Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

As I worked through the steps I had a better idea of who I was, who I had been and who I wanted to be. I recognized that some of my past behaviors had not served me well. Two of the first amends I made were to my children. It hurt me when I realized how I had treated their father, and right in front of them. Nothing he had done mattered in this step. What mattered was me and what I had done.

In two separate conversations the opportunity to talk about my behavior came up and I was able to honestly apologize for my ranting, raving, screaming, threatening etc. I was also able to share some of how I felt today and some of the living amends I had made in current relationships.

When I have felt guilt, it's time to look at my role and to ask myself if I owe an amends somewhere. Step 9 is not a work it one time and done step. I live my life by the steps and so as I continue to grow, I often remember things or now recognize things that are making me feel guilt. I'll talk it over with my sponsor and decide what an amends might look like. As I continue to free myself of these bad feelings and guilt I continue to become more serene.

Anyone else have a step 9 story to share?

Thanks much for your service here, Audrey...   

My steps became 10, 11, 12 were based on 8 and 9.

I was much of a victim- and badly needed amends made to me- in my view.

Being vulnerable and receptive made this possible- from time to time. These amends did not show upon neon lights. But as I began to listen and communicate better I could read the wind. And I could accept such humility gracefully and gratefully.

Learning healthy boundaries, over time, helped me a lot with blame and shame. I saw a lot of this thrown around willy-nilly. Not knowing where i stood- at all Confused and conflicted. 

I have been making a Step 9 to an old friend. I had led this person in the wrong direction. i did it with the best of intentions- but it was based on limited knowledge.

So I took time to put this right. And it put the while situation in perspective.

Learning the basics helps put step 9 into perspective.

Thanks. 

David,

Thank you so much for your share!!

To my son, age 31

I said I wanted to make amends and said so over the phone. He lives out of state. He said I didn't need to, because there was nothing to be sorry for. I disagreed with him. I told him that I was sorry to have leaned so much on him while he was still growing up. I spoke with him, about his Dad, like he was my counselor when he was just a teenager. I put too much on him at too young of an age. He said he understood now why I needed to tell him that and accepted it.

Debbie

Debbie,

Thank you so much for this beautiful share. I also made amends to both of my adult children for how I was when married to their dad. Hugs