Step One

tlcate · Veteran Member

Step One

murrill · Newbie

Tricia,
Much of what you wrote is familiar to me. I knew there was a problem, but I was convinced that I--with my superior intellect biggrin ---would figure a way around it. Oh, the tricks I tried: I timed my drinks, changed my liquor, drank with food, drank without food, waited until 6:00 PM to start, waited until 5:30 PM, mixed with water, mixed it with cola....but the outcome was always the same. I was a blackout drinker.....usually consumed about 1/2 gallon of vodka over a week-end. Typically didn't drink during the week, but I probably would have if I'd had enough money.

The life unmanageability part wasn't so hard to swallow: My life was a disaster even before my first drink. In fact, the first drink was the only thing that had ever remedied that: In that moment I was relieved of the self-loathing, of the self-consciousness....and for that moment I was right with the world. I spent the next several years chasing that illusion, never to catch it again. I thought that if I could just fix the rest of my life that I wouldn't be so "crazy" when I drank...that I would drink like normal people. Of course, I was never going to "fix" my life as long as I continued to drink, but such is the reasoning of a wet drunk. I justified drinking when I was happy; wasn't it normal to celebrate? I justified drinking when I was sad; isn't that what people do, I said.

My last week -end was another blackout, but I later learned that I drove drunk, had a minor accident, and landed in jail for the night. Someone bailed me out the next day, & that night I finished off the last of my vodka. And the next day I tried to kill myself. That didn't work out too well, either. It was over. I was out of options, out of ideas, out of resources. I surrendered. I quit the war: Alcohol had beaten me. A few days later, feeling physically better, I wondered how I was going to live without drinking. I was clueless about living life on life's terms, had no idea who I was or what to do with myself, and was certain that I could never overcome the damage of all those years of drinking. I was beyond repair, I told myself. But I had agreed to enter treatment (to save myself on the DWI charge I now faced), and I was introduced to AA. Oh! Those wonderful, beautiful steps! They promised me something I could never have done for myself! Finally, life's little instruction book was mine for the taking!

Today I hae not had a drink or mood altering drug since 11/07/1988. I do not believe that I am granted a daily reprieve, for alcohol simply is not an option for me. I am as likely to think about drinking alcohol as I am to think of drinking bleach: It simply is not in my reptoire. Today I am happy, joyous, and free.

hotrod · Guru

Hi MIP Step Group

I have worked many Step Ones in my time in the program The hardest part of this step has always been the" ADMITTING" You see my disease is very manipulative and although I know many things intelectually my disease can fool me into denying the reality of a situation and tell me that I have power over things and I can fix it, control it, manage it, and be happy .

In order for me to admit that I was powerless over alcoholism I had to hit a very huge emotional bottom. I had tried everything. My husband had been in 20 detoxs and 2 rehabs . As soon as he was discharged from the hospital he would start again.

Nagging, Pretending and Denial no longer worked. My life and the life of my family was spinning out of control and I could not figure out what to do. That is when I arrived at the doors of alanon. I knew I was powerless over alcohol but now what? Surrender to this enemy and be destroyed. Run, what. I knew that inside I was in trouble and that my life was unmanageable by me. Alanon offered simple tools the steps for me to recover the only thing that was mine, MYSELF

I Honestly could not take the First Step without immediately following it with the 2nd Step.

" Came to believe a Power greater than Myself Could Restore Me to Sanity."You see if I was powerless over people, places and things there was no hope for me,unless I had the 2nd step and a HP to lean on to believe that I could be restored to sanity.

The relief I felt with that first surrender was freedom. I will never forget the serenity that entered my being.

Each morning I remind myself that I am powerless over people , places and things , that there is a HP (and I am not it) and that I have turned my will over to HP for the day. I am truly grateful for this program and the tools that keep me sane.

Thanks for letting me share.

-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 28th of February 2010 06:39:11 PM

-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 28th of February 2010 06:40:26 PM

-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 28th of February 2010 06:42:31 PM

-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 28th of February 2010 10:11:26 PM

Dave Harm · Veteran Member

AA's first step - my thoughts and then a poem

Nothing can happen in recovery until admittance comes with being powerless. Admitting that as an alcoholic you have no power over drinking is still only part of the solution, a very strong part, but still only a part.

