesting to see how I tried to avoid doing just that. I would gloss over my defects, I would intellectually state them, talk about them but deep down, I did not accept them as wrong and deep within I still blamed others for my actions. This step insists that I admit my part, I can only do this honestly when I truly examine my motives and see that all my good acts had strings attached . I was trying to manipulate to get my own needs met and not being honest about who I was Finally in admitting this huge defect, the rest of my wrongs fell into place.
I have done a number of 5 th steps and can remember that the first was anything but fearless or complete. My sponsor urged me to begin and to note that the step states"Admitted to " That actually indicated that I already knew what I needed to speak about, that it was right below the surface and all I need to do was to release the denial that I had used to keep it buried and let it float to the surface so I could speak about it.
Yes I had indulged in all the 7 deadly sins some how I could own them and admit them, as they were human and being catholic I was use to confession. I found that the drives for these "actions"were hard to admit but Much to my surprise these drives did become clear , as I spoke.
The exact nature of my wrongs became evident .
Number one and most important was:
My anger and resentment toward my HP because I felt I did not get what I deserved in life> In retrospect, with my alanon glasses of gratitude, I see I had such an abundance but did not appreciate all the goodness I had. This was a huge defect on my part.
Number 2 Exact nature of my wrongs
I really wanted to be a princess. I did not want to do anything . I wanted to have everyone else do things I wanted to be in control, judge them, criticism them but I did not want to risk my self on ANYTHING.
The third wrong was I could not ./ would not trust anyone because I was afraid of being hurt and not getting what I needed and wanted.
The 4 th big driver was my "pride" I always thought I was a humble compassionate person but I discovered that was a "smoke screen" to manipulate people to get what I wanted. I did not feel loving or compassionate to people, I pretended much of my goodness.
5 th wrong I hated being human I had always heard that EGO stood for Easing God Out I did that without even knowing it. I wanted to be perfect, never make a mistake. In other words I wanted to be God.
That was enough for my first attempt and after working this step with my sponsor, praying about it , the freedom I felt was unbelievable. For the first time in my life I had given myself permission to be human and it was wonderful. I did not have to be perfect. I could struggle, make mistakes, stumble, try succeed and experience life on life's terms What a gift.
I have done many other 4 th and 5 th steps but this experience was the most profound. I urge everyone to continue working these truly amazing tools to recovery.
Thank you for letting me share
__________________
Betty
STEP 5 QUESTIONS
1.Have you taken a formal Fifth Step? What was the impact of that on your life and your feelings about yourself?
2. Are you in the habit of sharing yourself - who you are - with other people? When was the last time you called someone because you needed to talk about something? Do you talk to people about what you're going through when you're going through it, or do you wait until you've resolved the incident yourself, and then report it after the fact?
3. Is there someone in your life now whom you need to talk to? Is there something going on - a feeling, a need, or an issue - that you don't want to talk about, but need to? Is there someone you're avoiding because you have something difficult to say?
4. In the past week, have you treated yourself or another person badly? You may want to choose someone safe and trusted and tell that person what you have done. Then tell God?
2.
3.Do I understand the healing benefit of honestly admitting my wrongs?
4.
5.What expectation do I have about how I should feel and how I should act now?
6.
7.Am I willing to let go of these expectation and let the God of my understanding determine the best results for me? How do I know?
How can telling someone the exact nature of my wrongs help me to see myself more clearly?
What is the one thing I do not want to tell another person can I start there?
In doing this step what have I learned about the nature of my wrongs?
Can I concede I am not perfect?
Can I stop trying to be?
What have I learned about Fear, Honesty, Trust, and Acceptance?
How has working Step Five increased my humility and self-acceptance?
As we finish Step Five, we may feel a sense of relief; we've unburdened ourselves by
Sharing what we previously had put a lot of energy into hiding or suppressing. It is true
That our "defects... die in the light of exposure." Exposure to the light brings a sense of
Freedom that we feel no matter what the outer circumstances of our lives may be like.
All of our relationships begin to change as a result of working this step. We especially
Need to acknowledge how much our relationship with ourselves, with a Higher Power,
and with other people have changed:_ How has my relationship with a Higher Power changed as a result of working the Fifth
Step?
