Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
C2C reading page 235--" My Al-Anon recovery involves becoming aware of what motivates my choices . I was appalled to discover that fear ruled my life. Many of us use the slogans to deal with this fear "
My share When I first began practicing this program.,the first three words of this step really intrigued me The statement:" came to believe",to me was a simple statement that seemed to indicate that somewhere along the line, by attending meetings , sharing with a sponsor using the slogans, I would come to believe in a Power Greater than myself -- what a promise!!!
. Naturally I worked the first step, saw and finally owned my powerlessness over alcohol and acknowledged the fact that I my life was unmanageable . That was extremely difficult.
This admission,saw the removal of my denial ,and allowed me to finally become honest with myself. I then kept coming back to meetings, letting go of my denial enough so that I could be honest and share my hidden thoughts and fears.
I am really grateful that my sponsor introduced me to the slogans because they were my steppingstones through the steps. Whenever I encountered a difficult problem , was tempted to react in my old negative fashion, I pulled up on the slogan: let go and let God or" how important is it"as well as the serenity prayer.so I did not fall into old patterns of control or fear..
This is a simple program for complicated people, however I did discover that as long as I was willing to keep showing up, and picking up the simple tools, I began to feel better about myself and my life.
. I must confess that I used the Al-Anon rooms, the principles of Al-Anon as my first" Power Greater than myself" . I could see how program worked and knew that it was more powerful than anything I'd ever encountered. As I watched in disbelief, my own ability to show up with compassion and empathy increased, and I listened at Al-Anon meetings to other members who did the same, I knew that I was in a fellowship that could restore me to sanity
. I had no problems turning my will and my life over in the next step
Activities
1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future.
2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity? Have your expectations about recovery changed? What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you first began recovering?
3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself? Do you believe that Power cares about you?
4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you? Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.
5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself? Do you believe it is possible?
6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored. Your goals will be more effective if they center around restoring your own life rather than someone elses.
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel? If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than your self in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently? What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing? What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel? If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?
PeacefulLove said
Feb 5, 2018
Hello! I have been meditating on this Step, reading my ODAT Al-Anon book for the passages that relate to this step, and have been looking over the Activites Questions related to this step. Im trying to dig really deep within myself, and I just find it amazing as to the things my HP is revealing to me that I need to address. There are moments that I sometimes need to step away and just BREATHE, and remind myself that all progress is beneficial, even the smallest steps that I take in faith every day.
1) WHAT ARE THE ACTIVITIES THAT BRING YOU HOPE AND HELP YOU BELIEVE THINGS ARE OKAY, AND WILL BE OKAY? - I have always been a very Spiritual person. I cannot go through a day without praying, talking to my HP which I pretty much do every minute of the day when Im alone. I do not believe in coincidences, but rather that everything that happens in life has a purpose and a meaning. For me, this means the Heavens, and my HP are looking out for my best interests. Even when things do not work out as I expect, I try to remember to laugh about it because my HP has a much bigger sense of humor than I could ever possibly understand. I also remind myself that any hardship I am going through, especially when I am feeling sorry for myself, that my HP only gives me the things that I am prepared to go through, and that help is available to me if I only ask. Going to meetings and talking with other people in both AA and Al-Anon has been very beneficial and uplifting for me. I also read as much literature as possible and generally look for the silver linings in all of my everyday dealings and endeavors.
2) HOW HAVE YOUR IDEAS CAHNGED ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS TO BE RESTORED TO SANITY? HAVE YOUR EXPECTATIONS ABOUT RECOVERY CHANGED? WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM RECOVERY NOW THAT IS DIFFERENT FROM WHAT YOU EXPECTED WHEN YOU FIRST BEGAN RECOVERING? - I almost have to laugh at myself when I admit that I thought it was a crazy notion to think that I needed recovery for anything. Just before Christmas (2017) I was still operating from the mindset that I did not have any problems and that this alcoholism issue belonged to the RAs in my life. Then a situation occurred just before New Years Eve that gave me pause to sit back and truly look at my life. As my RAH would say, life had become a hula-hoop... This stuff was NEVER going to end! Then I thought back to something else I had learned from his AA meetings: The only person I can change is MYSELF and the way I think about things. That was when I had to get real with myself and start looking at how I handled things going on around me; how I had lost the connection to myself. I had to get comfortable with the idea that I too needed recovery. I do not think my expectations about recovery have changed too much from realizing I needed to get to it because I realize it is a process. But as I go along, I am beginning to see that not only is the recovery a life-long stage for me, but something that I will forever evolve into. This does not scare me because I see it as change that my HP is bringing me through in order to be of service for His Glory, and to be the best version of myself as I can be.
3) FOR NOW, HOW DO YOU DEFINE A POWER GREATER THAN YOURSELF? DO YOU BELIEVE THAT HP CARES ABOUT YOU? - I choose to believe my HP is God and all of the Heavens. This has been a lifelong search and understanding I have made to find my HP. Even before my relationship with my RAH, I have always known my HP and yes, I have been through way too many situations in life to not know that I am cared for. The tangible signs of my HPs love for me are all around me, and a constant reminder and comfort to me.
4) WHAT IS A RESONABLE PLAN OF SELF-CARE FOR YOU TO HELP YOU CONTINUE TO BELIEVE THAT RECOVERY CAN, AND WILL, WORK FOR YOU? - Remaining connected to my HP is beneficial in my self-care plan, as well as remaining active in meetings, and the overall Al-Anon community. I also find it most helpful to continue being active along with my RAH in the AA Community. In addition, I will continue to work on myself, my healthy lifestyle and the must do daily activity of keeping a gratitude list. I find this one thing absolutely helps me stay positive and can put me in a happy mood even when I awake feeling blah. And maybe most importantly I have to continue looking at my RAH and his own walk in recovery. No, hes not perfect - who is! - and no, he doesnt always do the right things - who does! But he lives a full life in joy almost every day. Yes, there are some difficult days when his RAD gives him/us issues, but every day is getting better than the last. And were beginning to dream again, talk about our bucket list items, and the negativity does not permeate his daily life like it was just a month ago when RAD was going through major dry drunk issues. Only our HP could make these changes in our lives. Every day is a little more progress forward.
5) WHAT HAS BEEN DONE FOR OTHERS IN RECOVERY THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO HAPPEN FOR YOURSELF? DO YOU BELIEVE IT IS POSSIBLE? - The thing I notice most for others in recovery and that I would like to gain for myself, is to truly stop being so judgmental. I never realized how much judgement I pass on others. I want to be able to truly accept people as they are and not be affected by their choices because I allow it to bother me. I want to stop giving away my emotions to others. I do believe it is possible for me to get there by remaining focused on my own business and keeping my nose out of everybody elses business. I also have come to realize that I am very co-dependent on my husband. I thought I had to be because we are a newly married couple and we have been a team from the get-go. It concerns me to think of not being co-dependent on him because then I might not be so emotionally connected to him. In self reflection I realize now this is a not-so-healthy attitude to have. So, this is yet another area of myself that I have begun working on.
6) MAKE A LIST OF AREAS IN YOUR LIFE WHERE YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE RESTORED. - The biggest thing for me that I would like to be restored is my overall peace and happiness. I want to be able to openly communicate with my husband and family without always worrying how my comments are going to be perceived and what sarcastic comments will be made in response. ____________________________________________________________________________
1) TO REMEMBER THIS STEP, YOU MAY FIND IT HELPFUL TO WRITE IT DOWN IN THE FORM OF AN AFFIRMATION. FOR EXAMPLE, I HAVE TURNED MY LIFE AND MY WILL OVER TO THE CARE OF GOD TODAY. ALL IS WELL. - I LOVE this example! We also have another (similar) sign hanging in our home that I love equally as much. It says: Good Morning! This is God. I will be handling all of your problems today. I DO NOT NEED YOUR HELP. Have a great day! (It hangs directly over the coffee pot so it cannot be missed.
2) IF YOU KNEW THAT ALL WAS WELL AND ON SCHEDULE IN YOUR LIFE TODAY, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? IF YOU KNEW THAT THINGS WERE BEING MANAGED BY A POWER GREATER THAN YOURSELF IN A WAY THAT WOULD WORK OUT TO YOUR BEST INTERESTS, HOW WOULD YOU ACT DIFFERENTLY? - Off the top of my head, as I ready these 2 questions, I was thinking I would act completely carefree and truly not have a care in the world. ANYTHING could happen and I would just be my happy, happy, happy self. It is funny that so many people in my life see me this way anyhow, thinking I have such great faith in my HP and how He is working things out in my life. In reality, my HP has done unbelievable AMAZING things for me in the past 3 years. And while I have great faith in all things He does for me/us, there are still days that I find it hard to cope. And I go into this awful funk. When my RAH is emotionally there for me to grab onto and hold on for dear life, all is well. But this is not always the case, that he is emotionally available for me to grab onto. So, my emotions get hurt and I start back on this insanity roller coaster. I do trust that through Al-Anon, my HP is showing me the way to recover and to cope, and to live a better life.
