STEP THREE - Emotions Anonymous

ML · Veteran Member

STEP THREE - Emotions Anonymous

raman · Veteran Member

Gee am i glad im reading this prayer from you Amanda,,, especially after the madness ive been encountering with some really way out members of another 12 Step Fellowship here !!
Im sorry to judge them like this,,, i come from pain and persecution from these few constantly irritated,,frustrated types !!...
this lovely prayer teaches me its not about me they are upset,,, its about their own lack of self acceptance and indeed it is best for me to not react to their craziness and irrational behaviour !!
God Bless em anyway,, and restore em tom their senses,,, however i also pray not to be affected by their insanity !!
I think that each morning and just for today I need to get up in the morning and say this to myself,, and if irrationality reappears,,,I need to simply turn it over again,, and again ,,, and again till it stops controlling me !!
I believe that in many areas of life and living my faith has never been storomger,,, now im looking to put it in action in more areas,,,
especially in my hobby of snooker/billiards as well as in NA Service !!
And my mother needs more of my sanity too !!!

rosielightshines · Member

raman wrote:

...
its about their own lack of self acceptance and indeed it is best for me to not react to their craziness and irrational behaviour !!
God Bless em anyway,, and restore em tom their senses,,, however

Exactly my take "God bless em anyway- and please HP keep them away from me" LOL, yea, been in this situation too, but i am so much better at *seeing that it is THEIR inventory, not mine and then i can detach better

i also pray not to be affected by their insanity !!
I think that each morning and just for today I need to get up in the morning and say this to myself,, and if irrationality reappears,,,I need to simply turn it over again,, and again ,,, and again till it stops controlling me !!

oh yea, i am very sensitive to others feelings, got the habit growing up, had to be in tune to my abuser, so i could at least get a *heads up on "is he gonna attack me tonight or not".....but now??? yea, tuning into others feelings is a good "heads up" but that is where it stays, with THEM , not me.......detachment from *other's outcomes/actions/perceptions/reactions/moods, etc.....it is NOT in my control i can only control MY actions/moods/feelings, etc.....

raman · Veteran Member

Thanks rosielightshines,, I needed that reminder !!
Glad to know Im not alone !!!

Tahir · Senior Member

rosielightshines wrote:

oh yea, i am very sensitive to others feelings

I can relate there, rosielightshines. Thanks. Today, developing sensitivity to others feelings has worked wonderfully well for me in maintaining a healthy balance in my relationships with others.

Also, I'm grateful that this 12 step program has made me realize that all I really need to look at is my part and my part alone, the fourth and tenth step inventories are mine, not others'... What a wonderful freedom it has been, realizing this fact, because I have found that whenever I looked at the other in my conflicts with them, I was deprived of that one vital truth that my loving Higher Power wants me to become aware of, about MYSELF!

raman · Veteran Member

I dont know why then there is a slogan
"BE SENSIBLE and not SENSITIVE".
Last week I was recipient of some way out craziness,,,
i was hollered at and abused thru sms by another addict for not picking him up on the way to our destination.
This happened because we had to reach in the morning itself to help set uo there so when we reached this addicts town we call him as many as seven times from two mobiles.
We also waited an hour drinking tea and when no response came we moved on.
We were not at fault in anyway so when you get craziness poured on you ,,, man what else is ther but to deem it a loss of relkationship,,, especially when you sms back with best wishes and reconcilliation efforts inspite of being right !!!
Ok so any way the show goes on well and we have a great meeting in this new NA community !!!
Then i get bacj and reda a sharing and share too !!
God knows why my sharing is construed as a reaction and counter share,,simply stated I was sharing what happened in my life !!!
Anonymity was broken when a part of that sharing was used to confront the addict that travelled with me and he says he was browbeaten !!!
Then I get an sms that actually twists the mening of what I shared,,, this member is livind that i shared smething like this,,, implying i have no right to recounting my experiences !!!
I went back home and checked my mail and read it again,,, I concluded I had not broken anyones anonymity,,, neither was mine a counter share !!!
So I had to deem it a form of insanity on the part of that member who berated me and threw accusations like they were truth !!!
Sure I am powerless over that evilness !!

