Step Five - Al-Anon

dott · Member

Step Five - Al-Anon

JoanD · Member

Step Five was really scary until I was able to "DETACH" from it a little. By that I mean, that instead of looking at it as sharing all of the awful things that humiliate me about myself, I chose to look at it more objectively. Just like I was taking a business inventory to decide what I wanted to keep, what I was short of, and what needed to go out in the garbage. After all, my sponsor always reminds me that it's the "exact nature of my wrongs" more than the details of who what and where. The who, what, and where may change but I'll keep repeating the same stuff if I don't get to the root of my character defects that cause them. Only then can I do something to begin changing them (like work the rest of the steps)>

marty s · Newbie

Step Five represents to me the courage to step out of the silent darkness and finding the voice of our truth, whatever that may be at any given time, in the light, out loud, and in the open in a place that is safe. This place, when we are lucky enough to find a healthy Al Anon group, is the container of trust that just listens and accepts. It doesn't cross talk or criticize, interrupt, whine, tell us we are right or wrong, etc. It just listens and holds our truth in the space that is created in the center of the cirlce for that is where I think God picks up our sorrows and anger and extremes and puts us all back together in a more balanced way. And we sit on the edges and allow it to happen. We speak out loud and are witnessed by the Other, the Spirit of Other is others, and we are witnessed by the One, in ourselves, and the One in that is around us as well. Somehow through this process I felt brought back into the community of Love that listens and heals within my own self and within a community of others. Powerful medicine indeed. And as I learned to do this in this container of Al Anon, I eventually got up my courage to find my place in other groups as well speaking my truth and holding my equal place among others. As I have gained courage and backbone through the step work and refining my connection with my own Spirit inside and outside the Al Anon circle, I have found my Higher Power and I are a strong team no matter where we go and who is around or not around us. I have gained great freedom and courage that has soft edges. Step Five is the beginning of coming alive again out loud, in the light, in front of the world...the place we are trying to learn to live in peacefully. Believe. It is possible and, even more excitedly, it is highly probable this will happen for us all...Our own work first though!

getoverit · Veteran Member

"Step Five - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."

h-mm - as soon as the notice came in from John F., I went to my journal, the gratitude journal.

Gratitude is a curious phenomena, it, being a noun of / to the english language gives its use as a state of being.

As a member here, giving full respect to the various users who read here, and with my being called down over my rather free use of concepts in or of words into the room, I must give the same respect here, in that in someways, in the connection we all share.

One with one other - I can push the envelope of reality which may cause a sense of discomfort to some.. Or so my ex-a said one day to me. Perhaps with my discovery re my mouth can cause discomfort is real, or perhaps no - I dunno - and that's where my step five is today.

And the same promt came to me from a chat room moderator. Perhaps it is a thing for me to consider.

Thanks all for ur support and my support is an equally given support.
Regards n Love in recovery,
getoverit.

dawg · Member

Step Five is the only step I could accomplish in one day. I think of it more of an action, which is unlike how I percieve the other steps, which are more in the area of a concept or idea. Step five was not hard for me. By the time I got there I had developed alot of trust in my sponsor and I did not fear or even consider he would judge me because nothing I had said up to that point had either surprised him or alarmed him.

I think if there is difficulty it is absolutely acceptable to buy a long bus or train ticket, and tell your story to whoever sits next to you, someone you will never see again.

For me it was about realizing the antedote for shame is exposure. Saying the things out loud was healing for me, and continues to be that way. That's one of the things that is wonderful about meeetings. When I first started I had no idea why people laughed at the things they did. Now, with time and more time, I laugh also and I'm proud to say I don't feel the fear as much, that fear of letting another see my insides.

Step five is about participating, and participating is life. I am grateful for the compassion and love I recieved from my sponsor. I hope you all are as lucky as I was to find another person who will love you, no matter what comes forward in this step. I also want to add something important I learned in this step. Trust is developed through sharingI learned

-- Edited by dawg at 23:50, 2007-07-26

Rita G · Member

From Paths to Recovery pg. 56 "The defenses we learned served us well in alcoholic and other unhealthy situations, but now they keep us from living happily and serenely. We can acknowledge these defenses without condemning ourselves for using them."

Step 5 helped me to understand a lot of my character defects started out as positive things, but as the affects of dealing with the disease of alcoholism in my life, some of these positive things were taken to extreme and became defense mechanisms that no longer work for me.

Example: I am a very compassionate person. I am usually very good at remembering to call to check on a sick friend, a hurting newcomer or just reaching out to anyone needing a friend. This is not a character defect. But living with an active drinker can take this asset to an unhealthy extreme. In the name of compassion, I lost all personal boundaries, self-respect and the ability to allow my loved ones the dignity to be a responsible adult.

