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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Step Work -> Step Work -> Step One------Can I Get a Do-Over?
Post Info TOPIC: Step One------Can I Get a Do-Over?
BeeStingGirl


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Step One------Can I Get a Do-Over?
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Hello. I am Stacie and I am an alcoholic.  I am new to this AA thing, and when I initially embarked on the mission that is the twelve steps, I got through the first three, and thought "man, this is cake."......WRONG!!!!  I am now finding myself, several months later, starting all over again because I just don't think I fully "got it" the first time out.

I have admitted that I am powerless over alcohol and that my life has become unmanageable......that is obvious.  Alcohol has been my rock, my stability, my way to cope, my way of making all that my life is seem like it is perfect, when in fact, it is NOT.  When I first embarked on the twelve steps, this first one seemed to be so easy.  I am finding now that what made it seem so easy is my inability to let go of my ego, my control, and just call what was going on in my life what it was.....a straight up, alcohol-fueled MESS.  When I first began the first step, which was way back in October after I got my one and only DUI, I looked at this step, and just read the surface, said "sure, I can admit that", and continued on to step two.  It was a half-assed admission. Until recently, I have not been able to admit that I am powerless over the drug that is alcohol.  Admitting powerlessness over ANYTHING to a control freak like myself is HARD.  Even when I step back and look at what alcohol has done for my life, it is hard to let go of the egoism and selfishness that I am so used to.  I don't like being an alcoholic, and I sure as hell don't like admitting that I have a problem that is out of my control.  I have always liked to believe that I control me, no one else can control me, and to admit that a poison like alcohol, has all of the control in my life, is a hard thing to take in.  But, I am trying, trying so hard......some days I want to say to hell with it all and just go back to the familiar "friend" that has kept me close for so long, and to be honest, some days I let my "friend" back in, and I feel awful for it, but "one day at a time" right?  A girl in my outpatient group gave me a coin the first time we met......a 10-minute coin.  I keep it in a medicine bag that someone I love dearly, who has fought the war and is winning, made for me, but lately I can't seem to be able to reach into my purse, and take out the bag and hold the coin in my hand and get any strength.  I am TIRED......I am ready to surrender.....I want a life....free from my demons, free from the desire to drink, free from my self-centered ego.....I want peace, I want clarity, I want SERENTITY.....  This first step is SO hard......but I will not give up, even on the days where I feel like giving up, even on the days where I am scared to death of what lies ahead of me even though I know it is going to be great.....I will beat this, but it will take a while.....but I will be okay.....

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Desirae


Veteran Member

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Posts: 44
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The best part about this program is that we can accept the idea of progress not perfection... most definately... I don't know if you have ever heard the full original version of the serenity prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

GOD, grant me the serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change,

Courage to change the
things I can, and the
wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying ONE MOMENT AT A TIME;
Accepting hardship as the
pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this
sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it.

Trusting that He will make
all things right if I
surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy
in this life, and supremely
happy with Him forever in
the next.

Amen

YES... EVEN BACK STEPS ARE PROGRESS! especially if they open your eyes to something new to strive for in recovery. Prayers of comfort and clarity to you... to us both as I am constantly striving for that inner peace as well. May your God bless you on your journey, give you the strength to forgive yourself as well as others, and open your heart to "celebrate" recovery... Amen



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It's what you do next, that matters.
BeeStingGirl


Newbie

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Posts: 2
Date:
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I actually just read the full Serenity Prayer in a book that I bought when I bought my big book.  It is called 'Prayers for the 12 Steps'. I keep both books with me because I never know when I am going to need one of them. 

Thank you for your prayers......I send the same prayers of peace and comfort and continued recovery to you as well.



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hotrod


Guru

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Posts: 1023
Date:
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H Stacie

That is a powerful Step 1.  Being powerless enabled me to move forward to Step 2 in which I agreed to give my HP all the power that I had surrendered  I believed he had certainly more knowledge, wisdom, understanding and love than I had,  so why not give him/her the power.   I have never regretted that decison. 

Keep on showing up and being honest  It works.



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Betty
AmethystMoon


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Posts: 1
Date:
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I understand the "do over". I am an alcoholic that relapsed. I was doing good for years and then started thinking I can handle it. WRONG! Now I have to clean up a whole new mess because I let alcohol back into my life.I hurt my family so bad and that bothers me more than anything. I don't know if I can ever forgive myself. I am afraid I am slipping into depression. There are no AA groups close to me so I hope that this online group works. Thanks for listening.



-- Edited by AmethystMoon on Monday 11th of April 2011 09:35:07 PM

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russman


Member

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Posts: 13
Date:
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Hello BeestingGirl

It is OK to Start over with the STEPS ,,you dont have to go backout and Drink .

I had a Hard time with Step One i did not drink but i could not acept 1 ,,stay dry for about 9 months ,i had a sponcer i was going to 5 meetings a week ,,, and then i hit another bottom  the things that drove me to AA came back ,the PAIN -FEAR ,,i was going to drink or kill myselve or maybe do what was being sugested ,and GIVE-UP  and Acept That i am a ALKY ,,i did not want to be no ALCOHOLIC ,,once i did that the rest of the 12 steps  came along .

ONLY Step One ,where we made the 100 percent admission we were powerless over alcohol ,can be practiced with absolute perfection .

 

I have Taken the 12 Steps ,,They worked me ,, now i am living them ,and i would not trade my old way of life even if i could  drink  , for what this Program has givin me ,keep trying and you can have what was givin to me .

And than you for your Honesty and the Reminder. smile 



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