Step 2

hotrod · Guru

Step 2

AGO · Member

For me, I did much of this step in hindsight and piece meal

Came (to AA)

Came to (my brain started clearing)

Came to believe (believe what? well, as I started looking around I began to believe that this deal could work for me)

That a power greater then myself (At this point the program and the people in AA were that power greater then myself, I hadn't addressed the "God" issue as at that point I was rabidly anti Christian and anti religious, I was everything that was described in "We Agnostics disgusted with religion and it's works)

Could restore us to sanity This was a no brainer to me, I had no problem in admitting my actions had been insane. I used the legal definition of insanity, a danger to myself or others.

So for me the second step was very very easy, was I insane and could AA work for me?

Yes

Over the years it acquired nuances but to me that is the basic question, can I use this program and these steps to be restored to sanity?

Well it seems to work for others so maybe it could work for me, what really helped was speaker meetings, up to this point I had never met anyone as insane as I was, in AA everyone was even crazier, their stories made me look small time, that beautiful businesswoman up there in her suit that used to shoot at leprechauns with a shotgun and chase her syringes around the house because they grew legs and would run from her, that clean cut man up there that had a crazier story then me, they suffered the same powerlessness, loneliness and despair as I had, and they had recovered from a seemingly hopeless condition of mind and body.

Could AA work for me?

Yes

I was no longer alone in the world, for the first time, I had found people like me, and they got better, if it worked for them could I come to believe working the steps would work for me? Could cure me of my insanity?

Alcoholics Anonymous Number Three:

"At this point, the Editors intrude just long enough to supplement Bill D.'s account, that of the man on the bed, with that of Bill W., the man who sat by the side of the bed.) Says Bill W.:

Nineteen years ago last summer, Dr. Bob and I saw him (Bill D.) for the first time. Bill lay on his hospital bed and looked at us in wonder.

Two days before this, Dr. Bob had said to me, "If you and I are going to stay sober, we had better get busy." Straightway, Bob called Akron's City Hospital and asked for the nurse on the receiving ward. He explained that he and a man from New York had a cure for alcoholism."

~

"Bill (W.) was at my house (Bill D.) talking to my wife and me. We were eating lunch, and I was listening and trying to find out why they had this release that they seemed to have. Bill (W.) looked at my wife and said to her, "Henrietta, the Lord has been so wonderful to me, curing me of this terrible disease, that I just want to keep talking about it and telling people."

~

"We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body."

The answer was a resounding Yes, and I have never known someone work the steps and not have a profound alteration to life

Sid · Newbie

I am new to the program, have admited I am powerless over alcohol and now seem to be struggling a bit with step 2. I have beieve in a higher power, but gaining confidence that sanity can be restored is difficult at times.

Much of this stems I believe from jumping ahead a bit in my mind with the moral inventory and admitting of wrongs. I'm starting to remember things I had long ago forgotten. I know I need to stay focused on today and take everything a step at a time. Guess I better stay focused on step two and try putting all else out of my mind.

Sugah · Newbie

What could be any more insane than drinking alcohol (and in my case, using drugs, too) when I had proven time and time again that I was alcoholic, I could not drink with impunity, and no matter what level and length of time alcohol brought me relief, the four horsemen would be waiting for me? Eventually, they came to stay, though I continued to try to drink them away.

So, when I was sitting in a group session in rehab and the counselor asked we share examples of our "stinkin' thinkin'," I nodded in agreement while my cohort shared. Of course, what they shared was definitely screwed up. No doubt about it. When it came time for me to share, however, acknowledging their insanity didn't help me get in touch with my own. "No, I don't think I have any of that, thanks," I said. They had crazy excuses for why they drank. I had reasons, I thought: my body was broken, I was psychologically damaged, I had a rough childhood, I was deprived.

It took a little longer, after I left rehab and when I was working with my sponsor to see that my insanity is just like everyone else's. I could clothe it in seemingly rational reasons, but until I accepted that I wasn't the intelligent, reasonable, compassionate person I thought I was, I wasn't going to make much progress. Like a very enlightened fellow once said, "I had to be willing to accept that everything I believed was wrong." I had to become teachable.

The Higher Power concept was difficult for me until I read and had it further pointed out that I didn't have to come up with a full explanation of God. I didn't have to understand God, the right God without a shadow of a doubt. I just had to be willing to believe there was something (not even "someone") more powerful than me -- something that would give me strength when I had none of my own. I listened to folks share. I "borrowed" a HP from those who seemed to be the most sane (which, at that point, meant those who seemed to think much differently than I did and who seemed to be happy that way). They (in my bewildered eyes) appeared to have been restored to sanity and testified that a HP had created that state within them -- they had work to do, of course, which they did in faith.