Today, thanks to recovery, I can say that I can have healthy compassion for my friends and family, even if they are alcoholics (active or in recovery) and especially those who are untreated al-anon's.

Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita

wallsal55 · Member

Step 5 is a tough one for me. To tell myself and God what my character defects are is easy. But to tell someone else is sooooooo hard.    I have waited until my HP put the right person in front of me--to confide in and ironically this woman said "I did that, too!" What a relief! And I knew I could count on her keeping my secrets private. : )
     When I study Step 5, I recognize that my defects were really coping mechanisms I used to cope with the disease of alcoholism.   obsessive coping skills!    I have learned that I can go back to using them in a nanno-second in day to day living, but I now have the awareness of what those coping skills/mechanisms are/were and do my best NOT to repeat them.    This is where Eleventh Step helps daily. I can start my day over at any moment or change directions so as not to repeat history.
    I am still learing ways in which I hurt ME, not just others.   In fact, if anything, I can torture myself to no end today with obsessive or negative thoughts.    So clearing my head in meditation or reading is still a part of my daily practice. (I'm really my own worst critic/enemy)

-- Edited by wallsal55 at 20:58, 2007-07-27

Vicky R · Senior Member

hi Dott thanks to everyone who shared. I especially related to Rita's words about boundaries . And I have to add that it's MY problem I guess if I have difficulty making them , HP might even go on strike if I don't put in the effort ! I had to work on this with some of the new sponsees , I couldn't cope with them and managed to hand them over to someone else , all very difficult but that was the best option I was left with ,

llol Vickyr x

From: Courage to Change pg. 311 (copyright 1992 , by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. Limited use by express written permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.)

" for me , the exact nature of my wrongs is the unspoken , self-defeating assumptions that give rise to my thoughts and actions . These include notions that my best is not good enough , that I am not worthy of love , and that I have been hurt too deeply to ever really heal. If I dig deeply enough , I usually find thoughts such as these beneath the things I feel the worst about. I am learning to examine whether or not there is any truth to these assumptions. Then I can begin to build my life around a more realistic , more loving way of seeing myself "

Blessed · Senior Member

Step 5 Admitted to God to ourselves and to someone else the exact nature of our wrongs

This is an Action Step, Cleansing Step, Confessing Step, Forgiving Step. I have taken several 5th steps and in doind so it feels exhauting afterward.
I truly know in my HEART that because I didn't skimp on this Step that I have faired well because of it. God already knows my Heart so each defect he is already aware of and nothing is hidden from him. We can't lie to God, God is Truth there is no Lie in him.

Telling myself the things that have eaten a hole in me for years and to put them down on paper in a journal form the first time 13 years ago. My first 5th Step was extremly painful for me because I was honest. I was full of guilt and shame over the things that I had done in my life. I was no angel and I had to tell these truths for the first time to myself and to my GOd and to another human being that was my Sponsor. She by the way held no judgement and shared some of the same defects that I did so it made it not as bad.

It truly is a humbling experience, as it should be. It is necessary that we confide in someone we can "TRUST." Speaking to a Clergy is also a way we can do our 5th Step. Keeping our confidence is very important later on after this step in taken.

For me after I took this Step and headed on towards Step 6. My life continued to change and I was feeling Great.
GOd knew my Heart and had brought a wonderful man into our lives. I am married to today
It is truly amazing the GIfts that God continues putting into our lives. I was at that time a single parent and I had a 9 year old Son.

Today I Forgive everyone that has hurt me. SOmetimes it takes a bit more work than other times. GOd understands me better than I do. He also knows that I am stubborn and self-righteous. That is two of my defects and we are working on them. Praying, meditating, and praising God are all a part of a better relationship with God.

Today we Minister to inmates in Prisons and Jails. For the Love of Jesus Christ and the Gospel to be shared throughout there lives. That they too can change and have a life different than what they have now. Praise God! Who would have known that I would be doing this typw of evangelizing.

Miracles do happen!

Thanks,
Love Blessed

-- Edited by Blessed at 23:57, 2007-08-01

Tahir · Senior Member

I'm adding up a post here just to bring the stepwork board threads in order since I again find all the threads mixed up again creating confusion to members who log in here as to what step we are currently at

Baffled · Member

Doing my 5th step shed a lot of light on some dark corners in my life I had turned my back on. Many of my family members were heavy drinkers and their disease affected me greatly. I also realized that things I am ashamed of and that held power over me when they were secret, are no longer powerful.

Sharing my 5th step with my sponsor made me feel like a part of the human race again.

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.