This step has often been referred to as the stumbling block of recovery. Many of us get stuck here and just can't seem to move on. This is due to our tendency, as addicts, to take something that is simple and complicate it. Simplifying the process requires only that we be willing and open-minded. Our fears can be eased by breaking the step down into smaller parts.
With that in mind, let's look at this step, beginning with the word "decision." What is a decision? "Decision" is an action word; it is a beginning, a starting point. While the first two steps were reflective, requiring only acceptance, Step Three calls for affirmative action. We let go of our old mindsets and let the steps begin to build new attitudes in our lives, as we make mistakes and grow in spiritual principles. Surrender and willingness are crucial. Simply put, a decision is accepting this step into our lives.
The first three Steps are designed to bring us to the point where we become WILLING to turn our will and our lives over to the care of a Higher Power; Steps Four through Nine are HOW we turn our will and our life over, by removing the blocks that prevent us from actually doing so. And the last three Steps are how we KEEP our will and our lives turned over to the care of God.
The next part of the step we must look at is "to turn our will and our lives." What does the step mean by "our will & our lives?" Our will is our way of doing things. We try to change things, by any means necessary, to the way we want them, to get our way no matter whom it hurts or destroys. That comes from the core of our disease, self-centeredness. There is only one power that can destroy self-centeredness and that is Spirituality. We are now beginning to build spirituality in our lives. We will get a greater realization of its strength and power in the Eleventh Step. Our lives simply means our day-to-day affairs... our problems, our worries & our pain.
Now let's turn our attention to the words "over to the care of God as we understood Him." Many of us could not or would not relate to the word God. By the time we reached NA, many of us were Atheist or Agnostic, and some of us had a God who was vengeful. Here, again, is where we need to be willing, open-minded and honest. The type of honesty we are talking about here is self-honesty. We must be honest enough to admit that there is a power that is higher than ourselves. It doesn't matter what that power is. The program tells us "God as we understood him." It doesn't have to be like anyone else's.
This can be a source of much confusion in the program. As a human being, we may inadvertently try to push our God and our beliefs about Him onto other people. An addict might tell another addict to get down on their knees to pray to God, without even knowing if that is the God of that person's understanding. The important thing to remember is that this step means a God of your understanding. It could be the God of your childhood, the power of the Program, a force of nature, some kind of intelligence or even a rock in your backyard. It is a Higher Power, of your belief, that you can have faith in. You relate and communicate with your Higher Power according to the way you understand Him/Her/It. Your concept of a Higher Power may change as you grow in your recovery and that is OK... because it's your Higher Power.
Now, let's talk about "over to the care of." One mistake that we make when we don't understand this step is that we say "turn it over to God." We leave out the word "care." Without the word "care," we change the entire meaning of the step. For example: It's Saturday night, and you and your spouse are going out for the night. You don't "turn your child over to a babysitter," you "turn your child over to the care of a babysitter," to watch and guide. When we turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, we do this not to become robots or carbon copies of each other, but to have the Higher Power of our understanding watch and guide our will and our lives.
A question often asked is, "what is God's will for me?" We will not formally focus our attention on seeking knowledge of our Higher Power's will for us until Step Eleven, though this is something that we will gradually come to know as we work the steps. At this point, we do know that it is God's will for us to stay clean, and to act mature and responsible, to the best of our ability, according to where we are at in our recovery. God's will for us grows as we grow. When we turn our lives over to the care of God, as we understand Him, one of two things will happen:
a) If we are applying the first three steps to all areas of our lives, we leave the door open for our Higher Power to be able to guide, protect and care for us.
b) If we are not living the first three steps in our lives, our Higher Power will allow us to feel the consequences of our actions, so that we can learn from them.
When we first came into the program of Narcotics Anonymous, we were physically, mentally, and spiritually bankrupt. The first step restored us physically, the second step restored us mentally, and the third step restored us spiritually. We must maintain vigilance over these three aspects of our disease. If we fail to do so, the first to go will be the spiritual, then the mental/emotional, and finally the physical, the act of picking up again. That is why it is so important to live these steps in our lives; it is the maintenance of our program. If you have no Higher Power, try G.O.D., Good Orderly Direction.
