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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Step Work -> Step Work -> STEP 3 ALANON
Post Info TOPIC: STEP 3 ALANON
hotrod


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STEP 3 ALANON
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By working the Steps for ourselves we find we have problems of our OWN and by practicing the steps we gain courage and wisdom and leave our old ways behind

 

STEP 3

MADE A decision TO TURN OUR WILL AND OUR LIVES OVER TO THE CARE OF GOD, AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM

 

STEP 3 example

Three frogs sat on a lily pad. One made a decision to jump off. How many frogs are left? The answer is three. The frog merely made the decision to jump he hasnt jumped yet!

 

ONE DAY AT A TIME IN AL.  ANON   PAGE 9

IF INSTEAD OF TRUSTING GOD, I TRUST ONLY MY OWN INTELLIGENCE, MY OWN STRENGTH AND MY OWN PRUDENCE, I WILL NOT FIND MY WAY TO HIM AND HIS HELP.   HE HAS OFFERED ME THE GIFT OF FAITH.  iN ACCEPTING IT  I, MUST PUT ASIDE MY OWN HUMAN WILL AND TRUST IN HIM.  (

(dANTE IN THE DIVINE COMEDY Quoted,) IN HIS WILL IS OUR PEACE

MY SHARE

I FIND THIS STEP ONE I MUST PRACTICE EACH AND EVERY DAY AND I KNOW I WILL NEVER DO IT PERFECTLY.  i AWAKE AND DECIDE THIS DAY I WILL ATTEMPT TO INCLUDE HP IN MY THOUGHTS AND LOOK WITHIN BEFOrE TAKING ACTION.  I SAY THE 3 RD STEP PRAYER AND TRUST HP TO GUIDE ME. 

AGAIN THIS STEP ONLY ASKS FOR A decisiON.    I REALLY THOUGHT  THAT MY LIFE WAS RUN ON thoughts of others and their well being.  When I tried to consider turning my will over I  discovered, much to my surprise, that I was wrong and that all my motives and actions were driven by my underlying drive to force my Self Wil,    WHEN I LOOKED CLOSELY ALL MY CHOICES WERE MADE TO SATISFY MY NEEDS:  mY NEED TO FEEL SAFE,, SECURE, HAPPY, NEEDED ETC.  SELF WILL RUN RIOT IS HOW THE AA BIG BOOK CALLS THIS WAY OF LIFE.  

I knew  NO OTHER WAY TO LIVE.    i STILL DO NOT KNOW HOW TO TURN MY WILL OVER  PERFECTLY.   PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION IS MY GOAL  I have had much joy during my years in this program: a wonderful career, a beautiful son, a successful marriage, great trips to foreign lands, nice fancy cars and houses and I have known many painful losses: the death of both my son and husband.  One, my husband  from cancer  after 6 years of sobriety and my precious son  after 14 years in AA, a sudden relapse and then death from alcoholism. Through it all my HP has been by my side giving me the courage, serenity and wisdom to go on one more day. I certainly was not given a Rose Garden every day.

 Meetings, slogans, working the program,including  the Steps, reading CAL are how I turn my will over each and every day. I have been given much love, joy, happiness and sadness. I have experienced life from the brim to the dregs  and could never have done so without this program.

Thank You for letting me share

 

Step 3 questions

 

1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."

2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel? If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than yourself in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?

3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently? What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing? What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?

4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?

5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel? If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?

 

 

 



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Betty
Bea


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I have had many sorrows in my life but my greatest joy was my son and realizing that if I didn't get the help that I needed he would fall prey to the lifestyle that took my childhood. I feel like I always had a special relationship with God but I feel like it is so different now that I have been part of the program. I am finding affirmations are so helpful...I am trying to get myself into a routine so things don't seem so chaotic. I left a relationship after 15 years...my husband is an addict. I didn't just marry one once...I did it twice. I decided it was time to just let go and get the help I needed. I feel so at peace since I left and came to Alanon/ACOA. Now I am working on getting a job I deserve to have. I worked so hard for my education and had such little support so now I am finally going for what I feel is God's plan. I feel like my mind is not racing all the time and that I can take some time in make decisions that support my new way of thinking and feeling. For the first time in my life I do not feel alone. I feel that I have support and a voice. Thank you for letting me share and thank you for your thought provking insights.

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Bea
hotrod


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Thank You for sharing Bea This program is truly a special gift.  I appreciate your sharing the journey



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Betty
Bea


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I am glad I was able to receive the gift...it is changing my life each day...one step at a time. I am glad that we have people like you to help keep the light on for us to follow...thank YOU for giving of yourself each step...it means a great deal to me...

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Bea
ODAAT


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#5

I stopped. I looked at myself. I made a decision & then I did it. Since I have stopped trying to control, I like myself better. I realize that I am a nice person. I like myself, and other people like me just the way I am. I don't have to modify my behavior to not make him mad. He will be mad just fine all by himself without my interference. I do not have to be angry or blame him for the things that aren't going the way I think they should. I don't see the big picture - only HP does that. So I have 2 choices - act like a spoiled child & have a tantrum (always more trouble & bad karma) or - live in love & let go. 

Page 64 & 65 of the AA Big Book fit really nice here.



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Desirae


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This may sound short... but I am sure the feelings will resonate within me much longer than I think.

"What would I do? - in any of the forementioned circumstances...
I would look up to the sun, close my eyes with outstreached arms and say thank you to my HP."

