Hi everone,

this is my first letter,can anyone help me where im to begin,i have just separated with my a/h after 33yrs  of what i consider a good marriage,i have been trying to fix this mess for 3yrs going down every possible road,In the end it has just destroyed me as a person,i know to come in from work ,not finding empty bottles and cans can only be a good thing ,but im finding it so hard to move on.

I know out there ,there are people just like me,and i would love to hear from you .

Run .........do not walk ..............to the nearest Alanon Meeting

Check your local phone book

Hi Ollie - Welcome!!! You say you've gone down every road for 3 years trying to fix your situation. Did you try Al-Anon? I agree with the previous post - RUN don't walk to the nearest Al-Anon meeting. You will hear that you cannot fix the a but you can help yourself and as you do that your reactions to the a will change. We also have on-line meetings on this site - daily at 9am and 9pm et Monday - Friday. I also ended a 30+ year marriage after 5 years in Al-Anon. Feel free to e-mail me at Dot48730@webtv.net. Love in Recovery - Dot

Hi Dot,lovely to hear from you,i am very new to computers,i stumbled onto this site out of sheer good luck,and am so glad i did,i have tried every road ,but the wrong roads,always trying to fix him,instead of seeing to myself,its a shame i did not know about this site and all the wonderful people in it,already it has given me hope where as before i just didnt know what to do.

Our marriage what what i call average,we didnt even fight at all,then 3 yrs ago he was made redundant,that caused deppression,which caused him to drink,it took me a while to click what was happening,i thought once i started to help it would be ok.oh how wrong can you be,he was in denial,blaming me,lying,all the time trying to fix him, driving myself mad,now his not with me,i am getting stronger,health wise ,and with the help of this site and all new friends(as i lost now most of mine)i hope to move on,i am on step one on the program,and have also sent for a book which i hope will help heeps.

one friend to another  ollie

hi Ollie , welcome ! sounds to me like this programme can help you to rebuild your self like it is with me. With me it wasn't just about one alcoholic , there were several friends and relatives in that boat and there's this kind of helplessness about it sometimes . Funny thing is of course that helpless feeling is quite useful sometimes because it kind of allowed me to 'let the programme in' , well I think so anyway , never quite sure if I'm doing it right as you can imagine. And most of the time we don't have to apparently ! Anyway some people find their relationship recovers when they recover and others don't . Also the paradox is that apparently with other illnesses you'd expect to 'help and care' for the other person , with this one it's the opposite , is more about leaving them to work themselves out I think , and developing good terms with them , anyway like people have said here , the real meetings are good too and it's a good way to meet people sometimes , The best bit is that some of the A's I know now I'm able to forget that they are , because the programme got me into a 'space' where I'm not affected well maybe at times that is , not needing to be aware especially with the relatives , just for a while . Like when I was a child , I wasn't aware , even if there were things wrong , you know , but this time with the protection of the programme , and hope you find it helpful here llol Vickyr x