My concept of God has enlarged since then. I likely wouldn't be sober today if it didn't. I still believe in a something rather than a someone. The important thing is that I became willing to believe, and then I came to believe. I didn't do this in a vacuum but by listening and observing others who'd come to believe before me. Just one more reason why I could not have taken these steps alone.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

tlcate · Veteran Member

I have been thinking about this post for a few days, wanting to share my vast ES&H (LOL). All I could come up with over and over . . .

When first coming to AA and Al-Anon I had to open my heart to the possibility. Unmanageable, you bet! Insane - most definitely. Can I resolve this by myself?

Proof positive. Nope.

I didn't have to "Know" anything. I just had to be willing to go to step 3....and on I went.

I am getting ready to take my second tread through this step, so may have more inspiring ES&H then. But in crisis mode - I just had to be willing . . . sit down, shut up, and listen. Follow the suggestions offered. If unsatisfied I can get a full refund of my misery.

Tricia

Dave Harm · Veteran Member

CODA/Alanon - Second Step

How did I get to a point where I was not only addicted to alcohol and drugs, but also to suffer from being addicted to people? Namely one person. The person you believe that you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. AA helped me find spirituality. It gave me the ability to find peace and happiness in a world that isn't perfect. And in a world that isn't perfect, it is alright for me to not be perfect, but yet still be acceptable.

But as my sobriety strengthened my spirituality began to weaken. I couldn't understand why until I realized I had changed my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God. God was no longer my top priority. I was seeking approval from another human. I gave this person a god-like status and when approval and acceptance wasn't enough I felt abandoned. The more I tried to "fix" this person, the more "broke" I became.

Through AA, I learned that my God would give me the strength and the courage to move forward on a new path. A path that didn't include alcohol or drugs. It is part of the spiritual program that creativity and to love unselfishly are companions in need for a serene future.

Sobriety opens the mind to thoughts and new ideas. Thoughts never dreamed of before. The whole world lights up and the beauty of everything and everyone around that person becomes "a child of God."

But when love isn't returned, it becomes a dysfunction built upon the needs of both people. One constantly seeking approval and acceptance, the other trying to remain in control. The control isn't necessarily abusive; but rather built on sick games. Where manipulation and lies justify the means.

My co-dependency had me believing that I would never be loved again. And while I may be "needed" no one would ever "want" me. Every day, something would happen that would reinforce these ideas and I would feel more abandoned than the day before. I felt worthless and useless and finally abused. The fact is the more I tried for my love to be accepted, the more I was abused. Until I finally realized that the only one abusing me - was myself.

AA showed me that their was power in the belief that He could do for me what I couldn't due for myself. As much as I feared being alone, the reality was that I was already alone. I didn't have the love I wished for and I had pushed away the love of my God.

Once again, I needed His help. I needed to surrender and accept that I had no power over anything or any one. With this surrender I also realized that no one or no thing could have power over me. The Serenity Prayer helped me through some very rough times. It helped me accept that everything is exactly as God wants it to be. It was out of my control.

Superficial Power

the power you had over me
everyone could see...
both figuratively and literally
it was a weapon
you used well
to control and to keep
others on a leash
waiting for the words
they believed they wanted to hear
"I love you"... or...
"you're the only one"

this power grew on our jealously
your body... supplied our wants
and it was your body that filled your needs
when the blindfold was lifted
a sense of shame and stupidity
broke my spirit
love was a lie
built upon selfish needs
so much energy... wasted
on proving my love

the soul was broken
the heart was destroyed
I needed to be fixed
I found a new sense of loneliness
and I believed... I had to believe
that a Power greater than myself
could restore me to sanity

Dave Harm · Veteran Member

AA's Second Step

When I first sobered up I was separated and lived on my own. I was really trying my hardest to obtain sobriety and learn the 12-steps. I had very little contact with my now ex-wife and step-children. I wanted nothing to interfere with my efforts to change my life.

I worked, went to counseling, and attended AA meetings, anywhere from 3 to 5 times a week. Though we were still married, my wife found no problem acquiring new boyfriends. Which made it even more important for me to stay away from her. She tried her best to sabotage my sobriety and I admit at times she came pretty close.

But by the Grace of God, I write today because I trusted in Him to lead me to a better life. It's been a journey which at times has been trying - but my trust has never left because "I Came To Believe That A Power Greater Then Myself Could Restore Me To Sanity."

I was maybe 60 days sober when I saw my Higher Power. That vision remains with me today as if it happened yesterday. At the time, I was living in a mobile home about a quarter mile off Interstate 80. The home used to be the manager's home for a gas station, which was located about 500 feet in front of the home. There were no other homes within a half mile of me. I was totally living in my own isolated world. I had nothing else to do except strengthen my sobriety.