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It's what you do next, that matters.
NicoleDiver


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I can say for the most part it can be pretty easy for me to turn things over to God, when I really make my mind up to do it. The hardest part is trying to figure out what actions he wants me to take. The biggest question for me remains pretty much the same as it has been for the past couple of years: Does God want me to stay or go? I believe the only reason I havent left yet is I am really afraid my AH might try to kill me. And I dont need lectures on battered women, getting restraining orders, blah blah blah. Ive been down that road and its all BS. If he wants to kill me he will kill me. Bottom line. Thats all Im gonna say about that I really dont need the lectures. Thanks though.

And recently another big question is this: Does God want me to get him in trouble so he goes back to prison? Because all I gotta do is pick up the phone I can get the police to bust him and then hes gone back to prison for sure, because he is on probation. And so *poof* - there goes my biggest problem. But I really dont want that hanging over my head for the rest of my life. I will feel like I am the one that sent him to prison. And while, yeah, maybe he needs to be there, I dont want it to be because of me.

2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel? I would feel fantastic like I could conquer the world tons of self-esteem.
If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than yourself in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently? I wouldnt be so worried, so depressed, so stressed.

3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently? I would probably be a lot happier.
What would you say or do? I would be more carefree, more positive.
What would you stop saying or doing? I would stop worrying and stressing about everything and everybody.
What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment? I would try to be more caring to people, try to spend more time with family and friends. Try to be kinder to everyone.

4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? I would be going out with friends more. I would be able to save money. I would eat what I want. I would watch what I want. I would listen to the kind of music I want. I wouldnt worry about what anybody else said to me or thought about me.
How would you feel? That would make me feel free.

5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel? Out of control, nervous, lost, worried.
If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? Probably something good for myself or my daughter, thinking happier thoughts. I can certainly look back on the chaos that ensued from his using drugs. So much wasted emotion, wasted energy, wasted time and wasted money on my part. All completely useless.
How would you be feeling? Less stressed.

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hotrod


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Dear Nicloe

Thank for the honesty and wisdom you have indicated in your reflection on  this step.  

I need to remember that all I need to do here is make the decsion to turn my will over.    It is not until the 11th Step that I actually pray to do that  .  You are doing fine



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Betty
Overcome


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1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."

On page 23 of Courage to Change the reading on Step Three ends with a quote by Paul Tillich, "Decision is a risk rooted in the courage of being free."

When I first came into the program and looked at this step, I thought, "No, problem!" I believe in God and have faithfully served him my whole life. All is well.

Ha! That's just what I THOUGHT I was doing, what I REALLY was doing was holding on tooth and nail to every last vistage of control that I thought I had over my life and my alcoholic. I am here to proclaim I am a slow learner... it took me well into 20 years to learn that this step IS NOT EASY... it is a daily turning my life and my will over... a CONSCIOUS decision must be made EACH and EVERY day. If I DON'T do this I very quickly fall back into running my life and my self-will will run riot... as the saying goes.

2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel? If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than yourself in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?

Well if I truly believed that I would believe what the God of my Understanding says about that, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition... make your requests known to God."... but the problem is even though I give it "lip service" and believe this... and I really truly DO believe it; I am human, and I am fallible. I am not perfect, but the God of my Understanding is Perfect in his Love and he excuses me and lets me stumble along my way till I find my way back to him once again.

3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently? What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing? What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?

I am having a slightly different take on this question tonight than most of you might... I think I've almost come full circle from wanting to "control" the events, outcomes and people in my life that I'm not sure that I haven't just "given up" or 'given in"... accepted the unacceptable perhaps? I'm not sure. What would I do differently for myself? I think for me, TODAY, I need to take ACTION in my own life... not wait around for God or anyone else to "fix things" for me... and by this I don't mean that I shouldn't rely on God to help me, but I shouldn't expect him to come down and do a sweeping rendidtion of my life, with no participation from me. (Kinda like the guy on the roof top in the flood that turned down the guy's offers of help that came by in a car to rescue him, and another who rowed by in a boat and a third who tried to rescue him by helicopter, to these three men He said, "I'm fine, God is going to rescue me." Well, as the moral of the story goes... the guy drowned and when he got to heaven he asked, "God why didn't you save me from the flood?" And God replied, "I sent you a guy in a pick-up truck, a boat and a helicopter... what more did you want?") Moral of the story: God sent me Al-anon, I intend to use it.

4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?

Today, I do not let a "person" control me, like I did the alcoholic in the drinking years. What I did to make my life different was learn the word "No" and that it is a complete sentence.

5. If you weren't allowing a particular circumstance to control you, or if you weren't trying to control that circumstance - if you just let it be and accepted it as okay for the present moment - how would you feel? If you weren't fighting with or resisting this circumstance, what would you be doing? How would you be feeling?

The "circumstance" that I am allowing to control me today is my mother's Alzheimer's and my inability to control the progression of that disease and people's reactions to it. If I were to just "let it be" and accept it as "okay for just this present moment," I would be more at ease and could enjoy my mother more and lessen my anxiety.

 

 



-- Edited by Overcome on Friday 5th of April 2013 01:17:36 AM



-- Edited by Overcome on Friday 5th of April 2013 02:38:50 AM

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"I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me."
hotrod


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Thank you Overcome for sharing your ESH with such honesty and clarity
I am glad we are sharing this journey.

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Betty
ntd2001


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Betty, thanks for these questions on step 3. I really like the idea of the affirmation you mentioned, to keep it foremost in my mind.

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hotrod


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Hi NTD thanks for sharing your thougths I love the quetions they help to clarify the steps.

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Betty
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