We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--- that our lives had become unmanageable

Courage to Change, page 14  ." I learned in Al-Anon that I am bound to fail to make someone else stop drinking. Because I am powerless over alcoholism" "our spiritual growth is unlimited and our rewards end less if we try to bring this program into every phase of our daily lives.":

My share

When I first entered program and read these steps, I thought, how difficult it is going to be to practice this program.  I did not have a clue how I could admit that I was powerless over something that seemed to be destroying my life.  My reasoning suggested that I had to exert power or I would be destroyed. I had spent all my life, pretending, that my family was perfect and that we  were in perfect control and happy, it took quite a bit for me to acknowledge that the un manageability in my life was within my own thinking patterns and inability to handle life in a constructive manner

I'm glad I kept coming back, listening at meetings and reading literature, so that I finally comprehended this first step. We are all powerless over each other's choices. We can suggests constructive ways to live life to others, but we cannot force solutions.  Once I could grasp this concept and accept it. deep down within, I could finally surrender and embrace the First Step.  I also must add that I needed to move quickly to Step Two,in order to let go of control and allow a Power Greater than Myself to be in Control.

Step one questions;

Do I accept that I cannot control another persons behavior?

Do I trust my own feelings? Do I know what they are?

How well do I take care of myself?

How do I feel when I'm alone?

If I say yes when I want to say no. What happens to my life when I do that?

Do I take care of others easily but find it difficult to take care of myself?

 On to Step Two

I have attended one meeting in person almost a year ago and did my first on-line meeting last night.  I want to learn how to apply the 12 steps so that I can learn how to live again, not really sure that I have been living at all really.  Alcohol has been apart of my life in some way since childhood.  I have lost so much and I don't even drink.  I like many of us here am affected by someone else's addiction to alcohol.  I plan to attend a face to face meeting on Monday and more on-line meetings until then.  I am here to share and learn.  Thank you all and God bless.

I am in the same situation.  I feel like staying is a risk and walking away is a loss.  Hoping to find support and some way to make sense of all of this here.  One day at a time

Sorry I'm late.

Step one for me was difficult because I pride myself on being a rational and intellectual person. I did not want to admit i was powerless over another person because I took it as a failure of myself as a child and a partner.  When life became unmanageable I became wiling to examine the possibility of being powerless and this was helped by hearing at a meeting the concept of almighty brain and allowing it to resign. 

I sometimes take care of myself and sometimes do not.  Sometimes i am sabotaging my progress by asserting my will in situations that will only end up hurting me.  

But i am comitted to trying newer and better ways of being. I do get blindsided when i am around active alcoholics. It draws me back into old ways of thinking and reacting and controlling. So I must always remind myse;f I am powerless over the thoughts feelings beleifs and behaviours of others.

Hi A41 Thank you for sharing your thoughts with such such honesty, clarity and wisdom. I agree recovery is a process and as long as we keep coming back and  attempting to use the tools, I know that I will continue to grow.

Accepting powerlessness was certainly the key to my being able to face life on life's terms.

Thanks for sharing the journey

After going through this with ex husband and our son I thought I'd walked recovery road of accepting powerlessness to my core.  I was wrong.  With our daughter just accepting and asking for help, I'm learning all over again about relinquishing any illusion of control! Thankful to find this online way to review again... To begin again.

I'm jumping in a little late but have decided another walk through the steps is due.  I have been in Alanon for a little over a year.  Step 1 for me the first time was swift and relieving! The very idea that I was powerless over alcohol was completely new to me.  It freed me of so much "responsibility".  I was fully aware that my life was unmanageable.  

This step looks different today.  I am learning to admit that I am powerless over everyone and everything except me.  That is harder.  When I find myself fretting or worrying over a situation, I have to stop and look at what I'm trying to control.  What outcome I'm trying to force.  

Do I accept that I cannot control another person's behavior?

I have written, erased and written and erased.I wanted to believe that I could do things to influence my AS but if anything has, it has been ignoring him completely. Who am I to say what motivates others? I think we are all insecure and want to connect with something we can really rely on. 

