I'm new to this board. Not new to Al-anon. I began my alanon work a year and a half ago when my AH was in the hospital for alcohol. I was a wreck. One day at a time sounded good to me. I started the steps with a sponsor. I did step 1 and my brain got the concept but not my heart. This past August after a year of sobriety what did my AH do..yep he had a slip, and then another, and another. Life was crazy. One morning while sitting quietly..I came to realize in my heart that there was nothing I could do. I was powerless to make it all stop. I had begun to isolate and not go to meetings, not call my sponsor or any of my friends in alanon. A friend told me about the online chat room for alanon and I began to go there. I read the message board. I picked up my alanon books, and I began to go back to meetings. My sponsor and I are beginning step 1. How fortunate I am that this board too is working step 1. Today I know I am truly powerless over people, places and things. I do know I have power over my emotions and actions. Thank you for being here for me and for your service.

hi Carosie welcome to the board pleased that things are picking up for you and hope you find it helpful here

llol Vickyr x

Hi Carosie, acknowledging that we are powerless, it's a huge step.  I really related to your 'giving it up'.  It was the most foreign thing to me but after the first time, at least I knew what I had to do.

My experience:  After spending years trying everything I knew to get the A to stop, I finally, simply, gave in to the acceptance that I had failed.  It occured to me, on that day, that there was not 'one more thing' that I could say or do that would make a difference.  At first I felt sad. Sad because I wanted him 'so much' to see what he was doing to himself, me and our family.  I grieved for our loss, thinking that if I couldn't help/make him change, then who else would care enough?  Then I felt anger.  Angry that he wouldn't listen to me and others, angry that I was in this situation and there were no solutions (that I could see). 

My strength:  Then I prayed.  I put my A  in God's hands like I had never before.  I told Him that I admitted defeat (I had never done that one before) and acknowledged that only He had the power to help us. 

My hope:  Then, unbelievably, I felt as though the world had been lifted from my shoulders.  I felt such relief that the burden was not mine anymore.  Joy filled my soul.  I was a new person, and again, I was happy within myself.  That was more than 8 months ago and I still have that joy.  Every day I remind myself that I am powerless over another human being and every day I remain free.  I have seen slow changes in my A.  Tonight we agreed to start talking about things that happened in our childhood.  This is the first time he has ever agreed to talk about it. 

I don't pretend that I'm not tempted to take my old role back.  But everytime it happens, it is for a shorter period of time.  I am still learning and that's ok.  It's progress, not perfection.  I see my God as caring, loving, and deserves for me to love and trust Him.  Hope this helps.  Char

I slowly learn and relearn that I am powerless over alcohol. I keep getting acceptance on this, and then an emotional storm hits me. Expectations are a biggie, then when he drinks again, it goes against my expectations, then I get emotionally involved in whether he is drinking or not. Then it is running my life; I am crabby, bitchy, nothing is ok. If I would "expect" him to drink, that would be just as bad. Because either way, I am on a road *about* alcohol. I need to just disregard it.