Alanon Third Step (# 3)

hotrod · Guru

Alanon Third Step (# 3)

LindaO · Veteran Member

I also think of this each day.
As I am very new to the steps, I have difficulty separating two and three.
In order for me to believe I can be restored to sanity, I have to hand over my life. When I hand over my life, I can believe I will be restored to sanity.

I keep taking it back though. I keep thinking I have some sort of control. Fully handing over everything is where I am at I suppose. Each morning I wake up and appreciate something around me. My animals, the trees, the lovely warm rain of the wet season and the fact that I have spirits around me helping me, and they know 'everything' so I should be able to relax back in that knowledge. Some days (like today) I have difficulty with that.

some days I actually envision handing over my will in a nice copper container to a spirit I know is around me. That helps.

Just as the first step, this one is something I have to work on every day.

littlebluedaisy · Member

Quote from Martin Luther

"I have held many things in my hands, and have lost them all, but whatever I have placed in God's hands , that I still possess."
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I really like this quote. I am just starting the third step and I think that making that decision to turn MY life over is going to be hard, since I worked so hard at controlling MY life in spite of the chaos of alcoholism. For some this may seem like a simple step, but I believe I will have to work it more deliberately than the others so far. Being a person who "needs" control makes it hard to give it up. I'm making a commitment to work on it.

Michelle814 · Member

This step was very hard for me to reach at a level that was true. I understood it was necessary and it made sense to me logically but I could not actually grasp it the right way, I just could not let go. For years I played God and I was very self righteous because things frequently DID go my way. This was part my ambition, I believe. But I did not even realize it was a possibility in this life to turn your will to God. I did not even realize people did that or that that was real. Until I had to look at it because my playing God got me into a pickle. Things were no longer going my way at all and actually beyond just not going my way I was headed down a path of insanity for sure. My life was spiraling out of control. That's when my favorite quote "when you fall, dive" comes in.. I was falling so I dove into Al-Anon and Al-Anon brought me to God. I truly believe that God brought me to Al-Anon in a sense. He let me believe I had this perfect little world for quite sometime with the perfect job and the perfect husband and I still had tons to complain about. oh silly me. But anyway, I hit my emotional rock bottom and to spare horrid details my husband almost died a drug related death in front of me. So after the ER where I left my husband. I came home and was laying on the living room floor. I would get up and pack a bag (because I was moving out) then I would be overtook by emotions and a storm would flood my eye lids and I would fall to the ground again and start to cry so hard I could not stand. It all poured in for me that I did not have control and that I was not God. I thought I could always make my husband do whatever I wanted but I just couldn't seem to get him sober, now could I. But that day I had, what i would call now, a spiritual awakening. It was a horrible day but also a blessed day because its the day I took step 3 fully. I truly began saying to God "I cannot do this without you" and handing it over to him. Its easier now but every day I do have to run through steps 1-3 to remind myself how to live. Old habits die hard but with God anything is possible, so Ive learned. My husband and I have gained a spiritual relationship and I no longer try to role his life like I'm his Lord. I am happier, more free, more serene, and just genuinely feel a closeness to a higher power. I was so stubborn though, I had to go through hell to get there. I have moments where I feel a relapse coming on. I start to doubt things and my old agnostic ways kick in. I think "how can we prove it" but I remind myself all my HP has done for me... how I've been restored to sanity, how my character defects just slip off my shoulders like melting icicles and I think.. how can I doubt all Ive been given. It helps me to connect spiritually by reading spiritual books. meditating, and praying.

Pushka · Newbie

I think for me I'm still at a point where I struggle here, I mean as far as give it over and take it back kind of thing. I'm visiting longer and giving it back without so much tug of war. It's coming easier. I know I'm not worried about the same things that used to plague me. I also know I don't react the same way to similar situations I know that would have put me up and over.

Something that puts me right with God (my HP) is looking back at the past year (without staring of course .. lol) I can see how many things God intervened right when He needed to. When I stopped fighting what His will is vs what I think is right. It becomes all about God and how God is totally in control and I am totally not. I also have seen on more than one occasion getting exactly what I need when I need it. I've had information I didn't even know I had, and now for the first time in a year I see it clear as day. Seeing the new information isn't as devastating as it would have been this time last year. At that point I wanted it ALL right then. I wasn't ready and God knew that obviously .. and I'm just more ready to be more accepting of things in my life the great, good, bad and the ugly.

All of my "key" moments where I have said exactly what I needed to say and the way they needed to be said I sure didn't have those tools. That was a God thing as well. I can't, God can and I'll let him. I'm learning to let Him. The first 3 steps are a daily thing for me I always go to all 3 every day.

Reading lit, saying the slogans and just relaxing in general where there is time to listen and just be, I am finding that God is always with me and always knows what is best even when I don't. I also like the God of my understanding. He is a comfort vs punishing.

P :)

Jackie11 · Newbie

It is easy for me to acknowledge that I am powerless over the alcohol, although I struggle acknowleging that I'm powerless over the pot too. I read yesterday in Delimna of the Alcoholic Marriage pg 81. It's in regards to step 4, this was a light bulb moment for me and I posted on the Al-Anon board and Betty suggested also posting here.

"I have done my best and it isn't good enough. Now I know I need the help of a power greater than my own. I know that help is waiting only for my acceptance, waiting for me to say, "Not my will but thine be done." Once I have decided to turn my life and my will over to "God as I understand Him," I know I must empty my mind and my feelings of fear of what may happen, of the shame and embarrassment over the behavior of others. In everything I do, I will try to reflect the light and the wisdom that will come to me through my surrender to my higher power."

