Made a Decision to Turn our Will and Laves over to he care of God as we understood Him
Quote from Paths to Recovery Once we make the decision to turn our will over there is sill the question on how to do it
my response I approached this step carefully not sure what would be asked of me. i then decided to start my day, as suggested with the serenity prayer and then during the day when i was confronted with a problem I was confused about i would not react in my usual manner but pray for guidance and not react. I was amazed to find that I was offered solutions that I had not thought of and they were perfect. The Many times I acted with HP's guidance, going against my inner self but was so pleased with the results that i became convinced that my way was not the only way. :) HP knew better Today I start my day with he Serenity prayer and then ask HP to guide my thoughts and actions . When tempted to practice one of my defects like gossip or judgment i pray instead and am pleased with the results
Step 3 questions[/b]
How can I try to view others as God sees them?
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
How do I define my Higher Power?
list examples that indicate you are prepared to turn your will and your life over to the care of God.
What resistance do you have that indicates you may have blocked God from your life?
Can I try to see myself as HP sees me?
JerryF said
Mar 2, 2019
This refers to my belief system which hold that God is Love and that Love is the complete and total acceptance of every other human being for exactly who they are. I love others this way. Do I trust my HP to care for me?
Absolutely as I have been brought thru the sadnesses and sicknesses and dangers with little effort of my own. I have learned that these were the past and ongoing miracles of my relationship with my HP.
My Higher Power is the Father of all including myself and who puts and guides us together toward having a peaceful and mutually supportive life with each other.
Every morning I recite a conversation with my Higher Power and then continue it in concentration for the rest of the day..."Place me where you want me...Tell me what to do". My Higher Power believe that I am a bit more than wordy and so asked me for the short version of our third step prayer....I offer myself to thee to build with me and do with me as you will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may be witness to those I might help of thy power, thy love and thy way of life...may I do thy will always. I place myself in positions of service to the program and others who participate with me and other not yet fully aware of the miracle we have.
Most often thru my judging and condemnations I block God out before God can respond to what is going on. When I am angry I block God out temporarily.
Yes I can see myself as God sees me because I am so blessed.
hotrod said
Mar 2, 2019
Dear Jerry Thanks for sharing your considerable wisdom on this subject. I agree completely.
aloha said
Mar 5, 2019
In the past few months, I was introduced to a little pamphlet called "The Golden Key". This was written by Emmet Fox, who, I'm told was a source of inspiration to Bill W. and Dr. Bob. While this is not CAL, I feel that this comes from the same kind of place Bill W. and Dr. Bob had in mind when they wrote the Big Book, which was in turn inspiration for Al-Anon and CAL.
Essentially, "The Golden Key" talks about thinking about God when you are troubled. The exact words: "All you have to do is this: Stop thinking about the difficulty, whatever it is, and think about God instead."
When I read this I thought it was ingenious. And then it dawned on me - this is another way to apply Step 3. When I stop thinking about the problem and think about God, instead, that's possibly the simplest form of turning my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him.
If I find I'm back to thinking about my difficulty the answer is simple - it's because I'm not thinking about God.
How can I try to view others as God sees them? - Through compassion. The God of my understanding is love and forgiveness. Not punishing. Punishment is a man-made condition that we came up with to control those around us into doing what we want so we can feel okay. For me, my HP is above all of that and loves every single one of His creations equally.
Do I trust my HP to care for me? - Yes. Although recently my actions apparently do not match my words. There's something that hasn't moved from my head to my heart, but I'm at least aware of it, and I know God will help me figure it out and give me the guidance I need. I have to keep drawing from past experience in the meantime, seeing all the beautiful examples of how God has continually taken care of me and provides for me in all ways physical, spiritual, emotional and financial.
How do I define my Higher Power? - As above. For me, God is love and forgiveness and compassion manifest.
List examples that indicate you are prepared to turn your will and your life over to the care of God. - Generally this comes about when I'm ready for growth. Either through being discontent and recognizing it, or through unexpected exercises where a new challenge is put before me where I'm given the opportunity to choose either self-will or faith.
What resistance do you have that indicates you may have blocked God from your life? - Self-will and fear. Wanting my way because I'm scared I'm either going to lose something I have, or not get something I want.
