Step 10

Continued to Take Personal Inventory and when I was Wrong Promptly Admitted it.

COURAGE TO CHANGE PAGE  144

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 This Step has helped me to learn that Living One Day at a Time involves more than pulling my attention back from fears about the future.it also means leaving yesterdays baggage in the past. 

I thought denial was an asset that helped me to live my life and then  I realized that I was  pretending and never real

 SINCE then Each day I ask myself if carrying this extra weight will in anyway help me today.    If not I can drop it right here and walk away from negativity with a lightness of spirit.

Todays Reminder

On this new day let me quietly reflect and search out negative feelings that are left over from yesterday.  Old resentments will interfere with my serenity today.  Perhaps it is time to let them go.

Each day, each new moment can be an opportunity to start over again, fresh and free

ALANON In All Our Affairs

My Share

Step 10 is a step that I began early in my recovery and helped me to finally have the courage to look more deeply at myself in Step 4.  I know the Steps should be worked in order however I felt Step 4 would take me deep into the past and it was too hard to look  there without fear or blame.

I then began to look at myself in the day. I would stop each evening and review my day. I would see where I felt wrong where I became upset, angry, fearful, aggressive etc. Many times I found that I felt these things, however my outer behavior was not reflective of my feelings I often pretended to be Ok-- Make a Joke, Become sullen, become sarcastic, become controlling etc.

After I looked at these behaviors and feelings I also examined my motives. What underneath drove my feelings I usually found Fear was the monster that triggered all my negative responses. I then admitted these behaviors to MYSELF I finally was beginning to understand how I was hurting myself and what I needed to do to change.

My most important tool of keeping myself stuck and hurt was Denial, and Pretend.  I would deny reality and pretend all was well.  This step enabled me to stop using those destructive tools and to learn how to be honest if only with myself at first.

Today I have made this step an everyday routine and am so grateful for this enormously healthy tool.  Now when I discover something I need to change I admit it to myself and if necessary to the other person.

Please share your thoughts on working this Step.  

Activity

1. How do you continue your process of self-awareness and inventorying? Do you spend time each morning or evening reviewing your day? Or do you allow your insights to happen naturally, as you go through life and recovery? Do you combine tactics? What works best for you?

2. When was the last time you caught yourself doing something you didn't feel good about? Did you take care of the issue promptly?

3. Either daily or weekly, forces yourself to find one thing in your life and one idea about yourself that is good. Affirm that good until it sinks in and feels real. Strive to find one thing that you like about someone who is important to you, and then take the risk of telling that person.

4. Watch for ways that fear, anger, and resentment arise in your life. Watch for beliefs underlying these feelings. Watch for ways that your anger toward yourself influences your anger and behavior toward others and yourself.

5. What is the affirmation you and your inner child most need in your life today? Do you need to tell yourself that all is well, that you can slow down and take your time? Do you need to promise yourself that you will protect and take care of yourself in a particular relationship? Do you need to affirm that the love you want and need is coming to you and that you deserve a loving relationship? What is the fear or idea that is bothering you most today about you and your life? Are you facing a stressful or a fear-producing circumstance? Are you feeling inadequate about something? Create a loving, nurturing affirmation that helps you and your inner child know that your life will be fine.

Thanks Betty,  ...

Working Step 10 is not really work any more. It can actually be play, and pleasure.  Gratitude was money-in-the-bank for me... and it changed my character, and even my body chemistry, over time.

i read Bud's share on Step 9 below... ...and I know I have to make amends to myself as well- along the others- as I need to.

I am reviewing the steps- the old formula- Please- sorry- and -thank you... getting that in order took some time. My boundaries emerged like a crumbled paper bag- with gentle warm air being gently blown into it- by my higher power.

 Thanks ......

  Betty,

              Thinking of doing steps 10,11,12 here... over the next two months.

My early Alanon did not have much structure. Sponsorship had not been invented- at least not in NZ over the first 10 years. So we ended up having lots and lots of ESH, in the group- which I miss.

Sometimes I am frightened, by "watching my back". Or, as they say- walking on eggshells, or broken glass. In case I do something wrong. Say or do something wrong. Sometimes, I think, this can happen on Alanon meetings. But mostly this is old stuff creeping in, from the active alcoholic situation. Something learned- and very hard to forget the fear, and anger.

The anger of betrayal- as if the whole world has caved in- which it has, for the family member. The usual source of support has become a threat.

In my Step 10 I think about the folding of my home-town Alanon group. I regret that I did not go to the District Rep for support- and possibly found a resolution there. It was worth a try. But the underlying thinking- outlined above- is that there is no external support.

But maybe that is old stuff surfacing??? Not happening in the present moment?

I am sensing a change in myself. A new and interesting direction. Exciting, even. I get flashes of this sometimes... but it is not sustained.

I can share more on this when we get to Step 12, in December.  ...