_ How has my relationship with my sponsor changed as a result of working the Fifth Step?
_ How has my view of myself changed as a result of working this step?
_ To what extent have I developed love and compassion for myself and others?
Along with a sense of relief, our weariness with our character defects has probably
Reached a peak. This will translate easily into a state of being entirely ready-just what we need to begin Step Six!
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 14th of November 2013 11:44:15 PM
hotrod said
Nov 15, 2013
Thank You Grateful2be,
I appreciate your candid, response . I can so identify with your experience as it was filled with much clarity an wisdom.When I was finally able to see my part in the madness that I was my life , I found the key to setting myself free as well.
Thank you for sharing your ESH and I am happy that we are sharing the journey together.
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 15th of November 2013 04:41:17 AM
grateful2be said
Nov 15, 2013
I so appreciate your candid share, Betty. I can remember going to a counselor when I was newly divorced. She was a kind and generous soul who would listen to me and empathize with me as she worked to gently ease me into self-responsibility. I wasn't going. One day, in complete exasperation with me, she said: "When are you going to take responsibility for yourself? Yes, these things have happened to you, but until you admit your part in it, nothing will change!" I was taken aback by what she said. I didn't expect it. But, because she had been so kind and empathetic with me, I knew that what she spoke was truth out of care for me and not for any other reason. I took what she said in and began to explore my part in a lot of situations that I was using as a crutch that only served to keep me stuck in the victim role. I started making changes after that. I can remember coming to her office one day telling her of some classes I had signed up to take and some other changes I had made. She glowed in her affirmation of me. She said "Do you know how many people come in here and talk and talk but never make any changes? But, you have just made the time I spend listening to others time well spent. You are actually making changes." She helped me do that by listening to me, truly caring about me and being really honest and personal with me, too. My life did begin to improve from that time on although it wasn't easy. It did because I could admit that I had put myself in a victim role and made the necessary changes to get myself out of it at that time. I truly do think that was my first fifth step when I could actually admit and feel it on a personal level that I was not taking responsibility for myself. I wanted everybody else to change, but I wouldn't do anything to change. I was afraid to lose the people who were in my life at that time if I changed and for the most part, I did. But, I also gained so many more friends who were truly supportive of me because they knew how to be supportive of themselves. Until I could admit that I was in victim mode and I wasn't taking responsibility for myself, I was on the road to nowhere. She helped me
jumpstart a different way of looking at myself and a different way of treating myself. I'm very grateful to her and to my HP for saying what needed to be said and for giving me a solution to try - focusing on myself and on my motives - so that I could make some changes that needed to be made then. I've been lucky enough to have other sponsors and supporters in my life who can also help me focus on myself, my motives and my responsibility to make the changes I can make that will improve me.
ADMITTED TO GOD TO MYSELF AND TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING THE EXACT NATURE OF MY WRONGS
ODAT 171
To overcome my faults I must first know what they are, then I must admit to them and then finally with patient self correction diminish them even if I cannot set myself entirely free.
My Share
Admitted is a big word and it is interesting to see how I tried to avoid doing just that. I would gloss over my defects, I would intellectually state them, talk about them but deep down, I did not accept them as wrong and deep within I still blamed others for my actions. This step insists that I admit my part, I can only do this honestly when I truly examine my motives and see that all my good acts had strings attached . I was trying to manipulate to get my own needs met and not being honest about who I was Finally in admitting this huge defect, the rest of my wrongs fell into place.
I have done a number of 5 th steps and can remember that the first was anything but fearless or complete. My sponsor urged me to begin and to note that the step states"Admitted to " That actually indicated that I already knew what I needed to speak about, that it was right below the surface and all I need to do was to release the denial that I had used to keep it buried and let it float to the surface so I could speak about it.
Yes I had indulged in all the 7 deadly sins some how I could own them and admit them, as they were human and being catholic I was use to confession. I found that the drives for these "actions"were hard to admit but Much to my surprise these drives did become clear , as I spoke.
The exact nature of my wrongs became evident .
Number one and most important was:
My anger and resentment toward my HP because I felt I did not get what I deserved in life> In retrospect, with my alanon glasses of gratitude, I see I had such an abundance but did not appreciate all the goodness I had. This was a huge defect on my part.