Tahir · Senior Member

(((((NA Hugs to Raman)))))

I'm so sorry that you're going thru so many disturbances in context with other members. I can relate as I also go thru these phases from time to time, and as far as that sms thing was concerned, I thought you've resolved it with that person

Anyways, I send peace and prayers your way, and a big NA hug of course

I like what Bill, the co-founder of AA, said:

"There are few better means of self-survey and of developing patience than the workouts these usually well-meaning but erratic members so often afford us."

Also, something from the Just For Today book comes to my mind too in this context:

"There will be times when our friends won't accept our amends. Perhaps they need time to process what has happened. If that is the case, we must give them that time."

-- Edited by Tahir at 19:21, 2007-07-01

Tahir · Senior Member

raman wrote:
So I had to deem it a form of insanity on the part of that member who berated me and threw accusations like they were truth !!!

raman · Veteran Member

Ive found that in my case the forgiveness and acceptance on an intellectual level happens almost immediately !!!
But the process of doing that at the emotional level comes much later,,,,
So sometimes before the emotional acceptance takes place,theres an outburst,,, nothing premediated or revengeful,,, just a spur of the moment thing !!
I am especially disturbed when I am falsely accused,,,
I thought it was strange that someone who has been in the Program Of Recovery as long as I have and internalised the Steps should be disturbed ;like this !!!
I drew inspiration when i read in a recently that it is usual for us,, even with long period of clean time to be disturbed and upset when something like this happens,,,
I have found a consoling thought to be
"Oh forget it,,, he/she must have been mad at you for some other reason"
Which means that sometimes distress we have in other areas of our lives tend to seep into this situation and so on !!!
My own spiritual understanding affords me the view that though all this is happening, there is a TRUE character that person has which I havent been able to connect with !!!
As me Ma is so fond of saying
"Son,, in a relationship theres always bound to be this balance/imbalance in regard to emotions,,,learn to let pass the imbalance"
Which means that as long as the ties that bind us are stronger than those that would tear us apart all will be well !!

-- Edited by raman at 22:45, 2007-07-01

raman · Veteran Member

Relationships have always been a painful area as i tend to project and fantasize what will happen.
The abuse in the past I let go as part of the deal,,, the ones in recovery still haunt me at times..
However instead of shutting people out fearfully,,, I try to include them in my life cautiously !!!

raman · Veteran Member

Step Three says to let go and let God !!!
But when it comes to abuse,,,One thought that prevents me at times is
" no way im forgiving abuse immediately"
and another one is=
"let he/she feel the pain i felt"
However in more sublime moments i think=
"its ok,, thats what friends are for !!!"
"they didnt mean to"
"he/she isnt aware of the abusive nature of their language and tone"
thats when condonation and acceptance are stronger !!
Hope at least just for today the forgivance mode is stronger !!!
My basic nature is slower to anger and quicker to forgive and forget !!!
(I also look to my sun sign Taurus for many of my inherent traits!!!)

-- Edited by raman at 08:27, 2007-07-02

Tahir · Senior Member

I'm so grateful that I got to share your personal experiences on this issue, Raman. Thank you bro for sharing so deep about what happens to each of us at the emotional level. Beautiful, honest and insightful ESH on Emotions. I highly appreciate these shares. Amazing how, with the help of the program, we can eventually put situations, people and issues back in their rightful perspectives. Hugs and Love.

raman · Veteran Member

Thank you my dear Tahir,,,
Im glad to let you know that whenever I have shared with another like this we have taken our friendship to a deeper,more mature and understanding level,,,
and i now believe that you and I are there now !!!
heres to a long and understanding friendship,,
love and hugs,I need you in my recovery !!!
Raman

Blessed · Senior Member

Step 3

Is the same in every group basically. It is turning our Lives over to the care of GOD.

Some of us have been so badly bruised we say "No Way" am I giving myself to "THIS GOD" of yours. I don't know anything about. What has he ever done for me. Look at my Life. It is a mess! Where was he when I needed him?

