Step 10 -Al-Anon

dott · Member

Step 10 -Al-Anon

Blessed · Senior Member

Step 10 : Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it!

Taking inventory for me today is remembering what mistakes and pain I have caused others, my family, friends, husband, son, myself, either by thought or deed, daily.

Taking inventory daily isn't easy for this Alcoholic. Praying for God's devine intervention and his will, along with talking to him, you may say the Lord's prayer or the Serenity prayer before proceeding.

I had a Sponsor that has since died of brain cancer 1 year ago. She gave me so much, including this 10th step inventory sheet at the end of each day. One side has liabilities and one side has our Assets. I had never worked with any Sponsor that had one of these so it was refreshing and new. I can't type the entire sheet on here but I can give you the first 4 on it. If you are interested in getting one drop a line in my box. Thanks Blessed

It looked like this:
liabilities/assets

Anger/ calm
criticizing/look for the good
dishonesty/honesty
doubt/faith

You get the idea right? ANyway every night after my day. I would add up from 10% to 100 % how I did in each column. Then subtract the lesser from higher figure. I then had a grade average of A to F in my attitude. Generally I have work to do in Self-condemnation, Anger, criticism, doubt. But I had Faith, Courage, moderation etc. So this is a wonderful way to end the day with HOPE. Even with the pain of failure I still had the HOPE of positive feedback from doing God's will. Plus working toward the things of GOD in my life instead of selfish things like I used to.

mon123 · Member

Hi
I've just done a talk in my home group about step 10 and 11, so have newly looked at the literature. What struck me was how clever this program really is. Just when you're getting complacent and thinking ok I've looked at 9 steps now. I am getting the program under my belt now, it tells you to re look at your inventory.
This came just at a time when I was quickly falling back into old behaviours. This step forced me to recognise that. It wasn't that life was becoming more difficult or that my Higher Power had abandoned me. It was that I had been taking back control and forgetting my pledge to allow my Higher Power to be in charge.
My husband has been in recovery for 18 months and things had become easier, but my head was allowing his ISM's to consume me again.
Step 10 and my sponser told me to return to step one and remind myself that I was powerless and look again at my inventory.
What resentments had I retained? Where had my detachment skills gone?
My changed attitudes had helped the whole family a year ago. Why was I allowing them to change back?
Was I finding my husbands ISM's difficult or was I hiding behind them while letting my own behaviour become out of control again.
A harsh lesson but a good one. This program is a lifetimes learning and not just a plodding through the steps.
Mon123

getoverit · Veteran Member

The Tenth Step

From The 12 Steps

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self- searching, the leveling
of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its
successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had
come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living
it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been
solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual
tools laid at out feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed
into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.

From:
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

Now finds me wiggling to serenity re a print job I am waiting for. My tools to print are
there -- no. Not anymore.. I got evicted from my apartment when I was unconscious. I've
no control over the matter, the stuff I had -- the a, just sitting right over there -- is gone. The apartment is gone gone gone -- lol -- poof!

My ex a keeps surfacing in my mind -- it hurts less and less for I am learning quickly
to forgive both me, he and the situation that brought us to being apart. It is complex
as any fine al anoner would love to dive into -- a romance from being based in a lack
that I could fix.. Yeah -- right -- lol -- step in h p -- whewee!

I had -- I gave on the promise of.. we have all heard the lines before. I have to let
it go to healing cause holding onto the dead ends is holding onto the dead. Al anon
tools have been an asset to me in my letting go process. His memories fade into the
nothingness we sprang up out of and I have to go it -- life -- in the idea the movie
28 days expresses. Since my concussion, reality seems to me to be as if walking thru
an oil painting, or not so real anymore. My life and work keep me busy and free to b
working on my honesty -- to not share in the lies of an a.. To save myself, for I was
wrong.

Its time for me to get to my chores.. More on step ten next time around I'm sure.
School is staring at me like I'm a deer in the headlights or there's gonna b a train
wreck -- lol -- hp is carrying me more now that's for sure!

I do gardening to help center after the hsp stay.. my eyes are still a
whack job and I pretend that I can see what I'm doing. I'm learning
baby steps even apply to eyes and eyesight -- sweet!
gentle paths n light n oceans of love,
getoverit
***

-- Edited by getoverit at 17:57, 2007-11-10

Baffled · Member

Step Ten - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Awarenessof my shortcomings/defects helps me to change both my attitude and my actions. If I feel different or "less than" I give it to my Higher Power so my feelings do not affect other people. Also, if I am "slothful" and feel guilty about it, I make an extra effort to work harder and carry my part of responsibilities. When I feel critical of someone else, I realize that I only have power over my own life. There is so much that needs to be improved in myself that there isn't much time for me to think about changing others.

