Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
Quote from C2C Page 316
"I may find it easy to point to the alcoholics, irrational choices-- It's harder to admit that my own behavior is not always been sane. Today I can let go of insisting upon my will and with a simple decision, make a commitment to sanity"
My Share
I thought that this step was rather simple because all I needed to do was to make a decision. I do believe I made that decision by continuing to come back to program and using the tools. I felt that the program was this 'Power' Greater than myself. I had no difficulty turning my life and will over to the care of program . I did this by deciding to keep attending meetings ,work with a sponsor and use the slogans. That was how I first turned my life over.
One day at a time, I did feel I was being restored to sanity and each morning I would repeat the first three steps in my mind as I do today
As I reflected on this thought, I discovered I made very few decisions in my life I mostly REACTED to life and did not thoughtfully reason things out and actually decide that going forward this is the path I will take. Instead I jumped from one action to another this did not work then I must try something else and on and on. However today, I have learned to turn my will over as has been revealed by working Steps 4 thru 12. and to let go and trust HP understanding that life is a process and to keep showing up .
Step 3 Questions
If I am unable to make this decision what holds me back?
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
How can I express Gods will in my treatment of others?
What can I do to try to see others as HP sees them?
shoofoolatte said
Oct 3, 2016
I have just come from my f2f Al Anon (ACA) meeting. This was my 4th meeting of listening. I still feel very "new" and shy, the faces are not quite familiar. I think I will add a Wednesday meeting. I'm not pushing myself to "talk", but rather to be humble and be there (show up). That's enough for now. I will let the rest work itself out. More and more I sense that Al Anon is a gift to me from my mother, who died in 1973.
I am slowly mulling over the steps. I'm not sure if this is what is called "doing the steps", but at least I am becoming more familiar with them.
STEP 3 Questions:
-- If I am unable to make this decision what holds me back?
I feel ready to make this decision. I've had more than enough of my own will and the heaviness and insanity that goes with it.
-- Do I trust my HP to care for me?
Yes. Someone once said to me: Life can and will take care of you, if you let it. I'm ready to be carried, led.
-- How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
By not worrying and obsessing over it. When those thoughts come into my mind, I let God have it. I accept how things are and trust that things are the way they are supposed to me and it's not my job to fix things according to my plan. If things fall apart, things fall apart.
-- How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
I think that the answer has to be prayer, for me. Finding a mantra (like "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change" or "HELP!" or "This is yours, God" ... whenever I find myself trying to control a situation or outcome. Finding something to do (like a physical task or yoga exercise) to distract myself.
-- How can I express Gods will in my treatment of others?
By treating them as if they have their own HP (and it isn't me!) By listening without judgement or criticism. By allowing them to be who they are without taking responsibility for their feelings or problems.
-- What can I do to try to see others as HP sees them?
Detach with love!
THANK YOU for posting these steps and questions, Betty!!
hotrod said
Oct 3, 2016
Hello shoofoolatte, I am glad that you are attending face to face meetings and taking the time to listen to learn. I did the same.
Loved your responses to the Third Step questions-- Sounds as if you are on your way. :)
e_i_m said
Oct 3, 2016
Step 3
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
Step 3 Questions
If I am unable to make this decision what holds me back?
I make this decision in my head, when I'm thinking about it, but then (when I really need it in the moments of emotional distress) I forget it and start feeling like I have to be in control of everything. I've been working on this a lot lately and have been trying to remember to let go and say "please take this, God" when I'm feeling overwhelmed. It's not always easy for me to hear God's voice. It's been much easier in the past, but I often feel disconnected now and when I do say "God, please take this" -- I don't always feel like anyone hears my request. Knowing that I have felt HP's care for me in the past helps -- I know I can get back to that place.
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
See above -- I do theoretically, but often I feel like I'm the only one who can solve my problems. However, whenever I've been in great despair and just given up -- HP has been there for me. So I think back on that and I tell myself that if HP was there for me in the big things, it's there for me in the small things too -- i'm in progress on this.
How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
I have a god box. I also say "HP, please take this from me" and I keep saying it when I notice I'm trying to control the situation again. It's exhausting though! I wish I could just give up once and for all.
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
I'd love to know!
How can I express Gods will in my treatment of others?
I really try to "find JC in everyone" and try to see people as all the same. I don't think I treat others badly -- if anything, I give others the loving care that I don't have and that I wish someone would give me. And that's part of my problem is that I'm looking for people to love me, rather than to have HP love me and me love myself.
What can I do to try to see others as HP sees them?
I think I'm okay on this one -- I'm not really judgy or disparaging of other people.
hotrod said
Oct 4, 2016
Hello E.I.M great responses. Thanks for sharing your process. I practice not taking my will back by reciting the serenity payer each time I find myself tempted. it works often I then remind myself that recovery is a process and I am a work in process.
jocelgp said
Oct 5, 2016
If I am unable to make this decision what holds me back?
I think I have made this decision a long long time ago. I can't even call it a decision as I think it has always been a part of me as far as when I was born. Perhaps because I was raised and grew up with this thinking.
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
Yes. There may be times when I wanted to doubt because of the intense pain and suffering I am going thru but I always kept coming back to trusting Him.
How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
Thru faith and prayer. By acknowledging that God knows better than I do, not even better but the best. That whatever happens it is always for the better good though I may not see it as such.
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
Again by acknowledging that God knows better than I do. That I need not be afraid as God loves me and that He will not forsake me even in the midst of pain and suffering.
How can I express Gods will in my treatment of others?
By not interfering with God. I have to validate my intention and motive in what I do for the others. Is it to control the situation or manipulate to serve my want or satisfy my desire? I have to remind myself that I cannot impose my will on others. If I wanted changes in my life, the change should come from me.
What can I do to try to see others as HP sees them?