I say only a part because there were many times in my drunken days that I admitted to being an alcoholic, but I still drank. There were many times closing down a bar, drunk on my ass, saying to anyone who would listen "I'm an alcoholic." Then by the next night trying something different, still trying to figure out a way I could drink with those "social drinkers."

The next step with being able to admit to my problem, I tried different ways to control my drinking. Never during the day, only after work, none at home, never on a weekday, never on a weekend, and my personal favorite, to drink only when I was driving. I know that's quite insane but at the time it made perfect sense.

I had a 20 minute ride to work and a return 20 minute drive. So I would only be drinking for 40 minutes on any given day. But my plans didn't take into account that I would start drinking at 5 o'clock in the morning and within a week's time, I was up to a six pack of beer, before I got to work. At the time I was a maintenance manager and no one questioned when I had to run to town for parts or supplies.

It got to the point that I was driving around town - drinking - more then I was at work. By the end of my day at work, I was quite drunk and I still had my 20 minute drive home. My wife couldn't figure out how I could be so drunk by 4 PM and sound asleep by 6. I did this for a couple of weeks and amazingly I didn't lose my job because of it.

This whole time I knew I was an alcoholic. I knew my drinking habits weren't "normal." But I kept trying different ways to make it work. I knew, for me, the first part of step one was true with me. I was powerless over alcohol, but things didn't change until I read the rest of the step and understood it - that our lives had become unmanageable.

I wasn't paying our bills, my personal hygiene wasn't a priority for me, and alcohol was a priority over food for my family. My paycheck seemed to get smaller and smaller as I was bouncing checks at different bars, grocery stores, and convenience stores just so I could continue to drink.

The first step was now complete. I had no power over alcohol and my life was unmanageable. That second part helped me accept the fact that one drink was to many. Admitting was only part of the step. For me, recovery couldn't begin until I was able to accept the fact that "I'm an alcoholic." Admitting and accepting the keys to the beginning of a new life.

Can It Be True

can it be true
that I'm not like you
I lost the power to say
"I've had enough"
and be able to walk away

a couple of beers
may be enough for you
but a couple of cases for me
just won't do...

fantasizing about my next beer
just can't quit
a compulsion that brings fear
will I scream and hit
then apologize...
"I'm sorry, my dear."

why can't I love you...
and my booze
history has shown
with choices... you'd lose

maybe it is true
a life without alcohol
will keep me with you
but I'm still not sure what to do
you see... I've known alcohol
a lot longer then I've known you

Dave Harm · Veteran Member

CODA/Alanon first step - my thoughts and a poem

About seven months into my sobriety, my life was turning around. I was feeling better about myself but I was still struggling with the past. With this struggle my future was hazy, making my present anything but serene.

We had a family counselor who eventually gave me the courage to look ahead and accept whatever would happen. His advice? He told me that the 12 steps worked so well with my sobriety, maybe I could use them with my marriage.

It was like I got slapped in the face. I knew this was the answer, but I never thought about it. I knew the 12 steps worked with my alcoholism, so why couldn't they work with my marriage? The key though was the word - work. Doing the 12 steps with my marriage meant "work" for me. It didn't mean that the 12 steps would save my marriage or end it.

What I was hoping and praying for, was a sense of peace and serenity. If the 12 steps could accomplish this, than yes, the steps would work. Unlike the 12 steps of AA, every time the word "we" was used, I substituted the word "I."

So Step One said, "I admitted I was powerless over J- and my life had become unmanageable." The first time I said it, the first time I wrote it, the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. Sobriety started my journey on reclaiming my life, but it wasn't until I began working on my co-dependence, that I began my journey of independence from all addictions.

I would do these 12 steps, the exact same way, I did them before. This time instead of reading AA literature I read Al-anon, Emotions Anonymous, and CODA material. I listed how J- controlled my life. How my reactions were a direct result of her actions.

Alcoholism showed me how I was not only hurting myself, but destroying others, while co-dependency showed me that I put no value in my own life or opinions. I became a being whose only purpose was to fulfill the needs of others.

After writing two pages on how I tried to control the environment around J- and how it affected me and the people around me, I understood the power someone can have over me - if I allow it.

So with power and a strong belief in my Higher Power, I boldly made a commitment to myself which, by the Grace of God, I have been able to stick too.

The statement? "I will never accept the actions of others as my responsibility."

