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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Step Work -> Step Work -> My first shot at writing about Step1
Post Info TOPIC: My first shot at writing about Step1
bobl


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My first shot at writing about Step1
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For me, Step one that I am powerless over alcohol was a no brainer.  I thought the same about Step 2.  They are why I'm here.


I can't control of my A drinks.  I can't control if she admits her problem.  I can't control if she gets help.


My life is unmanagable.  My children have no schedule.  Their attendance in school suffers.  My oldest swears at me and is denial of my a's addiction.  I'm having money problems.  The gamut of things many of us share.


Where I'm having problems drawing the line is the line between enabling and controlling.  Recently I removed my a from the checking account.  Was this trying to control the alcohol?  No I was giving her ample money that she was spending on booze.  It was more money that the rest of us combined had for spending money.  But, by giving her that money and not trying to 'control' it, I provided the avenue to get alcohol and I allowed money that should have been spent on heating oil or other things to go for wine.   She came out her last therapy session telling me that that counselor (who specializes in substance abuse) said she needed to become more independent and that I was too controlling.


I found this to be a strange comment from someone dealing with isms. 


I'm contemplating not giving her any more money.  I'll buy her a carton of cigarrettes and that is.  This was the result of a tirad the other night where when I kept a promise to myself not to engage her, her retaliations was to tell two of my children that I never wanted them.


While I don't feel like I'm controlling her alcohol usage, I don't feel the need to provide money that my household doesn't really have so that she can get bombed and mentally abuse myself and my children.  Maybe she'll hoc the engagement ring as she has threatened before.  Then she'd have some $$ for whatever she decides.   That is my powerlessness.  I can't decided what she chooses.


I still feel like I can make some of my own decisions.  To try to protect my family however little I can financially. 


I know my life is unmanagable.  But I still feel like I have to try to manager it somewhat.  I have to try to set bed times for kids.  I have to try to get them to school as best I can. 


I'm confused.  Sometimes when I try to live the life of a parent, I feel like I'm not working Step1. 


Am I on the right track or did I get sidetracked?


Any input would be appreciated. 



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amanda2u2


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Posts: 228
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hi, Bob,  the Serenity Prayer says, "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,,,,     the courage to change the things I can,,,   and the wisdom to know the difference.  The Steps do not intend to get rid of all of our responsibilities in our families , job places, and communities,,  but to know what our roles are,  our parts to do,, and where the line is that our part ends and another person's part, or God's part begins. The role of a parent is different than the role of a spouse, or of a friend. The line does get sooo fuzzy sometimes,,  keeping balance..  staying out of 'co-dependencies.  How to really help without enabling. If you have reviewed the rest of the Steps, even if you haven't done them,, the Step we are on now, for instance,,  Step 10,,  we constantly look at ourselves and our relationships, and learn and grow. 


Welcome to the boards,


love in recovery,


amanda



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do your best and God does the rest, a Step at a time
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