The Serenity Prayer can become a powerful tool in our lives, but we must first understand the relationship of the Serenity Prayer to the first three steps. Let's look at the connection:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,"
The First Step ~ Surrender and Acceptance.
"The courage to change the things I can,"
The Second Step ~ doing things differently to change the outcome from insanity to sanity.
"And the wisdom to know the difference."
This is the Third Step, doing the mature & responsible thing, not our will.
Many addicts will want to regularly make some type of formal declaration for turning over our will and lives to the care of our Higher Power. The Third Step Prayer, quoted on page 25 of the Basic Text, captures the essence of the principles behind this step, though you may feel more comfortable using your own words.
"Take my will and my life. Guide me in my recovery. Show me how to live."
(from NA Sponsor/Sponsee Step Worksheets used my many NA members)
-- Edited by Tahir at 20:17, 2007-01-18
Tahir said
Jan 23, 2007
Some tools to gain a deeper understanding and a greater awareness of the Third Step in our recovery:
(1) Read Step Three out of “It Works ~ How & Why”. Underline what you can relate strongly with and also those lines that appeal you the most. Use a different color to underline those things that you are not so clear about or seem to disagree with. Discuss both with your Sponsor.
(2) Write what each part means to you: a)We madeb)a decisionc)to turn our willd)and our livese)over to the care of God
f)as we understood him.
(3) Write in detail about your concept of a Higher Power.
(4) Write out every time you felt God's presence in your recovery and while using too.
(5) Write out at least 24 things you can be grateful for today.
(6) Every day write about events that you thought about longer than you needed to, and the events that you left in God's hands. Observe the consequences in both the cases.
Tahir said
Jan 31, 2007
Making a decision to surrender my will and my life to the care of GOD on a daily basis (more than once usually) helps me stay in conscious contact with my Higher Power. Checking my motives, applying spiritual principles to my actions and leaving the results to the care of GOD enriches the courage and faith I need. (from the Toronto Convention 2006 Handout)
This step has often been referred to as the stumbling block of recovery. Many of us get stuck here and just can't seem to move on. This is due to our tendency, as addicts, to take something that is simple and complicate it. Simplifying the process requires only that we be willing and open-minded. Our fears can be eased by breaking the step down into smaller parts.
With that in mind, let's look at this step, beginning with the word "decision." What is a decision? "Decision" is an action word; it is a beginning, a starting point. While the first two steps were reflective, requiring only acceptance, Step Three calls for affirmative action. We let go of our old mindsets and let the steps begin to build new attitudes in our lives, as we make mistakes and grow in spiritual principles. Surrender and willingness are crucial. Simply put, a decision is accepting this step into our lives.
The first three Steps are designed to bring us to the point where we become WILLING to turn our will and our lives over to the care of a Higher Power; Steps Four through Nine are HOW we turn our will and our life over, by removing the blocks that prevent us from actually doing so. And the last three Steps are how we KEEP our will and our lives turned over to the care of God.
The next part of the step we must look at is "to turn our will and our lives." What does the step mean by "our will & our lives?" Our will is our way of doing things. We try to change things, by any means necessary, to the way we want them, to get our way no matter whom it hurts or destroys. That comes from the core of our disease, self-centeredness. There is only one power that can destroy self-centeredness and that is Spirituality. We are now beginning to build spirituality in our lives. We will get a greater realization of its strength and power in the Eleventh Step. Our lives simply means our day-to-day affairs... our problems, our worries & our pain.
Now let's turn our attention to the words "over to the care of God as we understood Him." Many of us could not or would not relate to the word God. By the time we reached NA, many of us were Atheist or Agnostic, and some of us had a God who was vengeful. Here, again, is where we need to be willing, open-minded and honest. The type of honesty we are talking about here is self-honesty. We must be honest enough to admit that there is a power that is higher than ourselves. It doesn't matter what that power is. The program tells us "God as we understood him." It doesn't have to be like anyone else's.
