The Twelve Steps

John · Member

The Twelve Steps

fearbgone · Member

hi, new here,do you want me to start one1 and talk next week.?

fearbgone · Member

So the first page is the most recent april is -this correct,I wanted to keep track of people.

peanut · Newbie

Can anyone tell me how i should begin step 1 in alanon?

Thanks so much.

fearbgone · Member

I guess we just start working them! Then ask questions later when we figure things out.

bert · Newbie

Highly recommend reading the 12 and 12 for more information about the steps. I just found this site. I am enjoying it immensly. perfect for time when I am hungry angry lonly or tired and need a pickme up. as for the first step once I have admitted on a daily basis that I am powerless and my life is unmanagable I pray. thy will be done.

GammyRose · Member

Hi guys,

I just happened to read your posts. Have you all checked out the other boards on MIP. I'm sure there is a board for each of your situations. We are on Step 10,and soon Step 11 on this board right now. I would suggest you read the post for Step 1,at the end of board and we will be back to Step 1 in a few weeks. If you are on the other boards ,someone their can help you with steps too. John has a post at the top about how this works.

I'm glad to see you all here. Keep coming back.

(((Hugs)))

GammyRose

Lynn · Newbie

I am also new, just joined last night. If you received any good advice as to how to start the 12 steps, please let me know. Thanks.

keeghan · Newbie

i am in the same spot. i also am kind of lost, and don't really know where to start. it would be helpful if someone could let us know.

glad to be here, keeghan

peanut · Newbie

Thanks for the reply. It seems like a "sponser" on-line would be helpful. Is there anything like that?

dis · Newbie

I'm new here. on my own I have managed to do the first 3 steps. I don't quit understand step 4 though. I am very thankful for this sight. It has help me in more ways then not. Thank you for all your support. Couldn't make it without it. Dis

lyonslayr · Newbie

I think I posted this wrong the first time. I started a new topic I think. Any in regards to the Alanon step 1. I bought the book..Paths to Recovery. I found it to be a big help while doing the steps. It has simple questions that gave me an opportunity to dig deeper. I hope this helps. James

hoffnerhooper · Newbie

Hi, I am new to this site and was wondering how you are doing this, i have orked the steps but need to do them again, how do you so it on here

Cody1958 · Newbie

I am powerless over people,places and things today. I am a recovering herion addict and I also need alanon as my boyfriend is in recovery now 9 years, my mother and father were addicts. I have 8 brother and 4 sisters and most of them are still active in thier addiction.

I am powerless over people: I tryed to control the people in my life and found it to be a very tiring time, when I learned the slogan, live and let live. It became alot more serene in my life as I had to learn that if we were all alike in this world, it would be very boring.

I am powerless over places: Where ever you go nowdays as far as resturaunts, places like that.. they have a bar there or they serve some kind of liqure. To this day, I will not gointo a place that serves beer or wine or anything like that.. If I like that place and the food, I choose to order to go, that way I don't place myself in situations that might get me drunk. I always say that one day I just might be weak and there I go. off to the races again and let the games begin. so , today I choose how I go out to place and I make sure I am not in a place where I don't belong at.

I am powerless over things. I have an addictive personality. I can get addicted over anything,anywhere andat anytime, I have to watch what ever it is that might cause me to go back out..

I always say, that I might have another relapse in me and I might have another recoveryinme, but today I am not willing to take that chance..

Alcohol and drugs are only a symptom of my disease. I have to learn to live the right way, I never knew how to have a normal life.. I laways thought that the people that didn't drink or do drugs was the off the wall king of people but today I have learned that it was the people that drink to get drunk like me that was off the wall. It was a whole new life for me and I love it today. I wouldn't change it for the world.. thank you for allowing me to share.. Cody

Cody1958 · Newbie

Todays Reflections meeting was on service and the one message we have to carry...That there is a way out.I must be honest..I had no idea that there was a way out..until I went to my first meeting and heard parts of chapter 3 & 5 read!! Until then...I was lost...The light to freedom was found,for me at that first meeting...And I got the feeling of hope from the people who shared....AND they told me to keep coming back...So I did! For the first several weeks I went to at least one meeting a day...and sometimes 2 on my day off...The more I came...the more the fog lifted...They started talking about steps and going on 12 step calls...And the older people would drag me along...And thats how I first started doing 12th step work...I went thru a period of dragging people off bar stools and soon found out that it had to be a personal decision..To Stop drinking...AND I was powerless over booze---in me or anyone else!!!In terms of being ready for 12th step work???I just went!!!Regards..From a very good friend of mine.... Perg

kdj10271962 · Newbie

Thanks for the info Cheri. Have a good one. Karen

Noni · Member

I am powerless over other people.