Maybe I could control the sober members of my family if I wanted to be really bitchy but why would I do that and where would it get me? They would do the least they had to to get me off their back and then get away. That's not what I want.

Right now I am worried that my AS is picking back up with old friends who he said were a bad influence and I have worries that he is getting back into his gateway habits. I asked my husband to cut off money but he says he made a commitment to give him a certain amount and that he doesn't want to until he has evidence that our AS has relapsed into pot use. So I am powerless as to how that will evolve. 

Generally, I am powerless over how my AS will battle and win or lose with his demons. 

I guess I have never wanted to control anyone because I hate to be controlled myself. I look back on earlier times and wonder if I could have changed things today by controlling certain SITUATIONS.

Do I trust my own feelings? Do I know what they are?

Yes, I do trust my own feelings. I know when I am angry or sad or happy or fearful. What I am trying to internalize is that feelings, like thoughts, don't have to be acted upon. Just like they say it may be human to discriminate but that it's what you decide to do about the discrimination that determines how bigoted you are.

How well do I take care of myself?

Pretty well, I exercise, go to my medical appointments, take my meds and supplements, eat well, limit indulgences and I go to my Al-anon meetings. I have even been known to get my hair colored or get a pedicure or massage from time to time.

How do I feel when I'm alone?

It depends on what is going on with AS, but even if it's bad, I seek out solitude and silence.

If I say yes when I want to say no. What happens to my life when I do that?

I don't do it that often but these are times when I am resentful; I pick the leadership/planning/other participants apart. I become distracted and when the thing comes up I have negative feelings that cause me difficulty in acting as I want to or saying what I mean without saying it mean. I become aggressive.

Do I take care of others easily but find it difficult to take care of myself?

Less now than when my children were young and my husband was traveling for business and generally working 70 hours a week.

I do struggle with spending money on activities or other things for myself.

Hello Tude Welcome I appreciate your taking the time to share your thoughts on this extremely important Step. Please do continue to share the journey as your honesty and insights are indeed powerful. Love how you are taking good care o yourself  

Im a member of another fellowship and do a step study every year. Now I want to get a handle on this situation (hah! does that translate to "now I want to control THIS situation"?). My loved one is not dealing with alcohol per se, but its quite amazing how similar the situation is. I want to stop resenting and managing her, what-if-ing about her, and focus just on loving her.

Step one questions;
Do I accept that I cannot control another persons behavior?
> In theory, absolutely. In practice oftenish. But when the rubber hits the road with my loved one, when shes all revved up and I dont know what to do anymore, I take over. I still have to figure out when thats helpful and when it isnt, and I have to really get it that just because I take over, doesnt mean that any positive outcome is guaranteed. I also dont know about the long term effects of my behaviour.

I read from another poster I am powerless over how my AS will battle and win or lose with his demons. Yes, I totally believe that. Or most of me totally believes that. When things heat up, its really easy for me to forget that and I just want to power through. Thats how I cope. It usually has good results but it feels off. Like spending a million bucks to get the house cleaned. Well, of course it gets cleaned but how many million bucks do you have? And whats wrong with just taking out the trash yourself a few times a week, or moving to a more manageable house? Does that make sense?

Do I trust my own feelings? Do I know what they are?
> More and more. Im getting pretty good with naming and facing them.

How well do I take care of myself?
> I dont have the slightest clue. On the surface, Im not bad. Emotionally, Im not sure. Thats why Im here!

How do I feel when I'm alone?
> I like it most of the time.

If I say yes when I want to say no. What happens to my life when I do that?
> I dont do that most of the time.

Do I take care of others easily but find it difficult to take care of myself?
> I honestly dont know. I dont know how good of a job Im doing taking care of others or myself. Ok emotionally, I spend a lot of time taking care of others and one thing thats happened because of that is that there is an expectation that I will do that, both from myself and from others. No outspoken but thats just what the script seems to be.