Infatuated with Insanity

she was my pride, she was my life
she was happy, I was happy
if she hurt, I was hurt
it would become my responsibility
to make things better
it may not have been my problem
but I'd find a solution

when did I lose my identity
and... I became... you
vented in anger and rage
when I couldn't fix
the unfixable
but yet... on a pedestal
you remained
perfect in my eyes

how was I so blinded
stealing from stores
yet... it was my fault
sleeping with other men
yet... I was wrong
your actions...
were my responsibility

regaining my soul
wasn't so easy
no longer my goddess
your actions...
became your responsibility
which led to a new anger and evil
I never knew existed

I fought the urge to save you
it had to be done... to save me
my soul came alive
but sadly... I knew
our relationship died
and part of me died
I prayed that you'd accept...
ownership of your decisions

It's going on 14 years
and I'm still to blame
for everything wrong in your life
I know I'm not an angel
but your actions
are not my responsibility

Suzi1965 · Newbie

Im really glad to see people posting on the step board again, I really enjoyed reading all your posts and I hope we can get the step board active again.. ty all!

AGO · Member

Thank You for your Post, I will be adding my ESH about Step One a little later

-- Edited by AGO on Monday 1st of March 2010 03:56:12 AM

Sugah · Newbie

I took the first step before I drew a sober breath. I didn't know it was the first step. I didn't even know then that I'd get, let alone stay sober. I was more inclined to think that dying was right around the corner, but, for various reasons, and with ego deflated just enough to understand that anything that I might try, I was powerless to do it alone, I called for help. I accepted help. I was reintroduced to AA -- which hadn't even occurred to me during all this crepe-hanging resignation.

I didn't know this surrender would include a Higher Power -- or where to find one if I did. That came later. A sponsor also came later - five weeks and two days later, exactly two days after my release from a 28-day facility and a 7-day stay in a psychiatric unit before that to dry out. I took the step formally with her.

Why'd I surrender? After twenty-five years of shucking and jiving, alcohol in all its various forms quit working for me. The pain of using it had become equal to or greater than the pain of being sober. If it had been just me, I probably would have followed it the whole way to the end, but it wasn't just me. There were two kids saying goodbye to a mother they didn't chose. I had friends who'd given up and parents who were ready to. My body was broken. My spirit was bankrupt. And I was still breathing and connected, however tenuously, to the world.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I think I suspected I belonged in that world. About the only way I could envision it was as the mother to these two kids, so that's where I started. "I give up! I'll try for them." And that's what I did. That whole "You can't get sober for anyone else" made no sense to me. Why would I get sober for me? I couldn't stand the me I was. Of course, my reasons for being here have expanded -- and I'm pretty sure I've only seen a small slice of why I'm here. Sure, I want it for myself these days, and I cherish the gift that's been given to me, but if it was ever "all about me," I'd have been gone a long time ago.

That's the essence of my first-step experience. What I did with my sponsor later on was a formality.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

-- Edited by Sugah on Monday 1st of March 2010 04:22:20 AM

Alizerin · Newbie

My life had become a great big pile of poo. But, somehow I was stuck on Step 1. Of course now I see why.

Rewinding a bit: When I first admitted to everyone that I was an alcoholic (I knew it for a long time) and wanted to honestly get help - I got a councelor. He told me to moderate. That was not gonna work. He did not understand alcoholism and tried to downplay it's significance. Now mind you, I was literally a dumpster alcoholic. I drank behind work where the dumpster was.

Anyway, after one particular session I was driving home and thought - This is a crossroads.

Either I could grab onto this crap the guy was telling me and accept it. And not change. Or, I could muster up the strength to to say "no" degree or no degree, that man is WRONG. So, all my illusions came crashing down in the car. As vivid as yesterday.

Okay, moving on to Step one:

I spend all my alcoholic engergies into being as high functioning as possible. Besides a DUI with a .09 BAC - I hadn't had any major reprecussions (don't ask me why my BAC was .09 at the time, that was just LUCK).

Then everything went black. I had a tradegy, my alcoholism has permanently altered another human beings exsistence.

Even so, I was yet STILL freaked about not being able to fully grasp unmanagebility because of how many years I thought I "managed" well.

