Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
From Paths to Recovery
Spiritual growth in Al-Anon includes gaining an understanding of our relationship and trust with the God of our understanding.
In Step six we are asked to be entirely ready to have God remove the defects that we identified in Step four and admitted in Step five.
Step six is a logical step in preparation for the next phase of our personal recovery".
My share
My first Sixth Step was the most powerful and memorable. Having rigorously worked the first 5 Steps, I was out of denial and planted in reality. I could no longer use my old tools of blame, judge, critique and focus on others as a way to escape from feeling the pain of my own defects..
These defects were so pointedly exposed in my 4th and 5 th step The most glaring of these were my anger, resentments, self pity and fear. I lived in the past or the future never the present (where true change can occur) and I did not want to take care of myself!!! These issues were deeply ingrained within my being and I could no longer afford to "Blame" others for causing them or being responsible.
This was the step where I HAD to FEEL the true Pain caused by MY DEFECTS and MY holding on to anger, resentment etc. I may not have been fully responsible for the actions that caused them but being out of denial I could own the fact that these defects were now ingrained within me and were very hurtful. They were fully mine and the only way to accept them was to think, know and feel the pain caused by retaining them.
When the pain of holding on to my "Way", my "Anger", "my Sadness", My"Fear" was too overwhelming I became entirely ready to move to the 7th Step and ask HP to remove them
You see I had tried many times in the past to remove these defect but my efforts never worked on the deep level where they lived. . When I surrendered to this program I became willing to recover and use these tools to grow and change I stopped trying to do it my way and although I loved some of my defects (my anger, my critical way) I was wiling to let them go in order to grow That is when I surrendered my defects to HP Meetings, sponsor, slogans all helped in the process.
Step Six questions
Do I Clearly understand the concept of readiness?
How do I know if I'm ready?
What fears block me from being entirely ready?
Can I ask God for the willingness to be ready?
What does have God remove all my defects of character mean to me?
How am I grateful that I now know the God of my understanding?
How can I look at all these characteristics from a fresh point of you today?
Other than let go and let God. What other Al-Anon slogans or tools can help me with the step?
Am I willing to let go of my defects of character's?Why or why not?
What defects of character's also contain assets?
ifnotforgrace said
Oct 3, 2015
The fullness of readiness has eluded me for years-I will think..I have dealt with an issue..only to find I perhaps I dealt with the specific situation..but not the defect (issue). I still justify...my defect and what I feel seems to be not pain at all. I will have to look more deeply at these questions, because I know If I am honest, gut level honest-I am not ready...at all
hotrod said
Oct 3, 2015
I found when I was in the same position, not ready to give up a defect, if I went back and reworked step 4 and 5 it helpe Thanks for your honesty. Please remember it is all a process.
Enigmatic said
Oct 8, 2015
Betty, Thank you for sharing your experience and process with step 6, I found it very helpful when reviewing my own thoughts and experience with this step.
It feels to me like step 6 is to steps 4 and 5 what step 3 is to 1 and 2: a natural, progressive step whose success leans heavily on the work done in the prior two. Step 6 also tested out my honesty with steps 2 and 3, developing an HP that was real to me, that I could truly believe in.
I have made previous attempts to change defects of character on my own, but never with a full understanding of what they were, and never with a HP. Step 4 helped me see how fear has been an incredible motivator in many of my thoughts and actions, and highlighted areas where I need to show more love and stay focused on today.
The first 5 steps showed me clearly what my defects of character are, and for the first time I believe in something greater than myself, and I truly want to allow to let a HP help me. I believe it can, and that it will.
Step Six questions
Do I Clearly understand the concept of readiness?
I feel that I am; I'm not procrastinating, no longer feel comfortable with my defects now that I see them more clearly for the harm they do to myself and others. I don't want them in my life. I am fully committed to having my HP remove them, and know I can't on my own.
How do I know if I'm ready?
I will go through the steps again, and likely will turn up other defects that I will catch. But I feel I am ready to take this step because of what I expressed in answer to the last question.
What fears block me from being entirely ready?