That I should not see myself as better or superior than the others, that our differences is not a measure of who is better. That we are unique individuals and that God loves each and everyone of us despite our differences. And in cases or times of conflict, I will act on my best knowledge, seeking the common good if possible without imposing my will on the other, and leave the judging in the hands of God.
hotrod said
Oct 5, 2016
Jocelgp , Thanks for sharing your thoughts with such clarity and honesty .I too believe I always felt that HP was there and would take care of me, however when I was in great pain and witnessing my dream world crashing, I wanted to force my will and doubted that HP would help.
I repeat this Step each morning Thanks for sharing the journey.
hotrod said
Oct 5, 2016
Thank you Freetime I appreciate that you share you wisdom and journey here. Recovery looks great on you.
Emma123 said
Oct 7, 2016
If I am unable to make this decision what holds me back?
I have reflected on this and I feel like I'm ready now to make this decision. Working through Step 1 and 2 I admitted to myself my will was not working. I realised I cannot control situations and other people. I feel ready to turn my will and care of my life over to God.
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
Yes. When I look back at life HP has always been there for me.
How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
Taking whatever action is appropriate and after that letting go of the outcome. Trusting that whatever happens next is for the best. Serenity prayer. Meditation. Refusing to worry about the situation.
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
Each day reminding myself of my decision. Daily affirmations. Serenity prayer. Meditation.
How can I express Gods will in my treatment of others?
Refusing to participate in gossip about others. Treating people with kindness. Seeing others as equal and not attempting to caretake them. Setting healthy boundaries. No manipulation.
What can I do to try to see others as HP sees them?
Not judge others. Recognize all are equal, none are inferior or superior to anyone else.
hotrod said
Oct 7, 2016
Hi Emma, great reasoned responses and effort in practicing this Step Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
LUVY123 said
Oct 17, 2016
I am using a new high tech step 3 tool that works great for me---Like an E-God box--I have an email account set up with a higher power type name & I text things to my hp a lot during the day or at night if I am projecting about something. "HP, I release so and so to your care for healing and blessing. I know you are bigger than this problem." Sometimes it is "ok HP, I am gonna give u this til the end of day" if it is hard to let go of or til lunch and then I do it again later.
I also re-read /have memorized that beautiful quote from p.50 in How Al-anon Works: "We make a commitment to take all our concerns, feelings, worries, fears, resentments, thoughts, wishes, dreams, choices & relationships--our will & lives--and place them in the CARE of a God of our understanding. We don't have to figure anything out, know the results...only make a decision."
I had an experience I am still working through around this step. I really want to make my son's life less stressful because I am afraid of relapse. (that goes back to step1 also) There is something I could do, a form of unsolicited assistance, that might for a hairs breath make me feel less anxious about him, reduce his stress--so I keep obsessing back & forth--should I? shouldn't I? It is making my mind less than peaceful /balanced but I believe HP can help me (step 2), so I keep turning it over whenever I want to take it back & the loud voice is telling me to do what I have always done or at least keep obsessing about it--but when I repeat that p.50 quote above with the emphasis on giving HP my fears and relationships...it creates a space in my mind & this still small voice says "mind your own business-that would be doing him a disservice" This step teaches me how to care without control--how to give my concerns over to Hp so I am not consumed by them. In that pamphlet p39 or p35 there's the letter to the family from the A, it says "don't let your anxiety for me cause u to do 4 me what I need to do for myself..." That would be me doing a disservice rather than learning the practice of using the steps/tools to cope with my fears. That is God's Care in expression. But I am a work in progress and probably will need to keep sending HP the same text in the middle of the night. Good night! In gratitude, Luvy
hotrod said
Oct 17, 2016
Luvy Thanks for your share. Love the God Box sounds like an excellent tool.
SarahGee said
Oct 20, 2016
Step 3 Questions
If I am unable to make this decision what holds me back?
I am able to make these decisions.
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
Entirely.
How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
I've had many situations come up recently that have brought me to a great awareness of HP and my ability to leave the outcome up to "him". Recently my mom had a cancer diagnosis. This situation was two fold, she initially had me believing that prognosis was much worse than it truly was.
So in the first stage, news of the diagnosis and grim prognosis, I did a lot of reading and discussing with Al Anon members. I came to the realization that I have no control. What is, is. I needed to release it to HP and whatever the outcome is, is. I can't change it or control it.
In the second stage, where I learned that her prognosis was actually quite good and she had lied to guilt me and get attention, I sat there for a few minutes and meditated on it. I thought, "I don't know why she did that. I guess it's not up to me to know" and once again, I released it to HP. Whatever is, is. I can't change or control it.
This was ground breaking for me. I have lived my entire life in a constant state of anxiety constantly trying to figure out "why" and then losing my sanity trying to control the situation. I am so grateful to have defined my relationship with HP & gained the ability to release the worries and anxiety that held me captive for so long.
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
Simple, I'm happy now. This program is working. I'm sure if I take a little trip down memory lane, that will be enough to shake me back into shape.
How can I express Gods will in my treatment of others?
I can live in gratitude and listen without offering my "opinion" - which I've learned, has no merit. Learning to listen to others has been a great gift. I had the idea that "fixing" people was showing them love. In reality, it was my ego saying that I know what is right, follow me, do what I say. I have humbled myself before God, and I hope that I can show his will by continuing to live in humility and to be of service to others. This will be a work in progress.
What can I do to try to see others as HP sees them?
For me, learning how imperfect I am has helped me release my expectations and judgement of others. I am flawed, and I hope that others will forgive me for my flaws. I am no one to point out the flaws of others, since I am so full of my own. With this in mind, I choose to view others in love, the way I believe HP does. We are all broken in one way or another. My lifelong action will be to do my best to focus on our sameness.
hotrod said
Oct 20, 2016
Dear Sarah Thank you for your powerful share. I appreciate you joining in and responding to the Step questions with such clarity and honesty. I do hope you keep coming back.
tiredofthis said
Oct 26, 2016
STEP 3
MADE A DECISION TO TURN OUR LIVES AND WILL OVER TO GOD AS WE UNDERSTAND HIM.