At the time I was working for a church and school in charge of the maintenance department. It was Thanksgiving weekend and all the other employees had families and places to go for the holiday. Since I was on my own and had no where to go I told everyone to take a long weekend and I would make sure everything that needed to be done at the church would be taken care of.

Thanksgiving Day arrived and I was not only alone at work, but the gas station was closed, my ex-wife and kids went to her mom's house for the holidays. For that whole 24 hours no one would have any idea what I was up to or what I did.

That morning I left my home at 7 AM for my 10 mile drive to work. I opened up the church, turned on the lights, made sure the boilers were running, restrooms working (no plumbing problems,) check the walks for ice, and just make sure everything looked nice for church services. By the time I was done people were already coming into the church.

I left about 9 AM and went to the convenience store and got the newspaper and began my journey back home. The rest of the day I'd be "on-call" at work. The only time I'd have to return would be about 7 PM to lock up the building.

On the ride home I was actually excited about not having to be anywhere or do anything. I had visions of making a big batch of nachos, read the newspaper, lay on the couch and watch football all day.

I started cooking the hamburger for my nachos and thought I should run the garbage out to the dumpster, and then I could be lazy all day. I went room to room and emptied my garbage cans and did a quick clean up of my house. Rounded up everything and headed for the dumpster. The dumpster actually belongs to the gas station, but since the owner of the gas station also owned my house, he had no problems with me putting my garbage in it.

So anyway, I tracked across my yard, carrying my garbage, enjoying the quiet. I opened the lid and as I put the garbage in, I noticed off in the one corner was an unopened 12 pack of beer. I held open the lid and just stared at the beer.

Here was my chance - I could drink it and nobody would know about it. I started to look around the property, the highway, and finally I looked into the fields, where for the first time in my life, for lack of a better word - I had a spiritual experience.

Off in that field stood a bright white figure - resembling a man. This "being" didn't move, it didn't do anything, it just stared at me. I looked back down at the beer, and then looked back at this figure. But it was gone. But while I couldn't see it... I knew it was still there.

I went back to my house and left the beer in the dumpster. The rest of the day I didn't think of that beer, I just felt at ease... at peace. For the first time in my life, I felt someone was by my side... ready to help whenever I needed it.

By the time I went back to town to lock-up the church, I felt for the first time that my sobriety was secure... that I just might make it. From that day on I knew I had a Higher Power and he would restore me to sanity.

I Need A God

I need a Higher Power?
I admitted to defeat
why do I need a God?
I'm defeated, but...
do I have to give up control?

I know some of the things
I've done... are quite insane
but I can handle it... can't I...
without a Higher Power?
I need a God?

I'm sure this program works
I've seen to many lost souls
return to a healthy lifestyle
and all they say is...
find a Higher Power...
of your understanding

But that I don't understand
spiritually... I've been alone so long
I'm not sure what to do
or exactly... how to find God
yeah, maybe I need a God

I know my life was insane
and though I no longer drink
I'm not quite sure...
how to restore sanity
please God... help me

freya · Newbie

Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Oh, the "testimony" thing -- just gotta love doing this!

I was raised Catholic, and, even though my family broke with the church over a whole bunch of issues during the late 60s, early 70s and I thought I had developed and much more mature idea of God, it turned out that, subconsciously, my beliefs were still pretty rigid and immature and when my marriage fell apart in the early 90s, my belief system could not stand the strain and totally collapsed.

So anyway, I pretty much managed to get everything about my life sorta back together again, except the faith piece (kinda a big "piece," but what can I say, I was really kinda messed up at the time) and for ~10 years I was basically in a place where my attitude toward life and its "meaning" was best summed up by Virginia Woolf's metaphor that we are all just passengers on a sinking ship and the most we can hope to accomplish is to make ourselves and others comfortable while the ship goes down.

In some sense, I guess I could say that I always "had" Step 2 down, because I did realize that the lack of faith / life-is-meaningless thing was a problem and somehow was keeping me from being truly happy / feeling fulfilled, but, although I recognized it and tried several different things to try to "get it back," since I basically could not accept/believe in any kind of HP, nothing really "took." So, even though I did not conceptualize my situation in 12 Step terms at that time, I was kinda like in a place of "Yeah, of course if there was a HP, It could restore me to sanity...but, since there's not....I'm pretty much just scr*wed"

And, as I indicated in my Step 1 post, looking back now, I also realize that not having faith in much of anything caused me to put up with things I might not otherwise have put up with because I felt like "what difference does it really make anyways?"

