The First Step:  We admitted we were powerless over addiction and that our lives had become unmanageable -   How or what brought me to this realization?
  I can identify with everything I read. I knew I was powerless because nothing I said, did or the fact that I was pregnant with his child seem to make any difference.  This was hard for me to accept, "didn't he love me enough" or that was my thinking back then.   Powerlessness has been easy to admit but in the beginning it wasn't easy to accept but with the more meetings I make and the more I read the more serene I feel and I can be happy with me whether he is using or not.    One day (May 2005) I was standing at my friends (Alanon) house across the street and looked over at my house.  First thing I noticed was what use to be a bush in the middle of the yard but now was as tall as my house and as wide 1/2 the house (or it seemed)....wow, if that bush is any indication of how out of control my life has become then no wonder I have been nutty or felt as though I were....my friend just smiled at me then hugged me.  We have trimmed the bush up so that now it actually looks like a tree and we have a homemade chair sitting under it....the inside of the house is still wild but one thing at a time.   I came back to an Anon group because I needed to "let go" of my son because he was away at Basic/AIT training and he had never been more than an hour away or at least a phone call, so I was having a hard time plus with living in addiction things always go to XXXX.  I was making my meetings and feeling good about me again, then I thought if I have been this affected by the disease then what had it done to my 12 yo son....here we go back to powerlessness but I got him to a couple of meetings and planted the seed for his recovery and thankfully he goes every week because he wants to be with others in this program.   Being powerless is almost a comforting thing....I'm not responsible for anyone's actions other than MINE.

hi Ms Tea welcome you can use Alanon like Nar-Anon if you can't find a meeting although they like you to focus on alcohol there are people there with addict friends/relatives too . Pleased you found the programme helpful and yes it would also probably help your son if you are attending whether or not he attends himself thanks for the share

llol Vickyr x

Thanks for you reply! I apologize for any confusion, I am a grateful member of both fellowships Nar-Anon and Al-Anon.

Al-Anon gave me the strength and courage to start the only two Nar-Anon meetings here.  When I mentioned needing to let go of my son it was not due to alchol or drugs, it was what I needed to do for him and myself ... and being exposed to Al-Anon since 1987 this was the only place that I knew that would teach me how to let go in a healthy way.

My husband is a recovering addict and both my children have been deeply affected by the disease of addiction.  My youngest son and I attend weekly meetings together, he in Alateen and me in Al-Anon.  Al-Anon set the foundation for my recovery,  but I choose to do my recovery/working the steps in Nar-Anon.

Thanks for reading and welcoming me.

Hugs,

Tammy aka Ms Tea

"GOD grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change, the courage to change those I can and the wisdom to know it's ME"

Ms Tea, I am also a recovering woman of both Al-Anon and Naranon.  I started off in Al-Anon and soon found that the ESH of Naranon was also helpful to me.  I was dealing with a family member that was addicted to everything so unfortunately I qualified for any 12 step program in my area.

Step One was hard for me because I had to admit that I was powerless over my son.  I'm a mom and telling me that I can't do anything for my child was just something I had a lot of trouble wrapping my brain around. 

When we drove him to his first rehab the doctor pulled hubby and I aside and told us "Remember this at all times, you did not cause this and you cannot fix it;  Your son has the only disease that people will scream at him for".  That was the first time I had heard it referred to as a disease, prior to that I always thought it was a choice, he could stop if only he wanted to bad enough. 

Being as logical as I could be and putting things into perspective I soon came to realize that I am powerless over any disease that cannot be cured.  That was a hard one because I had always tried to fix everything for my children and in most cases succeeded.  If they got in trouble at school I was the first one there and if I felt they were being accused wrongly I would fight tooth and nail for them. 

The fact that my life had become unmanageable was obvious to even the casual observer.  I had reached the point of nearly shutting down completely but I was still fighting for an answer.  Al-Anon pointed me in the right direction and I will be forever grateful.

Do I occasionally fall back to my old ways?  Yes But these days I climb back up out of that deep hole of anguish much faster than I did at first.

Thank you for sharing, Tammy.

I'm Tahir, from India, myself a recovering addict and a spouse of a recovering addict too. Lately, there has been a lot of codependency active in me in context of my relationship with my spouse, and feel that even though we both are in recovery, trying to work our individual programs of recovery to the best of our abilities, our addiction does get active in many day-to-day situations, and thus triggers our codependency. After realizing that I can only change myself, and have to rid myself of my codependent behavior for my own personal recovery rather than try to change her, which is not in my hands or power, I have been feeling the urgency to reach out to NarAnon for help, and as there is no NarAnon in my hometown, I am grateful that I found NarAnon online. Look forward to pick up the experience, strength and hope that I need to find freedom from my illness of codependency, from all of you here.