You know I said that so many times in my life it isn't funny. I am 51 years old now. I never grew up knowing God. As a child I knew about Violence, alcoholism, drugs, loneliness, street life, and abuse. So Why? Why, should I believe in God. I don't trust anyone or anything.

13 years ago I had come to a turning point. I now have friends, my family, I'm a Mom, a wife, a Bible Believer, and I struggle everyday still with life. I am normal

I let go of alcohol, drugs, sex, destructive relationships. I am praying to let go of food, money,control, anger, lonliness, insecurity, and jealousy.

With God in the seat of Step 3 with the CONTROL and ME GIVING it to HIM. I know that I will Be HEALED.

Thank you Lord.
Praise your name,
Blessed

-- Edited by Blessed at 10:22, 2007-07-03

Tahir · Senior Member

Hey Blessed, it didn't come out fully, your post...

Blessed · Senior Member

Hi Tahir,
I tried it again did it come out this time? I certainly hope so. I have to go downstairs and check on kitty and see if she had or is having kittens.
Gods richest Blessings to you,
Love Blessed

Tahir · Senior Member

Hey that was an awesome share, thanks... so have the kittens arrived

how many of them? It was always a joyful time for me when my kitty had kittens, and a pleasure to play with them and to watch them grow... I miss my kitty now

pamela · Member

Hi everyone! My best friend has been after me so long to get on this site!
So here I am, reading about myself!!!! Who knew?? Im sure thats getting
alot of laughs out there but Im so happy I found a place where I can see
and accept the fact that I am the way I am because I havent found out
what I need to know yet, somehow I feel the 'teacher has arrived' pouring
out things my mind and heart are now ready to handle, deal with and
recover from. Well, heres to all of you step workers, Thanks for a wonderful
end to my day before I start studying for a final tomorrow. As I learn more
I will share what has penetrated my 'pea brain'. I loved reading everyones
postings, IT ALL HIT HOME AND I FEEL HAPPY IF EVEN FOR THIS MOMENT.
Looking forward to posting something that I myself have done to change
even the smallest thing about myself, if it makes me grow, feel better about
myself and be more understanding of this crazy life! Peace out, Pamela EA

Tahir · Senior Member

Welcome home Pamela. Glad you are here. Keep coming back, we need you. Fellowship Love.

pamela · Member

good day all. I've put into practice today being 'sensible and not sensitive'. Its for the moment a quiet thing, but it really helped. Im taking it with me on my clinical for the
rest of my time there, along with being pleasant not people pleasing. Makes me feel
more at rest within somehow! Hey anyone want to tell me what is step one about,
and two? I have time tonight when I return to read read read, so pitch it out Im waiting
to catch! ttyl Peace, Pamela

Tahir · Senior Member

Step One for me is a gateway to freedom from the self-imposed prison of trying hard to control my thoughts, my emotions, my addictive tendencies and my life as a whole, thinking that I CAN manage it all, all by myself... When I apply my first step and accept the fact that I, by myself, am powerless over my condition and that of others, and if I try hard to control everything, my life, my mental and emotional states would become more and more unmanageable, I get a feeling of relief, an awareness that I don't need to have control or power over these problems...

Then I open my mind to tap into a greater power that could manage my life and control it for me instead - my Higher Power (It could be God, this online group, other members, Sponsor, the steps, spiritual principles, love, nature, Spirit, anything or everything as we want to believe in). The only suggested guideline here for Step Two is that this power be loving, caring and greater than us. By moving on to Step Two after having applied Step One is how I shift gears from a state of powerlessness (where I relinquish all my power and control) to getting Higher Powered (allowing my loving Higher Power to do for me what I was not able to do for years)...

pamela · Member

Hello, and thank you for sharing, from what you told me, the twelve
steps are the same as they are for AA. I dont know them but being
in the medical field, you often hear people talk about them. So where
do you get a copy of these steps and how do I apply them? It seems
too easy!! First one-I believe in God, but I havent made it a habit of
conversing with, if you know what Im saying, and the second one,
I dont understand-just throw "it" out there and expect things to get
better? More please.(-: Peace out, Pamela post script, are we not
supposed to use our 'real' names? haha Have an in control Thursday
continue sharing with me, just the little three words made such a
difference in my life today, sensible not sensitive. (now Im done)

chameleon · Newbie

Hi Pamela,

Welcome to Miracles in Progress!!!