In the past it would have been: wanting to do it "right", trying to work on them on my own ahead of time, before I "really started", or that I didn't believe in anything outside myself. After the work on steps 1-5, I have no fears.
Can I ask God for the willingness to be ready?
Yes, I certainly would if I didn't feel ready.
What does have God remove all my defects of character mean to me?
That my HP will continue to guide me to a healthier perspectives and ways to help others and show more of the love that is in my heart, replace the defects with the ability to help and heal rather than hurt and hinder. That I cant do it on my own.
How am I grateful that I now know the God of my understanding?
1.It has allowed me to find sanity, become a better person to me and those around meI have serenity where I didnt before
How can I look at all these characteristics from a fresh point of view today?
Reading AlAnon literature and meditating daily helps me review my actions from a program perspective rather than my own, ensuring that I don't become complacent but continue looking for ways to improve my attitude and actions.
Other than let go and let God. What other Al-Anon slogans or tools can help me with the step?
Serenity Prayer, Let it Begin With Me, One Day at a Time
Am I willing to let go of my defects of character's? Why or why not?
Yes. I don't want to feel them anymore.
Skorpi said
Oct 10, 2015
Thank you, everyone, for sharing.
These last couple of steps have been hard and very emotional, this one too, I am feeling already. When I started the process of working the steps, I didn't expect to be working through the grief of losing my first partner, and yet I find that that is primarily the work that I have needed to do. Rebuilding my relationship with HP has required me to forgive HP for that loss, and begin to trust HP again after HP allowed my world to crash down around my ears. -
How do I know if I'm ready?
- I feel ready to trust HP again, or at least I feel ready to take the risk of trusting HP. I have begun to notice the positive force of HP in my life and let go of the old pain. I think I have been rebuilding my relationship with HP, and learning to trust again.
What fears block me from being entirely ready?
- Sometimes it seems as if HP expects a whole lot, and I am not confident that I can meet those expectations. (But, there we have one of my flaws: never thinking I am good enough...)
Can I ask God for the willingness to be ready?
- yes. I have been asking for a lot of help and direction since Step 3, and have learned to trust HP for help again.
What does have God remove all my defects of character mean to me?
- It means being more quiet, listening more carefully, and acting more slowly.
How am I grateful that I now know the God of my understanding?
- My life has become so much more manageable, and I am able to focus positive attention on positive things. I no longer have to deal with the chaos and negativity that can surround me.
How can I look at all these characteristics from a fresh point of you today?
- I am allowed to make mistakes and to not know what to do or think right away. I am allowed to change my mind, I am allowed to be unsure and inefficient.
Other than let go and let God. What other Al-Anon slogans or tools can help me with the step?
Don't just do something, sit there. One day at a time. How important is it? Practice, not perfection. Mean what I say, Say what I mean, but don't say it mean.
Am I willing to let go of my defects of character's?Why or why not?
- Yes, very ready. They haven't served me well, they have created an environment where I do not trust myself, and if I do not trust myself, who can I trust?
What defects of character's also contain assets?
- Many of them do. I think that I am successful professionally because of many of these defects. The part I need to let go of is not the characteristic itself, but my inflexibility and expectations that I will always do things exactly right. Efficiency is good, and most effective when it is not exercised ALL the time. Figuring out problems is good, but not when it is done FOR people who ought to figure out their own problems. I think for me, rather than eliminate a characteristic that I consider to be a defect, I want to move that characteristic toward a place of balance. Like a good tool to use in certain situations. Just like a sledgehammer is a fantastic tool, when used correctly and in appropriate contexts, I think that many of the characteristics I think about as defects can be great tools, when used correctly in appropriate contexts. It is when I use them inappropriately that they become defective and problematic, like trying to use a sledgehammer to fix a window.
hotrod said
Oct 11, 2015
Thanks for your honesty Skorpi I too needed to stop and forgive HP for the loss of my spouse and son in order to find serenity and true recovery. You are on the right path. Keep on keeping on.