I love the dictionary, because often we'll use a word without a clear understanding of what we define the word as. So, the definition of unmanagable that worked/works for me is:

UNMANAGABLE:

Difficult or impossible to manage, as:

1. Not submitting to discipline; unruly: an unmanageable child.
2. Difficult to keep under control or within limits: unmanageable traffic congestion.
3. Awkward; unwieldy: unmanageable bundles.

Particularly: Difficult to keep under control.

POWERLESSNESS:

1. Devoid of strength or resources.

That I could admit to. Both of these definitions made it all clear. That was my step one.

AGO · Member

Step one to me was surrender

The first spiritual experience I ever had was when I was ten years old, and I took a hit of pot, I relaxed and felt it all the way to my fingertips, for the first time in my life I wasn't afraid, I didn't even know I had been afraid, but the absence of that fear made me realize I had been terrified every waking moment my entire life, including while I slept, I had nightmares and wet the bed.

I spent every waking moment after that stoned from the moment I woke up in the morning until I fell asleep at night, by the time I was 13 I was getting drunk at school at lunchtime, and drinking a quart/liter of hard liquor every Fri/Sat night.

On my 21st Birthday I got a job bartending and never looked back.

The following years you can hear about in any drunkalog or any speaker tape or in The Big Book, I was full blown and more or less insanely drunk all the time, including at work, with all of the attendant behaviors, the waking up every single morning, swearing off forever, changing brands and environments etc. the waking up in strange countries and 3000 miles away, the jail stays, the car crashes, etc ad nauseum the pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization, the four horsemen of terror, bewilderment, frustration and despair were literally daily companions, the actions of the jaywalker all describe what my life was like as if I wrote it myself.

I will never forget August 23, 1992, I woke up and something changed, instead of swearing off forever, or any of the things I had done 1000 times before, something had happened (this followed a week long bender after my GF throwing me out for sleeping with someone "at" her for behavior modification purposes) I woke up and said to myself "I can't live like this any more"

I surrendered...completely and utterly, that night I went to my first meeting of alcoholics anonymous and it was indescribable, the relief I felt, for the first time I was in a room with people that understood. the next 3 years were wonderful. I got a sponsor, worked the steps, got sponsees, All of the promises came true.

I truly "got" step one, absolutely, no question, it was wonderful, it was liberating, it was freedom. I read the BB of AA and although it was written by old guys 50 years before, it felt like they had been following me around, I read the first 164 pages the same night as my first meeting, and every page, every paragraph rang true for me. It was amazing.

Something happened while I was approaching my third year, I had gotten sober young, and although I had a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps, my mind began stepping in, first I attended a number of Big Book seminars by Joe and Charley, and while incredible, it made me realize how far AA had strayed, and I got very spiritually ill running around trying to fix, or save AA, trying to shout from from the roof tops how everyone was "doing it wrong", I lost step 3 and became incredibly self centered, I call it the "Good Actor Blues" from the Big Book, where we use good motives but get just as sick as bad motives trying to run the show.

Second, I used to tell everyone if they go out, let me know, and if they had fun, tell me and I would join them, certain in my vast wisdom it would go poorly for them.

2 of my friends went out, one had 7 years, one had 10, I talked to both of them, they had both gotten sober in their teens and weren't sure if they were alcoholic.

I watched them for a year, and they were having fun, they were doing well....a lurking motion began in my mind.....what they were saying made sense...

Right before my third "birthday" I was asleep one night, got up, walked to the kitchen, and poured myself a shot from the brandy my girlfriend had in the cupboard, it had been there for years, my GF was a "normie" then went back to sleep without ever waking up.

When I woke up in the morning, I literally thought it was a dream, except I kept having these cognac burps, then I walked into the kitchen......and saw the bottle and the glass out on the counter.

Thus began my descent into hell, I told my sponsor, my sponsees, it scared me to death.

I made it 30 days before I drank again....I reset my sobriety date, went back to meetings, raised my hands, started on the steps for the fourth time...and made it 3 weeks before I drank again.

The horror of the next year is indescribable, I was going to meetings, raising my hand, trying to work the steps, I would go to meetings and just sit there and cry because I. just. couldn't. stop.

It took about a year for my drinking to really take off, it was 6 months before I really got drunk, by the end of a year I gave up on AA and decided to abandon myself to drinking because I couldn't stop, I was going to meetings every day, working with big name sponsor, and I couldn't stop, and the intervals between picking up a drink just got closer and closer together until I was a daily drinker, the shame, remorse, and pitiful incomprehension were far beyond anything I had ever experienced before.

