Stepwork

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Step Work -> Step Work -> step one
Post Info TOPIC: step one
carollinda


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step one
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i hppe to come to belive that i have no contol over others and the outcome of there life not my fault

i have been thinking all thease years that all the bad stuff that happend in my own home growing up

was my fault as my Father phyiscaly or verbaly attacked my 5 older brothers also my mother i felt wasnt there

for me emotonaly but looked after me like fed me and loved me in her own way i remembr goiing to school in sock with lstic bands

in them to keep them up and my brother rembers having mo pants on under his trousers but she would get up early for my Dad

make him breakfast do everything he wanted would be ready i also remember walking to school on my own while in first school

and having a really missrable time finding it hard to make freinds and feeling like crap most of the time i felt that dome love from my Dad when he was not in one of his really bad moods when whe was all s*** scared of him my mum would allways tryin to keep the peice and i felt loved him more than me

 



-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 27th of August 2012 01:56:33 PM

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hotrod


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Posts: 1023
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Dear Carollinda

Thank you for sharing your Step one thoughts with us. It is so very important to acknowledge our pain and to share it with others  You did well.

  Working the Steps helped me to  let go of my anger, resentment, self pity and fear from the past so I could have a positive present and future .

Keep coming back and working the steps.  Hope you are attending meetings and have a sponser  It helps and you are worth it.



-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 27th of August 2012 02:00:34 PM

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Betty
Blondieb


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Hi Carolinda,

some of the things u shared i could relate to. some behaviors by members of my family from the past i am powerless over. i am not powerless over how I behave. Unfortunately i still wear a mask around my family- saying "everything is fine, blah,blah,blah". they do not accept me as i am. they arent around me enough to see changes. i could go on about my toxic family, but chose not to. i sometimes think if i do or say something,it might change their mind about me. i keep giving them longer glimpses of the real me. being powerless means i dont need to do anything r/t them, but i do. they're family. accepting them for who they are , caring about them because they r still my family. i have the power to change, with my higher power. they dont chose to change. working the program and building my relationship w my HP is main focus not looking behind. am not totally successful w that. i want the junk surrounding my family that i ruminate about, to go away. Prayer is a solution for many things, pray for their soul, pray they are happy, pray for JC to be accepted into their lives. Forgive me for past behaviors. etc. so, powerless over past, and the results of my active etohism, focus on today, look forward to tomorrow. gratitude list.. forgiveness, acceptance. being a wife is different than being a mom. you,ll learn, i guess. i accept that my parents did the best they could with the tools they had and with the personality and thinking they had back then. some areas i do not like to handle, but i do, most of the time. unmanagability is a whole other story. take care , b

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