Came to believe that a power greater that ourselves could restore uo to sanity.

Unfortunately, I have been stuck on this step, and couldn't wait til the board caught up with me.  I was raised in a stauch, religious, dogamatic, and god fearing family.  In which guilt was the instructor.  Since my (immediate) family has suffered the realization that we have a true, blue addict, and that there are historical addictions, on both sides, I quit going to to my guilt driven church. 

Yes, I did play a part in the addiction, enabling, excusing, etc...... the addict most of my A's life. 

But I needed to come to that realization on my own, not by the holier than though, whom have no skeletons in there closets, and are all perfect, and territorial in their heavenly tasks, who think that by donating their time, albeit a great burden which they hate, the gates of heaven are going to open up wide just for them and their "Sanctimonious, Sacrifices" 

Having said all that, I am struggling to find "MY" Higher Power, the one that is here for me.  The One who will give me the peace I so yearn for. 

My alanon group has dissolved to nothing.  So I don't have a sponsor, and I am from a small town 250 miles from anywhere.  People say start up a new one!!  Yeah, right.  This community doesn't have any probelms with alcohol or drugs!!  So therefore there are no alanons running around.  I would be the only one at the meetings.

HELP!!!

Thanks in advance, for any suggestions.

 

liza

If you want change, you can't keep doing the same things over and over.:

hi, liza,,,  my grandfather was a hell and brimstone, wrath of God minister, and I grew up thinking that God was a kind of sadistic judge who was just waiting for me to slip up so he could cast me into hell.  Steps 2 and even more Step 3 was very very difficult for me. I trusted absolutely no one.

Step 2 wants us to be open and willing to learn about God, and says 'as we understood God', in the past tense. My understanding did change, then and is still changing. In being open to God I have had experiences of amazing Love. Now I never believed in Love before, the kind that is anybody actually caring about anybody else especially when it called for sacrifice to share or take time out to actually help someone. I found that God does care and is not like my father, or like my grandfather said.

I would go on about the wonderful things I found out about God, and am still finding out,,,  but it would be better to let you find out for yourself. Step 2 doesn't have to be done perfectly all at once to go on to the next Steps, but we just need a start,,,,   to be coming to believe that there is a Power greater than ourselves that can restore us to sanity. The 'mustard seed'.

The AA and ACoA chapters on Step 2 explain that there are many situations that can bring us to either not believe in a loving God, or to be very angry at a God who allowed terrible things to happen, and that coming to new perspectives on this are part of our recovery.  So it is normal to have a hard time with this Step, and all the others, just so we don't give up.

Do your best anad God does the rest.

love in recovery,

amanda

hi Liza , yes one of the things I liked about this programme was just that , that we choose our own Higher Power and even can create one , or I think not even have one in some cases , some people just like to attend and not think about all that while others like to put their faith in something , even if it's just the group . I find it's useful to focus on something although it kind of varies with me what I think it is , or like Dot says in another post she doesn't need to know what it is . But one thing that's useful about it is that then our decisions are kind of between us and the HP , something like that , or in some other cases the sponsor is involved, but it can help to break down the idea to an extent that other people have so much power over us I guess , something like that anyway , I wouldn't recommend myself as an 'expert' on the programme at my stage , but am here as a peer , and find the online version seems to help as well as the real meetings too , llol Vickyr x

Thank you, Amanda and Vicky for the encouragement you gave me.

liza

I was just reading your posts and some other posts on another board,, and I was thinking that really God is too 'big' for our complete comprehension anyway. We are just, as humans, too limited in our ability to comprehend eternity and infinite wisdom and love and power,,,, so whatever any human can understand is only part of  'the elephant'. I have learned a lot about God since being in recovery and being open to 'coming to believe' and there is always a higher level!  I also am still discovering that I have some misunderstandings,,,  left over from my parental teaching about God,, and from my own childhood thinking. I like the saying that AA has in 'more will be revealed'.

love in recovery,

amanda

religions give people structure for relating to God. Spirituality is about each person's individual relation to God, and even to people in their lives. I didn't know what it was when I began recovery and mistrusted anyone who said they could rely on God. I totally agree we have to come to our HP when we are ready. I read once that "Came to believe" does not mean we become converted, but rather that we just let ourselves have some hope that something outside of us will help us change. We need that because in step one we admit we can't do it on our own twylaltr dave