This can be a source of much confusion in the program. As a human being, we may inadvertently try to push our God and our beliefs about Him onto other people. An addict might tell another addict to get down on their knees to pray to God, without even knowing if that is the God of that person's understanding. The important thing to remember is that this step means a God of your understanding. It could be the God of your childhood, the power of the Program, a force of nature, some kind of intelligence or even a rock in your backyard. It is a Higher Power, of your belief, that you can have faith in. You relate and communicate with your Higher Power according to the way you understand Him/Her/It. Your concept of a Higher Power may change as you grow in your recovery and that is OK... because it's your Higher Power.
Now, let's talk about "over to the care of." One mistake that we make when we don't understand this step is that we say "turn it over to God." We leave out the word "care." Without the word "care," we change the entire meaning of the step. For example: It's Saturday night, and you and your spouse are going out for the night. You don't "turn your child over to a babysitter," you "turn your child over to the care of a babysitter," to watch and guide. When we turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, we do this not to become robots or carbon copies of each other, but to have the Higher Power of our understanding watch and guide our will and our lives.
A question often asked is, "what is God's will for me?" We will not formally focus our attention on seeking knowledge of our Higher Power's will for us until Step Eleven, though this is something that we will gradually come to know as we work the steps. At this point, we do know that it is God's will for us to stay clean, and to act mature and responsible, to the best of our ability, according to where we are at in our recovery. God's will for us grows as we grow. When we turn our lives over to the care of God, as we understand Him, one of two things will happen:
a) If we are applying the first three steps to all areas of our lives, we leave the door open for our Higher Power to be able to guide, protect and care for us.
b) If we are not living the first three steps in our lives, our Higher Power will allow us to feel the consequences of our actions, so that we can learn from them.
When we first came into the program of Narcotics Anonymous, we were physically, mentally, and spiritually bankrupt. The first step restored us physically, the second step restored us mentally, and the third step restored us spiritually. We must maintain vigilance over these three aspects of our disease. If we fail to do so, the first to go will be the spiritual, then the mental/emotional, and finally the physical, the act of picking up again. That is why it is so important to live these steps in our lives; it is the maintenance of our program. If you have no Higher Power, try G.O.D., Good Orderly Direction.
The Serenity Prayer can become a powerful tool in our lives, but we must first understand the relationship of the Serenity Prayer to the first three steps. Let's look at the connection:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,"
The First Step ~ Surrender and Acceptance.
"The courage to change the things I can,"
The Second Step ~ doing things differently to change the outcome from insanity to sanity.
"And the wisdom to know the difference."
This is the Third Step, doing the mature & responsible thing, not our will.
Many addicts will want to regularly make some type of formal declaration for turning over our will and lives to the care of our Higher Power. The Third Step Prayer, quoted on page 25 of the Basic Text, captures the essence of the principles behind this step, though you may feel more comfortable using your own words.
"Take my will and my life. Guide me in my recovery. Show me how to live."
(from NA Sponsor/Sponsee Step Worksheets used my many NA members)
-- Edited by Tahir at 20:17, 2007-01-18
Some tools to gain a deeper understanding and a greater awareness of the Third Step in our recovery:
(1) Read Step Three out of “It Works ~ How & Why”. Underline what you can relate strongly with and also those lines that appeal you the most. Use a different color to underline those things that you are not so clear about or seem to disagree with. Discuss both with your Sponsor.
(2) Write what each part means to you: a) We made b) a decision c) to turn our will d) and our lives e) over to the care of God
f) as we understood him.
(3) Write in detail about your concept of a Higher Power.
(4) Write out every time you felt God's presence in your recovery and while using too.
(5) Write out at least 24 things you can be grateful for today.
(6) Every day write about events that you thought about longer than you needed to, and the events that you left in God's hands. Observe the consequences in both the cases.(from the Toronto Convention 2006 Handout)