Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him
Quote from C2C page 59.:" Turning over my will and my life to the care of HP is an ongoing process. At first I surrendered only the big problems, because I had no choice as I was powerless and my best efforts let me down. There was no place left to turn , except a Power Greater Than Myself."
My Share
For me this is a simple Step. I needed to make a decisionn to trust this program and proceed by working the Steps. I love how the Step is worded. I decide to turn my life over to the "Care" of a God of my "understanding".
I am free to explore my beliefs and discover a HP that I can trust and know loves me. I also only make a" decision." Since I really did not know how to go about this doing this I decided to keep attending meetings, work with a sponsor, use the slogans and that this was my humble beginnings of turning my life over.
Once I worked Step 4 through 12 I was better able to let go of my negative self talk, gossip, judging and critiquing others and replace this with prayer and true trust . Each morning I awake with the 3rd Step prayer as well as The Serenity prayer in my mind I know that with this simple action I am working with my HP to practice these principles in each day.
Step 3 Questions
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel?
If you knew that things were being managed by a power greater than your self in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently?
What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing?
What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel?
If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?
kj said
Feb 12, 2016
Step 3 Questions
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well.
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel?
If you knew that things were being managed by a power greater than yourself in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
I find this step a little difficult, but day by day I am learning to detach, hold firm on my boundaries, and I pray. I pray the serenity prayer several times a day and for the strength to hold firm on my resolve to do what is right for me. I also pray for help in managing my anger and to let go. I can only control what I do and my reactions to others. By placing my faith back into my higher power, I find that I am more relaxed. I still have moments where my mind is consumed with thoughts about what I should do or should have done, but I feel that there are more and more moments each day that I am able to let go and feel a sense of peace. I know that I have to take all of this one day at a time, but most of the time, its hour by hour.
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes or a particular person, how would you behave differently? What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing?
What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
The difference Im finding is the ability to detach. No matter what I say or do, my ABF is going to do whatever he wants to do. His choices, his consequences. When I started attending al-anon, I didnt understand how it was possible to detach when you have them right in your face doing or saying things that you didnt agree with. I found that I needed to react, to say my 2 cents, and get my point across. I, for the first time last night, chose to walk away from him, not engage in his crazy. It didnt mean I wasnt angry or hurt by his words, but I did find that the interaction or the verbal craziness did not last as long as it normally does. I separated myself and refused to participate. I prayed for peace.
4. If you werent allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
This one is difficult because it feels as though Ive lived my whole life in a world where Ive allowed others words or actions control how I acted. My next move, my plans for the day, whatever, were made based on how the other person was acting at the given time. My goal is to do what I want to do, how I want to do it, to make myself happy, feel less isolated, and focus on my wants and needs without feeling pressured to do something or act a certain way because it was what was expected of me.
5. If you werent allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you werent trying to control that circumstance if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment how would you feel? If you werent fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
When I am able to let go, I feel proud of myself for standing up for me, less stressed/worried about what is going to happen next. I focus on the present. I deserve better than what Ive allowed from others in the past. There is a saying that says something like you teach others how to treat you I find this so true. I havent put myself first in the past. Im learning to do it now.
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Dont ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it? The most loving, nurturing thing available to me right now that I can use to help take care of myself and to learn to enjoy life is through the use of and reading alanon literature and to attend meetings. These 2 things give me comfort and help to even give me some hope that things are going to be alright. When I see and hear stories of others who have gone through things similar to my situation and I see them smiling and sharing their positive experiences and outlooks on life, I know that I can get there, too.
Lesley said
Feb 20, 2016
Step 3
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
I have to practice and practice this - it does not come easily or naturally to me. I like that it's my decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, but to turn my will over give me fear. Fear of loss of control - and I realize that's the entire point of this step. I guess I'm still learning to trust someone else with my decisions and the events of my life but it's not second nature and I have to remind myself to remember that my God is there.
Step 3 Questions
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel?
I would feel relaxed and more confident knowing that things are going to turn out as they are supposed to. I'm still pretty busy trying to do all that myself. I can achieve only so much without asking for help but man do I ever feel better once I've Let Go and Let God. It's such a relief to give it over.