After 5 years one day the wheels fell off again, I woke up with the same feelings I had 8 years before, the feeling of surrender, the feeling I can't live like this any more.

I called a man I HATED, I mean I despised him, and the feelings were mutual, and asked him to take me to a meeting, he not only took me, he held my hand under the table, literally, two large lumberjacks, and he held my hand.

That is unconditional love, and that is the program of alcoholics anonymous.

Anyway, I left out so much, but I "get" powerless, I "get" unmanageable, and having the disease of alcoholism grab me by the neck and take me out like that when I had 3 years of sobriety and was doing "everything right" gave me more then just a healthy respect for the "cunning, baffling, and powerful" aspect of this disease.

The MOTR people say the door to AA swings both ways that if you go out, you can just come right back in, that is not my experience, my experience is if you dance with an 800 pound Gorilla it aint over until the Gorilla says it's over, and sometimes that Gorilla don't let go until we are dead, I consider myself a miracle, because lightning has struck me no once, not twice, but three times, but that is a story for another day.

I get powerless, I really do

I also get unmanageability frankly, both inside and outside sobriety as described by the bedevilments on page 52 of the BB they are just more apparent when I am drinking....for awhile at any rate, I don't have any experience with sobriety without the steps, but even with the steps working on these can be a full time job on occasion.

We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people

Hence daily spiritual reprieve, it takes me about 3 days tops to be in the devilments if I don't pay attention, it's amazing.

That's why in the Dr's Opinion it states the only requirement is they follow a few simple rules IMO, I don't follow those rules and I have seen first hand what takes place.

For me, whenever I think of step one, I think of what happened to me in sobriety as opposed to what happened to me before if that makes sense, being dragged kicking and screaming out of AA by alcohol no matter how hard I worked the steps, no matter how many meetings I attended etc that all started with just a resentment and a lurking notion gives this alcoholic a true understanding of the word powerless.

-- Edited by AGO on Monday 1st of March 2010 08:36:32 PM

freya · Newbie

OK this is going to have to be in 2 parts, because I just recently had my Step One experience rather strongly "refreshed." LOL! But, anyways, here is my original:

Step One: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable."

I'm Al Anon, end even as far as Al Anon goes, my story is a little different. I didn't come into Al Anon when I was at my emotional "bottom." My emotional bottom had been hit nearly 10 years earlier, during my divorce. By the time I came to Al Anon, I had pulled myself and my life together very well -- by all appearances. But, since part of my bottom had entailed my losing all sense of spiritual connection and meaning/purpose and since I had, after my divorce, gotten involved with my current partner -- who has been physically "sober" since 2/84 but who, at the time was very deep into a dry drunk relapse and acting out addictively in lots of other ways -- internally things were not exactly going great.

I ended up attending an Al Anon meeting on January 27, 2004 because I had a friend living in my house who was trying to escape an abusive relationship. Since I had no experience working with battered women, I had called some local women's shelters and organizations and asked for advice. One thing they all told me was "get her to Al Anon meetings." So I did.

Now, over the course of my relationship with my partner, as her behavior had become more and more incomprehensible and, dysfunctional and as I allowed myself to get more and more drawn into the drama of that, a few people had suggested Al Anon to me, but whenever my partner would hear about this she would say: "Well, I'm not drinking, so why would you need to go to Al Anon?" and, at the time that made a lot of sense to me -- surely alcoholism had to entail alcohol, right????

NOT.

So, I take my friend to this first meeting and here are all these people talking about the insanity that is going on in their homes, and I'm like: "Wow -- this is exactly what's going on in my home -- but without the drinking!" Now, I'm not stupid, so it only took me that one meeting to realize that my partner's disease had gotten a lot of mileage out of my ignorance about what addiction is really all about, and it was very clear that I needed to know more, so I kept coming back....

For me, when I first began "to get" Step 1, it was like: I am powerless over the alcoholism, and over the alcoholic and her alcoholic behavior and, because I have been been wasting a lot of time and energy trying to fix and/or control something that I can't fix or control, I am losing control of my own life.

