Thanks everyone for being here & your patience if you stick this out! I'd like to share my ESH re Step 12 :) It took me a while to move from Step 11 as I was frightened & feeling overwhelmed that I wouldn't have anything to give to anyone else as I could still be confused in my own program.

(Obviously I hadn't learned how to surrender my fear at that point ;) I had someone ask me in January if I would be her Sponsor & I said at the time that I would be there for her but that I wasn't sure if I could take her through the Steps.

I didn't quite yet have faith in my program or my Higher Power. As you might know I went to the A.A. Northern Convention in Blackpool, U.K. a couple of weeks ago & heard the message of Back to Basics which means carrying out the Program exactly as it is written in the Big Book.

A light went on for me & I realised that sponsoring did not have to be about Me! That I have a good working knowledge & familiarity with the Steps but that essentially my would-be Sponsee would have her own journey & that I would simply be carrying the message of my ESH in doing the program for myself sharing with the help I've had & being there to hear her as she does hers.

I realised that all I had to do was sit down with her, pick up the Big Book & go through it page by page checking in with each others understanding as we go. The answers are in the Big Book. I am not responsible for anybody else's recovery bar my own but I can definately be there for inspiration & guidance. I can have faith that her sharing will teach me too.

So I came back & told her that I was ready to help with the message in any way that I could & that our meetings would be determined by her willingness, her calling when she wanted & us meeting when she was free & wanting to do it. This set the scene for her being responsible for her own recovery & me continuing to be available at her discretion.

This set great boundaries for me & meant that I could 'Easy Does It; Let Go & Let God; Live & Let Live'. She was made up & the funny thing was she had more faith in me than I had had. It was a lesson for me to learn that her Higher Power had been at work too & that she had chosen me for a reason!

So, we've been meeting for a few weeks now. I gave her a little version of the 12 & 12 & so far we've read through the forewords to previous editions in the BB. The last reading we did was 'The Doctor's Opinion' regarding our powerlessness over alcohol & I used an article I found here@MIP to take us into it nicely called 'The Missing Piece' all to do with our spiritual malady which helped us to understand the second part of Step 1 dealing with the unmanageability of our emotions.

That's our progress so far & I have to say how exciting & exhilirating this all is in learning & letting go. It's a beautiful feeling to be sharing our recoveries with each other & it has really been helpful in driving my program home to me in 'Exercising these principles in all our affairs'.

This brings me to the other purpose of my post. Step 12 is turning out to be a true pivotal key in bringing all my Steps together. I was suffering & not quite able to use the program to help me except I realised that Step 12 was the natural progression for me to help bring all of my steps together so I now have the solution I feel confident in & faithful that I can work it everyday. Though, until I had another spiritual awakening on Easter Sunday I didn't know truly how I could work this program effectively & consistantly in all my affairs for the serenity it promises.

I had some conflict with my family the week before & the circumstances aren't important because I can have conflict with anyone at any time for any reason. None of that is important, it's simply personality stuff, but what I learned regarding principles is that when I'm feeling 'lost, helpless, victimised, frustrated, hurt, angry, stuck, I'll say frustrated again' cuz in these moments I'm desperate to win at something lol What I've learned is that it is exactly these crisis moments where the key to my success lies.

It is in my spiritual axiom where my hurt is my problem & I have to do a ruthless spotcheck Step 10 looking for my part. What part of my self is causing my problem? My experiences of Steps 4&5 help here... It was only when I looked at & accepted my part that I found some peace from the insanity I spoke of above where I wanted to control aspects external to me by acting out on those defects of mine as I've mentioned. I owned them, got honest & shared them with another after a private word with my HP.

I'm not sure if I found it straight away or in moving onto my Step 11 where I asked for God's will for me. When I ask for God's will for me I realise that God's will for me is in having such defects removed so it takes me back to Step 3 where I trust, have faith & allow myself to be taken care of by that Power greater than me & then I go through Steps 6&7 & ask for my defects to be removed.

I have found a repeated release in asking for my selfpity to be removed that I may be able to shine through its opposite of compassion (for example) This is where the clues are for me to find the sunlight of the spirit & have my blocks removed. But, I've found it only comes with faith, surrender & diligent discipline. I have been praying everyday since my awakening at Easter & it has felt so specific & faithful.

I was frightened of practicing my Step 12 before. I had every capability of doing it but I had to be brave & have the discipline to do it everyday. I even asked my Higher Power to help me to do it everyday! I learned that there is only one solution to all of my problems & it is in having utter faith, belief & conviction that I am my problem & my God or my Higher Power is my solution & the only way I can attain this is by my surrender.

My awakening was instigated in part when another member texted me the following message ~ "Happy Easter... Aside from all the Egg eating Today I can be grateful that God begot the 12 Step program & Bill W gave me a way to apply it. The gift I have been given enables me each day to arrest my illness so again next year I may enjoy more easter eggs as I live a normal life with the AA tools... For me... I pray thru Jesus Christ to God to give thanks today for the sacrifice he made on my behalf that I may be forgiven for my sins which in me are created thru my own self will... I wish you a peaceful day... lots of love xx"

I cried for the loss of his life & the implication of what his sacrifice for me meant that I can be forgiven for my sins also if I have the willingness to ask for help in his name. I have no religious affiliation, was never christened & have always been frightened & threatened by the idea of JC & the way through him to God. I hated the impression to me of this being arrogance in his part & I didn't want to commit to any one religion to the exception of the others but his message kept coming back to me, I came to believe in the gesture of his sacrifice & it is through this now I am finding a new willingness. A realisation that I can work these steps in his name, surrender & allign my will as I'm learning how 'he would have it'.

The Steps make much more sense to me & I'm not saying anyone here should adopt or believe anything specific to do with your Higher Power. This has just been for me & I'm glad of it but I guess what I'm trying to say is that the program would not work for me until I was truly prepared to surrender my old ideas!

If this example is helpful in any way I'd hope for it to be that I can share that my trust & faith is worth it. My Higher Power loves me. More than I can possibly ever love myself. I'm not capable of loving me as much as my God does & I'm grateful now that today I have an unshakeable faith in it Just for Today.

The secret I found is... *Do Not Be Afraid* Do not allow fear to stand in the way of serenity that is rightfully yours. We can love grander than we can imagine by allowing the God or Higher Power of our own understandings to love us & through us. Let go of fear. Do not listen to it. Let it go & know that it is lies.

There is nothing to fear. This world is unfolding as it's meant to & we can recover as soon as we like. 'All' it takes is a willingnes to let go & surrender! Peace is for you like it is for me. I'm not afraid any more. I know how to pray for its removal. This is the freedom the program speaks about & a message I can carry.

I know as we're doing this together. Bill W said not to let the goodness in us be the enemy of our best & I can relate to that because I was hanging onto my favourite qualities in credit to myself & it wasn't until I let go of them absolutely & gave them to my Higher Power that I got a so much better release.

Give it all to your Higher Power! ;) I hope what I've said can make sense. Thanks for letting me share my journey here. I love all that you all are to me & all that you have to give. You deserve your happinesses. God bless my Special Friends here in Recovery@MIP & the World over, Danielle xxx