My Wife to be, just admitted herself into a NA recovery clinic to become clean.   I was not aware that she even used Cocaine, until two weeks ago.    She had used for 15 years but only once a week on Friday nights.   I was living in the USA and only coming every 6 weeks for 2 week visits for almost a year.  I moved to Costa Rica permanently on Christmas Day.    One week after we moved our family here in CR to a new home she admitted to me that she was a user.    She has 5 more days in the clinic and then she comes home to us.   I have contacted the local NA group for help to prepare for her return to our home.    Can anyone give me some help to be able to understand what I and the children must do to help her recover?    She told me that the children were not the reason for her desire to become clean.   That before she will marry me, she wants to be whole and a non-user to be the best wife and mother for our future.    She will be attending meetings every day for two hours after she comes home.   I also want to get involved in meetings and get the children educated on what we all must do to help her stay clean and healthy.    We do know God and plan to return to a good church to honor Him and become involved with other Christians.   Are there others on this web site that have been or presently is in my position?    MG

hi MGcostarica welcome wishing you all the best preparing for her return and recovery hopefully you will find Alanon or Naranon meetings and literature helpful with this ,

llol Vickyr x

Dear Husband to be, I am a Recovered 28 year Alcohol abuser and drug user. I did large quantities of Cocaine during the late 70's early 80's then quit during my pregnancy. Started up again 5 years later with the cocaine, along with heavier alcohol abuse. It took me years to get all of that out of my system. It also takes working the Steps to get HONEST. I don't drink, use, or smoke cigarerttes. This is my "CHOICE" I am no HERO. I had to release them all within 3 months of each other. I lost my health also. Staying away from slippery people, places and things are a must. During the 3rd month of Sobriety I ran to A.A. and years later to N.A. because of the insanity in my mind from all the thoughts without numbing out my brain. That was 13 years ago. You have mentioned that you attend Church. I am a Born-Again Believer knowing for me that "THe LORD died for me, saved me, healed me, cleaned me up from the mirey clay." Commit to the Lord all that you do, and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3. He has done the same for your wife to be,. Hold onto your FAITH, I am married to a man that married me at 12 months Sober. He and I have gone through a lot together and I haven't drank, smoked, or used Cocaine in 13 years. That's huge for this junkie. Anyway, he quit drinking for me. It has made life easier for me here at home. Our marriage couldn't have survived it otherwise. I put out my only child because of drinking and drugs. Rules are good to live by, I'll pray for you. Read some of the other postings so that you can understand what you are dealing with. Also going to a meeting yourself is helpful. Gods will be Done Love

Help for addicted Loved Ones, Looking back a few years ago when my child first started getting loaded on Drugs and Alcohol. My first reaction was Denial! The feelings were "How could this be", we raised him in a Christian school, he knew my Testimony, he knew his Dad's, Grandfathers, and everyone else that was affected by alcohol or drugs in our family. I went into a rage at first the worst thing you can do when your 15 year old is getting loaded. I listened to the wrong people that weren't in a program themselves. Tell me to put my child out on the porch with an Ice Chest of food and a sleeping mat that he could sleep in the yard until he wised up. This only made him angry and made him run away from home. So I did my choice. I started to take my child to meetings in A.A. when I was first Sober then took him again later on. He was in trouble at school. Was kicked out and we beleived that he had other issues like A.d.d. and Adhd so we took him to a Doctor where they proceed to give our child more medication. Then we took hi to the Pastor and they prayed, we took him to another Doctor they Diagnosed him with O.D.D. Then another Guy Diagnosed him with P.T.S.D. It was no fun during these times of his pain and our helplessness. Our CHurch was praying and I was praying. The prayer team was praying and I was praying. it was never ending. I still pray for our Son and I am not sure when his BOndage with ALcohol will end. I do know that someday it will end for him just like it ended for me and thousands of others. When he wants it too. When he hits his last Bottom and comes to the end of himself. We watched him go through the court system. We payed every dime we had almost to keep him from feeling the pain of staying behind bars. Hired lawyers and payed fines and restitution for him as he went through drug and alcohol classes. He walked out of programs or was kicked out of them. We even payed $20,000.00 for a Wilderness Program we sent him on in Utah. DId he get Sober from it? For 32 Days. We sent him to a program down south for another 3 weeks and he was kicked out of it. it cost $17.000.00 To say we did everything possible for this youngman is far from the "TRUTH." I still think that something was missing, something simple and something I didn't do was missed. We have finally LET GO and LET GOD have him. What that means is that he can not live in our house on alcohol, drugs, violent, or abusive. Whether he got it from the chicken or the egg doesn't matter at this point. I have worked a 4th Step around my Child. Done a 5th Step and He is Forgiven and so am I. GOd says so. For anyone that has a Relative on Alcohol or Drugs. Praying and taking care of ourselves is the best thing to do. Thats what we do! I TRUST GOD more than myself with my Son today. I know that GOD LOVES him much more than I ever could. So he is going to take care of him and watch over him no matter how it looks to me. Today he is a manager of a Cafe' in a City but I don't know all the other stuff that goes on. I am only guessing! My Prayers continue and the 12-Steps still apply to him as well as myself. Thy Will be Done, Blessed