If you knew that things were being managed by a power greater than your self in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
I would definitely feel less worried and less stressed out. I would be able to handle things as they came instead of freaking out first and then remembering he's there. My emotions escalate so quickly that the storm has passed before I even know what I'm doing. I think if I reminded myself throughout the day that he's got my back, then I would be better able to manage my reactions. I'm so quick to judge and to get angry and defensive that no one wants to talk to me about anything. It's a sad state of affairs and it makes me feel so bad about myself. I know that I am a good person and that I deserve to be respected and I want to have friend and family around.
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently?
I already know I have no power to control events, outcomes or people but feeling it is another matter entirely. I'm still pretty busy looking at everyone else's behaviour and judging it accordingly that I have to remind myself to look inside me. Some days I achieve this, no, some minutes I achieve this but mostly I don't. I want to remember to treat other people as I want to be treated but I forget when I'm busy controlling and expecting.
What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing?
I would maybe say things like "I understand" or "I see" or "I'm sorry you feel that way" as opposed to "try this or I do this or you can do this..." I would like to stop exerting my opinions and advice on people who don't ask for it. I want to learn to mind my own business.
What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
I would stop worrying so much about what others thought of me and would just enjoy my life. I love to make others laugh and to be funny but I'm always afraid of being too "out there". I think if I remembered that I have no power to control events, I would be able to relax around others with a new found confidence. I would feel I was able to be myself without being so worried about being liked.
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
If I wasn't allowing my father to be responsible for my financial needs, I would be doing it myself. I wouldn't feel so trapped by his money or so emotionally controlled by that big will. I've always been told that I must behave a certain way or I will be written out. I really don't care about the money but I have put so much time and effort into doing it his way that to give up now would be self-sabotage. I'm too old to start over without any support from him so I have to grin and bear it. Well, I tell myself I have to grin and bear it. I could just walk away but I'm afraid. I guess this is another thing to hand over to my H.P. I never even thought of it until just this second, so see how these steps are helping? :)
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel?
I would feel like a kept woman. Continuing in the same vein as my previous answer about my dad and his money, I would be a kept woman. It's made me a bit lazy knowing there is always money available to me but it comes with such an emotional price. I've learned to accept that this is just the way it is, I used to fight it but that was exhausting and just caused fights with my parents. They are old now and I would like them to just have their peace until they're gone. There is enough fighting about money in my family as it is - I just try to stay out of it. And if dad wants to share with me, then who am I to judge him? This is the biggest circumstance that goes against my beliefs but I have learned to accept that I am fortunate to have him to fall back on but on the other hand, it's made me a lesser person because I've never really had to look after myself. And every time I feel I am making strides paying my own way, he finds a way to suck me back in. So be it. Life is short and I have to accept that I can't change him or anyone else.
If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
I have fought it for most of my life. It's just recently that I've come to accept that my dad is rich and likes to share his money with me. When I fought it and resisted, I just ended up feeling tired and worn out. And it put a huge strain on our relationship. I figure having him in my life is better than trying to fight him on this. You might say I'm lucky - and I agree, but it has made me a different person than I would have been without the money to fall back on.
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?
The most loving and nurturing thing available to me right now is my aloneness. I can be myself without anyone questioning me or expecting anything from me. I can sleep without someone snoring in my ear or getting up and down all night. I can eat what I want. I can read all night if I want to or watch hockey on TV without having to share the remote with someone. I can spend what I want on whatever I want. I can come and go as I please. I can be myself without anyone watching me or questioning me or worrying about me. But we aren't ever really alone are we? I still have an aging mom and dad to visit and support, I have grown kids who need my time. I have a young dog who is so demanding and I have work responsibilities. But my alone time is precious and necessary for me to recharge and unwind. I enjoy it and use it to its fullest.
Again, thanks for posting these steps online so I can work through them on my own time when its quiet and I can think things out. The questions are very though provoking and I looking forward to continuing on with them this spring.