For the resentments that I struggle with, I start thinking about gratitude and the things in my life I am grateful for. If I resent a person, I say a prayer for all good things to come to them. When I recognize the feeling of resentment or intolerance and how wrong it is, I try to consider the other person's viewpoint or be compassionate. I remember that others are going through their own struggles/challenges and that they are going to live their lives the way they want to.

Blessed · Senior Member

Step 10- Continued to take personal Inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted
it.

When working Step 10 just for today. I can accept my life just the way it is supposed be for this moment for this day. I can say that I have done my best, given my best, served, prayed, and loved the best I possibly could. Working the program to it's fullest and reaped the rewards of it.

When It hurts me and cuts me deeply that my only Son is out there drinking. Causing caous, living with constant legal charges, and so much pain for himself and his family. I can always rely on "GOD," to gently remind me just how much "HE LOVES HIM," and all those suffering with the disease of Alcoholism and addiction.

So that when I resent myself, my ex, my parent's, or look for the blame anywhere else all I have to do is "Pray," turn it over to "GOD," and wait for him to lift the burden. Know that God is in control of everything. That I can "TRUST" him qwith my life and with my Son's life along with everyone that I Love and care about's life. Because God has made himself known to me through Sobriety and through Recovery. He reached out and took me out of the slimmy pit when I didn't even know that I was in one.

Thanks to all of you for your caring and posting. So that I can read and glean just a little bit more to help me on this road called life.
Love Blessed

Robinsword · Newbie

Hi my name is Robin

I am new here and i feel i have completed step one and two although i know i still need to return to them. Step ten is great i take personal inventory every day and i did apoligieze to someone (that i did not like) although i sometimes feel that when i do this inventory and apoligieze it feels like i am only seeing the negatives in me and back to the little girl that did not exist. But i will keep it up.

Thanks
Robin

Vicky R · Senior Member

From: Al-Anon's Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions pg. 64 (copyright 1997, by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc Limited use by express written permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.)

" Step Ten asks us to continue to take action to wipe the slate clean, to avoid building up regrets, showing us again that the Al-Anon program is centered on us, on developing our own contentment with life. This leads us to still another thought : not to allow ourselves to be affected, or influenced, by the demands and expectations of others. In our relationships with family and freinds, we may have felt we were only trying to please when we did what someone else thought we should . We thought we were being unselfish when we put aside our own preferences and went along meekly with what somebody else wanted of us. What we were really doing was damagine ourselves, and for this , too we needed the constant reminder of Step Ten. Perhaps, we were afraid to refuse a request or demand; afraid to "cross' someone, especially if it was the alcoholic who was trying to manipulate and control; in standing our ground we were not only helping others realize that they could not impose their unreasonable behavior on us, but we were properly protecting our own right to what was best for us . Being aware of that right served a dual , beneficial purpose and strengthened us to meet our predicaments with courage and confidence. "

Hi Dot and everyone , thanks for all the wonderful shares, it's always inspiring to see so much recovery . I chose this quote today because it illustrates something that I learned in my early days and later on I saw that people come to a recovery where they are giving from a position of sincere generosity rather than obligation or 'fixing' or whatever. Yes we discover parts of ourselves that we didn't know existed. This is how I understand this programme works in practice. And that goal is much healthier for ourselves and also for the other people that we choose to be around at the time ,

llol Vickyr x

shimo · Member

I consider Step 10 one of my maintenance steps. I have learned to take good care of myself and my needs in every interaction with others and strive to keep my side of the street clean.

It works well for me to daily check myself and take responsibility for my thoughts, my words and my deeds. When I am wrong today I promptly admit it, make amends and move forward.

Admitting my mistakes and making amends not only keeps me humble, but also reveals my humanness and my spirituality. Today, I strive to treat everyone with compassion and love, and remember to treat myself in the same way for therein lies my serenity.

Love in recovery - Jeri smile

Fina · Newbie

Here's something I found from AA. If you have one for Alanon specifically, I'd love to see it. I think questions 9 and 10 need tweaking for Alanoners. IMHO.

10th Step Guidelines
It's a good idea to start with a prayer. For example:
"God, please help me review my day. Please grant me the willingness to see what you would have me see, in the light you would have me see it: free from morbid reflection, fear, obsessive guilt, and dishonesty."

The following guide is drawn verbatim from Alcoholics Anonymous (pp. 84-86):
1. Was I resentful?
2. Selfish?
3. Dishonest?
4. Afraid?
5. Do I owe an apology?
6. Have I kept something to myself which should be discussed with another person at once?
7. Was I kind and loving toward all?
8. What could I have done better?
9. Was I thinking of myself most of the time?
10. Or was I thinking of what I could do for others, what I could pack into the mainstream of life?
11. After making our review we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken.

At all times we continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up we:
1. Ask God at once to remove them.
2. We discuss them with someone immediately.
3. And make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone.
4. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.