IamHere said
Nov 19, 2015
Late but still catching up..... Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
Like you all, I had tried many times before to seek change in me, my environment, my life, my qualifiers through prayer. I wasn't a super spiritual person before recovery - heck.....I honestly didn't know how to pray. Even though I was raised with organized religion and went to private schools with daily religion class, I never learned about mindful and meaningful prayer - let alone how to rely or build a relationship with my HP, God.
My previous attempts, with right intentions but wrong actions were primarily fox-hole type requests for change. In utter pain, with myself stuck in either the pain of the past or the fearful projection of the future, I would ask for God to change my life and/or my circumstances. It didn't dawn on me to ask for his will, nor did I truly think I needed to do/be different. I honestly didn't have the ability to process in depth why I was the way I was nor why things were as they were.
My 4th & 5th steps revealed to me how very controlling and manipulative I was. These steps gave me a view of me that I'd not seen before. The program up to this point continued to suggest I look at me, my part, my attitudes, my actions, my reactions, my patterns, my behaviors. This was all eye-opening, and helped me see how very negative I was and how very reactive I was. As I look backwards, it amazes me that I came dead last in everything and every area of my life. Upon awakening, my mind, thoughts and plans were about my kids, my husband, my home, my job, my ....
So, with my inventory in hand, and the relief I had from sharing my character defects with another, I prayed for readiness and willingness to let go. My sponsor suggested I pray about this each day, morning and night - only asking for readiness. I believe I actually cheated and added, Change Me, I am ready....
Step Six questions
Do I Clearly understand the concept of readiness? I understand the concept as best I know how to. I can say that the program and recovery have given me a willingness to trust. Because others came before me, and found happiness, peace and serenity by living/working this program of recovery, I trusted that I could to if I did what was requested and suggested. Readiness for me meant completely letting go and letting God and doing differently.
How do I know if I'm ready? I am a hard-headed stubborn person who is a slow learner. I worked harder, faster, etc. to change things and it didn't happen or if change happened, my will resulted in same/worse scenarios. Ready for me was that I did what was suggested to the best of my ability each day. When I forgot or slipped, I didn't give up but instead asked for help and got back on the track. For me, the step of surrendering allowed me to be ready for change. The work to date allowed me to be ready for improvement.
What fears block me from being entirely ready? I learned in my inventory work that I was driven by fear. I was fearful of failure and fearful of success. I was afraid (in my brain) to change but knew I needed to (in my heart). Giving up control was a very fearful thought as I was still at times believing I had control. Ultimately, fear of change blocked me a bit too.
Can I ask God for the willingness to be ready? From the moment I chose recovery, and embraced the program, I was told to trust God, trust the process. Each and every time I called my sponsor with a problem, question, concern, fear, she would direct me back to my HP....why don't you pray about it. Have you turned it over to God? Do you think that is God's will for you? Etc.....when I finished my 5th Step, I was asked to pray exactly for this morning and night, as I got better at prayer and meditation, there was peace that replaced fear and apprehension about working to be a changed person.
What does have God remove all my defects of character mean to me? For me, this means being willing to be different, being willing to own that my way wasn't proper/effective, and that what I am isn't for self-gain but rather for service. In every possible scenario that I considered in my 4th & 5th Step, driven by fear, I was concerned about ME. How will this affect ME? Why are they doing this to ME? If they loved ME, then.... I rarely considered another person's pain nor defects - I took it all personally and then tried to change them/control them to be as I wanted them to be. So - my defects that are of no value and only cause me negative thinking truly had to go or be radically modified. However, those defects that I had twisted for personal gain could instead be changed for the good/service. It's been said for many, myself included, that many of our defects are also our assets - they are just misused or overused. It meant a complete surrender of my patterns and a restart of different/healthier patterns.
How am I grateful that I now know the God of my understanding? I am grateful that I was able to let go of my teachings as a child from organized religion and view my HP differently. I was a bit 'off' as a child, and didn't retain any of the teachings about God being loving. Instead, I held on tight to the belief that for my 'sins' I was doomed. So, I had stepped away and turned my back on God, as an entity formed from my learning as a child.