If I am unable to make this decision what holds me back?
I think to myself that I have made this decision. I know that God is in control, in my mind. Maybe I dont really know this in my heart. I know that I struggle with pride for me defined as thinking I am as able to help others as is God. Its like part of my mind thinks He must be too busy.
There are several things I need to remind myself of in this question, and remind myself throughout the day every day: God is God and I am not! And while God may take His time, He is never late! I need to remember that all I can really do is pray for others and love them where they are.
I feel like a broken record! My three greatest struggles are my mom, Steve, and Jeff. Since Jeff is not drinking, that struggle is less. However, I still walk a bit on eggshells and want to be rid of whatever causes me to fear conflict so intensely. I need to let go of these things. Let go and let God handle them. Hasnt it been proven enough to me that I cant do anything, but He can and will, in His time?!
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
Yes I do! He cares for me all the time. I know that He loves me. I am His little princess. He sent His son to die for me, thats how much He loves me. It makes me sad that I dont perceive those mentioned in the last question trust that HP cares for them. But then, there I go, digressing into pride again. Only He can make that happen!
Time and again He has shown me how much He cares for me. He has orchestrated Jeffs recovery. He is present in it and beside Jeff. He is being gentle and taking His time. Yes, I admit this frustrates me, but I do know that God has it in His hands and is working it.
Mostly when I look back I can see the presence of God in every turn, every decision, every major life event. My children. My marriage. My recovery from the tumor. My spiritual journey. My healing. My current ministry. Etc., Etc.
Yes, I trust that my HP cares for me. Because I am human I sometimes have to remind myself of this. But I am growing every day in trust.
How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
Oh my! I think that is the million dollar question. I just recently heard this as the definition of step 3 in a talk by Fr. Tom Weston. How do I know I have done this step? He said 1. Show up. I think that means participate in life. Dont be passive, but dont be aggressive. 2. Pay attention. Know whats going on around me. Dont detach to the point of ignoring. 3. Tell the truth. It is ok to say what is on my mind. But 4. Let go of the results. Once I speak, step back and let God do the rest!
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
I imagine this will take practice. I need first to be aware that I am doing it. Every time I chastise or parent my mother. Every time I demean my brother with my words. Every time I even think about Jeffs behaviors or emotions. Every time, I need to stop and think, Am I taking MY will back? I mean, even if its legit, its my will, not Gods, and not the other persons. Every time I catch myself doing it (as Paul says, doing what I dont want to do) I need to have a mantraLet go and let God. or God is God and I am not. Then think positively God loves them the way they are.
How can I express Gods will in my treatment of others?
Gods will is perfect love. So Im not sure of the answer to this. But I need to treat others with the love God treats me, loving no matter what. Unconditionally. Respecting their free will.
What can I do to try to see others as HP sees them?
Try to see everyone as though they were Jesus. And treat them as though Jesus were in my midst.
hotrod said
Oct 26, 2016
Great responses Tired of this I appreciate your sharing this journey. Your honesty and clarity are refreshing
Kim C said
Nov 15, 2016
If I am unable to make this decision what holds me back?
I made this decision as teenager. I have certainly not always behaved as if it were true though. I came into recovery after a particularly low time in my life during which I turned completely back to God.
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
Yes. As I reflect on my life I can see that he has taken care of me all along. Even when I didn't know or didn't want to be taken care of.
How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
For me, this is through prayer. I have to be in contact with my HP in order to turn things over to him. I have learned to pause and pray then act instead of react. I am also learning to recognized when a situation isn't even mine to let go of.
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
Again, prayer. And being aware of my need to control. If I find myself attempting to control a situation and becoming stressed about it I have to step back and remember that I am not the one in control. And that the one who is has a much better plan than mine.
How can I express Gods will in my treatment of others?
By being kind. By thinking of others. By living out my faith without being judgmental of others who live theirs out differently than I do.
What can I do to try to see others as HP sees them?
I can ask him to show me the good qualities in them. I can pray for difficult people in my life. I can remind myself that he loves them as much as he loves me.
hotrod said
Nov 15, 2016
Hello Kim Thanks for sharing the journey and your wisdom on this important Step. Please do keep coming back
Heyamy said
Jan 4, 2017
How do I feel about turning my life over to a higher power for guidance? I feel good about it, like its the right thing to do in my gut. I feel a sense of relief. I don't know what actually doing it looks like or feels like but I believe it
How do I know who or what my Higher Power is? I know my Higher Power is in the beauty and the world around me, in the oceans and the mountains, it sounds corny but that is where I feel it. I feel it in the sense of a big, knowing, all accepting and loving power.
Am I willing to try and turn my problems over? What could help me to be willing? I am willing, I think working and coming to terms with step one has made me willing to turn it all over. I don't think I need any help to be wiling on this front.
How can I stop thinking, trying and considering and actually make a decision? I really, really, don't know about this question. I have had this problem as long as I can remember....trying to make every a simple decision is excruciatingly painful. My best guess at this point would be to constantly turn it over to my higher power and maybe that will make the decisions easier. This is something I really struggle with, I think it has gotten better, but in the past this was a very difficult thing for me.
Have I had a problem making decisions in my life?" YES, yes and YES. Always. I couldn't have an official wedding because I had a problem making decisions and talking things through and knowing what I wanted or needed that planning a wedding turned into a 4 year engagement, and it is still a difficult topic today that needs some processing. Because of my difficulties making decisions, we eloped.