When I was a teen-ager, I was powerless to stop my older brother - who was a gifted musician, and who is an alcoholic and drug addict from trying to kill himself on my 19th birthday.

When I was younger, I was powerless stop my mother from drinking after my father died. (My father died when I was 20.)

After my father died, I was powerless to stop my mother from allowing my brother to move back in to the house to live with my mother. I was powerless to make my mother see that her son was using and abusing her. I was powerless to make my mother sell the house and move in to live with me and my second husband. I was powerless to stop my mother from trying to kill herself.

Now, I am powerless to get my mother to recognize me when I visit her in the nursing home; and I am powerless to hear my brother play another note of music, as he sits alone...his body whithered, bent and broken in the projects.

I powerless over my daughter...am unable to prevent my daughter from being an alcoholic and a drug addict. I am unable to prevent her from physical harm to her body and property: from her husband and other men and women she is sleeping with so she can continue to get the drugs she needs.

I am unable to help her financially (I have been laid off of my job): she spends all of her money on her addictions that she does not have enough money to pay her bills - so one at a time all of her "things" are being turned off.

All of this makes me feel afraid...afraid that my daughter will turn out like my brother...or worse.

I am powerless over my relationships

I am powerless to make someone treat me the way I want to be treated, specifically: cuddled, loved, stroked, talked to, etc. Even when I ask my SO to do something, and my SO is willing - it still leaves me feeling like there is a big empty void spot where my heart should be. This makes me feel sad and very lonely.

I am powerless over illness - weather - nature - things "shit happens" category...so, when my cat pukes up - it gets cleaned up. When it snows - it gets shoveled (maybe). When I get a flat tire - I always hope it's a flat that can be fixed (it's cheaper than buying a whole tire) - but I get a tire if I need a tire. When it rains - hopefully it'll storm so I can watch the lightening. When I get sick it's time for snot-rags and chicken soup.

Kathy570 · Member

Hi, John,

My name is Kathy W. / Kathy570 and I just discovered your board & site about a week or more. It is fantastic & GOD Bless All of you who work so hard at it to help other.

I am a recovering alcoholic for almost 4 years now and have been spinning my wheels. I went to an Al Anon meeting because I was looking for help with ACOA & AlAnon(my husband is an active A). I felt like I was coming home. A women said a comment at the end of the meeting and it has changed me greatly ! I knew that God had sent me to a place I need to be and having been feeling alot of serenity for the first time in my life that I can remember and IT FEELS GREAT.

I tried to get on line tonight but it did not happen so I will try for the next meeting.

My question is, since I am starting at step one (& have been reading Dot's hard work and all the sharing), since Dot is doing a differant kind of recovery, WHO is typing the step work now???

I would appreciat a reply at your earliest convenience.

Thanky you again for your great help and hard work.

Yours in Recovery

Kathy570

lioness81655 · Newbie

Hello to all.

I think I went about this the wrong way by posting my own posts as I haven't gotten any responses. My question is how do I "work" the steps. For instance if step 1 is about being powerless,whom do I admit that to? Myself ?my husband? a sponsor? other people? Or do I write it out like for instance in a journal? I'm not quite sure what I should be doing. I could use some help as I have been unable to find an al-anon meeting in my area.

Thanks so much

lioness

John · Member

Hi Everyone,

Seems to me many new people are struggling with how to start working the steps, and particularly step one.

It was suggested to me that I write down 15 examples of my powerlessness.

Alcoholic Example:

I decided not to drink during the week but only on weekends and by tuesday nite I was drinking again. So many times I said I was going to have only 1 or 2 drinks and a bottle or two later, coming out of a black out, wondered "what the heck happened?" Many times I swore with all sincerity that I was finished, I wouldn't drink any more.. to keep a wife, to keep a job, etc. And a short while later I was drunk again.

Example of unmanagability;

I drink so much that I failed to show up to work on time so often that it cost me a job.

Al-Anon Example:

If an alcoholic is powerless over alcohol he/she consumes, the family member or friend surely is.