3) IF YOU KNEW YOU HAD NO POWER TO CONTROL EVENTS, OUTCOMES, OR A PARTICULAR PERSON, HOW WOULD YOU BEHAVE DIFFERENTLY? WHAT WOUILD YOU SAY OR DO? WHAT WOUILD YOU STOP SAYING OR DOING? WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY FOR YOURSELF IN ORDER TO ENJOY YOUR OWN LIFE NOW, TO LIVE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT? - This question in itself really sums up this whole step for me. Bottom line, I would stop offering advice or telling someone how to live their life. I would KNOW deep down that their HP is the only one in control of their life and that their HP does not need suggestions or actions from me. All I need to do is to be there to listen to them, then go about living my life in happiness, peace, freedom, and joy knowing that my HP is in control of everything in my life. I could take my Dreams and my Bucket List and just start setting goals for myself, and get to it. Nothing should be stopping me, and yet I have allowed many things to get in the way. (Right this second as Im typing out these answers, I am truly FEELING this step. This is what I need to be doing; what I should have been doing all along. And yet, there are SO MANY people and things I have given my power over my aspirations to along the way. No wonder Im not happy and not at peace.)
4) IF YOU WERENT ALLOWING SOMEONE ELSE TO CONTROL YOU, WHAT WOULD YOU BE DOING DIFFERENTLY? WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY WITH YOUR LIFE? HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? - If no one else had control over my life, I would be making no more excuses for what I do and dont do in my day. Meaning, I would be working on the recipes for the cookbook I want to write. I would be taking dancing lessons that Ive wanted to get back into since childhood. Id be leading a bible study (which I am in the process of setting up). I would be traveling and generally getting out to see and do. I would be having a lot more fun if I werent so occupied with taking care of everyone else in my life.
5) IF YOU WERENT ALLOWING A PARTICULAR CIRCUMSTANCE TO CONTROL YOU, OR IF YOU WERENT TRYING TO CONTROL THAT CIRCUMSTANCE - IF YOU JUST LET IT BE AND ACCEPTED IT AS OKAY FOR THE PRESENT MOMENT - HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? IF YOU WERENT FIGHTING WITH OR RESISTING THIS CIRCUMSTANCE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE DOING? HOW WOULD YOU BE FEELING? - I would be feeling Happy, Joyous, and tons of Peaceful Freedom! Again, I repeat my responses of what I would be doing from Number 4 immediately above.
6) TAKING THIS STEP OFTEN PUTS YOU IN TOUCH WITH YOURSELF. LISTEN TO YOURSELF. WRITE ABOUT WHAT YOU FEEL, WANT, NEED, AND THINK. THEN PICK UP THE PHONE AND SHARE WHO YOU ARE WITH SOMEONE SAFE, SOMEONE YOU TRUST. TALK IN A WAY THAT REFLECTS SELF-RESPONSIBILITY, NO VICTIMIZATION. DONT ASK THEM TO RESCUE YOU. ASK THEM TO LIST AND ACCEPT YOU AS YOU ARE. - I will have the opportunity to do this face-to-face with a trusted family friend whom I have a lot of respect for, in 2 weeks. I imagine I will feel a sense of relief and maybe some freedom after this discussion. BTW - she is also a member of Al-Anon and has a RAH.
7) WHAT IS THE MOST LOVING, MOST NURTURING THING AVAILABLE TO YOU RIGHT NOW THAT YOU CAN USE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND ENJOY LIFE? WHAT WILL YOU DO WITH IT? - Right now, in order to take care of myself emotionally, physically, and spiritually I really try hard to not allow negativity into my life. This includes things I hear, see, read, and eat. I LOVE cooking for my husband and I and thoroughly enjoy the meal planning process. I also enjoy attending my meetings and being of service within the Al-Anon and AA communities as I can be. And I especially love chatting and being with my family. So traveling is a big thing for me - I LOVE to go visit family. I will continue to focus on myself and the things that I love to do. I will continue to make time for my family and family events whether or not my RAH participates. Luckily, I said this from our first date, so he understands, and is very supportive of everything I am doing for myself and where my family is concerned. I will continue to hold my boundaries where negative things are concerned. I need the peace and dont want to jeopardize not having it with negative stuff that I can easily turn off.
Thank you SO MUCH for giving me the opportunity to go through this step work. Im sure this will not be the first and only time I go through it. I look forward to the many aspects of my recovery which Im sure will be identified in this step work process. I know I have work to do on myself.
Have a SUPER BLESSED Day!
-- Edited by PeacefulLove on Monday 5th of February 2018 08:09:19 PM
hotrod said
Feb 5, 2018
Hello PeacefulLove so pleased that you found the opportunity to meditate on on this Step and shared your thoughts with such honesty and clarity. I found that working the Steps is a life long process, however beginning to take the actions extremely important to recovery
Do keep coming back.
SoggySlippers said
Feb 7, 2018
"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"
I am not quite ready to answer all the questions here yet,but wanted to share where I am at with this.
Things have been so chaotic,so dramatic,so crazy making,for so many months now that this step gives me a sense of relief.And release also.
I feel so humbled by this step.Just reading it makes me want to cry.I have no choice but to believe(and hope) that my HP can restore ME to sanity.
ME.
I miss me.I miss my life.Friends.Drawing,reading,laughing,writing.I miss living.I have lost myself along the way.I have been too busy acting as if I am everyone else's HP.This step knocks me off my pedestal.
I was having such a hard time accepting that I am powerless in step one,I could admit it but acceptance,true acceptance ,was too hard.Maybe this step is what I needed in order to work the first one,maybe they were in the wrong order for me.It's pretty scary to let go of the illusion of power and be left feeling vulnerable and alone.Believing a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity feels comforting.
hotrod said
Feb 8, 2018
Hello .S.S. it does sounds as if you have successfully "Come to Believe" Keep practicing the program and validating yourself. I too lost myself in the process of living and am grateful to alanon and these Steps for restoring me to myself.
Please do continue to share the journey.
Grace R said
Feb 9, 2018
Hi Betty
This is wonderful. Thans so very much.
Activities
1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future.
Nature. Definitely. She is my Higher Power. I love my self care routines and have recently been genuinely unable to do a lot of it (for very good reason). Getting to the beach for a run and then a swim in the ocean, home for a hot shower and breakfast......something I have been doing for about 15 years, and to do it again made me feel extremely connected and SO much better. So much more faithful in my HP and that all is well.
2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity? Have your expectations about recovery changed? What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you first began recovering?
Oh yes! I didn't identify with the word insane at all so my ideas of this step have changed. I can now see that even stinking thinking is insane. insane is just a yucky word, so I took what I liked and left the rest. I look at it not so much as being insane or sane, but being restored to good mental health. I love this step.
3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself? Do you believe that Power cares about you?
Again, nature. Not religion. No dood in the sky who accepts some people and not others. Just the force of nature that is love. Unfortunately I do struggle with the practices that urge me to believe that the power "cares" about me.....it's tricky, coming from a spiritual perspective but I guess the nature of evolution of the soul is love. We cant evolve unless we love, truly love ourselves and others. I'm working on finding something that fits for me. for those who can attach a 'person' to Higher Power it may be easier. Hence religion being so popular. I'm a work in progress lol.
4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you? Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.
Thanks so much, I have needed a reminder recently to keep this in focus. I have been really busy with small children and have done my best to self care, but am slowly getting there.
It has taken quite some time to get into a routine for the start of this year, still not quite there yet (almost there!). Prioritizing self care and scheduling it into my busy week has helped so much. Attend to my pain which is currently manifesting as muscle pain in my chest (adult child grief emerging) and getting massages every Tuesday. Every Friday doing my run (or a stretching session if raining like it is today) followed by my online meeting.
5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself? Do you believe it is possible?