If I am unable to make this decision, what holds me back?" I think it is this deep paralysis. A deep unknowing and insecurity that runs though my personality and directly influences most of my life like a sticky cobweb. So, If I had to sum it up in one word it would be insecurity. Insecurity. Not believing or trusting in myself or my higher power
Do I trust my Higher Power to care for me" Yes, I really do. I have this deep belief, or feeling, that my higher power will care for me. Recently there are moments in my life where I can see that my higher power is working, that it is present and there in my life and that gives me more trust and belief.
How might Step Three help me keep my hands off situations created by others? I think if I turn it over it might be easier for me to practice detachment. If I put things in my Higher Powers hands then I can imagine situations where I can be more objective because I won't feel so personally involved/responsible/to blame/etc. I think step three might provide a sense of freedom and relief from feeling like its all mine to carry.
What consequences have I had by obsession on problems and other people? For an instance I thought "I have no idea" then I came back into reality and recognized that the very situation I am currently in right now is a great answer to this question. Heading to an interview and I have done nothing but obsess and worry about this trip and it has done nothing but make me loose sight of taking care of myself.
When I "let go and let God" take care of my life, am I willing to follow the guidance I receive? I think this is hard, but necessary to accept when turning it over. I think it will take practice but I've got to try.
How can I stop myself from taking my will back? I think I will probably try to every day! I think it is the constant recommitment right now that will keep me going. I think I will try, and try, and again and again I will get it right, too. I think for me it is about always re centering myself, and gently pulling myself back in if I have gone astray, and I will go astray. This morning my partner said to me "your either a perfect parent, a perfect partner, or your terrible. You don't give yourself permission to be human" and I think the same idea applies here, I've got to go easy on my self, and know that I will try to take my will back, I will make mistakes, the important part is to recognize when this is happening and ask my higher power for help to get back on the path I want to be on.
What can I do when my loved ones make decisions that I don't like? I can PAUSE. I can DETACH. I can TURN IT OVER to my Higher Power. I can pray. I can focus my attention on my self and my own happiness.
How can I let my loved ones find their own life paths as I am finding mine? I think all of the above apply, especially detachment and turning it all over to my Higher Power for guidance.
What can I do to try to see others as God sees them? Stop being so judgmental. Detach. Let things go. Let go and let God. I think if I am kinder and gentler to myself it will be easier to do the same with others.
How can I express God's will in my actions and words toward others, including the alcoholic? By being loving and patient. By ACCEPTING love. By detaching. By taking care of myself.
hotrod said
Jan 4, 2017
Great responses to this important Step Heyamy. Good Luck at your interview. Remember this Step ask us to simply "make the decision" and the remaining Steps teach us how to do this. I found attending meetings, using the slogans, getting a sponsor was a huge part ofturning my will over and was enough
Keep showing up. It truly is a process.
Loreli said
Feb 8, 2017
I appreciate all the in-depth shares on this topic...
hotrod said
Feb 8, 2017
Hi Loreli, I agree this is indeed a great forum . Glad you found us
Taraxacum said
Mar 21, 2017
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Step 3 Questions
If I am unable to make this decision what holds me back?
My HP is a shifting and confusing concept at times. For me this is a process of surrendering to what I don't understand, making peace with the unknown. Turning my will over also means giving up one of my survival strategies from my past and this fills me with fear. I want to move forward in my life, and it is difficult to let go of old habits, and old ways of thinking.
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
No. I do not have this trust yet. I am working to get there. I do feel supported by my alanon group and at times define the group wisdom as my HP this has been helpful for me. I think with more time I can start to trust.
How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
For me this is a process of seeing my part in each situation. In the past I felt it was my responsibility to make things happen. Now I try to be more balanced, to do my small part and trust that the rest will come together (or not) as it should
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
I notice myself getting swept up in other people's responsibilities, overstepping my part of a situation. When I start to do this, I take a moment for my own sanity and find a healthy boundary again.
How can I express Gods will in my treatment of others?
My HP is one of kindness and health. When I can be kind and communicate in healthy ways that is my way of living into the will of my HP
What can I do to try to see others as HP sees them?
I have taken on a softer lens. I see people as human, flawed, sometimes hurting or sick, and worthy of love and conpassion despite their flaws. Seeing myself in this way helps remind me to extend the same to others.
hotrod said
Mar 21, 2017
Good Morning Taraxacum, I appreciate that you shared with such honesty and clarity. I too had difficulty with the step as I did not have complete faith in a higher power. I kept coming to meetings, using the slogans, reading literature and slowly but surely I began to have a sense of power greater than myself. It was very subtle but felt very comforting and wise. In the beginning, like yourself, I used the program, the principles and basic philosophy as the power greater than myself because I saw how that they worked and how effective they were.
I do understand that letting go of old destructive attitudes and tools that appeared to work is frightening. It is all a process so I urge you to keep coming back and know that it is progress not perfection that we seek. Love the closing sentences in which you sum up your thoughts and understand that it, is in giving, compassion and understanding to others we can then turn around and give it to ourselves as well
Glad that you are sharing the journey
Midnight Jane said
Mar 30, 2017
Thank you Betty for your insight and support.
Somehow there is always an answer when I seek it, and ask for it, for which I am grateful, and appreciate with some wonder. I only have to pause and remember to ask for it.
If I am unable to make this decision, what holds me back?
As a reactor, this step is difficult but not impossible for me to take. I will need daily reminding, through repeating the steps and slogans each day. When there is nothing external to react to, I also panic. Trust and detatchment - I need to learn and practice these.
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
Strangely, yes, I do. I look at times of chaos and anxiety and I see that I have always been taken care of.
How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
I can show up, no matter how much fear I feel. I can realise that my thoughts and my own will change nothing about what is going on with other people. I can use the slogans and the serenity prayer to remind myself to let go.
How can I stop myself from taking back my will?