Lesley :)
hotrod said
Feb 25, 2016
KJ and Lesley , Thanks for your honesty and wisdom. I appreciate you insights and clarity.
mewsician said
Feb 26, 2016
I've been Alanon for 18 months, and my first journey through the steps. When I joined, I felt so mangled! Steps 1 and 2 seemed simply Life giving. Still it took awhile to savor the changes and feel ready to move on. It's SO freeing to know that there's NO standard or expectation as to how long a step will take to complete. My world seems overloaded with expectations, those of myself as well as those of others. Step 3 sounded so easy, I thought "I'll breeze right through this one"....I've discovered that this step is one that my soul is BADLY in need of. I never realized how much I caused and contributed to my own problems, with my subconcious desire to control EVERYTHING, inside of me, and outside of me! I never imagined I could be so controlling from the role of Victim! Early on, I felt the desire to rephrase this step as an Affirmation: "Jesus, I turn my will and my life over to your care! I can't, but you can. I will let you! It felt good to give the painful things to him, but I began to notice that I would often take them back again. I practiced some more, till I thought I was ready to go to the next step, when I had a really bad day and realized that it was ALL due to my control of EVERYTHING. I'm more relaxed now, a fellow Alanon told me there's no need to hurry through the steps. I'm also realizing that I want and need to give the good things in my life to Jesus as well: To Thank him for all the gifts he's given me in my lifetime, to show him how much I love him and need him in my life every single day. I've recently found a wonderful church where I can learn more about Jesus and his will for me. I'm also making more new non-addicted friends and it's fabulous! I'm so glad to have found the Alanon program, and feel that I may finally be able to create the life I've always wanted, but never thought I deserved or could create.
mewsician said
Feb 26, 2016
Step 3 Questions
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well." My affirmation: "Jesus, I turn my will and my life over to your care! I can't, you can! I will let you!"
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel?
Relieved!
If you knew that things were being managed by a power greater than your self in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
Free from my burden of self constraints, I would act more joyful, more decisive and assertive. I would feel more joyful, yet more peaceful inside.
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently?
I would act out of desire, rather than out of obligation.
What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing?
I would express my true feelings. I would stop saying what I think others want to hear. I would do what I am drawn to do. I would stop doing things to "keep the peace".
What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
I would consider myself more important, more worthwhile. I would recognize that I'm a beloved and blessed child of God. I would take better care of my health, and happiness.
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
I would find a job that I enjoy, with co-workers that I enjoy. I would make a living, but I wouldn't trade my joy for money. I'd take time to take care of myself: Prayer, Meditation, Exercise, Music and Friendships are all things that I would do more of. I wouldn't hang around folks that judged me or made me feel bad, but I would pray for their happiness and success.
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel?
Carefree
If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
I would be stressing a lot less, and savoring the moments more. I would be feeling relaxed and satisfied.
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
I don't have any problem sharing, but I will call members of my AFG more often and I will begin a Journal.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?
Two things for me: Nature and Friendship. I will get my daily walk and be outside more, as this puts me in a peaceful and grateful state of mind, where I feel I am one with God and his Universe. I will make new friends on a path similiar to mine, and I'll enjoy being with them, talking listening and learning with them, sharing and enjoying experiences with them.
hotrod said
Feb 26, 2016
Mewsician I appreciate your clarity, honesty and insightful shares Glad you are walking these Steps with us
serenity47 said
Mar 7, 2016
This step is a struggle for me. I feel like I am constantly in a tug of war for dropping the rope and turning over my will and my life to picking it up and trying to control everything again. I remind myself it is a decision for today that I am making. If I want to take back my misery and control over everything tomorrow I surely can!
1. I am ready to turn my life and my will over to the care of God today.
2. If all was well and on schedule, how would I feel?
I would feel very relieved and peaceful. It is hard to imagine that being a long term state of being. I have had short glimpses of it and it is wonderful so I do know it is possible with a lot of work on my part.
3. If I knew I had no power to control events or people how would I behave differently?
Well I would surely have a lot more time on my hands. I would stop giving unsolicited advice. I would engage more in the activities that I love such as gardening, reading and yoga.
4. If you were not allowing someone else to control you what would you be doing differently?
I would put myself first and not feel guilty about it. My needs, want and desires would have as much importance as theirs.
5. If I wasn't allowing a particular circumstance to control me, if I let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment how would I feel?
I would feel a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I have a very hard time letting things be as they are when I feel they are not "right" . What a tremendous waste of energy railing against things I have no power over. Instead I would be engaged in my own life more instead of putting it on the back burner until my qualifiers life is good.
6. What is the most loving and nurturing thing available to me right now that I can use to take care of myself?
There is so much that is available to me such as support group, my family, my friends, nature etc. I just need to make the conscious choice every single day to reach out and engage with these things.
hotrod said
Mar 7, 2016
Serenity Thanks for sharing your thoughts and clarity on this important Step. It is indeed a one day at a time process and the more I remind myself of this each morning the more successful I am.
