After having picked up the tool of my First Step, having accepted my powerlessness and unmanageability, when I moved on to Step Two with my Sponsor, I had to open my mind to a Power greater than my addiction that could restore me and everything that transpires in my daily recovery to sanity.

Here, I had a lot of difficulty as I had a tendency to equate Higher Power to mean God as a newcomer then. And having had a lot of conflict with God as I was conditioned by my environment since my childhood, I found it difficult to open my mind to this concept.

It was then that my Sponsor guided me that this Higher Power only be loving, caring and greater than myself. Through the process of writing my Second Step, I slowly opened up and came to believe in a Higher Power that loved me unconditionally, a Power that does not abandon or punish me just because I'm on the wrong. Doing so, for the first time, liberated me from my fears of being punished and from self-flagellation, and my relationship with my Higher Power began without any traps, for the first time in my life thus.

In the beginning, it was very easy for me get lost in trying to control myself, the people and the situations in my daily life. I had to consciously apply my First Step and then open my mind to the Second Step by telling myself, "Maybe, just maybe, my Higher Power could help me. If that is so, what would my Higher Power want me do now?"

Gradually, I started feeling the relief and the freedom that believing in a Higher Power brought in my daily recovery. I did not have to act out. I did not have to worry about everything all the time. I did not have to try hard to make things work. I did not have to struggle or fight with myself. I did not have to get annoyed or disturbed by things that happen in the course of my day. All the complication that my addiction created within me slowly diminished, replaced by simplicity. Many times in my early application of Step Two, I found that I was calm and at peace, content with things as they are, even when seemingly downright bad things happened. I was able to open my mind to a loving, caring and compassionate intention of my Higher Power behind all that transpired. I started feeling, sensing and experiencing my Higher Power's presence, within and without.

Today, I'm better able to accept life at life's terms as a result of having this wonderful tool. My whole perception has changed. Be it pain or joy, success or failure, enthusiasm or boredom, I am most of the time able to experience these fully, from my neutral point, knowing well that my loving, caring and compassionate Higher Power wants me to learn something new and grow from these experiences.

The Second Step gave me wings. All I needed then was a working Third Step to fly.

Well having come here to NA after a relapse and of having been clean for nearly 6 years I knew something was definetly missing in my recovery.

Some thing I had been doing and NOT doing jumped out at me, first of all I hadn't surrenedered completely I left the door open to using if things got really bad, and they did , and i used. Secondly my life was absolutely totally unmanageable all the time I was clean, I knew this by my actions .

So this gave me some ground work to work on, then came step two.

I had a rleationship with my higher power but I needed the help of another higher power for my ongoing recovery something more tangible, something right here in front of me to guide me thru my insanity and that became this program for me.

I saw people all over staying sober by using this program of recovery, they all have something I want and what they had was this program I see that as a higher power then our addiction .

I have repeated mistakes over and over again, many many relapses and this one was no different it was my insanity showing its ugly head once again and I HAD TO DEAL WITH IT . I know what will happen i I use I will die theres nothing left for me out there aceept death why in the world would I choose that over recovery? because i am insane and have and obsession to use thats why and only one thing will help me recover and that is a power greater then myself and my addiction.

These step put me into action , action and work in my recovery rather then just abstinance I am actually growing now and changing into someone who never ever needs to use again, I have never had this feeling before and its due to these steps.


Thakyou Tahir for getting me going over this stuff and thankyou for sharing I love your shares I can really relate to you in a huge way.


Peace and love,
Vini

Thank you so much, BigV, for sharing with us. I really needed to read it. There is something passionate and inspiring, arising from the depth of pain and powerlessness, that I have always found powerful in your shares. Grateful that I have you too in my daily recovery, BigV. Together We Can!

Peace, Love & Hope ~ Tahir.

My first experience of a Power greater than me was a NA meeting. After making that first NA meeting, I knew deep within me that if I kept coming back to these meetings, one day I would get the strength to stay clean for a day. The members, their shares, the Basic Text and Just For Today books, the Serenity Prayer... all these constituted my first idea of a Higher Power. As I grew in cleantime, my understanding of a Higher Power kept evolving, including all that can help me stay clean and recover. Today, for me, I see, hear, feel and sense my Higher Power, within and without, in me and in everything and everyone around me. The point is that I come to believe and surrender to my Higher Power whatever my Higher Power is or consists of.

"When we admit our powerlessness and inability to manage our own lives, we open the door for a Power greater than ourselves to help us." Basic Text Pg. 22

"Our understanding of a Higher Power is up to us. No one is going to decide for us. We can call it the group, the program, or we can call it God. The only suggested guidelines are that this Power be loving, caring and greater than ourselves." Basic Text Pg. 24

"The Point is that we open our minds to believe." Basic Text Pg. 24

"The process of coming to believe restores us to sanity. The strength to move into action comes from this belief." Basic Text Pg. 24

"The right to a God of our understanding is total and without any catches. Because we have this right, it is necessary to be honest about our belief if we are to grow spiritually." Basic Text Pg. 25