Daily work, keep working the steps, and using the slogans. Remembering that I sleep a lot better when I'm not busy in my head with imaginary scenarios and 'what ifs'. Committing myself to the basics of what I know is good self-care.
How can I express God's will in my treatment of others?
To watch my responses and reactions. Not to over-react OR under-react, as I tend to use both for self-will. I can be kind, and I can listen, without always thinking that I need to know better, or know more.
What can I do to try and see others as HP sees them?
I can show up. I tend to avoid others by not showing up. Sometimes, in the past, even when I have made a commitment to show up, I just don't appear (out of fear and isolation tendencies). When I do see and talk to others, I can see them as HP sees them, and I can relate well and even feel good afterwards. My challenge is pre-judging, before I have even got there. Turning my will and my life over to the care of God as we understand him, means that I don't have to focus on the outcome of any situation before it has even happened. I can detach from anxiety-inducing expectations.
hotrod said
Mar 30, 2017
Midnight Jane, Thanks for sharing your ESH on this powerful Step. I appreciate your honesty and am looking forward to sharing the journey going forward.
mamakat71 said
Oct 12, 2017
Step 3 Questions This is my attempt at working Step 3. This is a hard step to work because it requires me to really let go and let God. The results of life are not really in my control and require me to be faithful and trust that God will never fail me despite my doubts and fears.
If I am unable to make this decision what holds me back?
Fear is usually what is holding me back. I am afraid of change. I don't trust my own decisions to make positive changes in my life. I tend to let others influence me too much.
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
I want to say yes I do, but in reality I think I am always trying to make a plan B.
How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
This is hard for me. I tend to want to control the situation and others. I am always striving for perfection instead of progress. I need to work on this area. This is a tough area when your life is intermingled with an alcoholic. There behaviors and consequences do impact us.
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
I think this is an area where I need to pray to God and ask for help.
How can I express Gods will in my treatment of others?
Being more patient, loving and kind to others and myself while keeping healthy boundaries.
What can I do to try to see others as HP sees them
Ask God to help me see others the way he does. Try to refrain from being judgemental. Be supportive when I can and step back to let others lead their own lives when necessary.
Hope this helps me to keep growing and learning.
Ready to start the work on step 4.
God Bless
Kat
hotrod said
Oct 13, 2017
Hi KATHY Great work in processing this step and answering the question with such honesty and clarity.
As I reflected on this thought, I discovered I made very few decisions in my life I mostly REACTED to life and did not thoughtfully reason things out and actually decide that going forward this is the path I will take. Instead I jumped from one action to another this did not work then I must try something else and on and on. However today, I have learned to turn my will over as has been revealed by working Steps 4 thru 12. and to let go and trust HP understanding that life is a process and to keep showing up .
Step 3 Questions
If I am unable to make this decision what holds me back?
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
How can I express Gods will in my treatment of others?
What can I do to try to see others as HP sees them?
I am slowly mulling over the steps. I'm not sure if this is what is called "doing the steps", but at least I am becoming more familiar with them.
STEP 3 Questions:
-- If I am unable to make this decision what holds me back?
I feel ready to make this decision. I've had more than enough of my own will and the heaviness and insanity that goes with it.
-- Do I trust my HP to care for me?
Yes. Someone once said to me: Life can and will take care of you, if you let it. I'm ready to be carried, led.
-- How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
By not worrying and obsessing over it. When those thoughts come into my mind, I let God have it. I accept how things are and trust that things are the way they are supposed to me and it's not my job to fix things according to my plan. If things fall apart, things fall apart.
-- How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
I think that the answer has to be prayer, for me. Finding a mantra (like "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change" or "HELP!" or "This is yours, God" ... whenever I find myself trying to control a situation or outcome. Finding something to do (like a physical task or yoga exercise) to distract myself.
-- How can I express Gods will in my treatment of others?
By treating them as if they have their own HP (and it isn't me!) By listening without judgement or criticism. By allowing them to be who they are without taking responsibility for their feelings or problems.
-- What can I do to try to see others as HP sees them?
Detach with love!
THANK YOU for posting these steps and questions, Betty!!
Loved your responses to the Third Step questions-- Sounds as if you are on your way. :)
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
Step 3 Questions
If I am unable to make this decision what holds me back?
I make this decision in my head, when I'm thinking about it, but then (when I really need it in the moments of emotional distress) I forget it and start feeling like I have to be in control of everything. I've been working on this a lot lately and have been trying to remember to let go and say "please take this, God" when I'm feeling overwhelmed. It's not always easy for me to hear God's voice. It's been much easier in the past, but I often feel disconnected now and when I do say "God, please take this" -- I don't always feel like anyone hears my request. Knowing that I have felt HP's care for me in the past helps -- I know I can get back to that place.
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
See above -- I do theoretically, but often I feel like I'm the only one who can solve my problems. However, whenever I've been in great despair and just given up -- HP has been there for me. So I think back on that and I tell myself that if HP was there for me in the big things, it's there for me in the small things too -- i'm in progress on this.
How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
I have a god box. I also say "HP, please take this from me" and I keep saying it when I notice I'm trying to control the situation again. It's exhausting though! I wish I could just give up once and for all.
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
I'd love to know!
How can I express Gods will in my treatment of others?
I really try to "find JC in everyone" and try to see people as all the same. I don't think I treat others badly -- if anything, I give others the loving care that I don't have and that I wish someone would give me. And that's part of my problem is that I'm looking for people to love me, rather than to have HP love me and me love myself.
What can I do to try to see others as HP sees them?
I think I'm okay on this one -- I'm not really judgy or disparaging of other people.
I think I have made this decision a long long time ago. I can't even call it a decision as I think it has always been a part of me as far as when I was born. Perhaps because I was raised and grew up with this thinking.
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
Yes. There may be times when I wanted to doubt because of the intense pain and suffering I am going thru but I always kept coming back to trusting Him.