Good work my friend
mewsician said
Mar 11, 2016
Hi Serenity,
I'm also a newbie here. I really liked what you had to say about this step. Like you, I can work this step intermittently, so I know I must continue to reflect and work this step. I really liked your answer to Question #4, where you said you'd put yourself first more. I've always had great difficulty doing that, and I need to work through it. May your Higher power bless us on our journey today!
mewsician
serenity47 said
Mar 14, 2016
Thank you mewsician. May you be blessed on your journey as well.
Overcomer said
Mar 14, 2016
My Share
This is odd for me working a 12th Step again. I have been in the program for 22 years now. I have not done this in a while, to this extent. I can see how much Ive grown, and I can see how much more I need to grow. This is opening lots of doors for me to explore. I am looking forward to continuing with this journey.
Step 3 Questions
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."
My affirmation will be the lyrics toan old hymn that is called "It is well with my soul". It goes like this, "Whatever my lot [in life] thou has taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul."
It is well... with my soul. It is well, it is well with my soul."
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel?
Relieved, stress-free.
If you knew that things were being managed by a power greater than yourself in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
I would not worry as much, or stress over things not getting done on a time schedule.
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently?
I have pondered this thought for a good part of the day, and I would have to say that after 22 years in the program I have finally come to the place where I know and have come to realize that I have no power over events, outcomes, or a particular person. So the way I behave today (after 22 years in this program) is out of that precept.
What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing?
Since I am not engaging in trying to "control" another, I do not believe I would change a thing, at this point. What I need to remember however, so I don't get complacent, is to ask myself this question daily, "Do I feel like I have control over this person, place or thing?" If I can honestly answer that question in the negative, that I have no control; then no action is required. If I answer it in the affirmative, that I am trying to "control" another by my words or deeds, then I need to take an inventory of my actions and why I am doing that.
What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
I'm trying to focus on me and what I need to do for ME, not for my daughter, not for my significant other. And, keep an open mind.
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
I actually realized today that a certain person from back home was trying to "control" what I do or don't do based on what he thought was "best for me". Now while his motive may be well intended, it is misplaced. I told him we needed to take a break from each other and focus on our own "stuff". Each of us needs to work on our own issues. If I need quiet time on the computer to think through things (like now), or if I'm on the computer for relaxation (playing my farm game), or if I just chose to relax and watch a TV show; I have earned it and it is not his place to judge. In such an instance, I would be setting a boundary.
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel?
This is exactly what I'm trying to do with the person I mentioned above, my qualifier to be exact. It is my ex-husband who is a dry drunk. I have chosen to enter into a relationship with him again, after many years apart, and he has not changed. The fact that I am still in love with him is the complicating factor. I need to figure out if I can set and keep boundaries with him, without reacting to him. So far, so good; but ODAAT.
If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
When I set boundaries with my qualifier, I feel more serene and good about myself. When I allow him to push my buttons I feel overwhelmed and out-of-control. 6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
Plan to call my old sponsor this week and share my results. 7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?
Take a nap. Take a bath. Go to a Meeting.
-- Edited by Overcomer on Monday 14th of March 2016 04:07:20 PM
hotrod said
Mar 14, 2016
Thanks Overcome Love tha Hymn "All is Well With My Soul" Happy to see you back.
Overcomer said
Mar 15, 2016
Thanks Betty! Glad to be back!
thompfam said
Mar 26, 2016
Step 3 Questions
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel? If you knew that things were being managed by a power greater than yourself in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
I would feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. I would probably stop holding my breath, let down my guard and relax. I would stop the insane thoughts and worry and could stop being afraid.
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently? What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing? What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
I would stop having any expectations for anyone but myself. I hate disappointments! I could stop feeling like I have to come up with solutions or advice to or for someone elses problems. I would do more self care and do more of the things I enjoy.well I really dont know what I enjoy anymore but there are some hobbies that I would love to start doingarts and craft stuff, painting and drawing.
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
I would have more self confidencenot waiting on someone to tell me what they need before I can decide what my needs are.