I really wish that I felt accepted by alanon members and had found fellowship in my face to face meetings. I think it is lovely how many other members seem to have made many real friends. Despite my attempts at making genuine friendships that 'go both ways', it still hasn't happened for me with friendships that last, with people who check in with me as I do them. I often find that after a friendship forms with a member, they later reveal they are a dual member of AA as well. Tricky, as I respect everyone in recovery, but it's just not good for me to spend time aroiund alcoholics these days. I also attract people who are narcissistic or emotionally unavailable. I especially attract people who want something from me. It sounds mean, but I am trying to attract healthy people who have not had history of substance or addiction, but healthy people don't seem to be drawn to me. I do believe its possible for me to have it as well. I'm just not there yet. I'm working on rewiring my brain through recovery, to try and shift the energy I must 'put out there'.
6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored. Your goals will be more effective if they center around restoring your own life rather than someone elses.
Oooooh yes this feels great to think about. Thanks.
1/ Genuine friendships with people who accept my love and kindness, as well as check in with me and care for me too.
2/Restored from anxiety
3/ Restored from the pain caused by family of origin being dysfunctional and abusive.
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."
"I have turned my life and my will over to the care of Higher Power today so I trust that ALL happenings are in my best spiritual interest. Not only the happy happenings"
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel? If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than your self in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
The truth is that I do believe that my life is being managed by a greater power. I am most often able to understand my spiritual evolutionary path and feel immense joy that Higher Power has guided me to this place of my dreams having come true. It's only when the effects of growing up in my family take hold, which happens when I am sick, tired or lonely that I can lose sight. If I was able to stay in this belief more often I would be flourishing as the healthiest happiest version of myself I could possibly be, and be a better parent and more positive influence on people around me.
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently?
I would behave in a more relaxed way, more often.
What would you say or do? I would say more open and freeing comments like "live and let live" and "how important is it" .
What would you stop saying or doing? I would stop saying ...too much. I would be much better at simply ".
What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
That's as far as i'll get today
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel? If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?
__________________
Betty
hotrod said
Feb 9, 2018
Hi Grace Thank you for sharing your thoughts with such honesty and clarity I appreciate you taking the time to share the journey.
Tude said
Feb 9, 2018
Hi Betty and thank you again for your service and your ESH!
I've always had a strong faith in God. This program has helped me see the areas of faith and trust I was missing. In step 2 I am learning to believe God will restore me to sanity in many areas of my life. I love this program and everyone in it!
1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future.
Maintaining a close relationship with God. Working the steps and reading everyone's ESH. Going to meetings, keeping in touch with my sponsor and friends. I began to see where there were so many areas I was not trusting God, then after working the steps . I began to realize how insane/irrational my thinking had become. The hope came when I was able to recognize these areas. That I did not have to tackle these areas in my own strength or try to solve everything around me. For myself it has to do with everything from prayer, meditation, studying, meetings, reading alanon literature, my sponsors wisdom in all these and staying grounded in the program. An awareness of how easily I can allow the insanity to sneak back in without the whole of all Alanon has to offer. In using all these tools, I can remain in a place of believing God has and will continue to restore me to sanity. My sponsor and the friends I have made here in MIP! Listening to Alanon speakers
2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity? Have your expectations about recovery changed? What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you first began recovering?
My ideas have changed drastically.
First of all I didn't realize insanity had crept in. And I was INSANE when I got here LOL! The step shows me where I cannot do this alone, that my mind can quickly go to places of insanity, irrational expectations. God can and does if I just let him. When I recognize those moments of insanity returning through this program and through times of prayer, it is just so peaceful vs trying to do things my way. My expectations have certainly changed.
3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself? Do you believe that Power cares about you?
For myself God is all loving, all powerful and wants the best for me. He can handle any and all of my problems. Yes.
4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you? Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.
Continue working the steps and taking daily inventory. Keep in contact with my sponsor and friends, go to meetings and read. Be open to suggestions and willing to look at areas I may be trying to take back control. Do things for myself that I enjoy. Enrolled in classes, being more consistent in working out on treadmill, hot baths with music on:)
5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself? Do you believe it is possible?
The time and wisdom that comes with time in working this program to maintain a balance, and to help others in the right way. Yes, as long as I continue to put my best foot forward.
6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored. Your goals will be more effective if they center around restoring your own life rather than someone elses.
Health. The energy to be able to work and play more. I'm working on this now. Trips to see old friends again.
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."
I have turned my life and will over to God today.. I now know God can handle anything that comes my way.
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel? If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than your self in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
Just for today all is well and on schedule. It feels great. I have been regaining confidence, and it shows.
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently? What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing? What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
I do realize I can't control anything, therefore I am not saying or doing anything but taking care of my side of the street. I don't have to worry! I can even let God do the worrying for me. I am playing again. It shows in my marriage and that is taking care of me. The effects of working the steps, the program have a direct effect on my own happiness and all my relationships today.
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
No one is controlling me today. I'm working on this as I read, write etc. It feels very different letting God be in control now of the areas I was trying to do on my own. It's freeing and yet also a growing area.
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel? If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
Back to the workaholism mind in this area for me. I have gone in and out of just being okay with it for the past few weeks. I feel great when I let it go and yet..I am still picking this area back up, but much less as time goes. My mind is no longer stuck on fast forward (expecting too much) or fast reverse (wishing I could change things) Its an area I need to fully realize God can restore me to sanity. A work in progress. This is the #1 area of truly letting go, health issues and not working. My mind is getting there the more I practice giving this area to God also.
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
I am feeling good about who I am again. It has been a process but one well worth doing. More than words can say. I am only responsible for my own choices today. That feels great! This part was scary. Very scary. And HARD! My question was what happens if my health doesn't get better. (I never say that, or really even allow myself to think it, till recently after 7+ years, that to me says I may give up and I never give up) Can you accept that, me as I am if my health doesn't get better........the answer went well and I followed it by stating facts I can do that have helped in the past, and that I am currently doing that will improve at least some of this.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it? Take care of me and my relationship with God IN honesty. Enjoy the process, even the slips and the trials. Knowing that the outcome not only gives me peace and joy, but also effects every person in my life when I do take care of me. I'm going to continue doing what I am doing. :)
hotrod said
Feb 9, 2018
Hello Tude Thanks for taking the time to respond to Step 2 with such courage and perception. Your determination and dedication to your recovery is admirable. Thanks for sharing he journey
Tude said
Feb 10, 2018
Thank you Betty. You are awesome! Thank you for your service!!
Aline said
Mar 4, 2018
Hi! Thanks, Betty, for your continuing service!!! And thanks everyone who posted here. I did step 3 with my sponsor but I felt I haven't really gotten all I can with step 2, and my sponsor said if I have problems with a step I should return to the previous one, so here I am working some more on it. Answering the questions helped, as well as reading others' answers here on the board. The biggest thing I took with me this time around is that God doesn't need my help and has got this - thank you, Peaceful Love, for your share on this, it helped me immensely! Weird though for me, but very healthy.
1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future. Gratitude lists, talking with my sponsor, talking with recovering people, reading Al-Anon literature, looking back on how my life has improved since coming to the program. The most helpful has been contact with my sponsor and gratitude lists.
2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity? Have your expectations about recovery changed? What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you first began recovering? I knew I was insane when I came to Al-Anon, because I felt like that often. I wanted it to stop. Now Im beginning to see that the feeling I had/have of going insane is in large part me unable to accept reality and even more importantly, to accept my real feelings/attitudes about things. So what I want now is to learn to accept things/feelings/situations/people including myself as they are. The thought of insanity meaning doing the same things, expecting different results also applies. I am resistant to change, just want to sit back and wait for everything/one else to change to fit my wants/needs. When I first came to Alanon I was ready to make some changes just because I was desperate. Now I see my whole outlook on life has been skewed through the years so much I am now really recovering myself, finding myself. I expect Ill keep changing.
3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself? Do you believe that Power cares about you? My HP is, most importantly, not me. I currently perceive it as a mixture of Al-Anon program, a very deep peaceful place inside me, and something benevolent that is everywhere. I believe my HP wants the best for me, mostly, but Im still partly conflicted in this regard, and I find it strange that I, in fact, now attempt and sometimes succeed in relying on a higher power, because I had lived for years, completely having discarded the idea that any kind of spiritual higher power even exists, not even talking about it caring about me. The way I think about it now is that I have a number of experiences that have shown me the existence and the power of my HP, and thats what I roll with now.
4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you? Look again at your ideas in question 1 above. Attending meetings, working the steps with my sponsor, calling my sponsor, reading literature, journaling, prayers, gratitude lists, slogans, serenity prayer, looking for guidance from my HP, learning to accept that Im not God, and that HP doesnt need my help in running life.
