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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Step Work -> Step Work -> Self-Loathing
Post Info TOPIC: Self-Loathing
Veronica


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Self-Loathing
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I have been sober for 7 days and I have been to a meeting 6 out of those 7 days. Those meetings have REALLY opened my eyes to things that I would not have come to realize on my own. Last night, I was the leader of the meeting I attended, and I chose the topic of "Acceptance" because that is the first thing that stands out to me every night while reciting the serenity prayer.

At first, I opened up the topic of my inability to accept other people, their actions, and pretty much the way the world turns. Then, once we went around the room and everyone had a chance to share their thoughts, I realized that it isn't about the fact that I can't accept other people, it's that I can't accept myself. I can't accept the mistakes I've made, the thought of never being able to drink again, and the fact that it is worth staying alive another day.

However, the more I think about this, the more I realize how self-absorbed and self-centered I am. I used to think that the WHOLE WORLD would be a better place without me... not even 1,000 people on this planet know me, how the hell would I effect the rest of the world? And in realizing that I am just a tiny little blip on the radar, that really helped put things into perspective. I need to look outside of myself and accept that I am not the person that I would choose to be, but I am the person that God made me to be. Until I can comprehend that, I am of no use to Him and I want to be able to be sober, happy, and helpful!

Anyways, does anyone have any suggestions or comments about this?

Thanks!

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Too long I've been afraid of losing love, I guess I've lost. Well if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost.
Blessed


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Dear Veronica,

It sounds to me for a gal with 7 days Sober. You have GOd working in your Life One Day at a time. You are listening to others and getting a good concept of the Program and yourself.
When I came in I had been Sober for 4 months already and I had already stopped everything. Drinking, Cigarettes, and Cocaine. I was 38 yrs old at that time and a wreck emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

I got my Sponsor GOD BLEss her, that worked with me everyday for months through those 12- Steps. When you mention the "ACCEPTANCE" part of ourselves/yourself. That was where I can help you stay on a particular page she helped me with. I was self-centered, vain, egotistical, arrogant, and better than everyone because I knew everyone, everything, and if I didn't I would find out and then I wanted to shuv it in your face.

On PAge 449 and 450 of the Big Book (mine reads this in the 3rd Edition) they now have the 4th edition so the pages have changed.

I LOVE THIS SECTION ON 449. IT IS ONLY A PARAGRAPH AND THERE IS SO MUCH MORE OF IT TO READ, SO I WOULD SUGGEST GETTING A BIG BOOK

ACCEPTANCE IS THE ANSWER TO ALL MY PROBLEMS TODAY. WHEN I AM DISTURBED, IT IS BECAUSE I FIND SOME PERSON, PLACE, THING,, OR SITUATION SOME FACT OF MY LIFE UNACCEPTABLE TO ME, AND I CAN FIND NO SERENITY UNTIL I ACCEPT THAT PERSON PLACE OR THING OR SITUATION AS BEING EXACTLY THE WAY IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE AT THIS MOMENT. NOTHING ABSOLUTLY NOTHING HAPPENS IN GODS WORLD BY MISTAKE. UNTIL I COULD ACCEPT MY ALCOHOLISM, I COULD NOT STAY SOBER, UNLESS I ACCEPT LIFE ON LIFES TERMS, I CANNOT BE HAPPY. I NEED TO CONCENTRATE NOT SO MUCH ON WHAT NEEDS TO BE CHANGED IN THE WORLD AS ON WHAT NEEDS TO BE CHANGES IN ME AND IN MY ATTITUDES.

I got into Recovery 14 years ago, coming up February 19, 2008 so my Sobriety B is Feb 19, 1994. The wonderful thing is that I have learned and grown into the woman that God wanted me to be all along. I am happily married to nice man that we have been together now 13 years and married for 12 years. We have a POWERFUL GOD that we LOVE, a home, 2 dogs, my Son and lots more gifts from the Lord.

I no longer look at myself as I once did after working through the 12-Steps of Recovery.
Lord lead thischild in the right direction for her healing from Alcoholism. Lord God bring her into a rerlationship with you that is kindled into a raging fire of LOVE. For you Father let her HEART sore like the Wings of an Eagle. Let her find the peace and solice that she needs to get through each day as she continues to stay away from alcohol. Satan keep your hands off her. Breaking the Bondage that she has been in with alsohol and any other bondage that she may name to you later.
Lord GOd Praise you Abba DAddy.
In JEsus NAme AMen
Blessed

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Blessed
florence


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 hey veronica, congrats on finding the program, and now i hope you enjoy the process of finding yourself. your share is good to read i am still working on self acceptance, but now i rarely turn against myself. self-hate and self-criticism was a daily reality for me untill i began to learn in alanon. i now realise that it was grandiose of me to even hate myself that much....... like a backwards self-importance! no-one is as bad as i thought i was! thanks again for the share.

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florrie
Blessed


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Self Loathing-

Dear Veronica or anyone else that is feeling that emotion today.

When I first came into A.A. I had little or no Self-worth, self-love.
I had plenty of self-hatred, self-centeredness, confussion, sickness, withdrawals, and slef-loathing I would guess could describe my emotions also I just was too ill to really put words to them back then.

All I wanted to do was not pick up a drink One- Day-at-a-Time. That was plenty to deal with plus adding in mettings, a sponsor, and my Big Book studies, and my Step Work. I drank for 28 plus years from the age of 13 to 38 years old mostly without much of a reprive except during 1 year of an incarceration in CYA at 14 and 15, then during my pregnancy at 29 to 30.

That did it really I have drank the rest of the time and thrown in drugs mostly cocaine because it brought me up from the downer booze did, plus I lost allot of weight and I wanted to look really good. WHich I did! It gained me multitudes of male attention so that I could get what I thought I wanted, a very wealthy man. The ones I was with and there were many were wealthy but I wasn't in Love with any of them. So that was the trick! The Devil played the trick on me. I got hooked and was almost destroyed.

It has been many years since that horrible night of drinking and drug use that I stopped. the reason that I am talkning about it. Is because that is where I got my Self-Loathing. What I did under the influence and out of the infuence was aweful. My life was immoral and rotten it sickened me to the point all I wanted to do weas numb out and kill the pain. Problem with that is GOD LOVED me. He LOVED me SO much that he didn't want me to perish that way.

I am certainly glad that I didn't either. GOd's paln unfolded and I put my TRUST in GOD. My STORY BEGAN!
More to come

Blessed.

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Blessed
gamerbill


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I think we addicts are our own worst enemy, I have lied to myself for years thinking I could handle my addiction.  I am coming to the relisation that I am worthy of a good life and God has my best intrest in mind.  I go back and forth with gradiosity and low self esteem, my goal is to find my self worth and feel good about myself.  I want to forgive myself, I know God forgives me and letting go of the guilt helps me stay sober.  I was suicidal recently, so low I gave up hope, I was put on the prayer list within an hour I started feeling better.  I know that life isn't always pretty but God can get me through this one day at a time.

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Bill Burwell
florence


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thanks gamerbill i identify. it is so comforting when others share and there is recognition. i know this will be lifted from me as i have asked god, i dont know when or how. so it's one day at a time , or one hour, or one minute.

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florrie
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