Can I try to see myself as HP sees me? - Yes. And when I do I am filled with serenity and love.
hotrod said
Mar 6, 2019
Hello Aloha Thanks for reminding me of the Emmett Fox books--- they were an early inspiration for me . I do Appreciate your sharing you wisdom and ESH on this Step
aloha said
Mar 6, 2019
Thank you, Betty
My home group meeting last night was on this step and one member shared that his sponsor reminded him that he wasn't turning his will and his life over to God. He's turning his will and his life over to the CARE of God. Which means he still has his will and his life - he's just inviting God in to guide him along the way. Loved that.
hotrod said
Mar 7, 2019
Great point we turn or lives over to the" CARE "of God which means I still must act
inhealinghands said
Mar 15, 2019
I'm newish, but I wanted to share something great I heard when listening to old audiotaped Alanon Conference Speakers. A woman shared that despite 20+ years in the program, she still doesn't have a god of her understanding, but that she knows god understandsher. I find this really helpful. I'm pretty new, but just in a short time I really resonate with these first three steps... and the idea that I can 'falter' in my understanding, or not have a 'perfect understanding/conceptualization,' maybe all that doesn't matter SO MUCH if I feel I have an HP that understands me.
And at the same time, I am so thankful for all the Alanon literature (and I instantly bought every book there is) that stresses that one's HP is WHATEVER one understands it to be. It absolutely does not need to be a GOD, but can be the group itself, or Good Orderly Direction, or whatever one personally conceives it as. It also does NOT need to be a 'him,' (though I see that word a lot, but not always)-- it can be anything as long as it isn't another single human being. And that for me is why I feel able to stay in this program. I heard someone say we need to keep the god in alanon, and say Alanon is being diluted when we don't see god as a HIM, and that doesn't match what I have read in the literature itself. So I am thankful for the space within Alanon to come to my own understanding, or like I said, NO UNDERSTANDING-- just leaving it to my HP to understand me and working from that place of faith. It's working for me, and I am so thankful. Just in a short time I've gone from sobbing every single day for two years, to finally feeling some hope and like I found something that is miraculously working. Thanks.
hotrod said
Mar 16, 2019
WelcomeIHH i appreciate your sharing with such well thought out ideas. This is a powerful program and the concept of a HP extremely important. Keep coming back.
Britsworld said
May 10, 2019
First, thank you all so much for your vulnerability and this community! After a lot of frustration, I googled "how to work step 3", and it brought me here!
How can I try to view others as God sees them?
I have been carrying around a pictures of my husband as a small child. I remind myself that this is how I want to be loved by my HP; as a curious child, who is just trying their best. Who may not know the right thing, and who is probably scared and confused, but deserving of love and guidance. When I want to rip his head off, this helps.
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
I do, but I am not sure where my actions stop and HPs begin. I get stuck here. I remember a friend telling me a joke in high school about a man during a flood. A guy came by in a car and offered to rescue him from the waters, and the man said no thanks, God will provide. The water continued to rise, and then another guy came by in a boat, offering help. The man said nope, no help needed, God will provide The water continued to rise and a fella came by in a plane to rescue him, and so on and so forth. Well, the guy drowns and in heaven he says God, I thought you were looking out for me and God says man, I sent you a car, a boat and a plane, what more did you want? This is the bind I often find myself in- how do I slow down to see what the universe may be offering v. trying to quickly problem solve/self create a solution. I think I struggle with feeling like I need to produce a result/outcome, and I am being lazy if I dont do something. When do I stop and step back and just trust?
How do I define my Higher Power?
I envision my HP as the most amazing and perfect parent in the world. HP stands behind me, and when I fall back, gives me a gentle push back up.
list examples that indicate you are prepared to turn your will and your life over to the care of God.
-I have taken a giant step back and allowed my husband to solve his own problems (and sit in the discomfort I have for not jumping in to manage them). Because I am doing this, he has been able rise up and build his sense of self competency.
- I have started seeking out as many human resources as possible to act as a mirror for my personal growth and my parenting
-Celebrating new behaviors for myself and others. Being able to recognize that through our efforts and the support of HP we were able to implement great things (that I did not manufacture, micromanage or control). Seeing the beautiful, organic unfolding of change.
What resistance do you have that indicates you may have blocked God from your life?
