"We admitted we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable"
Working Step One with my first Sponsor actually gave me the permission to not use, for the first time in my life ever. It set me free through the realization that I cannot ever gain control over my using for the rest of my life, no matter how much I try to exert my willpower or self-control over drugs. This acceptance led me to a calm that I never experienced before. As a result, drugs, the pleasures associated with it, my using friends, my using places, the connections, all ceased to exist from my daily life. I could no more put myself there among these people, places and playthings as I truly owned, acknowledged and embraced the fact that I was powerless over my addiction, and I cannot by myself abstain from using and stay stopped, no matter how hard I tried, in whatever way I could. Also, I came to identify the obsession, compulsion, denial, self-centeredness, and the spiritual void, the way these aspects of my addiction manifested in me, in my thoughts, emotions and behavior clearly in the light of Step One and my Sponsor's guidance.
And in some ways, it was a great relief for me to admit that I was an addict. Because it meant that I no more had to fight the hopeless fight. I admitted my defeat completely. But in that admission, I found peace, at last.
Another realization for which I'm grateful to my Higher Power and Step One was that my using was only one aspect of my addiction, and that I was actually powerless over not merely drugs, but the disease of addiction as a whole, that manifests and expresses itself in many other ways, even when I'm clean ~ mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually. Applying Step One on people and situations in my early recovery was very rewarding. If not for this Step, I could have very easily drifted back to my addictive ways in trying to control and change people and circumstances around me. For anything or anyone that disturbed me in my early recovery, Step One was my mantra. I realized that there is only one thing in the entire universe that I could possibly change ~ myself. Other than that, I am powerless over my family, the way they thought and felt and behaved... I was powerless over my defects of character... my thoughts and feelings... If I tried to control any of these things or act out on them, my recovery becomes unmanageable... I lose my sanity... When I applied Step One on these areas too, I found that I was not so disturbed or annoyed when things did not go my way, when people did not think or act or behave as I want them too... Instead of spending hours and days and weeks in frustration and anger, all I had to do was apply the first step, and free myself from the clutches of my addictive pattern...
Today, I continue to apply this step in my daily life, and the areas where my addiction threatens to rear it's ugly head, in my relationship (urge to control and power struggle), compulsive shopping (sudden bursts of shopping sprees to fill my void), self injury (this was one way my addiction expressed itself in me from even before I started using), and believe me, IT WORKS! I'm grateful that I have this all-encompassing tool of Step One in my recovery today. Living this Step actually opens the doorway to tap into the greatest power that I can ever get in my life.
With this awareness and understanding of my powerlessness and unmanageability, I looked up to Step Two and open my mind to a Power greater than my addiction...
Thank you for giving me this opportunity to share.
Hugs, Love, Light ~ Tahir.
BigV said
Nov 21, 2006
Thanks Tahir I can definetly relate to your own experience with this step though it's taken more then a few glances at it to understand just how profoundly I needed to understand and see just how powerless I am and just how unmanageable my life is.
Even clean my lifes a disaster waiting to happen. My reaction to people places things and situations is almost always my will wreaking havoc, I am the tornado in my own life and the lives of others.
I have to constantly be honest with myself about substances and remind myself that I am no longer in control when I use drugs and or alcohol and the games my head will play have got to be shut off immediately.
The second part of the step had really been a journey also, I had to go thru alot of pain and loss before i understood just how sick I was and how unmanageable most of my actions, thoughts and behaviors were. I had no idea how to change them it just took learning a few spiritual principles and applying them each time a situation came up and it's begining to become apparent that NA's way is alot less painful and alot more fullfilling then Vini's way
I then also looked to step 2 for help and restoration of things i was simply powerless over and for continued sobriety and sanity and serenity I had to move foreward.
-- Edited by BigV at 04:44, 2006-11-21
Tahir said
Nov 21, 2006
((((((((((BigV)))))))))) Thank you so much for sharing your experience, strength and hope on Step One. So true, NA Way is far more appealing and advantageous than my own sick way
jenny said
Nov 29, 2006
A few weeks ago I posted a step one under alanon step one. I have been under the spell of codependancy my partner went to the depths of the most extreme heroin addiction, while I
cleaned houe, raised kids and worked. It was a nightmare. BUT, in our early days we partied together, on everything but heroin, and having a baby and nursing gave me a break, so in my
mind, no where comparable to this extreme, I was not an addict. I have come to realize, that although his addiction did definitely contribute to the unmanageabilty of our life, my addiction
resurfaced and exploded, and I became powerless, and my life on every level, became unmanageable. One day I went to a meeting on the campus were I work, an NA meeting, told
myself I was going to experience their side of the fence. But that was not my true intention. I could not sit in my car and argue with myself any longer, I wanted to declare, I am an addict,
and it was a great relief. Now maybe there would be a chance for healing, maybe there was a chance of sanity and serenity in my horizon.This was really the first step for me. I knew my life
had become unmanageable, and after that day my eyes opened to how great of an impact my drug use was having on me and my family. I am powerless, and I do need help, and it has been
so beautiful to see all the different ways my higher power has presented help to me now that I have asked.
yours in recovery
Tahir said
Nov 29, 2006
(((((Jenny))))) Thank you so much for that awesome honest share. So great to have you on the Step Work Board.