I am grateful that folks early on in recovery told me over and over again that I could choose my HP and I could build that relationship as necessary for my recovery. As I trusted first in the program and program members, I remember considering that God was loving, not punishing. As I continued to feel better, as a result of doing what was asked of me, I came to see small 'miracles'....Slowly and almost without a dedicated intent, I came to believe that God was on my side and had my back. He loves me enough to allow me to learn from my actions and forgives me when I fall. I am so grateful that words are difficult. It's better than ice-cream and cookies - maybe that will help? (wink) I truly am grateful that I no longer feel shame, guilt, worry when I act human. I still get a bit disappointed, but that's a much more relative emotion than shutting down and 'quitting'. I now believe God wants the absolute best for me, so when I act human, I feel as if that's OK - how do I learn and recover from my humanism today?
How can I look at all these characteristics from a fresh point of you today? For me, the best way to stay focused on a changed and spiritual life is to embrace this program from morning to night, incorporating as much program/right living into it as I can. Whether I start with literature, prayer, meditation, slogan review, step work, MIP, a meeting - makes no difference - I truly have to start with HP by my side. I need to pack my tools with me when I go out and about. I need to consider my day each evening, and identify what worked well and what didn't, so that I can see what I need to change for peace of mind and spirit. It's all about right living through program effort while staying ever present in the moment vs. dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.
Other than let go and let God. What other Al-Anon slogans or tools can help me with the step? The serenity prayer and One Day at a Time are two that help me stay grounded in my day. Live and let live helps me let go of how I view other people and their actions. I also have 'stamped in my brain' the saying of a dear Aunt who has since passed away - If you are worrying, you are not praying!!
Am I willing to let go of my defects of character's?Why or why not? Willingness for me seems to come from pain. I tend to have to rethink and over-analyze most things before I recall that I can turn them over to my HP, God. With my defects of character, I knew I had no choice or I would live in/remain in misery. Feeling so beat down and miserable upon arrival, I would have built a pyramid if that's what others said was necessary to find peace/joy. I am not 100% sure that I had a choice any longer based on where I was. I was ready and willing to have a different life, so I became willing and ready to change.
What defects of character's also contain assets? Anger for me can be converted to passion. Fear in me can be a force for willingness to change. Shame can be channeled into humility. Getting the last word in can be used instead for advocacy. Desire to control can be channeled into leadership and/or attention to detail. Other than selfish and self-serving, I believe almost all character defects are assets overused/misaligned.
As always, thanks Betty for your service here and on the message boards!!
hotrod said
Nov 19, 2015
Great through Step 6 IAMHere.
I appreciate you honesty and humility. I can see that both assets are clearly desirable and their power evident.
Thanks for sharing the journey.
Step Six
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
From Paths to Recovery
Spiritual growth in Al-Anon includes gaining an understanding of our relationship and trust with the God of our understanding.
In Step six we are asked to be entirely ready to have God remove the defects that we identified in Step four and admitted in Step five.
Step six is a logical step in preparation for the next phase of our personal recovery".
My share
My first Sixth Step was the most powerful and memorable. Having rigorously worked the first 5 Steps, I was out of denial and planted in reality. I could no longer use my old tools of blame, judge, critique and focus on others as a way to escape from feeling the pain of my own defects..
These defects were so pointedly exposed in my 4th and 5 th step The most glaring of these were my anger, resentments, self pity and fear. I lived in the past or the future never the present (where true change can occur) and I did not want to take care of myself!!! These issues were deeply ingrained within my being and I could no longer afford to "Blame" others for causing them or being responsible.
This was the step where I HAD to FEEL the true Pain caused by MY DEFECTS and MY holding on to anger, resentment etc. I may not have been fully responsible for the actions that caused them but being out of denial I could own the fact that these defects were now ingrained within me and were very hurtful. They were fully mine and the only way to accept them was to think, know and feel the pain caused by retaining them.
When the pain of holding on to my "Way", my "Anger", "my Sadness", My"Fear" was too overwhelming I became entirely ready to move to the 7th Step and ask HP to remove them
You see I had tried many times in the past to remove these defect but my efforts never worked on the deep level where they lived. . When I surrendered to this program I became willing to recover and use these tools to grow and change I stopped trying to do it my way and although I loved some of my defects (my anger, my critical way) I was wiling to let them go in order to grow That is when I surrendered my defects to HP Meetings, sponsor, slogans all helped in the process.