5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself? Do you believe it is possible? Lightness, joy, more laughter, kindness, level-headedness, serenity, openness, acceptance of self and others. I believe this is possible for me, too.
6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored. Your goals will be more effective if they center around restoring your own life rather than someone elses. Mental health/well-being, self-acceptance, gaining friend(s), honesty and openness, living in the moment.
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well." I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today to the best of my ability.
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel? If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than your self in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently? I would lose the inner tension that accompanies me pretty constantly in the sense that I always feel I cant get enough done and that I have to find answers to all problems by myself. This would unburden me. I would be lighter and happier.
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently? What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing? What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment? I would do what is best for me, just taking into account not to harm others in the process. I would have more serenity and inner peace. I would look how I can change myself and stop expecting everyone/thing else to change.
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel? I mostly dont allow others to control me anymore, for which Im grateful.
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel? I would feel unburdened. This is what Im working on now, not easy at all for me. If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling? Ive begun to see I have this terribly harmful habit of resisting/denying certain feelings/thoughts that I seem to have labeled bad at some point. This denial brings on enormous strain on my mental well-being when I get into that place. I some times have managed to let myself just be in this crazy moments and it was very freeing yet also showed me clearly several of my character defects. If I would learn to accept myself at these times I come face to face with some more unpleasant sides of myself. This is both very freeing and also hard to look myself right in the eye and see both the not good with the good Takes a whole lot of courage, and this is not something I can do consistently at all yet.
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are. I did do something like this with my sponsor.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it? I can take things easy today as its Sunday, and let myself relax. I will do my best to do that, even though I have some responsibilities to do Ill try to just roll with things
-- Edited by Aline on Sunday 4th of March 2018 10:23:42 AM
-- Edited by Aline on Sunday 4th of March 2018 10:28:23 AM
-- Edited by Aline on Sunday 4th of March 2018 11:13:30 AM
hotrod said
Mar 7, 2018
Hi Aline Thank you for your hard work and dedication to your recovery. Your honesty and hard work will serve you well.
Growing said
Mar 18, 2018
Step 2 Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
My share It has helped me to think of Steps one, two and three as: I can't. God can. I'll let Him. I've had a lot of losses in my life and was always able to seek the help of my Higher Power and found great comfort in turning things over to God. However, when my son's alcoholism became wildly apparent, my distorted thinking had me feeling abandoned by God. I'm relieved that Al-Anon meetings, working the steps, and reading the literature is helping me reconnect with my Higher Power. I remind myself to turn to my Higher Power, rather than get stuck in the devastating effects of alcoholism.
Activities
1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future.
When I began this journey, the word hope was frightening to me. I was afraid to have hope. I'm so grateful to Al-Anon for helping me find hope once again. I find hope in so many ways now: Al-Anon meetings, speaking with other Al-Anon members, reading the literature, and seeking guidance from my Higher Power. When my son sent me a text saying he'd relapsed a few weeks ago, my thinking was far different from what it was before I found Al-Anon. Instead of panicking and jumping right into the drama, trying to tell him what to do, I stopped and took a deep breath. I meditated on acceptance. I sought guidance from my Higher Power. I found a peace and acceptance amidst the sadness by using those Al-Anon tools.
2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity? Have your expectations about recovery changed? What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you first began recovering?
I don't know if my ideas about being restored to sanity have changed, but what I expected from recovery has and I'm so grateful for that. I grew up in a family of alcoholism and was very familiar with recovery so I didn't walk into Al-Anon thinking that it would help my son stop drinking. Actually, that's probably what kept me from Al-Anon for too long -- the fact that I knew Al-Anon could not help my son stop drinking. I felt different as the parent of an alcoholic (before I found Al-Anon, that is). I felt that my son and I had a close bond and that I could love him back to health, that if he just listened to my advice, he would be ok. That was before I truly understood that alcoholism is a disease and I am powerless. Before I found Al-Anon, I would attend my son's rehab classes for family members (thank God for them because they helped finally lead me to Al-Anon) and when people would share phrases such as, "My son could very well die of this disease...", I would cry uncontrollably because I knew it was true but I couldn't understand how parents could say that so calmly. I know that most, if not all of the people able to say that without crying were in Al-Anon because one couple gently reached out to me and gave me information on the phone bridge meetings. That's how I started and I'm so grateful for them. I feel like they saved my life. I was dying right alongside my son.
3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself? Do you believe that Power cares about you?
As I wrote in my share, I've been reconnecting with the Higher Power that I found so comforting during times of loss in other periods of my life. If I'm honest, I'm sad that I'm finding that more challenging than I'd hoped, even after as much growth as I feel I've experienced through Al-Anon. I've been reading the literature for ways to define my Higher Power and maybe it's necessary for my Higher Power to change at this period in my life. I want to believe that my Higher Power cares about me as I have always believed in the past. This is a great question and I think this will be my focus this week -- to seek my Higher Power and truly feel that caring.
4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you? Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.
Definitely to continue to go to meetings, meditate on acceptance, seek my Higher Power, and read the literature.
5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself? Do you believe it is possible?
I notice a sense of peace in people strong in their recovery, people who have worked the steps. I have found a sense of peace and acceptance, but would like more. I would also like to learn how to share experience, strength, and hope in ways that don't focus on the devastation of the experience. I find that challenging.
6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored. Your goals will be more effective if they center around restoring your own life rather than someone else's.
Letting go of my need for control, finding acceptance, following "Live and let live.", listening first, and turning my life and my will over to the care of God
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."
I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well.
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel? If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than your self in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
I would feel at peace. I would feel calm. I would not have the impulse to jump in and fix or control things.
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently? What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing? What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
I think I have come to accept that I have no power to control events, outcomes, or people, although I think I still have little thoughts that maybe if I just say this... However, I try to remove those thoughts and meditate on acceptance when they come up. When I truly accept I have no power to control things, I don't give advice or stick my nose where it doesn't belong. I might share how I feel and think, but I don't repeat myself. That's different for me. What I do differently for myself is to live for me, focus on myself, and do things that bring me peace - read Al-Anon literature, spend time with friends, relax in a hot bath.
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
I don't think anyone can control me anymore than I can control anyone else. However, sometimes I allow myself to react to their behavior. If I weren't allowing myself to do that, I would be focusing on myself instead. I would feel peace and acceptance, which is what I really want.
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel? If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
I think it's manageable to accept something as okay for the present moment. And maybe that's the way I need to think about things in a crisis to which I find myself reacting. I would feel calm and that everything is ok. When I think about only the present moment, everything is ok.
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
I did this with a friend who was intrigued by the tremendous change she saw in me. I explained that through Al-Anon I learned put the focus on myself and I work on my own recovery and my own distorted thinking. I am responsible for myself and my choices and I have no control of other people, places, or things. I accept the things I cannot change, and I am powerless over alcoholism and other people, but I am not helpless.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?
I can put the focus on myself, do the things I love such as read or get out with friends and enjoy my life. I can accept the things I cannot change and seek my Higher Power for help with this acceptance. I can start taking care of my health again by working out and seeing the doctor, some things I have neglected as of late.
-- Edited by Growing on Sunday 18th of March 2018 05:34:29 PM
hotrod said
Mar 18, 2018
Hello Growing Thank you for sharing your ESH in such an inspiring manner. I am pleased that you too have found the path to serenity through the steps, Please do keep coming back
Midnight Jane said
Apr 1, 2018
Hello Betty Thank you for this opportunity to share.
Activities
1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future. Working the steps, reading recovery literature, prayer and reminding myself of the slogans, talking to my friend who has been in recovery for 16 years. Also reflecting and seeing the progress made.
2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity? Have your expectations about recovery changed? What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you first began recovering? Sanity is not success or achievement or a different place. Sanity is perspective. At first, I expected to achieve something. Now I only expect peace.
3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself? Do you believe that Power cares about you? Good Orderly Direction. A natural flow that cares about me so long as I keep on keeping on.
4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you? Look again at your ideas in question 1 above. Just doing what is in front of me every day, and supporting myself through reading the literature, working the steps and recognising fear for what it is.
5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself? Do you believe it is possible? I have seen another person create a life of creativity and responsibility, with time for support for and service to others. I believe this is possible for me also.
6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored. Your goals will be more effective if they center around restoring your own life rather than someone elses. Being willing to embrace change, feeling the fear and doing it anyway, to know myself and follow my own path rather than being hyper-responsible for everyone around me.
