Hi, I am new here, have been a "spectator and minor contributor" at al-anon and more than ever I really want to work the steps. I have written my 1st step out about 3 years ago and then as my 2nd child was born and my A SO relasped I relapsed as well. I have never been able to find a sponsor, had a temp who moved after my 1st step and have been praying to my higher power to help me be in the same room as my sponsor soon. I have been to a meeting every day this week, and am so happy to be back and feel the support, but I feel very disconnected, and feel like if I don't work the steps, I will never really reach true serenity. I feel like I need feedback, help, it is not working on my own. I don't really understand the order of the posts, I'm used to forums where the most recent posts are what you see and you follow it to the original post. Is this strictly ordered on the steps even if the post was last year. Is this group working 12 right now, because I need to start at one, and I have just ordered a step workbook, because my survival and sanity, as well as that of my childrens' is dependant on this, but I have surrendered, relinquished all illusions of control, am commited to the work, but am a child praying to my higher power, who has led me here, as well as to other useful healing al-anon forums, but the steps, they are my missing piece, please help, and thank you, jenny

welcome, jenny, i am new so i can't answer your questions. but the next step they work on will be step 1, so not to worry. i don't know if they change every week or what.

the posts at the top that are marked "Sticky" are information posts, so they could be years old. Just look below the "Sticky" ones to see what is going on these days.

Love,

laurel

Hi Jenny - It sounds like you are getting a good start. Going to a meeting every day will keep the program fresh in your mind. Picking up the phone when you need to is also a good tool. Look around at the members and see who has the kind of serenity you'd like to have and ask her to be your sponsor. You can make it temporry if you're more comfortable with that. And be gentle with yourself. It doesn't come all at once. The first time I felt calm with no pressres I wondered if this was all there was to serenity - really kind of boring. Then the craziness started again and boring became a serenity that I now protect as much as any a protects his sobriety. Love in Recovery - Dot

Thank you. I have also found a couple of really good step workbooks and a 4th step inventory workbook, so I feel that until I find my sponsor, I can really work through each step because admitting I am powerless at this point I will stand on top of a mountain and proclaim to the world, but trully understanding it is something I need help exploring. I think I also got a grip on the forum format as well, it's amazing how blind one can be to total simplicity when in a state of anxiec franticness. Oh, I may also have found a sponsor as well!! Just haven't approached her yet, but I will. Blessings

Jenny,

I highly reccommend that you get a sponsor NOW - even if it is a temporary one, to help you work the steps.  A good sponsor can lead you gently to find serenity, and help you use the tools of the program to keep you on track when your life is unmanageable. 

I would suggest that you to re-work step 1 - truly understand that you are powerless over your alcoholic as well as others (except your children)  and therefore his relapse is just that -HIS relapse - not yours.  You can't control him and when you try, your life surely becomes unmanageable.  Get the focus on Jenny and that which you can control which is simply your thoughts and your actions.

Al-Anon has saved my sanity and probably my life, and has given me serenity that I never thought possible.  Good luck.  Love in the fellowship.  Kathy

hi Jenny welcome hope it goes well approaching the sponsor and that you find it helpful here too

llol Vickyr x

It has been so wonderful to no longer depend on my way. I did find a sponsor and she is perfect, even though it was the work of my higher power and not my original architectural desing I had invisioned, this is so much better. I have started really working the steps, and today, I took a huge second first step, and admitted I was powerless over my own drug use. It was a hard one for me because I have been so focused on the destruction of our world through my partners extreme adiction to heroin, which cost us almost everything that we had, that I, who am a classic al anon, and very sick, could not see that I had become dependant on my pain perscription and now that I am looking at me, even though I am functional and my habit only cost 5$ a month, I have been using it to cope with physical and emotional pain, I think about it alot, I can't just stop taking them, and that scares the shit out of me. Last month was the fisrt month I actually ran out before I could refill and for the first time I bought them off "the street", and this month the pharmacy refilled my script 2x by accident, and now I know I am powerless over this. I spoke to a friend from alanon who is filling in for me b/c my sponsor is in mexico, and she made me feel alot better, told me I had tackled 2 of the 3 A's, awareness and acceptance, and that was enough for today. I have been the one holding up the fort while my partner has been in rehab and now moved into sober living for the next year, I have 2 kids and live 4000 miles away and across a border from my family, so I don't really have the luxury to go into a 30 day program, but I found a doctor who can help me detox and I went to my first meeting today and said Hi my name is Jen and I'm an addict, so now I don't have to sit in my car outside of work talking to myself and arguing with myself about it anymore. I also told my partner which was so hard for me, but I feel we are one step farther in recovery. Because it is opiates, I have been advised to get help detoxing, so that I will do, and in the mean time I give continuous thanks to the program, the members, the feedback and all the love and support I have received. Thank You HP for all you bring to my life

Jenni, I know alot of people who come to Al-anon and while learning about how to work the steps they find that they need the AA program also. they are called double winners. They have learned to use AA to not drink or drug and come to Al-anon to help deal with other peoples drinking problems. I think you have come along way already. So hang in there and use your sponsor and you will get better one day at a time. hugs