Fear that if I dont do something, X Y Z proverbial bad thing will happen. Trying to do it all myself, trying to find a perfect way, trying to convince others of my way and ignoring what may be happening for them. Those difficult moments where you believe that you totally have control over something or that if you caused it you can control it. I cant possibly see every outcome and I know I do not have a birds eye view of the scene. I want to stop drowning in the content and be able to pull back. So I guess the short answer if fear of losing control/something bad happening if I dont step up/having to surrender the role of rescuer.
Can I try to see myself as HP sees me?
Yes. By being Forgiving, nurturing towards myself
hotrod said
May 11, 2019
Welcome Britsworld thank you for sharing with such clarity anf honesty. I am glad that you found us. Please do keep coming back
Third STEP
Made a Decision to Turn our Will and Laves over to he care of God as we understood Him
Quote from Paths to Recovery Once we make the decision to turn our will over there is sill the question on how to do it
my response I approached this step carefully not sure what would be asked of me. i then decided to start my day, as suggested with the serenity prayer and then during the day when i was confronted with a problem I was confused about i would not react in my usual manner but pray for guidance and not react. I was amazed to find that I was offered solutions that I had not thought of and they were perfect.
The Many times I acted with HP's guidance, going against my inner self but was so pleased with the results that i became convinced that my way was not the only way. :) HP knew better
Today I start my day with he Serenity prayer and then ask HP to guide my thoughts and actions . When tempted to practice one of my defects like gossip or judgment i pray instead and am pleased with the results
Step 3 questions[/b]
How can I try to view others as God sees them?
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
How do I define my Higher Power?
list examples that indicate you are prepared to turn your will and your life over to the care of God.
What resistance do you have that indicates you may have blocked God from your life?
Can I try to see myself as HP sees me?
This refers to my belief system which hold that God is Love and that Love is the complete and total acceptance of every other human being for exactly who they are. I love others this way. Do I trust my HP to care for me?
Absolutely as I have been brought thru the sadnesses and sicknesses and dangers with little effort of my own. I have learned that these were the past and ongoing miracles of my relationship with my HP.
My Higher Power is the Father of all including myself and who puts and guides us together toward having a peaceful and mutually supportive life with each other.
Every morning I recite a conversation with my Higher Power and then continue it in concentration for the rest of the day..."Place me where you want me...Tell me what to do". My Higher Power believe that I am a bit more than wordy and so asked me for the short version of our third step prayer....I offer myself to thee to build with me and do with me as you will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may be witness to those I might help of thy power, thy love and thy way of life...may I do thy will always. I place myself in positions of service to the program and others who participate with me and other not yet fully aware of the miracle we have.
Most often thru my judging and condemnations I block God out before God can respond to what is going on. When I am angry I block God out temporarily.
Yes I can see myself as God sees me because I am so blessed.
Essentially, "The Golden Key" talks about thinking about God when you are troubled. The exact words: "All you have to do is this: Stop thinking about the difficulty, whatever it is, and think about God instead."
When I read this I thought it was ingenious. And then it dawned on me - this is another way to apply Step 3. When I stop thinking about the problem and think about God, instead, that's possibly the simplest form of turning my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him.
If I find I'm back to thinking about my difficulty the answer is simple - it's because I'm not thinking about God.
How can I try to view others as God sees them? - Through compassion. The God of my understanding is love and forgiveness. Not punishing. Punishment is a man-made condition that we came up with to control those around us into doing what we want so we can feel okay. For me, my HP is above all of that and loves every single one of His creations equally.
Do I trust my HP to care for me? - Yes. Although recently my actions apparently do not match my words. There's something that hasn't moved from my head to my heart, but I'm at least aware of it, and I know God will help me figure it out and give me the guidance I need. I have to keep drawing from past experience in the meantime, seeing all the beautiful examples of how God has continually taken care of me and provides for me in all ways physical, spiritual, emotional and financial.
How do I define my Higher Power? - As above. For me, God is love and forgiveness and compassion manifest.
List examples that indicate you are prepared to turn your will and your life over to the care of God. - Generally this comes about when I'm ready for growth. Either through being discontent and recognizing it, or through unexpected exercises where a new challenge is put before me where I'm given the opportunity to choose either self-will or faith.
What resistance do you have that indicates you may have blocked God from your life? - Self-will and fear. Wanting my way because I'm scared I'm either going to lose something I have, or not get something I want.
Can I try to see myself as HP sees me? - Yes. And when I do I am filled with serenity and love.
