Step Nine Questions

dot · Senior Member

Step Nine Questions

notcrazy62 · Member

How can we define harm? My father made a lot of bad choices because of his disease and his original pain. I look at my kids and wonder what will I tell them when they are older. I know I will always be recovering from what I grew up with. I have made a lot of changes since I began recovery, but nothing will change the fact that I was wounded spiritually as a child. But that said, I know that I would probably not have the spirituality that I have now without that childhood.

Making amends is not a easy task, but it is a neccessary one. It helped me realize that my mistakes did not make me a mistake. I am not what I do. I can change what I do, I cannot change who I am. What is important to me is realizing who I am. Before recovery I always acted to avoid my pain. By looking at the pain of my past I was able to start living. By making amends I was able to remove shame that did not help me.

What is apparent to me is that by ignoring my guilt, I was able to hold onto resentment of others. When I had to face my own responsibility, it was easier to forgive what had been done to me.

Dave

Vicky R · Senior Member

hi Dot and notcrazy , well I don't recommend tackling this sort of thing alone or even thinking that it will ever be finished. As you said here it's important that this work doesn't lead to a sense of being a worse person ! And having other programme members to work this out with helps. As does remembering that a change of behaviour can be better than an apology in some situations , the support that these programmes can provide should help us to decide what sort of amends fit the situation ,

llol Vickyr x

From: Paths to Recovery pg. 91 (copyright 1997 , by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. Limited use by express written permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.)

" Step Nine calls for direct amends except when to do so might cause further injury . We want to be careful that we aren't trying to achieve our personal serenity at the expense of someone else. Reviewing our intended amends with a sponsor or another Alanon friend helps us consider our motivation and the consequences of our intended actions "

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