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel? If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
The first thing that came to mind is right now my daughter has bills that are mounting (big time bills)she has no job now or in the near future. I have just been adding to them to her stack as they come in. Every day another one comes in the mail and every day I start all the stinking thinking all over again. So, here I go again talking myself off the ledge, repeating slogans and Serenity Prayer. Right now I am resisting getting the organized and trying to figure out a way to pay them or at the very least call them. I know that its a complete waste of my time and energy worry about them but somebody needs to be. I just have a hard time with unfinished business and irresponsibility. If I werent fighting having these feelings I would allow myself to feel JOY!
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?
This program, meetings, my sisters..knowing that I am not alone and there are very wise and experienced people that can reach out toit is very comforting
hotrod said
Mar 26, 2016
Thompfam Thank you for your honesty and for responding to this Step with such dedication and wisdom Please keep coming back. Great share Thank you.
thompfam said
Mar 26, 2016
Thank you Hotrod for being here! You know, I am still having a hard time identifying with who I am....I am enjoying the process of learning, even though at times I sit and ponder for what seems like hours on one question. I really gain a lot from the online meetings but I have a hard time sharing during those meetings. Mostly because of just not being able to put thoughts and feelings into words and also feeling like I still have some growing to do. I want to be able, when I share to offer ESH to members. Everyone seems to have it so together even through the struggles they are dealing with. It kinda makes me feel a little inferior which I know there is no reason to.....it's just me. Anyway, I will continue working my steps and continue learning more about who I am in the process.
Peace, Suzanne
hotrod said
Mar 26, 2016
It is a process Suzanne. Please know that your wisdom and courage shines through in each word that you express Keep coming back
Step 3 Questions
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel?
If you knew that things were being managed by a power greater than your self in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently?
What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing?
What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel?
If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well.
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel?
If you knew that things were being managed by a power greater than yourself in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
I find this step a little difficult, but day by day I am learning to detach, hold firm on my boundaries, and I pray. I pray the serenity prayer several times a day and for the strength to hold firm on my resolve to do what is right for me. I also pray for help in managing my anger and to let go. I can only control what I do and my reactions to others. By placing my faith back into my higher power, I find that I am more relaxed. I still have moments where my mind is consumed with thoughts about what I should do or should have done, but I feel that there are more and more moments each day that I am able to let go and feel a sense of peace. I know that I have to take all of this one day at a time, but most of the time, its hour by hour.
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes or a particular person, how would you behave differently? What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing?
What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
The difference Im finding is the ability to detach. No matter what I say or do, my ABF is going to do whatever he wants to do. His choices, his consequences. When I started attending al-anon, I didnt understand how it was possible to detach when you have them right in your face doing or saying things that you didnt agree with. I found that I needed to react, to say my 2 cents, and get my point across. I, for the first time last night, chose to walk away from him, not engage in his crazy. It didnt mean I wasnt angry or hurt by his words, but I did find that the interaction or the verbal craziness did not last as long as it normally does. I separated myself and refused to participate. I prayed for peace.
4. If you werent allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
This one is difficult because it feels as though Ive lived my whole life in a world where Ive allowed others words or actions control how I acted. My next move, my plans for the day, whatever, were made based on how the other person was acting at the given time. My goal is to do what I want to do, how I want to do it, to make myself happy, feel less isolated, and focus on my wants and needs without feeling pressured to do something or act a certain way because it was what was expected of me.
5. If you werent allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you werent trying to control that circumstance if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment how would you feel? If you werent fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
When I am able to let go, I feel proud of myself for standing up for me, less stressed/worried about what is going to happen next. I focus on the present. I deserve better than what Ive allowed from others in the past. There is a saying that says something like you teach others how to treat you I find this so true. I havent put myself first in the past. Im learning to do it now.
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Dont ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it? The most loving, nurturing thing available to me right now that I can use to help take care of myself and to learn to enjoy life is through the use of and reading alanon literature and to attend meetings. These 2 things give me comfort and help to even give me some hope that things are going to be alright. When I see and hear stories of others who have gone through things similar to my situation and I see them smiling and sharing their positive experiences and outlooks on life, I know that I can get there, too.
Step 3 Questions
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel?
I would feel relaxed and more confident knowing that things are going to turn out as they are supposed to. I'm still pretty busy trying to do all that myself. I can achieve only so much without asking for help but man do I ever feel better once I've Let Go and Let God. It's such a relief to give it over.