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well." I have come to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity. I can experience peace.
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel? If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than your self in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently? I would feel at peace, I would allow things to flow, and not try to control and micro-manage, but just make choices over decisions that relate to me. I would allow myself to rest sometimes.
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently? What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing? What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment? I would focus more on my own life and my own stuff. I would respond when asked, and not interfere. I would allow myself more of my own choices, and to rest more.
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel? I would be resting today. I would feel calm. I would show up, and take a break when I needed to.
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel? If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling? I would be allowing more time to focus on things that matter to me, perhaps feel more free, and less exhausted.
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are. I want to show up for my life every day. I need to do what's in front of me, and take the steps. Progress not perfection.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it? I can take time to rest, I can be alone, I can say no when I don't feel like doing something, I can spend some time reading, and in self-reflection. I can also do what needs to be done. One step at a time.
hotrod said
Apr 8, 2018
Hi Midnigth Jane thanks for your powerful share on this important step. Please do keep sharing the journey
When I first began practicing this program.,the first three words of this step really intrigued me The statement:" came to believe",to me was a simple statement that seemed to indicate that somewhere along the line, by attending meetings , sharing with a sponsor using the slogans, I would come to believe in a Power Greater than myself -- what a promise!!!
Activities
1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future.
2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity? Have your expectations about recovery changed? What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you first began recovering?
3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself? Do you believe that Power cares about you?
4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you? Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.
5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself? Do you believe it is possible?
6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored. Your goals will be more effective if they center around restoring your own life rather than someone elses.
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel? If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than your self in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently? What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing? What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel? If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?
Hello! I have been meditating on this Step, reading my ODAT Al-Anon book for the passages that relate to this step, and have been looking over the Activites Questions related to this step. Im trying to dig really deep within myself, and I just find it amazing as to the things my HP is revealing to me that I need to address. There are moments that I sometimes need to step away and just BREATHE, and remind myself that all progress is beneficial, even the smallest steps that I take in faith every day.
1) WHAT ARE THE ACTIVITIES THAT BRING YOU HOPE AND HELP YOU BELIEVE THINGS ARE OKAY, AND WILL BE OKAY? - I have always been a very Spiritual person. I cannot go through a day without praying, talking to my HP which I pretty much do every minute of the day when Im alone. I do not believe in coincidences, but rather that everything that happens in life has a purpose and a meaning. For me, this means the Heavens, and my HP are looking out for my best interests. Even when things do not work out as I expect, I try to remember to laugh about it because my HP has a much bigger sense of humor than I could ever possibly understand. I also remind myself that any hardship I am going through, especially when I am feeling sorry for myself, that my HP only gives me the things that I am prepared to go through, and that help is available to me if I only ask. Going to meetings and talking with other people in both AA and Al-Anon has been very beneficial and uplifting for me. I also read as much literature as possible and generally look for the silver linings in all of my everyday dealings and endeavors.
2) HOW HAVE YOUR IDEAS CAHNGED ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS TO BE RESTORED TO SANITY? HAVE YOUR EXPECTATIONS ABOUT RECOVERY CHANGED? WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM RECOVERY NOW THAT IS DIFFERENT FROM WHAT YOU EXPECTED WHEN YOU FIRST BEGAN RECOVERING? - I almost have to laugh at myself when I admit that I thought it was a crazy notion to think that I needed recovery for anything. Just before Christmas (2017) I was still operating from the mindset that I did not have any problems and that this alcoholism issue belonged to the RAs in my life. Then a situation occurred just before New Years Eve that gave me pause to sit back and truly look at my life. As my RAH would say, life had become a hula-hoop... This stuff was NEVER going to end! Then I thought back to something else I had learned from his AA meetings: The only person I can change is MYSELF and the way I think about things. That was when I had to get real with myself and start looking at how I handled things going on around me; how I had lost the connection to myself. I had to get comfortable with the idea that I too needed recovery. I do not think my expectations about recovery have changed too much from realizing I needed to get to it because I realize it is a process. But as I go along, I am beginning to see that not only is the recovery a life-long stage for me, but something that I will forever evolve into. This does not scare me because I see it as change that my HP is bringing me through in order to be of service for His Glory, and to be the best version of myself as I can be.
3) FOR NOW, HOW DO YOU DEFINE A POWER GREATER THAN YOURSELF? DO YOU BELIEVE THAT HP CARES ABOUT YOU? - I choose to believe my HP is God and all of the Heavens. This has been a lifelong search and understanding I have made to find my HP. Even before my relationship with my RAH, I have always known my HP and yes, I have been through way too many situations in life to not know that I am cared for. The tangible signs of my HPs love for me are all around me, and a constant reminder and comfort to me.
4) WHAT IS A RESONABLE PLAN OF SELF-CARE FOR YOU TO HELP YOU CONTINUE TO BELIEVE THAT RECOVERY CAN, AND WILL, WORK FOR YOU? - Remaining connected to my HP is beneficial in my self-care plan, as well as remaining active in meetings, and the overall Al-Anon community. I also find it most helpful to continue being active along with my RAH in the AA Community. In addition, I will continue to work on myself, my healthy lifestyle and the must do daily activity of keeping a gratitude list. I find this one thing absolutely helps me stay positive and can put me in a happy mood even when I awake feeling blah. And maybe most importantly I have to continue looking at my RAH and his own walk in recovery. No, hes not perfect - who is! - and no, he doesnt always do the right things - who does! But he lives a full life in joy almost every day. Yes, there are some difficult days when his RAD gives him/us issues, but every day is getting better than the last. And were beginning to dream again, talk about our bucket list items, and the negativity does not permeate his daily life like it was just a month ago when RAD was going through major dry drunk issues. Only our HP could make these changes in our lives. Every day is a little more progress forward.
5) WHAT HAS BEEN DONE FOR OTHERS IN RECOVERY THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO HAPPEN FOR YOURSELF? DO YOU BELIEVE IT IS POSSIBLE? - The thing I notice most for others in recovery and that I would like to gain for myself, is to truly stop being so judgmental. I never realized how much judgement I pass on others. I want to be able to truly accept people as they are and not be affected by their choices because I allow it to bother me. I want to stop giving away my emotions to others. I do believe it is possible for me to get there by remaining focused on my own business and keeping my nose out of everybody elses business. I also have come to realize that I am very co-dependent on my husband. I thought I had to be because we are a newly married couple and we have been a team from the get-go. It concerns me to think of not being co-dependent on him because then I might not be so emotionally connected to him. In self reflection I realize now this is a not-so-healthy attitude to have. So, this is yet another area of myself that I have begun working on.
6) MAKE A LIST OF AREAS IN YOUR LIFE WHERE YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE RESTORED. - The biggest thing for me that I would like to be restored is my overall peace and happiness. I want to be able to openly communicate with my husband and family without always worrying how my comments are going to be perceived and what sarcastic comments will be made in response. ____________________________________________________________________________
1) TO REMEMBER THIS STEP, YOU MAY FIND IT HELPFUL TO WRITE IT DOWN IN THE FORM OF AN AFFIRMATION. FOR EXAMPLE, I HAVE TURNED MY LIFE AND MY WILL OVER TO THE CARE OF GOD TODAY. ALL IS WELL. - I LOVE this example! We also have another (similar) sign hanging in our home that I love equally as much. It says: Good Morning! This is God. I will be handling all of your problems today. I DO NOT NEED YOUR HELP. Have a great day! (It hangs directly over the coffee pot so it cannot be missed.
2) IF YOU KNEW THAT ALL WAS WELL AND ON SCHEDULE IN YOUR LIFE TODAY, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? IF YOU KNEW THAT THINGS WERE BEING MANAGED BY A POWER GREATER THAN YOURSELF IN A WAY THAT WOULD WORK OUT TO YOUR BEST INTERESTS, HOW WOULD YOU ACT DIFFERENTLY? - Off the top of my head, as I ready these 2 questions, I was thinking I would act completely carefree and truly not have a care in the world. ANYTHING could happen and I would just be my happy, happy, happy self. It is funny that so many people in my life see me this way anyhow, thinking I have such great faith in my HP and how He is working things out in my life. In reality, my HP has done unbelievable AMAZING things for me in the past 3 years. And while I have great faith in all things He does for me/us, there are still days that I find it hard to cope. And I go into this awful funk. When my RAH is emotionally there for me to grab onto and hold on for dear life, all is well. But this is not always the case, that he is emotionally available for me to grab onto. So, my emotions get hurt and I start back on this insanity roller coaster. I do trust that through Al-Anon, my HP is showing me the way to recover and to cope, and to live a better life.