Step Six questions
Do I Clearly understand the concept of readiness?
How do I know if I'm ready?
What fears block me from being entirely ready?
Can I ask God for the willingness to be ready?
What does have God remove all my defects of character mean to me?
How am I grateful that I now know the God of my understanding?
How can I look at all these characteristics from a fresh point of you today?
Other than let go and let God. What other Al-Anon slogans or tools can help me with the step?
Am I willing to let go of my defects of character's?Why or why not?
What defects of character's also contain assets?
Betty,
Thank you for sharing your experience and process with step 6, I found it very helpful when reviewing my own thoughts and experience with this step.
It feels to me like step 6 is to steps 4 and 5 what step 3 is to 1 and 2: a natural, progressive step whose success leans heavily on the work done in the prior two. Step 6 also tested out my honesty with steps 2 and 3, developing an HP that was real to me, that I could truly believe in.
I have made previous attempts to change defects of character on my own, but never with a full understanding of what they were, and never with a HP. Step 4 helped me see how fear has been an incredible motivator in many of my thoughts and actions, and highlighted areas where I need to show more love and stay focused on today.
The first 5 steps showed me clearly what my defects of character are, and for the first time I believe in something greater than myself, and I truly want to allow to let a HP help me. I believe it can, and that it will.
Step Six questions
Do I Clearly understand the concept of readiness?
I feel that I am; I'm not procrastinating, no longer feel comfortable with my defects now that I see them more clearly for the harm they do to myself and others. I don't want them in my life. I am fully committed to having my HP remove them, and know I can't on my own.
How do I know if I'm ready?
I will go through the steps again, and likely will turn up other defects that I will catch. But I feel I am ready to take this step because of what I expressed in answer to the last question.
What fears block me from being entirely ready?
In the past it would have been: wanting to do it "right", trying to work on them on my own ahead of time, before I "really started", or that I didn't believe in anything outside myself. After the work on steps 1-5, I have no fears.
Can I ask God for the willingness to be ready?
Yes, I certainly would if I didn't feel ready.
What does have God remove all my defects of character mean to me?
That my HP will continue to guide me to a healthier perspectives and ways to help others and show more of the love that is in my heart, replace the defects with the ability to help and heal rather than hurt and hinder. That I cant do it on my own.
How am I grateful that I now know the God of my understanding?
1. It has allowed me to find sanity, become a better person to me and those around meI have serenity where I didnt before
How can I look at all these characteristics from a fresh point of view today?
Reading AlAnon literature and meditating daily helps me review my actions from a program perspective rather than my own, ensuring that I don't become complacent but continue looking for ways to improve my attitude and actions.
Other than let go and let God. What other Al-Anon slogans or tools can help me with the step?
Serenity Prayer, Let it Begin With Me, One Day at a Time
Am I willing to let go of my defects of character's? Why or why not?
Yes. I don't want to feel them anymore.
Thank you, everyone, for sharing.
These last couple of steps have been hard and very emotional, this one too, I am feeling already. When I started the process of working the steps, I didn't expect to be working through the grief of losing my first partner, and yet I find that that is primarily the work that I have needed to do. Rebuilding my relationship with HP has required me to forgive HP for that loss, and begin to trust HP again after HP allowed my world to crash down around my ears. -
How do I know if I'm ready?
- I feel ready to trust HP again, or at least I feel ready to take the risk of trusting HP. I have begun to notice the positive force of HP in my life and let go of the old pain. I think I have been rebuilding my relationship with HP, and learning to trust again.
What fears block me from being entirely ready?
- Sometimes it seems as if HP expects a whole lot, and I am not confident that I can meet those expectations. (But, there we have one of my flaws: never thinking I am good enough...)
Can I ask God for the willingness to be ready?
- yes. I have been asking for a lot of help and direction since Step 3, and have learned to trust HP for help again.
What does have God remove all my defects of character mean to me?