What methods have you tried in a effort to control the alcoholics consumption? I swore if he/she ever came home drunk again, I was leaving. They came home drunk again and I stayed. Crying didn't get any long term results only made the alcoholic angry and drink more. Being silent and doing the cold shoulder thing didn't work, begging, threatening, making deals (compromising and negotiating) didn't work. I swore I was not going to stay awake waiting for the alcoholic to come home any more, and the next night I was standing by the window all night as each car went down the street, looking to see if it was my alcoholic. etc, etc, etc...

Example of Unmanagability:

I missed family gatherings because I feared my alcoholics behavior. I couldn't hold a job because I feared leaving my children with a alcoholic.

ACoA Example:

As a child I did not have a choice as to whether to participate in dysfunctional family dynamics. I was powerless. I was a child, I was not responsible for my parents well being, happiness, etc. I tried mighty hard to care for them and make them happy and never succeeded. It was not suppose to be my job, but as a child I was unable to discern this fact and felt responsible when things went wrong within the family. I was powerless over the neglect and abuses I endured, and I was powerless over their reversed roles within the family structure.

Example of Unmanagability:

I learned as a child to be a major care taker and it has caused those around me to back away because I tend to smother them and they feel I act like a babysitter for them. Never being "good enough" has stopped me from trying to accomplish many things in life.

Just write 10-15 examples that you feel show your powerlessness, and 10-15 examples of how your life is unmanagable as a result of that to which you are powerless. This would be a good start working the steps, starting with step one.

John

cocoa · Member

A hot tip wuld be for any 12 support group member is to get with a sponser, specifically who has actually worked the 12 steps with a sponser.

Cocoa

jonibaloni · Newbie

how to start 12 steps in Alanon...?

Admit that we were powerless over alcohol... the effect it has had on your loved one, and your own life... How has alcohol, even if YOU are not the alcoholic... made your life unmanagable?

Powerlessness is that we have no control. unmanagable is what in our lives needs "fixing"; what in our lives is keeping us from enjoying it to the fullest.

jonibaloni · Newbie

The basic principle of Step one, whether it be for the alcoholic OR the alanon, is to start focusing on ME and MY beliefs about myself. As an alanon, i will only begin to change when I stop focussing outwardly, on the alcoholic's problems, and begin to focus on the fact that I now have my own problems, within.

i.e....i have continually tried to control the alcoholic's drinking, to no avail. Although I have tried and failed many times, I am stuck in a cycle of continuing to try, and I can't get out. Trying the same thing the same way over and over and expecting different results only hurts me, and is the 12 step definition of INSANITY. By my continual attempts to exert power where I have NONE, I literally drive myself insane; am obsessed with getting the response I feel I deserve, I am in a constant state of percieved failure, I am attempting to use manipulation, guilt and scare tactics (which mentally and spiritually wears ME out...), I am afraid on a constant basis of things not turning out as I would have them, my mind and heart are filled with continual anger, resentment, fear, hurt feelings, self-pity.... and all because I am stuck in a viscious cycle... THAT I CANNOT CONTROL ANYWAY!!!! (haven't I proven that to myself time and again?)

I am not able to begin the healing development through a higher power, until I can admit to MYSELF that my way is not working. This is the first step in the recovery of a loved-one of an alcoholic. Without this vital admission, I will not likely learn how to LET my higher power heal, in HIS way, in HIS time, instead of being the boss of a failing project.

God did not put me on this planet to sober anyone up. That's what he has planned for the A.A.s out there. What he has planned for me, at best, is to get better MYSELF, be relatively happy NO MATTER WHAT, GET A LIFE, and help someone else someday, when the time is right.

Luvmyhorse · Member

Noni,

I just read your post and I marvel in your recovery.

I needed to hear all you were powerless over this am. Thank you so much for sharing.

I too can make such a list and will after I return from taking my husband for catarat surgery.

Have a wonderful day

jonibaloni · Newbie

....wow, Luvmyhorse. Must be Higher Power at work again... I Love my horses, too! I have 2 Appy's and a registered Quarter Horse. I showed extensively as a teen and now ride for pleasure. Just being around them is the essence of peace and serenity! It has been a hot summer here in Northeastern Ohio, and I am looking forward to autumn rides!!!

...I just took my Aunt in for cataract surgery this past month, and it was a remarkably simple and effective proceedure; the recovery was very easy for her. Good luck to your hubby with that. She is really enjoying seeing all her colors again, chrystal clear.