I can relate with what you shared. You know as soon as I was on the path of recovery from my addiction, my codependency threatened to take control of my life to such an extent that I had to admit I was a codependent too, apart from my addiction, and had to take steps to recover from my codependency too. I reached out to NarAnon online and still am in regular touch with the fellowship.
"We admitted we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable"
Working Step One with my first Sponsor actually gave me the permission to not use, for the first time in my life ever. It set me free through the realization that I cannot ever gain control over my using for the rest of my life, no matter how much I try to exert my willpower or self-control over drugs. This acceptance led me to a calm that I never experienced before. As a result, drugs, the pleasures associated with it, my using friends, my using places, the connections, all ceased to exist from my daily life. I could no more put myself there among these people, places and playthings as I truly owned, acknowledged and embraced the fact that I was powerless over my addiction, and I cannot by myself abstain from using and stay stopped, no matter how hard I tried, in whatever way I could. Also, I came to identify the obsession, compulsion, denial, self-centeredness, and the spiritual void, the way these aspects of my addiction manifested in me, in my thoughts, emotions and behavior clearly in the light of Step One and my Sponsor's guidance.
And in some ways, it was a great relief for me to admit that I was an addict. Because it meant that I no more had to fight the hopeless fight. I admitted my defeat completely. But in that admission, I found peace, at last.
Another realization for which I'm grateful to my Higher Power and Step One was that my using was only one aspect of my addiction, and that I was actually powerless over not merely drugs, but the disease of addiction as a whole, that manifests and expresses itself in many other ways, even when I'm clean ~ mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually. Applying Step One on people and situations in my early recovery was very rewarding. If not for this Step, I could have very easily drifted back to my addictive ways in trying to control and change people and circumstances around me. For anything or anyone that disturbed me in my early recovery, Step One was my mantra. I realized that there is only one thing in the entire universe that I could possibly change ~ myself. Other than that, I am powerless over my family, the way they thought and felt and behaved... I was powerless over my defects of character... my thoughts and feelings... If I tried to control any of these things or act out on them, my recovery becomes unmanageable... I lose my sanity... When I applied Step One on these areas too, I found that I was not so disturbed or annoyed when things did not go my way, when people did not think or act or behave as I want them too... Instead of spending hours and days and weeks in frustration and anger, all I had to do was apply the first step, and free myself from the clutches of my addictive pattern...
Today, I continue to apply this step in my daily life, and the areas where my addiction threatens to rear it's ugly head, in my relationship (urge to control and power struggle), compulsive shopping (sudden bursts of shopping sprees to fill my void), self injury (this was one way my addiction expressed itself in me from even before I started using), and believe me, IT WORKS! I'm grateful that I have this all-encompassing tool of Step One in my recovery today. Living this Step actually opens the doorway to tap into the greatest power that I can ever get in my life.
With this awareness and understanding of my powerlessness and unmanageability, I looked up to Step Two and open my mind to a Power greater than my addiction...
Thank you for giving me this opportunity to share.
Hugs, Love, Light ~ Tahir.
Even clean my lifes a disaster waiting to happen. My reaction to people places things and situations is almost always my will wreaking havoc, I am the tornado in my own life and the lives of others.
I have to constantly be honest with myself about substances and remind myself that I am no longer in control when I use drugs and or alcohol and the games my head will play have got to be shut off immediately.
The second part of the step had really been a journey also, I had to go thru alot of pain and loss before i understood just how sick I was and how unmanageable most of my actions, thoughts and behaviors were. I had no idea how to change them it just took learning a few spiritual principles and applying them each time a situation came up and it's begining to become apparent that NA's way is alot less painful and alot more fullfilling then Vini's way
I then also looked to step 2 for help and restoration of things i was simply powerless over and for continued sobriety and sanity and serenity I had to move foreward.
-- Edited by BigV at 04:44, 2006-11-21
codependancy my partner went to the depths of the most extreme heroin addiction, while I
cleaned houe, raised kids and worked. It was a nightmare. BUT, in our early days we partied together, on everything but heroin, and having a baby and nursing gave me a break, so in my
mind, no where comparable to this extreme, I was not an addict. I have come to realize, that although his addiction did definitely contribute to the unmanageabilty of our life, my addiction
resurfaced and exploded, and I became powerless, and my life on every level, became unmanageable. One day I went to a meeting on the campus were I work, an NA meeting, told
myself I was going to experience their side of the fence. But that was not my true intention. I could not sit in my car and argue with myself any longer, I wanted to declare, I am an addict,
and it was a great relief. Now maybe there would be a chance for healing, maybe there was a chance of sanity and serenity in my horizon.This was really the first step for me. I knew my life
had become unmanageable, and after that day my eyes opened to how great of an impact my drug use was having on me and my family. I am powerless, and I do need help, and it has been
so beautiful to see all the different ways my higher power has presented help to me now that I have asked.
yours in recovery
(((((Jenny))))) Thank you so much for that awesome honest share. So great to have you on the Step Work Board.
I can relate with what you shared. You know as soon as I was on the path of recovery from my addiction, my codependency threatened to take control of my life to such an extent that I had to admit I was a codependent too, apart from my addiction, and had to take steps to recover from my codependency too. I reached out to NarAnon online and still am in regular touch with the fellowship.