Hello Aloha Thanks for reminding me of the Emmett Fox books--- they were an early inspiration for me . I do Appreciate your sharing you wisdom and ESH on this Step
My home group meeting last night was on this step and one member shared that his sponsor reminded him that he wasn't turning his will and his life over to God. He's turning his will and his life over to the CARE of God. Which means he still has his will and his life - he's just inviting God in to guide him along the way. Loved that.
I'm newish, but I wanted to share something great I heard when listening to old audiotaped Alanon Conference Speakers. A woman shared that despite 20+ years in the program, she still doesn't have a god of her understanding, but that she knows god understands her. I find this really helpful. I'm pretty new, but just in a short time I really resonate with these first three steps... and the idea that I can 'falter' in my understanding, or not have a 'perfect understanding/conceptualization,' maybe all that doesn't matter SO MUCH if I feel I have an HP that understands me.
And at the same time, I am so thankful for all the Alanon literature (and I instantly bought every book there is) that stresses that one's HP is WHATEVER one understands it to be. It absolutely does not need to be a GOD, but can be the group itself, or Good Orderly Direction, or whatever one personally conceives it as. It also does NOT need to be a 'him,' (though I see that word a lot, but not always)-- it can be anything as long as it isn't another single human being. And that for me is why I feel able to stay in this program. I heard someone say we need to keep the god in alanon, and say Alanon is being diluted when we don't see god as a HIM, and that doesn't match what I have read in the literature itself. So I am thankful for the space within Alanon to come to my own understanding, or like I said, NO UNDERSTANDING-- just leaving it to my HP to understand me and working from that place of faith. It's working for me, and I am so thankful. Just in a short time I've gone from sobbing every single day for two years, to finally feeling some hope and like I found something that is miraculously working. Thanks.
First, thank you all so much for your vulnerability and this community! After a lot of frustration, I googled "how to work step 3", and it brought me here!
How can I try to view others as God sees them?
I have been carrying around a pictures of my husband as a small child. I remind myself that this is how I want to be loved by my HP; as a curious child, who is just trying their best. Who may not know the right thing, and who is probably scared and confused, but deserving of love and guidance. When I want to rip his head off, this helps.
Do I trust my HP to care for me?
I do, but I am not sure where my actions stop and HPs begin. I get stuck here. I remember a friend telling me a joke in high school about a man during a flood. A guy came by in a car and offered to rescue him from the waters, and the man said no thanks, God will provide. The water continued to rise, and then another guy came by in a boat, offering help. The man said nope, no help needed, God will provide The water continued to rise and a fella came by in a plane to rescue him, and so on and so forth. Well, the guy drowns and in heaven he says God, I thought you were looking out for me and God says man, I sent you a car, a boat and a plane, what more did you want? This is the bind I often find myself in- how do I slow down to see what the universe may be offering v. trying to quickly problem solve/self create a solution. I think I struggle with feeling like I need to produce a result/outcome, and I am being lazy if I dont do something. When do I stop and step back and just trust?
How do I define my Higher Power?
I envision my HP as the most amazing and perfect parent in the world. HP stands behind me, and when I fall back, gives me a gentle push back up.
list examples that indicate you are prepared to turn your will and your life over to the care of God.
-I have taken a giant step back and allowed my husband to solve his own problems (and sit in the discomfort I have for not jumping in to manage them). Because I am doing this, he has been able rise up and build his sense of self competency.
- I have started seeking out as many human resources as possible to act as a mirror for my personal growth and my parenting
-Celebrating new behaviors for myself and others. Being able to recognize that through our efforts and the support of HP we were able to implement great things (that I did not manufacture, micromanage or control). Seeing the beautiful, organic unfolding of change.
What resistance do you have that indicates you may have blocked God from your life?
Fear that if I dont do something, X Y Z proverbial bad thing will happen. Trying to do it all myself, trying to find a perfect way, trying to convince others of my way and ignoring what may be happening for them. Those difficult moments where you believe that you totally have control over something or that if you caused it you can control it. I cant possibly see every outcome and I know I do not have a birds eye view of the scene. I want to stop drowning in the content and be able to pull back. So I guess the short answer if fear of losing control/something bad happening if I dont step up/having to surrender the role of rescuer.
Can I try to see myself as HP sees me?
Yes. By being Forgiving, nurturing towards myself