hiya....yup step 4 and 5 was really a turning point in my life!!!
I did have a hard time coming up with my strengths though...i had to ask others what they are!! I was so used to dwelling on the negative, what was wrong....at a meeting the other night the topic was step 10....where we continue to take personal inventory.... I heard a suggestion to think of a balance sheet at night when I go to bed and I'm reviewing my day....and to start that balance sheet off with a positive...what did I do today that was good...can i think of anything that I need to make an amend for?? Follow that with another positive. I strive for balance today.
From The Twelve Steps to Happiness:
1. Remember an inventory is not a history. It's what's in stock now.
2. Examine your current behavior.
a) What's good about yourself?
b) what's defective?
c) Ignore the past except for guilt, resentment, hatred or unforgiveness.
3. Write it all down, both good and bad.
4. If there is fear in your inventory it is not fearless.
a) put God back in charge.
b) With God in charge, there's nothing to fear.
5. Take the inventory again without fear.

The following is from my fourth step done in my last treatment centre...
The Big Book says on eight different occasions that we WRITE OUT Step 4. It is in the writing down that helps trigger the release.
It has been our experience that when we stop drinking, those problems that were actually caused by that drinking, will disappear. Which leaves us with the problems that caused us to drink. And these, as you are perhaps beginning to find out, are the ones that stay painfully with us unless we do something about it. In the past they were so painfully with us that we needed something to relieve the pain, and we don't have to guess what the pain reliever was!)
We seemed always able to QUIT drinking. We just couldn't STAY QUIT.
In taking steps 4-9, we are doing certain things which we find will bring us to a point in life-enjoyment and comfort whereby we no longer need to drink. We don't need to take any more pain-relivers because the pain has been bled off.
It has been experienced that it really does not matter particularly what your intent is when you take step 4. Or what your attitude is, or what your ideas are as to what it will do for you and how. What matters, IS THAT YOU TAKE IT HONESTLY AND TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITY. Quit rationalizing that you'll take it better if you take it later...or after I've been in AA a little longer...
As alcoholics, we all wanted to excel---really excel---at some activity or other. If you ever decide to get with it (not perfect, but the BEST you can honestly do), this undertaking is a good time to get with it. A thorough 4th and 5th step will get you more relief and comfort than you have any way of knowing. This is the thing that can lend to a real joy of living...something you have been searching for but couldn't quite find.
Step 2 does NOT say, "Came to believe IN a power greater than ourselves", but "
Came to believe THAT a Power greater than ourselves..." could help us become sane, happy people. For instance, the Group is greater than I am as an individual...which would make it greater power. Whatever you look to as a Higher Power, you must remember that in Step 3 you turn...not just your drinking, but your will and your life...over to that Higher Power. So that whatever is uncovered inb the process of thaking Steps 4 and 5...whatever your difficulty...you must remember that you have TURNED IT OVER...and then keep plowing ahead.

I had to be aware of my REACTION to what happened.
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions reads: "Since Step 4 is but the beginning of a lifetime practice. It can be suggested that he first have a look at these personal flaws that are acutely troublesome and fairly obvious" ( p 52)
and also
" Creation gave us instincts for a purpose. Without them we would not be complete human beings. If men and women didn't exert themselves to be secure in their persons, make no effort to harvest food or construct shelter; there wouldn't be any survival. If they didn't produce, the earth wouldn't be populated. If there were no social instinct, if man cared nothing for the society of one another, there would be no society. So their disires...for the sex relation, for material and emotional security, and for companionship...are perfectly necessary and right, and surely God-given." (p 43)
It is when these instincts are warped and bent out of shape that we get in trouble, for their distortion brings pain. That first drink helkped to obliterate such pain. And this is what your inventory is about, to help you recognize those instincts of yorus that are warped and out of control, and develop awareness of yourself and your reactions.
The Big Book refers to "...wreckage of our past..." and from this we are temted only to deal with the problems left in the wake of our alcoholism. But, step 4 and 5 deal with HOW the past has affected our world within. How our negative feelings about ourselves and others gave wrecked us spiritually, mentally and physically.

My first experience with step 4 was actually called step 1 in treatment...a day called my guilts and resentments day...oh brother...my step mother was the only person who showed up for my family week. I literally blew blood vessels in my eyes that day.!!
The next day when I went to group session, my councilor just looked at me and said WOW, Wendy you look like a different person. It was in my eyes...they say eyes are windows to our soul, I beleive that.
My step-mom said how much more I looked like my dad that day.
My step 4 and 5 was freeing, I've done 3 of them now. Each time i did one I had a ceremony of burning. I dodn't need to keep that shite around to remind myself. I have to let it go. Surrender.
My fourth step didin't deal with changing anything. An inventory doesn't change things, it simply LISTS them. My inventory is only a story of my feelings and acts.
Working this step with my 5th step frees me to work away on my dreams with the positive qualities I have working for me. Onward, upward and forward
Hugs & hugs Wendy
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