This week I have struggled with letting go of fear, which I've come to understand is the root cause of the anger I've also been working through. I used to believe that if I worked hard enough then I could do anything. Well partly true, if I work hard enough I can do anything, in regards to ME. I also thought this summer if I loved "enough". Again thinking it was up to me to work hard and do... I have to work but not the way I thought, it's working a program!!! I am continually learning how to hand it back over. Progress, not perfection. So thankful I am not HP!

The Martin Luther quote is one of my very favorite quotes, I have often reminded myself of it!!!

BeingStill · Newbie

I'm new to this forum and am grateful for a place to do Step Work. My struggle has been Step 3. I, too, tend to hand things to God only to take them back. Mostly though, my difficulty with this Step has been understanding how on earth I'm supposed to hand my will and life over. It's seems overwhelming. How exactly do I even attempt such a feat, and what does it even mean? What does it look like to hand over my life?

I'm slowly starting to grasp what this Step means for me... and how I can accomplish it. Instead of looking at it as handing over my whole self in one giant lump (which seems impossible), I'm starting by turning over ONE DAY AT A TIME. And in each of those days, I break it into relationships and situations. Turning my will and my life over to God means that in each day I will pause. I will pause before reacting to relationships and circumstances. Before making decisions. Instead of reacting and instinctively responding to something or someone in my usual manner, I will pause and talk to God about it. I will listen for direction from OUTSIDE of myself. I will listen for God's voice through other people in my f2f meetings, through recovery literature, and through my faith community (which is where I find the God of my understanding).

Pausing each day to seek God's input is how I'm applying Step 3 in my life right now. By making a commitment to act on what God places on my heart, not simply what I feel inclined to do. And the only way I can know God's will is to pause before I do something and ask. But it's scary for my to imagine committing to that for a lifetime... so I'm starting with One Day at a Time.

Wolfie55 · Member

Three frogs are sitting on a fence. One frog decides to jump off the fence. How many frogs are left? Our natural response to that is to say two frogs. But there are still three. Because making a decision to do something and actually doing it are not the same thing. So most of us, myself included, sit on that fence for a very long time.

We know what the problem is. That's in step one. A lack of power. Hence the word powerless. So if our problem is a lack of power, the most obvious solution to our problem is power. And step two offers us that solution. It offers us a way to find a power that will solve our problem. Its a very simple solution for very complicated people. All we have to do in step three is make up our mind. Do we want to continue to live in the problem, facing our intolerable situation as best we can.....or do we want to try the solution outlined in the remaining steps. More simply, do we want to live or do we want to die?

It ain't rocket science. Yet, we sit on the fence, thinking about jumping into that nice pond of cool clear water. Its like having a headache and a bottle of aspirin or midol or whatever floats your boat. The solution is simple. take a few aspirin. They are designed to take away the pain. So if you have decided you want the serenity that's all around you, then make a decision. Jump off the fence. If you're afraid, as I was, then get a sponsor, take your sponsor's hand and jump off together.

Come on in. The water's fine.

hotrod · Guru

smile Bernie Thanks

Peachy219 · Newbie

My will did a whole lot of nothing for me in the past.

When I was using, it was my will that reached out for drugs and alcohol.

When I was bouncing around from dysfunctional relationship to dysfunctional relationship, it was my will that reached out for toxic men.

The sickness in me loved the sickness in them.

My will has for years, been running around doing nothing but causing trouble, being beligerent and getting in my way as well as getting in the way of everyone around me.

Left to its own devices, my will sucks.

My will is a glutton for punishment.

My will is a sado-masochistic ego maniac.

I am done with my will.

My higher power is sane and loving and wise and gentle.

My higher power knows whats up, I, on the other hand, have no clue.

I turn my will and everything else of mine over to my higher power everyday. Often I do this several times a day. Sometimes I have to keep doing it damn near every second.

But it sure feels good when I do

smile

Fina · Newbie

Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

My will is so weak, my life is so wonderful. But moving here has been a really amazing learning experience. Accept and adjust to what is. Listen for God's guidance. Ask to know His will and the power (not my will) to carry that out. My will is my ego, not God's Will for me. My ego always wants the softer, easier way to everything. So lying, stealing, gossip are all tools my ego uses to get its way. God's Will is with clean motives and is honest. I dont instinctively know God's Will for me. My instincts turn to my ego. I have to manually turn the handle and ask for God's help. Every day. Every single day, I have to turn away from my ego and towards God and ask to know His Will for me and ask for the power to carry that Will out. That makes that Step 3 decision a huge commitment. I know that it is a daily chore or I will stay in my ego and I will have the results Ive had in the past. So, to end the suffering of ego, why is it such a chore? It will be a habit once Im used to doing it. Its a decision today, to set myself free every day. Free of ego. Free of instincts to lie, cheat and steal. Free of guilt for doing the things my instincts tell me need doing to get what I want.

-- Edited by Fina on Sunday 6th of May 2012 04:57:07 PM

julied · Newbie

That is one of the most beautifully profound testimonies I have ever heard in relation to the third step!! Thank you for sharing and helping me to see the light. God Bless you.

ntd2001 · Newbie

Glad to have this thread on step 3, which seems to be where I am at. For me, my difficulty comes in knowing I am supposed to do some things in this life, and the balance of what to do and what to put in my Higher Power's hands is the confusion I run into. I am glad to hear the slogans mentioned in this thread, because for me it's a good way to approach this step by utilizing them. Thanks everyone for sharing.

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