Step 6

Linistea · Newbie

Step 6

hotrod · Guru

My first Sixth Step was the most powerful and memorable. Having rigorously worked the first 5 Steps, I was out of denial and planted in reality. I could no longer use my old tools of blame, judge, critique and focus on others as a way to escape from feeling the pain of my own defects..

These defects were so pointedly exposed in my 4th and 5 th step The most glaring of these were my anger, resentments, self pity and fear. I lived in the past or the future never the present (where true change can occur) and I did not want to take care of myself!!! These issues were deeply ingrained within my being and I could no longer afford to "Blame" others for causing them or being responsible.

This was the step where I HAD to FEEL the true Pain caused by MY DEFECTS and MY holding on to anger, resentment etc. I may not have been fully responsible for the actions that caused them but being out of denial I could own the fact that these were now ingrained within me and were very hurtful. They were fully mine and the only way to accept them was to think, know and feel the pain caused by retaining them

When the pain of holding on to my"Way", my "Anger", "my Sadness",My"Fear" was too overwhelming I became entirely ready to move to the 7th Step and ask HP to remove them

You see I had tried many times in the past to remove these defect but my efforts never worked on the deep level where they lived. . When I surrendered to this program I became willing to recover and use these tolls to grow and change I stopped trying to do it my way and although I loved some of my defects (my anger, my critical way) I was wiling to let them go in order to grow That is when I surrendered my defects to HP

I have done many other 6th steps but none have been as powerful as my first

Thanks for letting me share.

Jerry F · Veteran Member

Since recovery isn't about perfection but progress the readiness of Step 6 is a daily
practice. In reactive moments I reach back for stuff from the past, before Al-Anon
and AA. Those stuffs didn't work to the best of me and others and I needed to get
rid of them. Mostly that is done and I have new character assets and tools along
with the compulsion at times to disregard them and use what didn't work in the past.
Once I got entirely ready I continued to work on staying entirely ready. Thank God
this isn't a one day program. smile

Desirae · Veteran Member

WOW... I'm not there yet... but hearing about those of you that are is very inspiring! I have just begun step 4 and it is not easy for me at all... but I have learned how to take the steps in order and how important it is to do each one wholeheartedly as opposed to looking at them like the ten commandments (all 12 accomplished at once). Hearing how your spirits lift in your above shares... I am inspired to work harder on my way through this program... so thank you and big huggs to all.

mariposa333 · Newbie

I have tried for 57 years to remove my defects of character. It wasn't until last week when I was fired from my job that I could work this step. I had most of my identity tied up in two things: my dysfunction as an adult child and my career. When I lost my job I knew I could no longer continue with my dysfunction as I believe that is what got me to losing my job. I could not control the bitterness in my heart as it always came out with pain, anger and meanness in my tongue. I spoke meaness. I was meaness and yet I could intellectully tell myself I knew better. I could not act better. So this step is about complete surrender to God to remove my defects, to obtain guidance, to get out of my ego and have God be my guide. These defects only hurt me, my family and anyone around me. I can not give my goodness of character as it is filtered by my bitter outbursts of anger and pain. I have spent the last week asking God to help me change, to apply the Serenity prayer and make me new again. I want so much to be healed and I now know fullheartedly that it is only through God can I change. That is what the 6th step is about.

maery · Newbie

Before coming into recovery, I didn't have many choices. I was compelled to behave in the same ways I had always acted, blaming others, reacting to all around me, and without awareness of myself or how I related to others.

Step 1 was the beginning of realization of how this didn't work in my life. Step 2 was the beginning of a solution. Step 3 was a process of learning to let go and step 4 was the process of looking at myself and starting to realize and understand the negatives, posatives and how this had hurt myself and others. 5 was a continuation of that process and the beginning of letting go of all of the guilt, shame and preconceived ideas that I had held onto.

Step 6 (for me) is a continuation of steps 2 and 3. It is acknowledgement that today, I have choices. In all honesty I am not always willing to 'let go' of my character defects. Sometimes it seems much easier to squall around in the same self-pity and self-defeating ways that feel so very familiar and it can be very confusing just to be 'willing'. I think willing is a very central word in this step, because without willingness to change, I remain stuck in the past. I have a choice every day to get up and take some time to meditate, to do some things that are nice for myself, to be gentle and loving to myself and to treat myself with the dignity that I never had before. Or, I can deny myself, hurt myself and act in the same defeating ways as I have always done.

For me, I must first be willing before change can happen.

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.