...I enjoyed Noni's list as well. These steps certainly help us in ANY area of our life... I am embarking on a career move at this time, and I find that I am excited and relaxed about it, where i once would have been full of fear. I know that I am no longer in charge, even where my career is concerned. God has a plan for me, and I just do the footwork, bearing no expectations. This alleviates me from having to try and manipulate circumstances, or getting down on myself if a particular path ends up being 'road-blocked'. What FREEDOM I have in acknowledging my powerlessness!

jane · Newbie

How refreshing just to read the 12 steps again. I have not been to a meeting in several months---get busy and think I am over myself and then suddenly--I want to drink!!! But those 12 steps put me in a better perspective and I will run, not walk to the nearest meeting and begin reviewing my thinking. Been recovering l0 yrs. now and without meetings I will forget how it was.........

Luvmyhorse · Member

Hi Joni,

Sorry to not get reply back but I forgot that I was powerless over Sugar, wheat and flour. I have spent the last 5 days in bed detoxing. I want crazy when my grand son was her for ten days and now I am paying the piper.

I also forgot about my food addicts anonymous program and have gotten back to that, I will be giving a demonstration there tomorrow on planning and preparing abstinent food.

My horse? He is an aNGLO-aRABIAN AND BECAUSE OF MY ADDICTION i HAVEN'T SEEN HIM ALL WEEK AND HE IS THE KIND THAT NEEDS WORK DAILY...OOPS! Darn cap key.

I am still in lots of pain from this detox. I sure hope I can remember and think through the next time I want to pick up sugar, wheat or flour.

Hugs, Joyce

jonibaloni · Newbie

....wow... I need to do something about the sugar/flour thing too! It certainly is a mind-altering substance!

...nice to hear about your arab... yes, had one myself and they do need a lot of activity or they get highly upset!!

Godspeed, and hope you get out soon.

pls · Newbie

As to step one I am powerless over food and gambling.

I have done step two and three

I struggle with step four

and I have admitted to my family (step 5) about how I have been gambling and Have gotten myself in debt

Luvmyhorse · Member

jonibaloni wrote:

....wow... I need to do something about the sugar/flour thing too! It certainly is a mind-altering substance! ...nice to hear about your arab... yes, had one myself and they do need a lot of activity or they get highly upset!! Godspeed, and hope you get out soon.

Wow, Joni,

Almost a year since this post. Still not on my food program but not bindging. I am over working on my house , trying to catch up where I was neglectful and I have changed people and places which kept me in my food addiction.

I am in the process of finding a new step sponser, I found myself in real old behavior the other day, RAGE. I know rage to be anger from the past not delt with and someone who had hurt me and my chidren badly, said something that triggered my memory of what she had done and the damage she could still do as she has not made any changes in her life. I don't really know how to deal with this. I need to make some sort of amends but at this time I really don't know how. The 9th step says "Unless it will hurt them or others". Right now if I were to go to her I think it would hurt both of us. Maybe I will just send a card, admitting that I definitely over reacted in my rage but that I see that It would not be heathly for either one of us to continue a relationship.

Bye for now and I hope it is not another year before we get back to this list

Luvmyhorse · Member

pls wrote:

As to step one I am powerless over food and gambling. I have done step two and three I struggle with step four and I have admitted to my family (step 5) about how I have been gambling and Have gotten myself in debt

Welcome, PLS,

I too have found myself spending with credit cards. I am retired and have chosen to take a part time job and pay off my debt. Debtors anonymous helped me so much in the past. You may want to do as I intend to do now since I have admitted my debt to you and get to a face to face meeting or on-line.

I am also stepping up my meetins and getting a new sponser. My present one has not been working for me and I am really serious about working my steps

littleprincess · Newbie

Hello all I 'm in need of some HELP I'm tring to do this thing called recovery on my own going to meetings but i can't find any web sites that brakes down the 12 steps like at a program HELP

red_velvet1965 · Newbie

I am so glad i found this site maybe i wont feel alone and lonely anymore you see i live far away from town so i can not get to meetings like i want to ,I have 2years 1month and18days clean i have the na work book and my what a lot of work on the first step atleast for me it is ,because it says i must be honest have an open mind and today i can honestly say i do have that..ty .red_velvet1965

jen · Newbie

im new here im on step one and i guess thats why im here. I need help even with that

AWorkInProgress · Newbie

I am new here. Are we currently sharing on the 12th step? The dates of the posts are from 2005. Anyone out there?

