Step Eight - Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
From: Paths to Recovery pg. 82 (copyright 1997, by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. Limited use by express written permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.)
After we carefully examine and review our list for thoroughness, we are ready to tackle the second part of Step Eight - become willing. Step Eight directs us to take action and to continue to try until we are willing. If we keep the focus on ourselves and our part, whether it is 5 percent or 95 percent of the problem, we are better able to become willing. How do we acquire this willingness? Many seek prayer and meditation. Others will call upon the experience of other Al-Anon members or their sponsor.
Sorry to be late this week - had a busy fun weekend.
Love and hugs - Dot
-- Edited by dot at 18:45, 2006-09-02
Vicky R said
Aug 28, 2006
From: Paths to Recovery pg. 86 (copyright 1997, by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. Limited use by express written permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.)
" when I started to make my step eight list I thought I had harmed many , many people. As it turned out , my step four inventory really helped to guide me in this. As I studied the column , 'how I harmed' I noticed I had put people on the list whom I had not harmed. For example , if I had had thoughts about someone , those thoughts were harmful to me because they affected my attitude. On the other hand there were people I didn't put on my list because I had only done something to them because of something they had done to me . I discovered that this justification didn't work because this was my list. I was not responsible for their behaviour nor did blaming them vindicate my wrongs . I also learned that I was harboring guilt for things I had done to hurt another person even though the other person wasn't hurt . All I needed to do was to change my attitude. I even listed people who blamed me for hurting their feelings before I learned that I'm not responsible for how another person feels."
hi Dot , Rita and everyone , I guess willingness is something that develops through faith in the recovery process. I put up this quote because it's interesting how the programme teaches us to discriminate between useful and unnecessary guilt . Being responsible for our part in things but not other peoples' part. It kind of ties in with the humility thing we were looking at in 7 , because it's not always humble to assume that we caused other people to do things. We can make things more difficult by trying to 'fix' someones addiction sometimes but usually the programme teaches us to let others take up their own thing . We didn't cause it cure it or control it we are taught. This was something difficiult for me to learn especially in the early days. You mentioned medication here , yes Alanon does allow for the use of that , it's also somewhere else in the literature , it's one option. Alanon does recommend that we use other resources where appropriate. I find the programme helps to tie together the different elements that we might be using for recovery and to assess them as we go along ,
pleased that you had a good weekend Dot ! some areas do not have many meetings at the weekends so hopefully that means other members are enjoying themselves too !
llol Vickyr x
dot said
Sep 2, 2006
Hi Vicky - When I read your comment about medication I knew I had goofed when I copied the paragraph. I just edited it to meditation.:):) (Certainly there are times when meds are needed and are very good.)
Thank goodness the program gives us all the time we need to become willing. 20 years after my divorce I realized I owed my ex amends. I'm so grateful I was able to make them before he died.
Love - Dot
wallsal55 said
Oct 18, 2006
Hi, this step is best if we keep it simple. All I have to do is remember: Just Become Willing. That's all this step requests of us. Three simple words. Just Become Willing.
wallsal55 said
Oct 18, 2006
This should have posted under Step 7
I repeatedly picked up behaviors again and again (even after I thought I had put them down for good). I felt this step took time, One Day at a Time. I'd like to think of this Step as a crescendo.
< This is how I got over time. This is how I get well over time. >
Before < alcoholism > After
Working this Step is like Frying Eggs SunnysideUp (Positive Attitude) and Positive Persistence! But I must not forget to Humbly Ask my HP, that's all!
-- Edited by dot at 18:45, 2006-09-02
" when I started to make my step eight list I thought I had harmed many , many people. As it turned out , my step four inventory really helped to guide me in this. As I studied the column , 'how I harmed' I noticed I had put people on the list whom I had not harmed. For example , if I had had thoughts about someone , those thoughts were harmful to me because they affected my attitude. On the other hand there were people I didn't put on my list because I had only done something to them because of something they had done to me . I discovered that this justification didn't work because this was my list. I was not responsible for their behaviour nor did blaming them vindicate my wrongs . I also learned that I was harboring guilt for things I had done to hurt another person even though the other person wasn't hurt . All I needed to do was to change my attitude. I even listed people who blamed me for hurting their feelings before I learned that I'm not responsible for how another person feels."
hi Dot , Rita and everyone , I guess willingness is something that develops through faith in the recovery process. I put up this quote because it's interesting how the programme teaches us to discriminate between useful and unnecessary guilt . Being responsible for our part in things but not other peoples' part. It kind of ties in with the humility thing we were looking at in 7 , because it's not always humble to assume that we caused other people to do things. We can make things more difficult by trying to 'fix' someones addiction sometimes but usually the programme teaches us to let others take up their own thing . We didn't cause it cure it or control it we are taught. This was something difficiult for me to learn especially in the early days. You mentioned medication here , yes Alanon does allow for the use of that , it's also somewhere else in the literature , it's one option. Alanon does recommend that we use other resources where appropriate. I find the programme helps to tie together the different elements that we might be using for recovery and to assess them as we go along ,
pleased that you had a good weekend Dot ! some areas do not have many meetings at the weekends so hopefully that means other members are enjoying themselves too !
llol Vickyr x
Hi, this step is best if we keep it simple. All I have to do is remember: Just Become Willing. That's all this step requests of us. Three simple words. Just Become Willing.
This should have posted under Step 7
I repeatedly picked up behaviors again and again (even after I thought I had put them down for good). I felt this step took time, One Day at a Time. I'd like to think of this Step as a crescendo.
< This is how I got over time. This is how I get well over time. >
Before < alcoholism > After
Working this Step is like Frying Eggs
SunnysideUp (Positive Attitude) and Positive Persistence! But I must not forget to Humbly Ask my HP, that's all!
-- Edited by wallsal55 at 23:42, 2006-10-18