3) IF YOU KNEW YOU HAD NO POWER TO CONTROL EVENTS, OUTCOMES, OR A PARTICULAR PERSON, HOW WOULD YOU BEHAVE DIFFERENTLY? WHAT WOUILD YOU SAY OR DO? WHAT WOUILD YOU STOP SAYING OR DOING? WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY FOR YOURSELF IN ORDER TO ENJOY YOUR OWN LIFE NOW, TO LIVE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT? - This question in itself really sums up this whole step for me. Bottom line, I would stop offering advice or telling someone how to live their life. I would KNOW deep down that their HP is the only one in control of their life and that their HP does not need suggestions or actions from me. All I need to do is to be there to listen to them, then go about living my life in happiness, peace, freedom, and joy knowing that my HP is in control of everything in my life. I could take my Dreams and my Bucket List and just start setting goals for myself, and get to it. Nothing should be stopping me, and yet I have allowed many things to get in the way. (Right this second as Im typing out these answers, I am truly FEELING this step. This is what I need to be doing; what I should have been doing all along. And yet, there are SO MANY people and things I have given my power over my aspirations to along the way. No wonder Im not happy and not at peace.)
4) IF YOU WERENT ALLOWING SOMEONE ELSE TO CONTROL YOU, WHAT WOULD YOU BE DOING DIFFERENTLY? WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY WITH YOUR LIFE? HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? - If no one else had control over my life, I would be making no more excuses for what I do and dont do in my day. Meaning, I would be working on the recipes for the cookbook I want to write. I would be taking dancing lessons that Ive wanted to get back into since childhood. Id be leading a bible study (which I am in the process of setting up). I would be traveling and generally getting out to see and do. I would be having a lot more fun if I werent so occupied with taking care of everyone else in my life.
5) IF YOU WERENT ALLOWING A PARTICULAR CIRCUMSTANCE TO CONTROL YOU, OR IF YOU WERENT TRYING TO CONTROL THAT CIRCUMSTANCE - IF YOU JUST LET IT BE AND ACCEPTED IT AS OKAY FOR THE PRESENT MOMENT - HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? IF YOU WERENT FIGHTING WITH OR RESISTING THIS CIRCUMSTANCE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE DOING? HOW WOULD YOU BE FEELING? - I would be feeling Happy, Joyous, and tons of Peaceful Freedom! Again, I repeat my responses of what I would be doing from Number 4 immediately above.
6) TAKING THIS STEP OFTEN PUTS YOU IN TOUCH WITH YOURSELF. LISTEN TO YOURSELF. WRITE ABOUT WHAT YOU FEEL, WANT, NEED, AND THINK. THEN PICK UP THE PHONE AND SHARE WHO YOU ARE WITH SOMEONE SAFE, SOMEONE YOU TRUST. TALK IN A WAY THAT REFLECTS SELF-RESPONSIBILITY, NO VICTIMIZATION. DONT ASK THEM TO RESCUE YOU. ASK THEM TO LIST AND ACCEPT YOU AS YOU ARE. - I will have the opportunity to do this face-to-face with a trusted family friend whom I have a lot of respect for, in 2 weeks. I imagine I will feel a sense of relief and maybe some freedom after this discussion. BTW - she is also a member of Al-Anon and has a RAH.
7) WHAT IS THE MOST LOVING, MOST NURTURING THING AVAILABLE TO YOU RIGHT NOW THAT YOU CAN USE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND ENJOY LIFE? WHAT WILL YOU DO WITH IT? - Right now, in order to take care of myself emotionally, physically, and spiritually I really try hard to not allow negativity into my life. This includes things I hear, see, read, and eat. I LOVE cooking for my husband and I and thoroughly enjoy the meal planning process. I also enjoy attending my meetings and being of service within the Al-Anon and AA communities as I can be. And I especially love chatting and being with my family. So traveling is a big thing for me - I LOVE to go visit family. I will continue to focus on myself and the things that I love to do. I will continue to make time for my family and family events whether or not my RAH participates. Luckily, I said this from our first date, so he understands, and is very supportive of everything I am doing for myself and where my family is concerned. I will continue to hold my boundaries where negative things are concerned. I need the peace and dont want to jeopardize not having it with negative stuff that I can easily turn off.
Thank you SO MUCH for giving me the opportunity to go through this step work. Im sure this will not be the first and only time I go through it. I look forward to the many aspects of my recovery which Im sure will be identified in this step work process. I know I have work to do on myself.
Have a SUPER BLESSED Day!
-- Edited by PeacefulLove on Monday 5th of February 2018 08:09:19 PM
Hello PeacefulLove so pleased that you found the opportunity to meditate on on this Step and shared your thoughts with such honesty and clarity. I found that working the Steps is a life long process, however beginning to take the actions extremely important to recovery
Do keep coming back.
I am not quite ready to answer all the questions here yet,but wanted to share where I am at with this.
Things have been so chaotic,so dramatic,so crazy making,for so many months now that this step gives me a sense of relief.And release also.
I feel so humbled by this step.Just reading it makes me want to cry.I have no choice but to believe(and hope) that my HP can restore ME to sanity.
ME.
I miss me.I miss my life.Friends.Drawing,reading,laughing,writing.I miss living.I have lost myself along the way.I have been too busy acting as if I am everyone else's HP.This step knocks me off my pedestal.
I was having such a hard time accepting that I am powerless in step one,I could admit it but acceptance,true acceptance ,was too hard.Maybe this step is what I needed in order to work the first one,maybe they were in the wrong order for me.It's pretty scary to let go of the illusion of power and be left feeling vulnerable and alone.Believing a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity feels comforting.
Please do continue to share the journey.
Hi Betty
This is wonderful. Thans so very much.
Activities
1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future.
Nature. Definitely. She is my Higher Power. I love my self care routines and have recently been genuinely unable to do a lot of it (for very good reason). Getting to the beach for a run and then a swim in the ocean, home for a hot shower and breakfast......something I have been doing for about 15 years, and to do it again made me feel extremely connected and SO much better. So much more faithful in my HP and that all is well.
2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity? Have your expectations about recovery changed? What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you first began recovering?
Oh yes! I didn't identify with the word insane at all so my ideas of this step have changed. I can now see that even stinking thinking is insane. insane is just a yucky word, so I took what I liked and left the rest. I look at it not so much as being insane or sane, but being restored to good mental health. I love this step.
3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself? Do you believe that Power cares about you?
Again, nature. Not religion. No dood in the sky who accepts some people and not others. Just the force of nature that is love. Unfortunately I do struggle with the practices that urge me to believe that the power "cares" about me.....it's tricky, coming from a spiritual perspective but I guess the nature of evolution of the soul is love. We cant evolve unless we love, truly love ourselves and others. I'm working on finding something that fits for me. for those who can attach a 'person' to Higher Power it may be easier. Hence religion being so popular. I'm a work in progress lol.
4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you? Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.
Thanks so much, I have needed a reminder recently to keep this in focus. I have been really busy with small children and have done my best to self care, but am slowly getting there.
It has taken quite some time to get into a routine for the start of this year, still not quite there yet (almost there!). Prioritizing self care and scheduling it into my busy week has helped so much. Attend to my pain which is currently manifesting as muscle pain in my chest (adult child grief emerging) and getting massages every Tuesday. Every Friday doing my run (or a stretching session if raining like it is today) followed by my online meeting.
5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself? Do you believe it is possible?
I really wish that I felt accepted by alanon members and had found fellowship in my face to face meetings. I think it is lovely how many other members seem to have made many real friends. Despite my attempts at making genuine friendships that 'go both ways', it still hasn't happened for me with friendships that last, with people who check in with me as I do them. I often find that after a friendship forms with a member, they later reveal they are a dual member of AA as well. Tricky, as I respect everyone in recovery, but it's just not good for me to spend time aroiund alcoholics these days. I also attract people who are narcissistic or emotionally unavailable. I especially attract people who want something from me. It sounds mean, but I am trying to attract healthy people who have not had history of substance or addiction, but healthy people don't seem to be drawn to me. I do believe its possible for me to have it as well. I'm just not there yet. I'm working on rewiring my brain through recovery, to try and shift the energy I must 'put out there'.
6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored. Your goals will be more effective if they center around restoring your own life rather than someone elses.
