Ugh! I dislike typing in all caps because it feels like I am yelling, oh well I have attempted to control the font settings and plan to move on as I have found myself to be powerless over the font settings.

I started AlA-non several months ago in order to bring my chaotic life back under control. I need to admit not only am I powerless over alcohol (my still practicing alcholic father), my husband's ex, my stepkids and i probably need to be less involved in my teenagers life.

I do it under the guise I need to make sure I know what he is doing so he doesn't head down the path of alcoholism but really I am nosy. He is a teenage boy and although he is actually great at sharing, a bad liar and tells on himself frequently I find myself going through his text messages, etc to make sure I really know what is going on. Boy, do i need help.

This past weekend I attended a step four workshop and walked out of the meeting deciding it was time to start working on my recovery. I have always believed in a higher power and firmly believe I wouldn't be where i am today without his guiding hand in my life.

STEP ONE QUESTIONS

DO I ACCEPT THAT I AM POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL? Yes

CAN I LIST 10 THINGS I AM POWeRLESS OVER?

my alcoholic father

his wife

My employer's moods

My stepkids behavior

my husband's ex

my teenager

the weather

god's plan

other people's opinions

the economy

WHAT DOES BEING POWERLESS MEAN to ME? it means "Let Go, Let God" he has a plan and if i listen i will hear loud and clear

HOW CAN I LET GO OF TRYING TO CONTROL TODAY? quit snoping through my son's stuff as long as he is getting good grades and making good decisions. He is a good kid and so far avoids the conflict of dealing with underage drinking by leaving town to go visit his father when he is feeling pressure to attend such parties. He is lucky to be able to say i have to go see my dad and sisters. his dad keeps him busy with work so we both know he doesn't have time for partying.

HOW IS MY LIFE UNMANAGEABLE? Actually, i am getting back on track but have a long way to go. I have figured out that 10 years as a single mother i got into certain routines that were really about control. Now that we are a family of three most days and five occasionally i have to be a little, okay a lot more flexible about schedules, housekeeping, etc. I found the last time the little boys mother attempted to take away our visitation i didn't have a panic attack. instead i took a deep breath and helped my husband work through making sure we had our court ordered visit.

WHAT SMALL PROGRAM TOOL WILL HELP WITH THIS?  my daily readings and putting time to meditate on my calendar. I have started a nighttime ritual of reading but need to add a morning meditation to start my day. i have also started to journal again, i got away from that after my first marriage failed.