Number 2 Exact nature of my wrongs
I really wanted to be a princess. I did not want to do anything . I wanted to have everyone else do things I wanted to be in control, judge them, criticism them but I did not want to risk my self on ANYTHING.
The third wrong was I could not ./ would not trust anyone because I was afraid of being hurt and not getting what I needed and wanted.
The 4 th big driver was my "pride" I always thought I was a humble compassionate person but I discovered that was a "smoke screen" to manipulate people to get what I wanted. I did not feel loving or compassionate to people, I pretended much of my goodness.
5 th wrong I hated being human I had always heard that EGO stood for Easing God Out I did that without even knowing it. I wanted to be perfect, never make a mistake. In other words I wanted to be God.
That was enough for my first attempt and after working this step with my sponsor, praying about it , the freedom I felt was unbelievable. For the first time in my life I had given myself permission to be human and it was wonderful. I did not have to be perfect. I could struggle, make mistakes, stumble, try succeed and experience life on life's terms What a gift.
I have done many other 4 th and 5 th steps but this experience was the most profound. I urge everyone to continue working these truly amazing tools to recovery.
Thank you for letting me share
__________________
Betty
STEP 5 QUESTIONS
1. Have you taken a formal Fifth Step? What was the impact of that on your life and your feelings about yourself?
2. Are you in the habit of sharing yourself - who you are - with other people? When was the last time you called someone because you needed to talk about something? Do you talk to people about what you're going through when you're going through it, or do you wait until you've resolved the incident yourself, and then report it after the fact?
3. Is there someone in your life now whom you need to talk to? Is there something going on - a feeling, a need, or an issue - that you don't want to talk about, but need to? Is there someone you're avoiding because you have something difficult to say?
4. In the past week, have you treated yourself or another person badly? You may want to choose someone safe and trusted and tell that person what you have done. Then tell God?
2.
3. Do I understand the healing benefit of honestly admitting my wrongs?
4.
5. What expectation do I have about how I should feel and how I should act now?
6.
7. Am I willing to let go of these expectation and let the God of my understanding determine the best results for me? How do I know?
How can telling someone the exact nature of my wrongs help me to see myself more clearly?
What is the one thing I do not want to tell another person can I start there?
In doing this step what have I learned about the nature of my wrongs?
Can I concede I am not perfect?
Can I stop trying to be?
What have I learned about Fear, Honesty, Trust, and Acceptance?
How has working Step Five increased my humility and self-acceptance?
As we finish Step Five, we may feel a sense of relief; we've unburdened ourselves by
Sharing what we previously had put a lot of energy into hiding or suppressing. It is true
That our "defects... die in the light of exposure." Exposure to the light brings a sense of
Freedom that we feel no matter what the outer circumstances of our lives may be like.
All of our relationships begin to change as a result of working this step. We especially
Need to acknowledge how much our relationship with ourselves, with a Higher Power,
and with other people have changed:_ How has my relationship with a Higher Power changed as a result of working the Fifth
Step?
_ How has my relationship with my sponsor changed as a result of working the Fifth Step?
_ How has my view of myself changed as a result of working this step?
_ To what extent have I developed love and compassion for myself and others?
Along with a sense of relief, our weariness with our character defects has probably
Reached a peak. This will translate easily into a state of being entirely ready-just what we need to begin Step Six!
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 14th of November 2013 11:44:15 PM
Thank You Grateful2be,
I appreciate your candid, response . I can so identify with your experience as it was filled with much clarity an wisdom.When I was finally able to see my part in the madness that I was my life , I found the key to setting myself free as well.
Thank you for sharing your ESH and I am happy that we are sharing the journey together.
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 15th of November 2013 04:41:17 AM
jumpstart a different way of looking at myself and a different way of treating myself. I'm very grateful to her and to my HP for saying what needed to be said and for giving me a solution to try - focusing on myself and on my motives - so that I could make some changes that needed to be made then. I've been lucky enough to have other sponsors and supporters in my life who can also help me focus on myself, my motives and my responsibility to make the changes I can make that will improve me.