Step Nine - Made direct amends to such people whereever possible, except when to do so would injire them or others.
From: Al-Anon's Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions pg. 57. (copyright 1981, by Al-anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. Limited use by express written permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.)
A key word in this Step is "direct". This helped us avoid evading the issue when we were tempted to choose the kind of amends that would be least painful or embarrassing to us. "Whenever possible," the amends were made directly to the person we had harmed. It was up to us to decide, with scrupulous honesty, whether making amends was possible or not.
Looking forward t your experience with this Step.
Love Dot
Vicky R said
Sep 12, 2006
From: One day at a time in Alanon pg. 175. (copyright 1992, by Al-anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. Limited use by express written permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.)
"In making an amends , we need to understand that we are not necessarily making an apology. There are differences between amends and apologies . In making an apology , we usually say "I'm sorry" expecting a response of acceptance , pardon or forgiveness. In making an amend we may state our errors , our role in the incident and that we will correct our behaviour for the future. We may or may not ask for forgiveness and we may or may not experience a positive response . In many cases our changed behaviour is a stronger amends than words could ever be. If we have any expectations of the response to an amend we are setting ourselves up for disappointment."
hi Dot and everyone , thanks for that. Interesting point . As I was saying in a recent post my first sponsor felt that I was too free with amends and that this was coming from a vulnerable point of guilt. These days I like to think that my amends are healthier and yes direct where appropriate or possible. Although I do have to watch the safety issues still at times too. It's a good sign too when we find ourselves noting our mistakes to people as we go along in daily life , but again where it's appropriate to do so . The programme also reminds us to include ourselves in the amends and not to treat it as an exercise in further guilt , the 'discomfort' we explore in surrender to the programme , these were the lessons I found useful so far some of it was by word of mouth but from experienced members ,
"In making an amends , we need to understand that we are not necessarily making an apology. There are differences between amends and apologies . In making an apology , we usually say "I'm sorry" expecting a response of acceptance , pardon or forgiveness. In making an amend we may state our errors , our role in the incident and that we will correct our behaviour for the future. We may or may not ask for forgiveness and we may or may not experience a positive response . In many cases our changed behaviour is a stronger amends than words could ever be. If we have any expectations of the response to an amend we are setting ourselves up for disappointment."
hi Dot and everyone , thanks for that. Interesting point . As I was saying in a recent post my first sponsor felt that I was too free with amends and that this was coming from a vulnerable point of guilt. These days I like to think that my amends are healthier and yes direct where appropriate or possible. Although I do have to watch the safety issues still at times too. It's a good sign too when we find ourselves noting our mistakes to people as we go along in daily life , but again where it's appropriate to do so . The programme also reminds us to include ourselves in the amends and not to treat it as an exercise in further guilt , the 'discomfort' we explore in surrender to the programme , these were the lessons I found useful so far some of it was by word of mouth but from experienced members ,
llol Vickyr x