Actually, when I understood what alcoholism was and how it works in people's lives, admitting that I was powerless over it was hugely liberating and relieving -- because it gave me permission to stop putting so much time and energy into trying to change and/or get through to my partner and enabled me to see the situation I was in as it truly was (acceptance) and, then, with that new perspective, to see choices and options that I hadn't seen before.

I also have to say that, for me -- and maybe this is because of the point ni my life at which I came into program -- Steps 2, 3 and 11 actually started worked simultaeneously with Step 1. Because, the whole HP piece was very important for me in being able to truly act upon the understanding I gained in Step 1. For me, without trust in HP, detaching from someone I love who is basically committing suicide on an installment plan would probably be impossible -- or, at least, it would not be possible as long as still loved that person.

The "coming to believe" part is, obviously, Step 2, but for me, it was absolutely necessary to have and trust a HP in order to "let go" of my partner.....without a HP to rely on, letting go of a loved one who's not behaving sanely is almost too scary to contemplate -- to me it feels like letting that person fall into an abyss, and I guess, for me, if I love someone, I'm not going to be able to do that even if I know that my trying to save them is totally futile. But, with faith in HP comes the knowledge that there is no abyss....which, for me, makes it possible to let go of someone I love if that is what I need to do to take care of myself.

Also, another important program idea that has really been vital to me in "getting" Step one is the idea that truly valuing and respecting others means acknowledging their absolute right to freedom of choice -- even if the choices they are making are crazy and harmful to them. I am not treating other adults with respect and dignity if I do not respect their right to make their own choices and to do what they want to do (as long as it does not hurt dependent and/or non-consenting others). After all, if HP respects our free will and allows us to make our own choices, however poor they may be, who am I to think I have the right to do otherwise?????

True respect and true love means allowing the "other" to be him or herself, even if that means that it is not what I want and even if it is bad for them and even if it means that I cannot continue to have that "other" in my life.

Anyway, at this point, Step 1 has been helpful in all the other areas of my life, too....but it all started with the alcoholism piece.

freya

P.S. I'll try to find some time to write a Step 1: Reloaded update about my most recent Step 1 experience soon.

-- Edited by freya on Monday 1st of March 2010 11:19:14 PM

ananda · Newbie

well...I'm working this step with a sponsor right now....I'm not gonna post much at the moment....but...

The bedevilments have really hit home with me over the past few weeks....It is a description of my life sober and a descritpion of what preceds the first drink for me since I came to AA in 85. I currently have 2 mos.

I've been one of the lucky ones....able to return to sobriety time fter time after time....

Somehow..somewhere...I've kept missing the trip...

Step 1 for me today is more real than it has ever been since that first day I came to AA....I had never really focused on the bedevilments and the unmanagibility they describe in a focused mannor....

The people I have activly hated in AA for years...are now my inspiration...they were like me....They actually were absolutely powerless and had lost the power of choice.

I have tried every other possible way to stay sober via my resources or the resources of other people...none of it works for me and it is clear to me none of it ever will...

I suffer from the hopless condition...My emotional nature rules me...With good motive I try to fix the world and it refuses to be fixed.

I get the first two parts of the ABCs completely...On an intelectual level...I get that god could....I have yet to believe the "and would" part.

I am overwhelmed by this step today, yet I haven't felt the urge to drink since my last drinking day, January 31st....

I get some help from reading others expereinces while in the midst of having my own...

Thank you all.

murrill · Newbie

ananda wrote:

II get the first two parts of the ABCs completely...On an intelectual level...I get that god could....I have yet to believe the "and would" part.

I am overwhelmed by this step today, yet I haven't felt the urge to drink since my last drinking day, January 31st....

I get some help from reading others expereinces while in the midst of having my own...

Thank you all.

I quite understand your skepticism about "and would," and I was particularly troubled because I fought the notion of a Higher Power. But I could believe the people I saw in the rooms, and I believed that they belived. They knew my story, had travelled the same road, and they were now happy, joyous, and free. I could believe it had happened for them, and for a while that was enough.

Jerry F · Veteran Member

Actually the whole suggestion reads..."Could and would...if He was sought". HP for me
does HP's part...the could and the would. My part is the sought. Always do your part.
"Seek and you shall find"... In support smile

-- Edited by Jerry F on Wednesday 5th of May 2010 05:41:39 AM

aprilleaves · Newbie

"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable."

