I do find that there are things that I do that are defensive that I'm not ready to let go of - yet. I find other things that I wish God would change right away and completely cuz I know they get in my way but I don't know what else to do. In almost 20 years now of doing the Steps, I've cycled through 4 - 9 a few times, as things that I wasn't aware of the first time, or second time, or even the third time become apparent to me, and I become ready to have them changed for improvements. And when something is being improved on gradually, as I become ready for the next level of improvement on the same thing. Or when something triggers a defect that comes back up on me, and after my knee jerk reaction I ask again for it to be improved on again.
If I waited until I am really entirely ready, perfectly, I think some things would take forever. I can be entirely ready for some improvement sometimes when I don't feel ready for a drastic change.
amanda
maresie said
Feb 19, 2006
I think one of the amazing things about the steps is that I work them even though I do not know I am working them. If I am really willing to be present in a 12 step program I start working them regardless.
Lately I have been working the charactor defects of being reactive and stubborn and perfectionistic and to be willing to take care of myself. I am not sure I would do that if I were not in a 12 step program. I have a horrific childhood I can justify being maimed for ever because I was almost destroyed by my family of origin. I am not willing to give them that much anymore.
I am glad that we have a step forum here. I also understand I need to work my steps more diligently. I know working the 4th step helped me a great deal with relationships. The more I do a 10th every day the better my life is. But doing it every day is such a discipline.
Maresie.
amanda2u2 said
Feb 19, 2006
the 12 Step programs, AA and ACoA have helped miracles to happen in my life too, and it is part of my 12th Step to post the Steps up here.
Thanks for your share, maresie
Have you seen our Childhood Abuse Survivors' board? That may be helpful for you too, and helpful for us to have you there.
I do find that there are things that I do that are defensive that I'm not ready to let go of - yet. I find other things that I wish God would change right away and completely cuz I know they get in my way but I don't know what else to do. In almost 20 years now of doing the Steps, I've cycled through 4 - 9 a few times, as things that I wasn't aware of the first time, or second time, or even the third time become apparent to me, and I become ready to have them changed for improvements. And when something is being improved on gradually, as I become ready for the next level of improvement on the same thing. Or when something triggers a defect that comes back up on me, and after my knee jerk reaction I ask again for it to be improved on again.
If I waited until I am really entirely ready, perfectly, I think some things would take forever. I can be entirely ready for some improvement sometimes when I don't feel ready for a drastic change.
amanda
I think one of the amazing things about the steps is that I work them even though I do not know I am working them. If I am really willing to be present in a 12 step program I start working them regardless.
Lately I have been working the charactor defects of being reactive and stubborn and perfectionistic and to be willing to take care of myself. I am not sure I would do that if I were not in a 12 step program. I have a horrific childhood I can justify being maimed for ever because I was almost destroyed by my family of origin. I am not willing to give them that much anymore.
I am glad that we have a step forum here. I also understand I need to work my steps more diligently. I know working the 4th step helped me a great deal with relationships. The more I do a 10th every day the better my life is. But doing it every day is such a discipline.
Maresie.
the 12 Step programs, AA and ACoA have helped miracles to happen in my life too, and it is part of my 12th Step to post the Steps up here.
Thanks for your share, maresie
Have you seen our Childhood Abuse Survivors' board? That may be helpful for you too, and helpful for us to have you there.
love in recovery,
amanda