I have beeen working on the 12 steps for a couple months now along with a book "Healing the child within" by Charles Whitfield. Both bought at Barnes and Nobles book store. They have both together been invaluable to my recovery. I bought a book for my husband "loving an adult child of an alcoholic" by Douglas Bey and Deborah Bey. That has helped my husband see where I am coming from. With a lot work and just letting go and seeing my part to receiving joy into my life. These books and coming here I have seen hope that life can be really good and many others are out there who really understand.

Right now I am working on step three, but am finding it difficult to really find out what is keeping me from trusting God, but I am open. I love God with all my heart, but there are many walls needing to be knocked down. Reading others prayers are really helping me to let go and just let it happen with a new start in life.

Keep coming.
Really glad you are here.

chameleon

pamela · Member

hello, and thank you for yur answer, I had a talk on line with my friend today
and she seems to know so much about these steps, my life and where Im
going sometimes it feels like she doesnt want me to get help, its crazy!
But she always has an answer for me! haha I have heard of the first book and
wondered if I could find some answers for myself. I too, am finding it hard to
find God....where or what? how do I go there? and what do I do when I arrive?
so many questions...have a nice evening and I will run to the computer on
Monday to read more! Peace, Pamela what a wonderful place, EA!! who would
have thought?

chameleon · Newbie

Hi Pamela,

How is it going? I just though I would drop in and see how it is going. Have you tried coming to meetings here on line. Monday is very good to come to. Afterwards some of us stay real late to chat. We talk about what is happening, listening, joking around, laughing (sometime almost falling on the floor laughing), encouragement and asking each other questions. Listen if someone needs listening and helping when someone says they want suggestions. Hope sometime you can join us. Hope to hear from you more. Stay encouraged and focus on healing. keep coming back!

Chameleon

Tahir · Senior Member

I agree with the quote "Be sensible not sensitive". I interpret it to mean that we must not get too sensitive about our own feelings as we have a tendency to get stuck in them

Since, what I shared about developing sensitivity to others' feelings seems to have been misunderstood to mean our sensitivity to our own feelings and emotions, I felt an urge to share further my experiences with what I actually meant in one of my above posts.

By developing sensitivity to my loved ones' feelings I mean, becoming aware of what offends or hurts them, that is, which expressions of mine, actions and behaviors of mine I find causes friction and discomfort to them. I have read in a daily reflection book of a fellowship that no one likes to get offended or hurt and they don't come to meetings to be exposed to such a situation by others. Everyone likes to be greeted, welcomed and feel that they belong. The exchange of love, care and concern is the nourishment on which 12 Step fellowships thrive. I found this to be so because of each and every member making an effort to develop sensitivity towards others, and as a result, not taking anything into use that does not serve the highest good of this fellowship with others. This principle assumes even greater significance in relationships with loved ones, especially with parents, children and spouse. I could easily offend, belittle or hurt my loved ones by my arrogance and self-centeredness that leads me to believe that their reality, perceptions, feelings and existential standing is not as important as my own.

Also being sensitive to others' vulnerability and humaneness leads me into expressing what I feel I must to my loved ones and friends in a clear, non-offensive and respectful way. And this can be done with the help of the principles of the 12 Step program like acceptance, patience, empathy, compassion and tolerance. Also, I have found that a greater and better level of communication and interpersonal skills keeps evolving within me as a result. Finding a balance between emotional detachment (that has everything to do with my emotions, not others) and developing sensitivity to others' being (that has everything to do with others, not our sensitivity), I have found difficult to achieve, but not impossible, if I apply the principles contained in the steps and traditions.

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.