values and priciples

Red Carter · Newbie

values and priciples

AGO · Member

the Fourth step is actually really incredibly easy, and it's liberating in a mind and life changing way when followed by 5-9

What is hard is putting it off and then not being able to get started and then expecting to do a "perfect" fourth step, put it off long enough and one of 2 things end up in peoples mouths, a drink or a gun, or they actually get off their ass and do it, and then are amazed at how easy it was.

It only takes a few hours of actual writing the first time one does it, just read the easy to follow instructions in the Big Book of Alcoholics anonymous and don't overcomplicate it.

write down all the names of people who piss you off

write down why you are pissed off

write down your fears

write down the people who you have had relationships with

Take it to your sponsor, where you go over:

What part of self was affected

and

What was my part

there are forms and instructions all over the internet, but the BB lays it out in an easy to follow formula

Do it with a sponsor who has done it with a sponsor and Robert is your fathers brother

tlcate · Veteran Member

It worked best for me with a sponsor who has worked the steps. Do you have a sponsor?

For me, the 4th step was really an opportunity to go through my life and really look at the things that still bothered me and what part I played in those. The "honesty" part comes in not allowing myself to stay in denial, to face some pretty painful stuff, and to be honest about my part. What made it easier is NOT worrying about the amends. That comes later. Stay focused on the 4th step alone and let go of the anxiety about future steps. It is just you, your sponsor, and a pen and paper.

It was a huge relief. I am glad I didn't put it off, it was well worth it. Glad to see you are eager to tackle it as well.

I don't know what 12 step program you are working, but there is a LOT of information available. There are worksheets and much more. Again, having a sponsor who has experience is also very, very helpful.

Best of luck. Let us know how it goes.

Tricia

Jerry F · Veteran Member

Aloha Red...I came here with only me and not with a huge understanding of "this"
program. I had a "my" program and that is what brought me to the doors of
recovery. I didn't know who I was, where I was, what I was, what they did or
didn't do blah blah blah.   I had to start from some where with only me and then
only me and a sponsor.   I came with many growth deterrents so what I as doing
was the best I could with what I had...me. There are as many different experiences
of working step 4 as there are members in the programs.

Values and principles are meaningful words for me today...back then values had to
do with the price of material goods and principles is what I used to leverage getting
my way.

My sponsors didn't know exactly who they were working with either so getting me to
jump on their bandwagon was not plausible or probable. So we all agreed that we
were in for the longhaul. That is one reason why I sponsor longhaul type of members;
I have the patience and the awareness and the experience of how I was brought along.

I was never taught the steps in the thinking that I get a solo shot and that's it. I've
heard that method and thank God never had the grief of deadlines or precision. I
was allowed to make mistakes and stumble fall and get up and ask "did I just trip"
or "was that the kinda rock you were talking about?".   I've been around for a while
and values and principles are more priceless than timelines.

By guidance and compassion from the fellowship and my sponsors...I have never been
"stuck" on any part of recovery. There is no competition elsewise I might have already
found the relapse many an oldtimer has had before me.   So saying that I have done
6 forth steps...each one more progressively spiritually important than the one before
it. I didn't plan it that way and it came out that way and I had sponsorship who stood
with me on it. I wasn't always on the 4th and came back to another by direction and
need.

Searching and Fearless...searching takes time and curiosity, patience and compassion.
Fearless and searching...takes the above and the willingness to make right and help
others to peace of mind and serenity which is what I was looking for by doing the steps
afterall.

Ask your sponsor how he did his forth step...the whole story and listen.  Let go of the
fear. (fearless) smile

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.