How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
Thru faith and prayer. By acknowledging that God knows better than I do, not even better but the best. That whatever happens it is always for the better good though I may not see it as such.
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
Again by acknowledging that God knows better than I do. That I need not be afraid as God loves me and that He will not forsake me even in the midst of pain and suffering.
How can I express Gods will in my treatment of others?
By not interfering with God. I have to validate my intention and motive in what I do for the others. Is it to control the situation or manipulate to serve my want or satisfy my desire? I have to remind myself that I cannot impose my will on others. If I wanted changes in my life, the change should come from me.
What can I do to try to see others as HP sees them?
That I should not see myself as better or superior than the others, that our differences is not a measure of who is better. That we are unique individuals and that God loves each and everyone of us despite our differences. And in cases or times of conflict, I will act on my best knowledge, seeking the common good if possible without imposing my will on the other, and leave the judging in the hands of God.
Jocelgp , Thanks for sharing your thoughts with such clarity and honesty .I too believe I always felt that HP was there and would take care of me, however when I was in great pain and witnessing my dream world crashing, I wanted to force my will and doubted that HP would help.
I repeat this Step each morning Thanks for sharing the journey.
I have reflected on this and I feel like I'm ready now to make this decision. Working through Step 1 and 2 I admitted to myself my will was not working. I realised I cannot control situations and other people. I feel ready to turn my will and care of my life over to God.
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
Yes. When I look back at life HP has always been there for me.
How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
Taking whatever action is appropriate and after that letting go of the outcome. Trusting that whatever happens next is for the best. Serenity prayer. Meditation. Refusing to worry about the situation.
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
Each day reminding myself of my decision. Daily affirmations. Serenity prayer. Meditation.
How can I express Gods will in my treatment of others?
Refusing to participate in gossip about others. Treating people with kindness. Seeing others as equal and not attempting to caretake them. Setting healthy boundaries. No manipulation.
What can I do to try to see others as HP sees them?
Not judge others. Recognize all are equal, none are inferior or superior to anyone else.
I am using a new high tech step 3 tool that works great for me---Like an E-God box--I have an email account set up with a higher power type name & I text things to my hp a lot during the day or at night if I am projecting about something. "HP, I release so and so to your care for healing and blessing. I know you are bigger than this problem." Sometimes it is "ok HP, I am gonna give u this til the end of day" if it is hard to let go of or til lunch and then I do it again later.
I also re-read /have memorized that beautiful quote from p.50 in How Al-anon Works: "We make a commitment to take all our concerns, feelings, worries, fears, resentments, thoughts, wishes, dreams, choices & relationships--our will & lives--and place them in the CARE of a God of our understanding. We don't have to figure anything out, know the results...only make a decision."
I had an experience I am still working through around this step. I really want to make my son's life less stressful because I am afraid of relapse. (that goes back to step1 also) There is something I could do, a form of unsolicited assistance, that might for a hairs breath make me feel less anxious about him, reduce his stress--so I keep obsessing back & forth--should I? shouldn't I? It is making my mind less than peaceful /balanced but I believe HP can help me (step 2), so I keep turning it over whenever I want to take it back & the loud voice is telling me to do what I have always done or at least keep obsessing about it--but when I repeat that p.50 quote above with the emphasis on giving HP my fears and relationships...it creates a space in my mind & this still small voice says "mind your own business-that would be doing him a disservice" This step teaches me how to care without control--how to give my concerns over to Hp so I am not consumed by them. In that pamphlet p39 or p35 there's the letter to the family from the A, it says "don't let your anxiety for me cause u to do 4 me what I need to do for myself..." That would be me doing a disservice rather than learning the practice of using the steps/tools to cope with my fears. That is God's Care in expression. But I am a work in progress and probably will need to keep sending HP the same text in the middle of the night. Good night! In gratitude, Luvy
Step 3 Questions
If I am unable to make this decision what holds me back?
I am able to make these decisions.
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
Entirely.
How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
I've had many situations come up recently that have brought me to a great awareness of HP and my ability to leave the outcome up to "him". Recently my mom had a cancer diagnosis. This situation was two fold, she initially had me believing that prognosis was much worse than it truly was.
So in the first stage, news of the diagnosis and grim prognosis, I did a lot of reading and discussing with Al Anon members. I came to the realization that I have no control. What is, is. I needed to release it to HP and whatever the outcome is, is. I can't change it or control it.
In the second stage, where I learned that her prognosis was actually quite good and she had lied to guilt me and get attention, I sat there for a few minutes and meditated on it. I thought, "I don't know why she did that. I guess it's not up to me to know" and once again, I released it to HP. Whatever is, is. I can't change or control it.
This was ground breaking for me. I have lived my entire life in a constant state of anxiety constantly trying to figure out "why" and then losing my sanity trying to control the situation. I am so grateful to have defined my relationship with HP & gained the ability to release the worries and anxiety that held me captive for so long.
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
Simple, I'm happy now. This program is working. I'm sure if I take a little trip down memory lane, that will be enough to shake me back into shape.
How can I express Gods will in my treatment of others?
I can live in gratitude and listen without offering my "opinion" - which I've learned, has no merit. Learning to listen to others has been a great gift. I had the idea that "fixing" people was showing them love. In reality, it was my ego saying that I know what is right, follow me, do what I say. I have humbled myself before God, and I hope that I can show his will by continuing to live in humility and to be of service to others. This will be a work in progress.
What can I do to try to see others as HP sees them?
For me, learning how imperfect I am has helped me release my expectations and judgement of others. I am flawed, and I hope that others will forgive me for my flaws. I am no one to point out the flaws of others, since I am so full of my own. With this in mind, I choose to view others in love, the way I believe HP does. We are all broken in one way or another. My lifelong action will be to do my best to focus on our sameness.