When I want to stop drinking, or try to control it I can't. I am powerless over my addictions, including drinking and smoking. My life is unmanageable, because I spend money, when I don't want to for liquor. I drink beer when I don't want to. I wake up having to go number 2, with gas pains and hurt burn, because that is what beer does to me. I hate feeling that way and it takes me more and more to get drunk now.

I can't manage beer, or vodka, but I have tried, only to fail and keep on drinking, so i am powerless over my addictions.

I do have the power though, not to keep beer in my home. I stayed clean 2 years this way. Until i met my ex who always had beer and drank 30 beers a day. I can't as an addict date guys who have drinking problems as myself I have one. This means no booze in my house, no going to bars.

I can't drink what I don't have, right?

Just try to imagine for a small moment that all the alcohol dissapeared forever here on earth, then what would you do? How would you function in life, how would you react?

-- Edited by aprilleaves on Saturday 22nd of May 2010 10:57:33 AM

AGO · Member

aprilleaves wrote:

Just try to imagine for a small moment that all the alcohol dissapeared forever here on earth, then what would you do? How would you function in life, how would you react?

-- Edited by aprilleaves on Saturday 22nd of May 2010 10:57:33 AM

I have to say about like I do now, since I couldn't remove alcohol from the world, I had to remove the ISM from me

In Step One we admit powerlessness
In Step two we admit our alcoholic insanity, but we come to believe a power greater then ourselves could restore us to sanity
In Step 3 we feel new power flow in, since step 3 is ultimately working steps 4-12, I have to work steps 4-12 to feel that new power flow in
by step 10 Sanity has returned and the problem is removed, we are neither cocky nor are we afraid, if tempted we recoil as if from a hot flame

So my question to you is since all the alcohol isn't going to be removed from the world, and quite frankly I have never seen just not keeping it in the house work as a program of recovery, how are YOU going to function in a world full of liquor stores and bars?

Phaidros · Newbie

Hello!

Step one.

Admitted - admit, embrace, admission - I admitted that I was powerless over alcohol. My own self power was not enough to stop drinking. I had to drink even when I consiously tried to stop dringink. I tried to use metaphisics, philosophy; I asked the help of church, I tried it phisikally using sport - I totally failed. I was powerless. This lock of power was not helplessness. I could do a lot of things. I tried them but I failed. I was not helpless for long time. Some times I could stop for moths and weeks but by the end I failed.

So I had to admit that my own power is not enough. I tried to look for help again and my higher power showed me the way: I found 12 steps to do.

In step 2 and 3 I found a power which is much stronger then me and much greater than me; and has enough power to protect me against alcohol. This power comes from God - as I understand God. This power is based on the power of love which is present in the recovery fellowship whereI can share my experiences, and my God given self power (what I gained from God to do His-Her will) and hope. i could give up my own power for a much greater one. And my life had become much better since.

Bill W choosed a logo for AA. The logo is about a triangle in a circle. This triangle represents the spiritual power structure. This structure shows that on top of this piramid there is the main ruler underneath there are the servants under them there are the servants of servants and so on. Bill used the word Alcohol King. When I lived in the Kingdom of Alcohol I was a slave of that ruler. I had no rights, no future. I had to drink even if my body my soul my mind strated to melt down under this huge pressure of this disastrous ruler. When I steped into the Kingdom of Love I choosed to have God on top of my power structure piramid. In this kingdom I have friends, fellows, I have God given power to do his-her will and I have the freedome of choice again. I stepped into a community where God expresses itself and helps my sobriety. In this kingdome I am in the community of soul with other recovering addicts and alcoholics (also adult children). We are thogheter in this program. I am not alone anymore. I have freedome and power to carry Gods will out. As I understand God.

I understand God as a natural phenomena. We do create God with our actions. If we do wrong we create the agressive and desastrous God. If we chose loving God and do his-her will - we create our loving God. Thsi is my understanding od God. I had given my life and will to this loving power. My life is sober life. I have strong feelings. I have bad feelings inside and bad circumctances outside sometimes but Later I always understand that God is leading my life and somtimes I have to carry the message to places and people who and where I have bad feelings and hard times. I do carrey the message.

There is a solution: Choose a Loving Power to be your ruler!

Keep with the winners!

Thans for God! thanks for Bill and all the early members of this recovery program.

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.