Oooooh yes this feels great to think about. Thanks.
1/ Genuine friendships with people who accept my love and kindness, as well as check in with me and care for me too.
2/Restored from anxiety
3/ Restored from the pain caused by family of origin being dysfunctional and abusive.
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."
"I have turned my life and my will over to the care of Higher Power today so I trust that ALL happenings are in my best spiritual interest. Not only the happy happenings"
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel? If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than your self in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
The truth is that I do believe that my life is being managed by a greater power. I am most often able to understand my spiritual evolutionary path and feel immense joy that Higher Power has guided me to this place of my dreams having come true. It's only when the effects of growing up in my family take hold, which happens when I am sick, tired or lonely that I can lose sight. If I was able to stay in this belief more often I would be flourishing as the healthiest happiest version of myself I could possibly be, and be a better parent and more positive influence on people around me.
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently?
I would behave in a more relaxed way, more often.
What would you say or do? I would say more open and freeing comments like "live and let live" and "how important is it"
.
What would you stop saying or doing? I would stop saying ...too much. I would be much better at simply ".
What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
That's as far as i'll get today
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel? If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?
__________________
I've always had a strong faith in God. This program has helped me see the areas of faith and trust I was missing. In step 2 I am learning to believe God will restore me to sanity in many areas of my life. I love this program and everyone in it!
1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future.
Maintaining a close relationship with God. Working the steps and reading everyone's ESH. Going to meetings, keeping in touch with my sponsor and friends. I began to see where there were so many areas I was not trusting God, then after working the steps . I began to realize how insane/irrational my thinking had become. The hope came when I was able to recognize these areas. That I did not have to tackle these areas in my own strength or try to solve everything around me. For myself it has to do with everything from prayer, meditation, studying, meetings, reading alanon literature, my sponsors wisdom in all these and staying grounded in the program. An awareness of how easily I can allow the insanity to sneak back in without the whole of all Alanon has to offer. In using all these tools, I can remain in a place of believing God has and will continue to restore me to sanity. My sponsor and the friends I have made here in MIP! Listening to Alanon speakers
2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity? Have your expectations about recovery changed? What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you first began recovering?
My ideas have changed drastically.
First of all I didn't realize insanity had crept in. And I was INSANE when I got here LOL! The step shows me where I cannot do this alone, that my mind can quickly go to places of insanity, irrational expectations. God can and does if I just let him. When I recognize those moments of insanity returning through this program and through times of prayer, it is just so peaceful vs trying to do things my way. My expectations have certainly changed.
3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself? Do you believe that Power cares about you?
For myself God is all loving, all powerful and wants the best for me. He can handle any and all of my problems. Yes.
4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you? Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.
Continue working the steps and taking daily inventory. Keep in contact with my sponsor and friends, go to meetings and read. Be open to suggestions and willing to look at areas I may be trying to take back control. Do things for myself that I enjoy. Enrolled in classes, being more consistent in working out on treadmill, hot baths with music on:)
5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself? Do you believe it is possible?
The time and wisdom that comes with time in working this program to maintain a balance, and to help others in the right way. Yes, as long as I continue to put my best foot forward.
6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored. Your goals will be more effective if they center around restoring your own life rather than someone elses.
Health. The energy to be able to work and play more. I'm working on this now. Trips to see old friends again.
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."
I have turned my life and will over to God today.. I now know God can handle anything that comes my way.
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel? If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than your self in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
Just for today all is well and on schedule. It feels great. I have been regaining confidence, and it shows.
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently? What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing? What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
I do realize I can't control anything, therefore I am not saying or doing anything but taking care of my side of the street. I don't have to worry! I can even let God do the worrying for me. I am playing again. It shows in my marriage and that is taking care of me. The effects of working the steps, the program have a direct effect on my own happiness and all my relationships today.
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
No one is controlling me today. I'm working on this as I read, write etc. It feels very different letting God be in control now of the areas I was trying to do on my own. It's freeing and yet also a growing area.
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel? If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
Back to the workaholism mind in this area for me. I have gone in and out of just being okay with it for the past few weeks. I feel great when I let it go and yet..I am still picking this area back up, but much less as time goes. My mind is no longer stuck on fast forward (expecting too much) or fast reverse (wishing I could change things) Its an area I need to fully realize God can restore me to sanity. A work in progress. This is the #1 area of truly letting go, health issues and not working. My mind is getting there the more I practice giving this area to God also.
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
I am feeling good about who I am again. It has been a process but one well worth doing. More than words can say. I am only responsible for my own choices today. That feels great! This part was scary. Very scary. And HARD! My question was what happens if my health doesn't get better. (I never say that, or really even allow myself to think it, till recently after 7+ years, that to me says I may give up and I never give up) Can you accept that, me as I am if my health doesn't get better........the answer went well and I followed it by stating facts I can do that have helped in the past, and that I am currently doing that will improve at least some of this.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it? Take care of me and my relationship with God IN honesty. Enjoy the process, even the slips and the trials. Knowing that the outcome not only gives me peace and joy, but also effects every person in my life when I do take care of me. I'm going to continue doing what I am doing. :)
Hello Tude Thanks for taking the time to respond to Step 2 with such courage and perception. Your determination and dedication to your recovery is admirable. Thanks for sharing he journey
Hi! Thanks, Betty, for your continuing service!!! And thanks everyone who posted here. I did step 3 with my sponsor but I felt I haven't really gotten all I can with step 2, and my sponsor said if I have problems with a step I should return to the previous one, so here I am working some more on it. Answering the questions helped, as well as reading others' answers here on the board. The biggest thing I took with me this time around is that God doesn't need my help and has got this - thank you, Peaceful Love, for your share on this, it helped me immensely! Weird though for me, but very healthy.
1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future.
Gratitude lists, talking with my sponsor, talking with recovering people, reading Al-Anon literature, looking back on how my life has improved since coming to the program. The most helpful has been contact with my sponsor and gratitude lists.
2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity? Have your expectations about recovery changed? What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you first began recovering?
I knew I was insane when I came to Al-Anon, because I felt like that often. I wanted it to stop. Now Im beginning to see that the feeling I had/have of going insane is in large part me unable to accept reality and even more importantly, to accept my real feelings/attitudes about things. So what I want now is to learn to accept things/feelings/situations/people including myself as they are. The thought of insanity meaning doing the same things, expecting different results also applies. I am resistant to change, just want to sit back and wait for everything/one else to change to fit my wants/needs. When I first came to Alanon I was ready to make some changes just because I was desperate. Now I see my whole outlook on life has been skewed through the years so much I am now really recovering myself, finding myself. I expect Ill keep changing.
3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself? Do you believe that Power cares about you?
My HP is, most importantly, not me. I currently perceive it as a mixture of Al-Anon program, a very deep peaceful place inside me, and something benevolent that is everywhere. I believe my HP wants the best for me, mostly, but Im still partly conflicted in this regard, and I find it strange that I, in fact, now attempt and sometimes succeed in relying on a higher power, because I had lived for years, completely having discarded the idea that any kind of spiritual higher power even exists, not even talking about it caring about me. The way I think about it now is that I have a number of experiences that have shown me the existence and the power of my HP, and thats what I roll with now.
4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you? Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.
Attending meetings, working the steps with my sponsor, calling my sponsor, reading literature, journaling, prayers, gratitude lists, slogans, serenity prayer, looking for guidance from my HP, learning to accept that Im not God, and that HP doesnt need my help in running life.
5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself? Do you believe it is possible?
Lightness, joy, more laughter, kindness, level-headedness, serenity, openness, acceptance of self and others. I believe this is possible for me, too.
6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored. Your goals will be more effective if they center around restoring your own life rather than someone elses.
Mental health/well-being, self-acceptance, gaining friend(s), honesty and openness, living in the moment.
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."
I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today to the best of my ability.
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel? If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than your self in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
I would lose the inner tension that accompanies me pretty constantly in the sense that I always feel I cant get enough done and that I have to find answers to all problems by myself. This would unburden me. I would be lighter and happier.
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently? What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing? What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
I would do what is best for me, just taking into account not to harm others in the process. I would have more serenity and inner peace. I would look how I can change myself and stop expecting everyone/thing else to change.
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
I mostly dont allow others to control me anymore, for which Im grateful.
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel?
I would feel unburdened. This is what Im working on now, not easy at all for me.