MADE A DECISION TO TURN OUR LIVES AND WILL OVER TO GOD AS WE UNDERSTAND HIM.
If I am unable to make this decision what holds me back?
I think to myself that I have made this decision. I know that God is in control, in my mind. Maybe I dont really know this in my heart. I know that I struggle with pride for me defined as thinking I am as able to help others as is God. Its like part of my mind thinks He must be too busy.
There are several things I need to remind myself of in this question, and remind myself throughout the day every day: God is God and I am not! And while God may take His time, He is never late! I need to remember that all I can really do is pray for others and love them where they are.
I feel like a broken record! My three greatest struggles are my mom, Steve, and Jeff. Since Jeff is not drinking, that struggle is less. However, I still walk a bit on eggshells and want to be rid of whatever causes me to fear conflict so intensely. I need to let go of these things. Let go and let God handle them. Hasnt it been proven enough to me that I cant do anything, but He can and will, in His time?!
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
Yes I do! He cares for me all the time. I know that He loves me. I am His little princess. He sent His son to die for me, thats how much He loves me. It makes me sad that I dont perceive those mentioned in the last question trust that HP cares for them. But then, there I go, digressing into pride again. Only He can make that happen!
Time and again He has shown me how much He cares for me. He has orchestrated Jeffs recovery. He is present in it and beside Jeff. He is being gentle and taking His time. Yes, I admit this frustrates me, but I do know that God has it in His hands and is working it.
Mostly when I look back I can see the presence of God in every turn, every decision, every major life event. My children. My marriage. My recovery from the tumor. My spiritual journey. My healing. My current ministry. Etc., Etc.
Yes, I trust that my HP cares for me. Because I am human I sometimes have to remind myself of this. But I am growing every day in trust.
How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
Oh my! I think that is the million dollar question. I just recently heard this as the definition of step 3 in a talk by Fr. Tom Weston. How do I know I have done this step? He said 1. Show up. I think that means participate in life. Dont be passive, but dont be aggressive. 2. Pay attention. Know whats going on around me. Dont detach to the point of ignoring. 3. Tell the truth. It is ok to say what is on my mind. But 4. Let go of the results. Once I speak, step back and let God do the rest!
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
I imagine this will take practice. I need first to be aware that I am doing it. Every time I chastise or parent my mother. Every time I demean my brother with my words. Every time I even think about Jeffs behaviors or emotions. Every time, I need to stop and think, Am I taking MY will back? I mean, even if its legit, its my will, not Gods, and not the other persons. Every time I catch myself doing it (as Paul says, doing what I dont want to do) I need to have a mantraLet go and let God. or God is God and I am not. Then think positively God loves them the way they are.
How can I express Gods will in my treatment of others?
Gods will is perfect love. So Im not sure of the answer to this. But I need to treat others with the love God treats me, loving no matter what. Unconditionally. Respecting their free will.
What can I do to try to see others as HP sees them?
Try to see everyone as though they were Jesus. And treat them as though Jesus were in my midst.
If I am unable to make this decision what holds me back?
I made this decision as teenager. I have certainly not always behaved as if it were true though. I came into recovery after a particularly low time in my life during which I turned completely back to God.
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
Yes. As I reflect on my life I can see that he has taken care of me all along. Even when I didn't know or didn't want to be taken care of.
How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
For me, this is through prayer. I have to be in contact with my HP in order to turn things over to him. I have learned to pause and pray then act instead of react. I am also learning to recognized when a situation isn't even mine to let go of.
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
Again, prayer. And being aware of my need to control. If I find myself attempting to control a situation and becoming stressed about it I have to step back and remember that I am not the one in control. And that the one who is has a much better plan than mine.
How can I express Gods will in my treatment of others?
By being kind. By thinking of others. By living out my faith without being judgmental of others who live theirs out differently than I do.
What can I do to try to see others as HP sees them?
I can ask him to show me the good qualities in them. I can pray for difficult people in my life. I can remind myself that he loves them as much as he loves me.
How do I feel about turning my life over to a higher power for guidance?
I feel good about it, like its the right thing to do in my gut. I feel a sense of relief. I don't know what actually doing it looks like or feels like but I believe it
How do I know who or what my Higher Power is?
I know my Higher Power is in the beauty and the world around me, in the oceans and the mountains, it sounds corny but that is where I feel it. I feel it in the sense of a big, knowing, all accepting and loving power.
Am I willing to try and turn my problems over? What could help me to be willing?
I am willing, I think working and coming to terms with step one has made me willing to turn it all over. I don't think I need any help to be wiling on this front.
How can I stop thinking, trying and considering and actually make a decision?
I really, really, don't know about this question. I have had this problem as long as I can remember....trying to make every a simple decision is excruciatingly painful. My best guess at this point would be to constantly turn it over to my higher power and maybe that will make the decisions easier. This is something I really struggle with, I think it has gotten better, but in the past this was a very difficult thing for me.
Have I had a problem making decisions in my life?"
YES, yes and YES. Always. I couldn't have an official wedding because I had a problem making decisions and talking things through and knowing what I wanted or needed that planning a wedding turned into a 4 year engagement, and it is still a difficult topic today that needs some processing. Because of my difficulties making decisions, we eloped.
If I am unable to make this decision, what holds me back?"
I think it is this deep paralysis. A deep unknowing and insecurity that runs though my personality and directly influences most of my life like a sticky cobweb. So, If I had to sum it up in one word it would be insecurity. Insecurity. Not believing or trusting in myself or my higher power
Do I trust my Higher Power to care for me"
Yes, I really do. I have this deep belief, or feeling, that my higher power will care for me. Recently there are moments in my life where I can see that my higher power is working, that it is present and there in my life and that gives me more trust and belief.
How might Step Three help me keep my hands off situations created by others?