A Work In Progress!

peggysnowmom · Member

Hi all, I work the steps in order. I think by the time we all come in this program we all ready have done step one. We know things are out of control. Than in step 2 we came to believe that something or someone bigger than us would help us to find sanity ( my higher power is God) in step 3 we made the decision to turn our lives and our will over to that higher power. After step 3 we are going to be doing alot more mental thinking and working the rest of the steps. There is no time limit on the steps or how long to spend on each one. I go back to these 3 steps sometimes when I feel myself getting overwhelmed

cher428 · Newbie

Leaving the blank in Step one has helped me many a time. TOday it is Illness. The cause of the illness partly alcohol. It hard to see someone you love get ill and recover. Sometimes the illness is what is needed to get on the road to recovery.

Have to remember that didn't cause this, can't control it can't cure it. Out of my control. My higher power is definately responsible in helping my through this situation.

Although I do not practice my steps daily; what I've learned in Alanon in times of trouble it sure helps you keep balanced. Reading liturature is a good thing.

A reminder of this program came by email just when I needed it thank you. Also my alanon buddies calls sure helped as well.

Cheryl

alcopops · Newbie

if you really really trust your higher power get a sponsor and get the real work done and grow grow grow

Smarti · Newbie

I read Johns post...it said to give examples of our addictions, and how we feel powerless.

I drink. Almost Every night.

I look forward to coming home after work and have some drinks...I wait until the kids are asleep so they dont see me get drunk. (thinking they wont notice) Drinking makes me feel relaxed, and I can fall asleep.

I HATE this drunk person I have become. My kids deserve better.
I hate feeling so shitty about myself...I want to be a "normal" sober person again.

I feel good about myself for the days that I dont drink...which are very few...but I want to feel that way EVERY DAY!!!

I WANT to get healthy!!!

Please help me with what you know.

My prayers go out to every one...this is definately a struggle.

But not one that can be overcome!!!

-- Edited by Smarti at 18:24, 2007-05-21

robert77 · Newbie

I am a alcoholic, I was first given that fact by the US Navy. Who had due to some difficulties I had on a operation (job), I could do weekends in the brig, fine of $2000, (I only made $402 a month), and restricted duty at my command. Or, go to a 29 day outpatient rehab. My descion should be obvious, I chose rehab. Where they informed me I had a problem with alcohol. I exclaimed, problem! I have'nt got a problem with alcohol! I can drink a case(24 beers), case and and half and still walk. What are you talking about I asked?

I got serious about the program six years later. Alcohol had beat me into a crevace in the floor of the city I lived in. Before it had thouroly kicked my butt up one side of the street and down the other. twice I went to a bar, only had two drinks each time. There I said that proves I not an alcoholic. But think about it, who tries to prove they are not, an alcoholic.

I got away from meetings support people in the program and read no literature at all and stoped praying. In other words I shut myself off from any contacy with AA I had. I drank again. I actually did not have a sponcer, home group, or get beyond step 1, I went to meetings and worked step one, stayed sober. But I went no further. Things got very good, a job an apartment all my bills paid and food in the refrigerator. And even had $10 to $20 dollars a week left over. Did'nt keep going to meetings, said "Look how good "I'm" doing, I ended up drunk.

It had been the love of the peolpe and their support that helped me to achieve, and connection to the higher spirit (HP), that supported my achievments. I went out with out any hold, I salipped back to unmanageability, fear and despair. 3 or so years later, for the grace of my higher power, I made it back saw my short comings and corrected the biggest. I completely with out any doubt or question accepted I was powerlrss over alcogol. I was, an alcoholic, had'nt given my permission and from there proceeded to smash any idea I could drink, at all. At any time for any reason as Bill states in th big book in chapter 3. "any idea of drinking again must be smashed".

I still don't drink today, and have not drank for many 24 hours, I am afraid today, not terrified, I get angrey today not enraged, I try to feel, think, act, not react. I completely accept, which has been my answer, I'm a alcoholic. Fear of people and economic insecurity has left me, Idon't regret the past, a few things that have happened for me of the promises on pg 83, big book.

To summarize, acceptance and powerlessness, when I think of step one these two words come to mind.

If it helped someone great, if not, oh well. Keep coming back.

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.