If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
Ive begun to see I have this terribly harmful habit of resisting/denying certain feelings/thoughts that I seem to have labeled bad at some point. This denial brings on enormous strain on my mental well-being when I get into that place. I some times have managed to let myself just be in this crazy moments and it was very freeing yet also showed me clearly several of my character defects. If I would learn to accept myself at these times I come face to face with some more unpleasant sides of myself. This is both very freeing and also hard to look myself right in the eye and see both the not good with the good Takes a whole lot of courage, and this is not something I can do consistently at all yet.
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
I did do something like this with my sponsor.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?
I can take things easy today as its Sunday, and let myself relax. I will do my best to do that, even though I have some responsibilities to do Ill try to just roll with things
-- Edited by Aline on Sunday 4th of March 2018 10:23:42 AM
-- Edited by Aline on Sunday 4th of March 2018 10:28:23 AM
-- Edited by Aline on Sunday 4th of March 2018 11:13:30 AM
Step 2
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
My share
It has helped me to think of Steps one, two and three as: I can't. God can. I'll let Him. I've had a lot of losses in my life and was always able to seek the help of my Higher Power and found great comfort in turning things over to God. However, when my son's alcoholism became wildly apparent, my distorted thinking had me feeling abandoned by God. I'm relieved that Al-Anon meetings, working the steps, and reading the literature is helping me reconnect with my Higher Power. I remind myself to turn to my Higher Power, rather than get stuck in the devastating effects of alcoholism.
Activities
1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future.
When I began this journey, the word hope was frightening to me. I was afraid to have hope. I'm so grateful to Al-Anon for helping me find hope once again. I find hope in so many ways now: Al-Anon meetings, speaking with other Al-Anon members, reading the literature, and seeking guidance from my Higher Power. When my son sent me a text saying he'd relapsed a few weeks ago, my thinking was far different from what it was before I found Al-Anon. Instead of panicking and jumping right into the drama, trying to tell him what to do, I stopped and took a deep breath. I meditated on acceptance. I sought guidance from my Higher Power. I found a peace and acceptance amidst the sadness by using those Al-Anon tools.
2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity? Have your expectations about recovery changed? What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you first began recovering?
I don't know if my ideas about being restored to sanity have changed, but what I expected from recovery has and I'm so grateful for that. I grew up in a family of alcoholism and was very familiar with recovery so I didn't walk into Al-Anon thinking that it would help my son stop drinking. Actually, that's probably what kept me from Al-Anon for too long -- the fact that I knew Al-Anon could not help my son stop drinking. I felt different as the parent of an alcoholic (before I found Al-Anon, that is). I felt that my son and I had a close bond and that I could love him back to health, that if he just listened to my advice, he would be ok. That was before I truly understood that alcoholism is a disease and I am powerless. Before I found Al-Anon, I would attend my son's rehab classes for family members (thank God for them because they helped finally lead me to Al-Anon) and when people would share phrases such as, "My son could very well die of this disease...", I would cry uncontrollably because I knew it was true but I couldn't understand how parents could say that so calmly. I know that most, if not all of the people able to say that without crying were in Al-Anon because one couple gently reached out to me and gave me information on the phone bridge meetings. That's how I started and I'm so grateful for them. I feel like they saved my life. I was dying right alongside my son.
3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself? Do you believe that Power cares about you?
As I wrote in my share, I've been reconnecting with the Higher Power that I found so comforting during times of loss in other periods of my life. If I'm honest, I'm sad that I'm finding that more challenging than I'd hoped, even after as much growth as I feel I've experienced through Al-Anon. I've been reading the literature for ways to define my Higher Power and maybe it's necessary for my Higher Power to change at this period in my life. I want to believe that my Higher Power cares about me as I have always believed in the past. This is a great question and I think this will be my focus this week -- to seek my Higher Power and truly feel that caring.
4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you? Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.
Definitely to continue to go to meetings, meditate on acceptance, seek my Higher Power, and read the literature.
5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself? Do you believe it is possible?
I notice a sense of peace in people strong in their recovery, people who have worked the steps. I have found a sense of peace and acceptance, but would like more. I would also like to learn how to share experience, strength, and hope in ways that don't focus on the devastation of the experience. I find that challenging.
6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored. Your goals will be more effective if they center around restoring your own life rather than someone else's.
Letting go of my need for control, finding acceptance, following "Live and let live.", listening first, and turning my life and my will over to the care of God
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."
I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well.
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel? If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than your self in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
I would feel at peace. I would feel calm. I would not have the impulse to jump in and fix or control things.
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently? What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing? What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
I think I have come to accept that I have no power to control events, outcomes, or people, although I think I still have little thoughts that maybe if I just say this... However, I try to remove those thoughts and meditate on acceptance when they come up. When I truly accept I have no power to control things, I don't give advice or stick my nose where it doesn't belong. I might share how I feel and think, but I don't repeat myself. That's different for me. What I do differently for myself is to live for me, focus on myself, and do things that bring me peace - read Al-Anon literature, spend time with friends, relax in a hot bath.
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
I don't think anyone can control me anymore than I can control anyone else. However, sometimes I allow myself to react to their behavior. If I weren't allowing myself to do that, I would be focusing on myself instead. I would feel peace and acceptance, which is what I really want.
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel? If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
I think it's manageable to accept something as okay for the present moment. And maybe that's the way I need to think about things in a crisis to which I find myself reacting. I would feel calm and that everything is ok. When I think about only the present moment, everything is ok.
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
I did this with a friend who was intrigued by the tremendous change she saw in me. I explained that through Al-Anon I learned put the focus on myself and I work on my own recovery and my own distorted thinking. I am responsible for myself and my choices and I have no control of other people, places, or things. I accept the things I cannot change, and I am powerless over alcoholism and other people, but I am not helpless.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?
I can put the focus on myself, do the things I love such as read or get out with friends and enjoy my life. I can accept the things I cannot change and seek my Higher Power for help with this acceptance. I can start taking care of my health again by working out and seeing the doctor, some things I have neglected as of late.
-- Edited by Growing on Sunday 18th of March 2018 05:34:29 PM
Hello Betty
Thank you for this opportunity to share.
Activities
1. What are the activities that bring you hope and help you believe things are OK and will be OK? Going to meetings? Talking with recovering people? Reading recovery literature? Name those who have helped you to believe the most in your future.
Working the steps, reading recovery literature, prayer and reminding myself of the slogans, talking to my friend who has been in recovery for 16 years. Also reflecting and seeing the progress made.
2. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity? Have your expectations about recovery changed? What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you first began recovering?
Sanity is not success or achievement or a different place. Sanity is perspective. At first, I expected to achieve something. Now I only expect peace.
3. For now, how do you define a Power greater than yourself? Do you believe that Power cares about you?
Good Orderly Direction. A natural flow that cares about me so long as I keep on keeping on.
4. What is a reasonable plan of self-care for you to help you continue to believe that recovery can, and will, work for you? Look again at your ideas in question 1 above.
Just doing what is in front of me every day, and supporting myself through reading the literature, working the steps and recognising fear for what it is.
5. What has been done for others in recovery that you would like to happen for yourself? Do you believe it is possible?
I have seen another person create a life of creativity and responsibility, with time for support for and service to others. I believe this is possible for me also.
6. Make a list of areas in your life where you would like to be restored. Your goals will be more effective if they center around restoring your own life rather than someone elses.
Being willing to embrace change, feeling the fear and doing it anyway, to know myself and follow my own path rather than being hyper-responsible for everyone around me.
1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."
I have come to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity. I can experience peace.
2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel? If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than your self in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?
I would feel at peace, I would allow things to flow, and not try to control and micro-manage, but just make choices over decisions that relate to me. I would allow myself to rest sometimes.
3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently? What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing? What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?
I would focus more on my own life and my own stuff. I would respond when asked, and not interfere. I would allow myself more of my own choices, and to rest more.
4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
I would be resting today. I would feel calm. I would show up, and take a break when I needed to.
5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel? If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?
I would be allowing more time to focus on things that matter to me, perhaps feel more free, and less exhausted.
6. Taking this step often puts you in touch with yourself. Listen to yourself. Write about what you feel, want, need, and think. Then pick up the phone and share who you are with someone safe, someone you trust. Talk in a way that reflects self-responsibility, not victimization. Don't ask them to rescue you. Ask them to listen and accept you as you are.
I want to show up for my life every day. I need to do what's in front of me, and take the steps. Progress not perfection.
7. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?
I can take time to rest, I can be alone, I can say no when I don't feel like doing something, I can spend some time reading, and in self-reflection. I can also do what needs to be done. One step at a time.