I think if I turn it over it might be easier for me to practice detachment. If I put things in my Higher Powers hands then I can imagine situations where I can be more objective because I won't feel so personally involved/responsible/to blame/etc. I think step three might provide a sense of freedom and relief from feeling like its all mine to carry.
What consequences have I had by obsession on problems and other people?
For an instance I thought "I have no idea" then I came back into reality and recognized that the very situation I am currently in right now is a great answer to this question. Heading to an interview and I have done nothing but obsess and worry about this trip and it has done nothing but make me loose sight of taking care of myself.
When I "let go and let God" take care of my life, am I willing to follow the guidance I receive?
I think this is hard, but necessary to accept when turning it over. I think it will take practice but I've got to try.
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
I think I will probably try to every day! I think it is the constant recommitment right now that will keep me going. I think I will try, and try, and again and again I will get it right, too. I think for me it is about always re centering myself, and gently pulling myself back in if I have gone astray, and I will go astray. This morning my partner said to me "your either a perfect parent, a perfect partner, or your terrible. You don't give yourself permission to be human" and I think the same idea applies here, I've got to go easy on my self, and know that I will try to take my will back, I will make mistakes, the important part is to recognize when this is happening and ask my higher power for help to get back on the path I want to be on.
What can I do when my loved ones make decisions that I don't like?
I can PAUSE. I can DETACH. I can TURN IT OVER to my Higher Power. I can pray. I can focus my attention on my self and my own happiness.
How can I let my loved ones find their own life paths as I am finding mine?
I think all of the above apply, especially detachment and turning it all over to my Higher Power for guidance.
What can I do to try to see others as God sees them?
Stop being so judgmental. Detach. Let things go. Let go and let God. I think if I am kinder and gentler to myself it will be easier to do the same with others.
How can I express God's will in my actions and words toward others, including the alcoholic?
By being loving and patient. By ACCEPTING love. By detaching. By taking care of myself.
Great responses to this important Step Heyamy. Good Luck at your interview. Remember this Step ask us to simply "make the decision" and the remaining Steps teach us how to do this. I found attending meetings, using the slogans, getting a sponsor was a huge part ofturning my will over and was enough
Keep showing up. It truly is a process.
Good Morning Taraxacum, I appreciate that you shared with such honesty and clarity. I too had difficulty with the step as I did not have complete faith in a higher power. I kept coming to meetings, using the slogans, reading literature and slowly but surely I began to have a sense of power greater than myself. It was very subtle but felt very comforting and wise. In the beginning, like yourself, I used the program, the principles and basic philosophy as the power greater than myself because I saw how that they worked and how effective they were.
I do understand that letting go of old destructive attitudes and tools that appeared to work is frightening. It is all a process so I urge you to keep coming back and know that it is progress not perfection that we seek. Love the closing sentences in which you sum up your thoughts and understand that it, is in giving, compassion and understanding to others we can then turn around and give it to ourselves as well
Glad that you are sharing the journey
Thank you Betty for your insight and support.
Somehow there is always an answer when I seek it, and ask for it, for which I am grateful, and appreciate with some wonder. I only have to pause and remember to ask for it.
If I am unable to make this decision, what holds me back?
As a reactor, this step is difficult but not impossible for me to take. I will need daily reminding, through repeating the steps and slogans each day. When there is nothing external to react to, I also panic. Trust and detatchment - I need to learn and practice these.
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
Strangely, yes, I do. I look at times of chaos and anxiety and I see that I have always been taken care of.
How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
I can show up, no matter how much fear I feel. I can realise that my thoughts and my own will change nothing about what is going on with other people. I can use the slogans and the serenity prayer to remind myself to let go.
How can I stop myself from taking back my will?
Daily work, keep working the steps, and using the slogans. Remembering that I sleep a lot better when I'm not busy in my head with imaginary scenarios and 'what ifs'. Committing myself to the basics of what I know is good self-care.
How can I express God's will in my treatment of others?
To watch my responses and reactions. Not to over-react OR under-react, as I tend to use both for self-will. I can be kind, and I can listen, without always thinking that I need to know better, or know more.
What can I do to try and see others as HP sees them?
I can show up. I tend to avoid others by not showing up. Sometimes, in the past, even when I have made a commitment to show up, I just don't appear (out of fear and isolation tendencies). When I do see and talk to others, I can see them as HP sees them, and I can relate well and even feel good afterwards. My challenge is pre-judging, before I have even got there. Turning my will and my life over to the care of God as we understand him, means that I don't have to focus on the outcome of any situation before it has even happened. I can detach from anxiety-inducing expectations.
Midnight Jane, Thanks for sharing your ESH on this powerful Step. I appreciate your honesty and am looking forward to sharing the journey going forward.
Step 3 Questions This is my attempt at working Step 3. This is a hard step to work because it requires me to really let go and let God. The results of life are not really in my control and require me to be faithful and trust that God will never fail me despite my doubts and fears.
If I am unable to make this decision what holds me back?
Fear is usually what is holding me back. I am afraid of change. I don't trust my own decisions to make positive changes in my life. I tend to let others influence me too much.
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
I want to say yes I do, but in reality I think I am always trying to make a plan B.
How do I turn a situation over and let go of the result?
This is hard for me. I tend to want to control the situation and others. I am always striving for perfection instead of progress. I need to work on this area. This is a tough area when your life is intermingled with an alcoholic. There behaviors and consequences do impact us.
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
I think this is an area where I need to pray to God and ask for help.
How can I express Gods will in my treatment of others?
Being more patient, loving and kind to others and myself while keeping healthy boundaries.
What can I do to try to see others as HP sees them
Ask God to help me see others the way he does. Try to refrain from being judgemental. Be supportive when I can and step back to let others lead their own lives when necessary.
Hope this helps me to keep growing and learning.
Ready to start the work on step 4.
God Bless
Kat