If you knew that things were being managed by a power greater than your self in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
I would definitely feel less worried and less stressed out. I would be able to handle things as they came instead of freaking out first and then remembering he's there. My emotions escalate so quickly that the storm has passed before I even know what I'm doing. I think if I reminded myself throughout the day that he's got my back, then I would be better able to manage my reactions. I'm so quick to judge and to get angry and defensive that no one wants to talk to me about anything. It's a sad state of affairs and it makes me feel so bad about myself. I know that I am a good person and that I deserve to be respected and I want to have friend and family around.
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently?
I already know I have no power to control events, outcomes or people but feeling it is another matter entirely. I'm still pretty busy looking at everyone else's behaviour and judging it accordingly that I have to remind myself to look inside me. Some days I achieve this, no, some minutes I achieve this but mostly I don't. I want to remember to treat other people as I want to be treated but I forget when I'm busy controlling and expecting.
What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing?
I would maybe say things like "I understand" or "I see" or "I'm sorry you feel that way" as opposed to "try this or I do this or you can do this..." I would like to stop exerting my opinions and advice on people who don't ask for it. I want to learn to mind my own business.
What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
I would stop worrying so much about what others thought of me and would just enjoy my life. I love to make others laugh and to be funny but I'm always afraid of being too "out there". I think if I remembered that I have no power to control events, I would be able to relax around others with a new found confidence. I would feel I was able to be myself without being so worried about being liked.
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
If I wasn't allowing my father to be responsible for my financial needs, I would be doing it myself. I wouldn't feel so trapped by his money or so emotionally controlled by that big will. I've always been told that I must behave a certain way or I will be written out. I really don't care about the money but I have put so much time and effort into doing it his way that to give up now would be self-sabotage. I'm too old to start over without any support from him so I have to grin and bear it. Well, I tell myself I have to grin and bear it. I could just walk away but I'm afraid. I guess this is another thing to hand over to my H.P. I never even thought of it until just this second, so see how these steps are helping? :)
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel?
I would feel like a kept woman. Continuing in the same vein as my previous answer about my dad and his money, I would be a kept woman. It's made me a bit lazy knowing there is always money available to me but it comes with such an emotional price. I've learned to accept that this is just the way it is, I used to fight it but that was exhausting and just caused fights with my parents. They are old now and I would like them to just have their peace until they're gone. There is enough fighting about money in my family as it is - I just try to stay out of it. And if dad wants to share with me, then who am I to judge him? This is the biggest circumstance that goes against my beliefs but I have learned to accept that I am fortunate to have him to fall back on but on the other hand, it's made me a lesser person because I've never really had to look after myself. And every time I feel I am making strides paying my own way, he finds a way to suck me back in. So be it. Life is short and I have to accept that I can't change him or anyone else.
If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
I have fought it for most of my life. It's just recently that I've come to accept that my dad is rich and likes to share his money with me. When I fought it and resisted, I just ended up feeling tired and worn out. And it put a huge strain on our relationship. I figure having him in my life is better than trying to fight him on this. You might say I'm lucky - and I agree, but it has made me a different person than I would have been without the money to fall back on.
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?
The most loving and nurturing thing available to me right now is my aloneness. I can be myself without anyone questioning me or expecting anything from me. I can sleep without someone snoring in my ear or getting up and down all night. I can eat what I want. I can read all night if I want to or watch hockey on TV without having to share the remote with someone. I can spend what I want on whatever I want. I can come and go as I please. I can be myself without anyone watching me or questioning me or worrying about me. But we aren't ever really alone are we? I still have an aging mom and dad to visit and support, I have grown kids who need my time. I have a young dog who is so demanding and I have work responsibilities. But my alone time is precious and necessary for me to recharge and unwind. I enjoy it and use it to its fullest.
Again, thanks for posting these steps online so I can work through them on my own time when its quiet and I can think things out. The questions are very though provoking and I looking forward to continuing on with them this spring.