Then, the summer before I came into program, I came across this old rosary of my grandmother's. She had been a rosary fanatic and said it at least twice a day from the time she was, like, 7 years old. This was her favorite rosary (one of those big ivory ones like nuns wear) and she had used it so much that the (metal) Christ figure was almost totally worn away. Anyway, at the time I was thinking about ways to connect to my female ancestors and also about meditation, so I decided to start saying the rosary -- totally without any connection to the Catholic/religious meaning of it.

Then I started attending Al Anon, and, of course, the whole Higher Power thing just wasn't working for me, but it was helping the friend who I was taking, and I was learning lots about what was going on in my relationship and it seemed to be helping me in other ways, so I just kept "coming back." I think two things that they say a lot in 12 Step Programs probably made this possible -- "Take what you like and leave the rest," and "Fake it 'till you make it." I probably would not have been able to handle it if people were really insistent on the "you have to believe in this particular type of HP", but they weren't. So I just tried really hard to have an open mind about it and kept on saying my rosary, and going to meetings, and dabbling in other "spiritual practice" type things that people mentioned and that seemed interesting to me.....and somehow a lot of things started changing in my life...

...most importantly I was able to choose to ask my partner (who at the time was seriously into a dry-drunk relapse and engaging in all kinds of hurtful and dishonest -- to herself and me and others -- behavior) to leave and not have to hate her in order to do it. I'm not saying it was easy, but it was definitely different than any other break-ups from my past in an amazing way.

And then one day about a month and a half after that, I was over at an AA friend's house and we were getting ready to go to a meeting. My friend was talking about some really hard stuff that she was going through and I said to her, without even thinking about what I was saying: "Well, I want you to know that I pray for you everyday." And when I said it, I suddenly realized that it was the truth..(well, I wouldn't have said it if it were not true -- I just don't do that kind of thing even to make someone feel good) and that I had, in fact, been doing it (truly been praying for her and others and just talking to HP with faith in general) for awhile and somehow I had my faith back. It definitely was a miracle -- I can't even say exactly how or when it happened, but I sure know it did......

freya

Jimhere · Newbie

Notice the wording, it asks us to "come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity." It does not say "OK I am powerless and life is unmanageable. I think I'll stop here and figure it out." Like I can figure out God.

The Second Step is not so much about belief as it is about willingness. If you have seen the First Step it isn't about acceptance, it is about having nowhere else to go. And willingness isn't about thinking, it is about about action. In fact, willingness without action is fantasy.

Take the action and the understanding will come because God is more of an experience than an idea, more about life and living than about intellect. That is why the old-timers in AA used to tell me that I couldn't think my way into a new way of living, I had to live my way into a new of thinking. One teacher said "Who by thinking can add one cubit to his life?" My sponsor told me that I need a new mind (sanity) and that I can't fix my thinking with my thinking, I can't get to a new mind by using the old mind.

He also helped me see the difference between two similar but very different words, concept and conception. We get the two mixed up all the time and it is important because one, a concept is narrow and defined and rigid. The other, a conception is open-ended and has room to grow. It starts small. In spiritual matters, the only place a person can start is where they are at. And grow from that point.

So "coming to believe" is a process, like evolution. With me it has been an on going process of moving from one surrender to the next and from one awakening to the next. My sponsor told me that as I revealed myself to me that God would be revealed to me, and as I grew, so would God grow. That has certainly been true, because it started small and now I can't wrap my mind around it.

Jim

Jerry F · Veteran Member

I was always aware that there was a power greater than myself. I was born into a
certain religion but still I knew there was a power greater than myself and the lessons
seemed abit basic and trite. I knew and knew that I knew and I also began to know
that I wanted things a certain way and want to "have" them that way by expectation
and assumption. I was a god "minime" so to speak and that wasn't accurate at all.
"I should have..." became my daily thought and when I wasn't having I decided to
force it my way. I knew of one power greater than my self which I was introduced
to at the age of 9. My higher power lived in that first drink and then left and left me
to search until I was 37. I got to the front door of Al-Anon for real by pure luck and
the desires and designs of the God I was aware of from birth. I knew that and that
only...oh and I also knew that my brain was still in the box it came in unused.

The first fulfilled promise in the program came at the end of my very first meeting.
"If you keep and open mind, you will find help". Sit down, listen, learn, practice
with an open mind and "they" will help you. Those directions were read by another
member of the group but the voice came from another entity who was using that
member as a tool.

What I came to believe was that I should quit just knowing there was a God around
who loved and cared about me unconditionally and a God who had been trying to
directed me for years. Being oppositional and defiant I wanted all of the credit and
guess what? getting all of the credit was part of my surrender.   I didn't need to know
more...I needed to do nothing...Surrender and abandon myself totally without fear and
a second thought. I came to living my belief.   Its now a daily practice.    smile

The insanity trying to force inspite of other evidence.

-- Edited by Jerry F on Tuesday 4th of May 2010 09:09:33 PM

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