- It means being more quiet, listening more carefully, and acting more slowly.
How am I grateful that I now know the God of my understanding?
- My life has become so much more manageable, and I am able to focus positive attention on positive things. I no longer have to deal with the chaos and negativity that can surround me.
How can I look at all these characteristics from a fresh point of you today?
- I am allowed to make mistakes and to not know what to do or think right away. I am allowed to change my mind, I am allowed to be unsure and inefficient.
Other than let go and let God. What other Al-Anon slogans or tools can help me with the step?
Am I willing to let go of my defects of character's?Why or why not?
- Yes, very ready. They haven't served me well, they have created an environment where I do not trust myself, and if I do not trust myself, who can I trust?
What defects of character's also contain assets?
- Many of them do. I think that I am successful professionally because of many of these defects. The part I need to let go of is not the characteristic itself, but my inflexibility and expectations that I will always do things exactly right. Efficiency is good, and most effective when it is not exercised ALL the time. Figuring out problems is good, but not when it is done FOR people who ought to figure out their own problems. I think for me, rather than eliminate a characteristic that I consider to be a defect, I want to move that characteristic toward a place of balance. Like a good tool to use in certain situations. Just like a sledgehammer is a fantastic tool, when used correctly and in appropriate contexts, I think that many of the characteristics I think about as defects can be great tools, when used correctly in appropriate contexts. It is when I use them inappropriately that they become defective and problematic, like trying to use a sledgehammer to fix a window.
Late but still catching up..... Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
Like you all, I had tried many times before to seek change in me, my environment, my life, my qualifiers through prayer. I wasn't a super spiritual person before recovery - heck.....I honestly didn't know how to pray. Even though I was raised with organized religion and went to private schools with daily religion class, I never learned about mindful and meaningful prayer - let alone how to rely or build a relationship with my HP, God.
My previous attempts, with right intentions but wrong actions were primarily fox-hole type requests for change. In utter pain, with myself stuck in either the pain of the past or the fearful projection of the future, I would ask for God to change my life and/or my circumstances. It didn't dawn on me to ask for his will, nor did I truly think I needed to do/be different. I honestly didn't have the ability to process in depth why I was the way I was nor why things were as they were.
My 4th & 5th steps revealed to me how very controlling and manipulative I was. These steps gave me a view of me that I'd not seen before. The program up to this point continued to suggest I look at me, my part, my attitudes, my actions, my reactions, my patterns, my behaviors. This was all eye-opening, and helped me see how very negative I was and how very reactive I was. As I look backwards, it amazes me that I came dead last in everything and every area of my life. Upon awakening, my mind, thoughts and plans were about my kids, my husband, my home, my job, my ....
So, with my inventory in hand, and the relief I had from sharing my character defects with another, I prayed for readiness and willingness to let go. My sponsor suggested I pray about this each day, morning and night - only asking for readiness. I believe I actually cheated and added, Change Me, I am ready....
Step Six questions
Do I Clearly understand the concept of readiness? I understand the concept as best I know how to. I can say that the program and recovery have given me a willingness to trust. Because others came before me, and found happiness, peace and serenity by living/working this program of recovery, I trusted that I could to if I did what was requested and suggested. Readiness for me meant completely letting go and letting God and doing differently.
How do I know if I'm ready? I am a hard-headed stubborn person who is a slow learner. I worked harder, faster, etc. to change things and it didn't happen or if change happened, my will resulted in same/worse scenarios. Ready for me was that I did what was suggested to the best of my ability each day. When I forgot or slipped, I didn't give up but instead asked for help and got back on the track. For me, the step of surrendering allowed me to be ready for change. The work to date allowed me to be ready for improvement.
What fears block me from being entirely ready? I learned in my inventory work that I was driven by fear. I was fearful of failure and fearful of success. I was afraid (in my brain) to change but knew I needed to (in my heart). Giving up control was a very fearful thought as I was still at times believing I had control. Ultimately, fear of change blocked me a bit too.