Lesley :)
I've been Alanon for 18 months, and my first journey through the steps. When I joined, I felt so mangled! Steps 1 and 2 seemed simply Life giving. Still it took awhile to savor the changes and feel ready to move on. It's SO freeing to know that there's NO standard or expectation as to how long a step will take to complete. My world seems overloaded with expectations, those of myself as well as those of others. Step 3 sounded so easy, I thought "I'll breeze right through this one"....I've discovered that this step is one that my soul is BADLY in need of. I never realized how much I caused and contributed to my own problems, with my subconcious desire to control EVERYTHING, inside of me, and outside of me! I never imagined I could be so controlling from the role of Victim! Early on, I felt the desire to rephrase this step as an Affirmation: "Jesus, I turn my will and my life over to your care! I can't, but you can. I will let you! It felt good to give the painful things to him, but I began to notice that I would often take them back again. I practiced some more, till I thought I was ready to go to the next step, when I had a really bad day and realized that it was ALL due to my control of EVERYTHING. I'm more relaxed now, a fellow Alanon told me there's no need to hurry through the steps. I'm also realizing that I want and need to give the good things in my life to Jesus as well: To Thank him for all the gifts he's given me in my lifetime, to show him how much I love him and need him in my life every single day. I've recently found a wonderful church where I can learn more about Jesus and his will for me. I'm also making more new non-addicted friends and it's fabulous! I'm so glad to have found the Alanon program, and feel that I may finally be able to create the life I've always wanted, but never thought I deserved or could create.
Step 3 Questions
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well." My affirmation: "Jesus, I turn my will and my life over to your care! I can't, you can! I will let you!"
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel?
Relieved!
If you knew that things were being managed by a power greater than your self in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
Free from my burden of self constraints, I would act more joyful, more decisive and assertive. I would feel more joyful, yet more peaceful inside.
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently?
I would act out of desire, rather than out of obligation.
What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing?
I would express my true feelings. I would stop saying what I think others want to hear. I would do what I am drawn to do. I would stop doing things to "keep the peace".
What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
I would consider myself more important, more worthwhile. I would recognize that I'm a beloved and blessed child of God. I would take better care of my health, and happiness.
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
I would find a job that I enjoy, with co-workers that I enjoy. I would make a living, but I wouldn't trade my joy for money. I'd take time to take care of myself: Prayer, Meditation, Exercise, Music and Friendships are all things that I would do more of. I wouldn't hang around folks that judged me or made me feel bad, but I would pray for their happiness and success.
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel?
Carefree
If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
I would be stressing a lot less, and savoring the moments more. I would be feeling relaxed and satisfied.
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
I don't have any problem sharing, but I will call members of my AFG more often and I will begin a Journal.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?
Two things for me: Nature and Friendship. I will get my daily walk and be outside more, as this puts me in a peaceful and grateful state of mind, where I feel I am one with God and his Universe. I will make new friends on a path similiar to mine, and I'll enjoy being with them, talking listening and learning with them, sharing and enjoying experiences with them.
1. I am ready to turn my life and my will over to the care of God today.
2. If all was well and on schedule, how would I feel?
I would feel very relieved and peaceful. It is hard to imagine that being a long term state of being. I have had short glimpses of it and it is wonderful so I do know it is possible with a lot of work on my part.
3. If I knew I had no power to control events or people how would I behave differently?
Well I would surely have a lot more time on my hands. I would stop giving unsolicited advice. I would engage more in the activities that I love such as gardening, reading and yoga.
4. If you were not allowing someone else to control you what would you be doing differently?
I would put myself first and not feel guilty about it. My needs, want and desires would have as much importance as theirs.
5. If I wasn't allowing a particular circumstance to control me, if I let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment how would I feel?
I would feel a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I have a very hard time letting things be as they are when I feel they are not "right" . What a tremendous waste of energy railing against things I have no power over. Instead I would be engaged in my own life more instead of putting it on the back burner until my qualifiers life is good.
6. What is the most loving and nurturing thing available to me right now that I can use to take care of myself?
There is so much that is available to me such as support group, my family, my friends, nature etc. I just need to make the conscious choice every single day to reach out and engage with these things.
Good work my friend
Hi Serenity,
I'm also a newbie here. I really liked what you had to say about this step. Like you, I can work this step intermittently, so I know I must continue to reflect and work this step. I really liked your answer to Question #4, where you said you'd put yourself first more. I've always had great difficulty doing that, and I need to work through it. May your Higher power bless us on our journey today!
mewsician
My Share
This is odd for me working a 12th Step again. I have been in the program for 22 years now. I have not done this in a while, to this extent. I can see how much Ive grown, and I can see how much more I need to grow. This is opening lots of doors for me to explore. I am looking forward to continuing with this journey.
Step 3 Questions
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."
