New to 12 Steps

Time To Change · Newbie

New to 12 Steps

Dot · Member

Welcome - yes the 12 Steps are the same. Whether we are spouses - children of - other family members or friends of alcoholics we all qualify for Al-Anon. If you are also going to ACoA you will find that you will identify with many of us and realize that our problems are very much the same as yours.
Keep coming back - we love you - Dot

Time To Change · Newbie

Hi Dot,

Thanks for your response.

I have been in a few Al-anon meetings and I just could not relate to what some of the people were saying. Some of them were angry, some were still living with the drinker, I am neither, so I sat there thinking that maybe I needed to try something else. Could it be that maybe I just need to try another Al-anon group? We have no f2f ACoA in my area.

Thanks,
TTC-Shelly

Dot · Member

Hi Shelly - yes, I would suggest you find a meeting that you are comfortable in. Many come into Al-Anon angry when our dream of marriage and family is shattered by the disease of alcoholism. Sometimes it's hard to let go of that anger and learn to understand and have compassion for the a. It was very hard for some of us to accept that alcoholism is a disease not the actions of a bad person.

Be gentle with the person who is still angry. Perhaps you can share what part of the program helped you thru your anger.

Love in recovery - Dot

Time To Change · Newbie

Dot,

I appreciate the reminder about being gentle.

I haven't worked the program yet so I have no real experience there. The only thing that I could tell someone is that I chose to leave the marriage. That is what was right for me, my mother, she chose to stay. Anyhow, the past 13 yrs. have been a work in progress for me. I have been to therapy, read books and recently gone to f2f meetings. I feel for anyone who has to deal with the drinker, for it totally screws up their life along with ours!
Yes, it is a disease, but it took me years to accept that one!

God Bless,
TTC

Blessed · Senior Member

New to the 12 Steps

Isn't life wonderful when you can say to another person after years of suffering alone. "I NEED HELP." It's not a sign of weakness, failure, or giving up. When we ask for "HELP" to start the 12-Steps in the program of Recovery that is huge for any human being. Most people are full of pride, self-assurance, self-centeredness, and vanity. That goes for al-anons, a.a.'s etc.

When I came into the program I was frightened, angry, shaking, resentful, confused, and very ill. I was willing to do anything to feel better and fix what was broken. Me, my life, family, everything.

I grew up in an alcoholic home for 34 years and it was insane. Needless to say I have a few hang ups to work on today still. GOd is a powerful source of my Recovery today. Without him I wouldn't be here. Prayer is essential in my life as well.
Even if you are starting out as a Newbie, New Comer, or you have been around for a bizzilion years. "The Serenity Prayer" is a blessing and you'll come to understand it more and more. I will keep all of you in my prayers GOd's Blessings over all of you.

Blessed

Tuggboat · Newbie

I would think you would find step one to have a broader impact. The stories in the ALAnon book "In ALL Our Affairs" really opened my eyes. It made me aware of how many different ways I have been molded by alcoholism. These are the things I've found myself powerless over on a day to day basis. A lot of people say they are powerless over everything in the beginning. It sure keeps things simple. The Step though does not say that and I do not believe that we are powerless over everything based on even something as simple as the fact that our actions have consequence. If we were powerless over everything, predictable consequences would not exist.

I have come to believe I am powerless over so many isms and at such great depth that I am humbled enough to require help from God on a daily basis. I cannot recover fully without his aid or direction. In all programs we must assess ourselves for the good and bad. Each programs literature and sponsors are better tuned to helping you be effective in your inventory.

It is only recently that Alanon has been serious enough about ACOA to provide us with a little of our own literature. The newest Alanon daily reader is more attuned to ACOA than toward Alanon. It is called "Hope For Today". There are many books and even groups that work outside of the Alanon literature. I didn't really want to be a part of what I saw but there were more people there that I could relate to.

My best ACOA recovery was in an AlAnon AFG meeting that had about an equal mix of all members of Alanon. We had three or four each of alcoholic's spouses, parents, children and several were also alcoholic. Each different meeting has something to offer but my experience would suggest that searching around and through different meetings until you find one with Some ACOA's there will be most helpful.

I traveled 35 miles to mine every week and liked it so much that I opened it up and shut it down. It meant that much after I found it. :)

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.