Can I ask God for the willingness to be ready? From the moment I chose recovery, and embraced the program, I was told to trust God, trust the process. Each and every time I called my sponsor with a problem, question, concern, fear, she would direct me back to my HP....why don't you pray about it. Have you turned it over to God? Do you think that is God's will for you? Etc.....when I finished my 5th Step, I was asked to pray exactly for this morning and night, as I got better at prayer and meditation, there was peace that replaced fear and apprehension about working to be a changed person.
What does have God remove all my defects of character mean to me? For me, this means being willing to be different, being willing to own that my way wasn't proper/effective, and that what I am isn't for self-gain but rather for service. In every possible scenario that I considered in my 4th & 5th Step, driven by fear, I was concerned about ME. How will this affect ME? Why are they doing this to ME? If they loved ME, then.... I rarely considered another person's pain nor defects - I took it all personally and then tried to change them/control them to be as I wanted them to be. So - my defects that are of no value and only cause me negative thinking truly had to go or be radically modified. However, those defects that I had twisted for personal gain could instead be changed for the good/service. It's been said for many, myself included, that many of our defects are also our assets - they are just misused or overused. It meant a complete surrender of my patterns and a restart of different/healthier patterns.
How am I grateful that I now know the God of my understanding? I am grateful that I was able to let go of my teachings as a child from organized religion and view my HP differently. I was a bit 'off' as a child, and didn't retain any of the teachings about God being loving. Instead, I held on tight to the belief that for my 'sins' I was doomed. So, I had stepped away and turned my back on God, as an entity formed from my learning as a child.
I am grateful that folks early on in recovery told me over and over again that I could choose my HP and I could build that relationship as necessary for my recovery. As I trusted first in the program and program members, I remember considering that God was loving, not punishing. As I continued to feel better, as a result of doing what was asked of me, I came to see small 'miracles'....Slowly and almost without a dedicated intent, I came to believe that God was on my side and had my back. He loves me enough to allow me to learn from my actions and forgives me when I fall. I am so grateful that words are difficult. It's better than ice-cream and cookies - maybe that will help? (wink) I truly am grateful that I no longer feel shame, guilt, worry when I act human. I still get a bit disappointed, but that's a much more relative emotion than shutting down and 'quitting'. I now believe God wants the absolute best for me, so when I act human, I feel as if that's OK - how do I learn and recover from my humanism today?
How can I look at all these characteristics from a fresh point of you today? For me, the best way to stay focused on a changed and spiritual life is to embrace this program from morning to night, incorporating as much program/right living into it as I can. Whether I start with literature, prayer, meditation, slogan review, step work, MIP, a meeting - makes no difference - I truly have to start with HP by my side. I need to pack my tools with me when I go out and about. I need to consider my day each evening, and identify what worked well and what didn't, so that I can see what I need to change for peace of mind and spirit. It's all about right living through program effort while staying ever present in the moment vs. dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.
Other than let go and let God. What other Al-Anon slogans or tools can help me with the step? The serenity prayer and One Day at a Time are two that help me stay grounded in my day. Live and let live helps me let go of how I view other people and their actions. I also have 'stamped in my brain' the saying of a dear Aunt who has since passed away - If you are worrying, you are not praying!!
Am I willing to let go of my defects of character's?Why or why not? Willingness for me seems to come from pain. I tend to have to rethink and over-analyze most things before I recall that I can turn them over to my HP, God. With my defects of character, I knew I had no choice or I would live in/remain in misery. Feeling so beat down and miserable upon arrival, I would have built a pyramid if that's what others said was necessary to find peace/joy. I am not 100% sure that I had a choice any longer based on where I was. I was ready and willing to have a different life, so I became willing and ready to change.
What defects of character's also contain assets? Anger for me can be converted to passion. Fear in me can be a force for willingness to change. Shame can be channeled into humility. Getting the last word in can be used instead for advocacy. Desire to control can be channeled into leadership and/or attention to detail. Other than selfish and self-serving, I believe almost all character defects are assets overused/misaligned.
As always, thanks Betty for your service here and on the message boards!!
I appreciate you honesty and humility. I can see that both assets are clearly desirable and their power evident.
Thanks for sharing the journey.