My affirmation will be the lyrics toan old hymn that is called "It is well with my soul".
It goes like this, "Whatever my lot [in life] thou has taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul."
It is well... with my soul. It is well, it is well with my soul."
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel?
Relieved, stress-free.
If you knew that things were being managed by a power greater than yourself in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
I would not worry as much, or stress over things not getting done on a time schedule.
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently?
I have pondered this thought for a good part of the day, and I would have to say that after 22 years in the program I have finally come to the place where I know and have come to realize that I have no power over events, outcomes, or a particular person. So the way I behave today (after 22 years in this program) is out of that precept.
What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing?
Since I am not engaging in trying to "control" another, I do not believe I would change a thing, at this point. What I need to remember however, so I don't get complacent, is to ask myself this question daily, "Do I feel like I have control over this person, place or thing?" If I can honestly answer that question in the negative, that I have no control; then no action is required. If I answer it in the affirmative, that I am trying to "control" another by my words or deeds, then I need to take an inventory of my actions and why I am doing that.
What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
I'm trying to focus on me and what I need to do for ME, not for my daughter, not for my significant other. And, keep an open mind.
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
I actually realized today that a certain person from back home was trying to "control" what I do or don't do based on what he thought was "best for me". Now while his motive may be well intended, it is misplaced. I told him we needed to take a break from each other and focus on our own "stuff". Each of us needs to work on our own issues. If I need quiet time on the computer to think through things (like now), or if I'm on the computer for relaxation (playing my farm game), or if I just chose to relax and watch a TV show; I have earned it and it is not his place to judge. In such an instance, I would be setting a boundary.
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel?
This is exactly what I'm trying to do with the person I mentioned above, my qualifier to be exact. It is my ex-husband who is a dry drunk. I have chosen to enter into a relationship with him again, after many years apart, and he has not changed. The fact that I am still in love with him is the complicating factor. I need to figure out if I can set and keep boundaries with him, without reacting to him. So far, so good; but ODAAT.
If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
When I set boundaries with my qualifier, I feel more serene and good about myself. When I allow him to push my buttons I feel overwhelmed and out-of-control.
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
Plan to call my old sponsor this week and share my results.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?
Take a nap.
Take a bath.
Go to a Meeting.
-- Edited by Overcomer on Monday 14th of March 2016 04:07:20 PM
Thanks Betty! Glad to be back!
Step 3 Questions
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel?
If you knew that things were being managed by a power greater than yourself in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
I would feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. I would probably stop holding my breath, let down my guard and relax. I would stop the insane thoughts and worry and could stop being afraid.
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently?
What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing?
What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
I would stop having any expectations for anyone but myself. I hate disappointments! I could stop feeling like I have to come up with solutions or advice to or for someone elses problems. I would do more self care and do more of the things I enjoy.well I really dont know what I enjoy anymore but there are some hobbies that I would love to start doingarts and craft stuff, painting and drawing.
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
I would have more self confidencenot waiting on someone to tell me what they need before I can decide what my needs are.
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel?
If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
The first thing that came to mind is right now my daughter has bills that are mounting (big time bills)she has no job now or in the near future. I have just been adding to them to her stack as they come in. Every day another one comes in the mail and every day I start all the stinking thinking all over again. So, here I go again talking myself off the ledge, repeating slogans and Serenity Prayer. Right now I am resisting getting the organized and trying to figure out a way to pay them or at the very least call them. I know that its a complete waste of my time and energy worry about them but somebody needs to be. I just have a hard time with unfinished business and irresponsibility.
If I werent fighting having these feelings I would allow myself to feel JOY!
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?
This program, meetings, my sisters..knowing that I am not alone and there are very wise and experienced people that can reach out toit is very comforting
Thank you Hotrod for being here! You know, I am still having a hard time identifying with who I am....I am enjoying the process of learning, even though at times I sit and ponder for what seems like hours on one question. I really gain a lot from the online meetings but I have a hard time sharing during those meetings. Mostly because of just not being able to put thoughts and feelings into words and also feeling like I still have some growing to do. I want to be able, when I share to offer ESH to members. Everyone seems to have it so together even through the struggles they are dealing with. It kinda makes me feel a little inferior which I know there is no reason to.....it's just me. Anyway, I will continue working my steps and continue learning more about who I am in the process.
Peace, Suzanne