Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
When I first came to AA and I had to share on the second step, I would boldly declare,"My name is Mike, I'm an alcoholic, and I am not now, nor have I ever been insane." This despite years of performing such sane acts as smashing mailboxes with sledgehammers on a Sunday afternoon while singing The Fields of Athenrey.
I truly believed that my alcoholic behavior was not insanity. I thought it was normal to leave work on payday, fully resolved to not drink, and stop in a bar to duck the rain. This despite the fact that the hardware store next to the bar sold umbrellas. Four days, twenty-odd bars, three crackhouses, and 900 dollars later I would come to, wondering how I was going to survive on .37 cents for two weeks. I did this over and over. Usually just a variation on the same theme. But I was sane. Right.
It took a while. Gradually I came to see that where alcohol was involved, I was indeed insane. I needed something to help me out of it. Gradually I also began to believe in the existence of God - certainly a power greater than myself. My belief did not come easily. The spiritual awakening I had developed over time, and was then hastened by a near death experience sober. I got through it, saw my life getting better, and realized that God, for me, was the key.
My higher power could restore me to a normal way of life and thinking. It was happening in my life and in the lives of everyone I associated with at that time. How could I doubt it?
Thoughts anyone?
Quetzal said
Nov 26, 2006
When I first started back with AA I was so eager to start working the steps. But, I was going to have a problem with step 2 as I truly didn't think that I was insane. Sure, I was a bit 'wacky' at times and had done the odd thing that I wished I hadn't when I was drinking, but I wasn't insane! We'd all done slightly crazy things, hadn't we?
I had completely forgotten about trying to keep sober during the day so I could go out in the evening. My idea of keeping sober was to pour a glass of wine and then drink it down in one, to have the kick, but not so that I would get drunk! By the end of the evening, I was unable to walk. I had to crawl home the last few yards on my hands and knees. But, I still didn't think that I was insane, even the next day when I poured that first drink. Well, everyone gets drunk occasionally, don't they?
Over a few weeks, and lots of AA meetings, my mind started to dredge up so many completely insane things that I had done when I was drunk and which I had passed off as being normal. I would literally cringe as another memory came winging in to me. I dread to think what I have done in black-out which I still can't remember!
Slowly as I sobered up, I became aware of a 'power' in the rooms of AA and in the people who were there. I so wanted and needed for this Power to lift me out of the black hole of my alcoholism. For several months my GOD was a Group Of Drunks, until I now have my own benign, positive, loving God who is restoring me to sanity on a daily basis.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
When I first came to AA and I had to share on the second step, I would boldly declare,"My name is Mike, I'm an alcoholic, and I am not now, nor have I ever been insane." This despite years of performing such sane acts as smashing mailboxes with sledgehammers on a Sunday afternoon while singing The Fields of Athenrey.
I truly believed that my alcoholic behavior was not insanity. I thought it was normal to leave work on payday, fully resolved to not drink, and stop in a bar to duck the rain. This despite the fact that the hardware store next to the bar sold umbrellas. Four days, twenty-odd bars, three crackhouses, and 900 dollars later I would come to, wondering how I was going to survive on .37 cents for two weeks. I did this over and over. Usually just a variation on the same theme. But I was sane. Right.
It took a while. Gradually I came to see that where alcohol was involved, I was indeed insane. I needed something to help me out of it. Gradually I also began to believe in the existence of God - certainly a power greater than myself. My belief did not come easily. The spiritual awakening I had developed over time, and was then hastened by a near death experience sober. I got through it, saw my life getting better, and realized that God, for me, was the key.
My higher power could restore me to a normal way of life and thinking. It was happening in my life and in the lives of everyone I associated with at that time. How could I doubt it?
Thoughts anyone?
I had completely forgotten about trying to keep sober during the day so I could go out in the evening. My idea of keeping sober was to pour a glass of wine and then drink it down in one, to have the kick, but not so that I would get drunk! By the end of the evening, I was unable to walk. I had to crawl home the last few yards on my hands and knees. But, I still didn't think that I was insane, even the next day when I poured that first drink. Well, everyone gets drunk occasionally, don't they?
Over a few weeks, and lots of AA meetings, my mind started to dredge up so many completely insane things that I had done when I was drunk and which I had passed off as being normal. I would literally cringe as another memory came winging in to me. I dread to think what I have done in black-out which I still can't remember!
Slowly as I sobered up, I became aware of a 'power' in the rooms of AA and in the people who were there. I so wanted and needed for this Power to lift me out of the black hole of my alcoholism. For several months my GOD was a Group Of Drunks, until I now have my own benign, positive, loving God who is restoring me to sanity on a daily basis.
Thank you for listening.
Carol